SIX OF WANDS and INITIATION – When we are tested, fall short or feel bad about ourselves

6 of Wands
6 of Wands
Surviving Initiation

SIX OF WANDS WISDOM FOR WHEN WE ARE HARD ON OURSELVES 

We all have things in life that we wish we could improve upon or wish we could do better.  We may look back at a recent experience and feel bad about ourselves when we see how we wish we could be versus how we are!

We all know what perfection should look like and then we compare ourselves and see how we have fallen short.  How do we handle that?  That’s was my thought as I drew a Tarot Card for guidance. 

I don’t know why but I always think of the word INITIATION when I see this card.  And that makes me think of the book with that title about the Initiations in Egypt–probably soul memories triggered.

[The book:  INITIATION by Elizabeth Haich].

We all know that initiations are difficult and sometimes impossible to perfect… its a right of passage… like walking on hot coals or a bed of nails… we’re just supposed to make it through alive and intact, not perfect the state so that we remain in that hot coal or bed of nails state.  The focus is on indoctrination and instruction into a state of mind–an awareness creator so-to-speak.

Anyway, sometimes enduring an initiation is in itself the success!  Perhaps we aren’t meant to conquer the fire fires but to just get through them without being burned too badly!  Maye it’s not so much about controlling the raging river but rather staying on top of it.  Maybe it’s not as much about controlling the pool full of crocodiles but just getting through the crock pond alive to reach the other side!  Initiations are like that.

Should we feel back about the anxiety and panic that we may feel about being tossed in a crocodile pond?

I think we should feel great about getting ourselves through it any way we can!

The heck with trying to master the crocs–that’s not what it’s about.

Its about keeping one’s head together well enough to survive–that’s the way initiation goes!

The 6 of Wands always brings the message that after the initiation self-confidence will return and other problems or anxieties will be easier than those major initiations, once passed!   One feels vindicated but has to give credit to help received along the way–the Divine Assistance.

The wisdom of the 6 of Wands reminds us that life’s initiations are difficult and that we shouldn’t be hard on ourselves— we just need to get ourselves out of the pool of crocodiles and to the other side any way we can–whatever works.

Success is simply getting through the initiation–passing the test, enduring he difficulty and living to tell about it!

The benefits come later.

I don’t know about you but drawing this card and applying it to the “pond full of crocs” type of situation in my life helps me to feel better about it!

Thank you to for Divine Assistance and to the Angels of Tarot for giving me much needed insight and I hope something here is helpful for you too!

Life Crisis, Co-Emerging Wisdom and Confusion, Bardo States

sky
Sky Consciousness

The wisdom teachers tell us that this reality, this lifetime is a bardo state just as the state after death is known as bardo—and that bardo states are states of deep uncertainty.  Many people live their lives in that state of deep uncertainty while being out of touch with the self as well as, anxious, restless and often paranoid.  I don’t think there’s all that much difference between the state after death and our states-of-being while alive; yet, I’ve not much aside from my own intuition to base that on.  Anyway, I’ve been thinking how what can be true for people is how we have energies that co-emerge especially in times of crisis—wisdom and confusion arising simultaneously in ways that life presents us with a choice.

There does seem to be a certain clarity and wisdom behind the confusions of life (the dramas) and this is where we can turn to for our guidance moment-by-moment.  It is not a contradiction; we can have and do have (if we self-examine our life with honesty) both clarity and confusion arising at the same time.  It’s like we have a choice to look deeper for the co-existing wisdom that exists with or right alongside confusion; it’s always there.

I’ve also been thinking about gaps in thinking as being the basis for primordial consciousness or what I’ve heard referred to as sky consciousness—the sky is always there while there can be local weather and dark clouds or even thunder storms; if you go high enough you see there is clear and calm sky above the storms.  Within our minds, this clear sky is the god-consciousness or use the word (s) you prefer to describe that clear sky—First Cause, Divine Intelligence, etc.  I wrote about that in this week’s newsletter:  The essential nature of mind has been called “God” by the Christians and Jews; Hindus call it “the Self”, “Shiva”, “Brahman” and “Vishnu”; Sufi mystics name it “the Hidden Essence”; and Buddhists call it “buddha nature”.

So these gaps in thinking during meditation and the gaps that happen and get even wider during a shock or trauma are opportunities to experience moments of enlightenment if we see them, recognize them.

Oh, my car used to give me those moments, believe it or not!  One minute driving along and then suddenly the engine chokes and then surges and then chokes again; a bit shocking!  Once it even (due to near zero transmission fluid/leaking without my knowing) went from 70 mph to 5 mph in less than 5 seconds.  Well who had time to count seconds?—seemed instantaneous to me.  Like some invisible force slamming on the brakes while you were fly along the Interstate Highway!  Yeah, talk about giving you pause!  Recently I slammed my small toe into furniture resulting in it hanging off to the side of my foot at about a 90 degree angle.  Again, talk about slamming on the brakes!  Those types of moments when the entire reality seems to change and one holds one’s breath in a way—time standing still because you are a bit shocked by what is happening… those are moments of heightened awareness and a bit of that clear sky manifests in the mind.

First there is a shock and you are a bit paralyzed and that is followed by a moment of deep stillness.  It’s like you take a second or two to realize something horribly different from the previous reality has just occurred and then time stands still—any previous state of mind has completely vanished and in that in between state where one reality changes in to totally and drastically different one there is a peace in that transition, a deep relaxation and it can even become a momentary feeling of bliss as everything let’s go.  There is something there in that transitional moment when reality suddenly changes in those ways and it’s that primordial sky-type of Presence with the capital P.  There comes along with that an acute alertness that the reality isn’t real – the mind becomes totally free, liberated.

Strange as it seems to write about it now, those moments are weirdly comforting.  Makes you wonder about people who continually seek those types of moments out—thrill seekers and the like.  That’s not me by any means!  Nor is there an intention to seek out those kinds of moments.  Yet those moments can be really good re-aligners (if that’s even a word) helping us to come back into alignment and fully “present”.   Personally, I’m for allowing things of that nature to happen naturally and only if necessary.  I’ve been thinking about these types of events and wanted to blog about it.  Next time (if there is a next time but certainly the time of death will be that type of time for all of us) my reality changes drastically like that, I’m going to try to hang out in that moment, that gap, intentionally for a bit longer in even more of a state of awareness if possible.  The trick, I suppose, if there is one, is to remember to do that in the moment of crisis.  Here’s hoping!  🙂

When Life is Hard, Sit Unmovable, Allow Tears, It Clears, Then Act

I watched myself cry over the weekend and then the mud settled and the water became clear.  In love with synchronicity, I  just came across a recent Facebook post with this image and quote that sums it up:

Clear Water After Mud Settles
Clear Water After Mud Settles

Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear?   Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself?   –Lao Tzu

[credit for image and quote to Facebook’s ‘Mystic Path to Cosmic Consciousness’]

It doesn’t matter much what triggered it really; it could be the Scorpio Sun transiting right over my Scorpionic Chiron triggering the conjunction to the neighboring natal Scorpionic Mercury—all not far from the South Node.  A good summary is that I took a dive into the depths and everything got muddy; things got stirred up.  Family versus Career and old betrayals of trust…. am I betraying myself?  A good deal of resentment woven into the tears and feelings of loss were  contained in there too … loss of freedom; yeah, all that old stuff.  Probably a lot of it is simply emotional debris, mud.  I had to sit with it unmoving until I knew what action to take.  It took a while.

I will admit crying for hours (off and on) for the same hopeful benefit that all my posts end up here—that some reader will find it helpful.   It’s funny how blogs are.  When you type them, it’s like you’re talking to yourself; but then you let the cyber world in (based on who stumbles upon the post when) and well… it’s strange, that’s all. But then strange is the story of my life lately.

Take right now.  I have meditation music on Pandora on my TV courtesy of my Roku and it’s not loud, nor is it overly soft—enough to be heard without being offensive to the ears.  Yet I am also hearing the thudding beat of what sounds like someone hammering my wall and ceiling with a soft rubber mallet.  The drumbeat of some neighboring muggle’s stereo music player.  Yeah, this I knew I’d face sooner or later.  It’s strange because most other times I can pretend I’m here by myself—I try to forget that I live in one rather large house (like a Brownstone) with other people in it.  Like I say, strange.  And right now it increases my intense desire to be beamed up into the silence of space or to pack up and head back for the silence of the mountain tops.

Anyway, back to mud settling and the water becoming clear.  It sometimes does take a while to for the mud to settle and while it does all that it has kicked up seems to need to be cleansed from one’s own heart with one’s own tears.  To allow it is the only thing a person can do at those times—or at least for me this is how it must be.

One feels certain energy beforehand—perhaps anger, resentment, disappointment…oh, you name it.  It doesn’t matter and you know it’s not… well, you don’t know the cause or the cure.  So what I do is just sit and breathe, letting it be what it is—I let it show itself to me.  And this requires feeling it and the tears that are part of the experience of sitting and letting the feeling be what it is.  I do not hold it and thereby magnify it; I just let it be and I cry until it is cleared.

I did this.  I didn’t know I’d cry.  I started out feeling frustrated.  I sat, and sat and breathed and did not move…. Exactly like the quote above.  Then the tears flowed and the heart felt like would burst and more tears and the tears seemed out of line with the earlier frustration – they were – but something needed to be released.  There was a lot of mud and I could not see clearly but I cried until it all settled. There were a number of things at the core pushing the feelings forth from their depth—some I can do nothing about.  “God, grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, change what I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”   Yeah, right there at that point is where I was this weekend.

I found one thing at the core that I ‘could’ maybe do something about.  I’ve had a loss of freedom in certain areas of my life due to a recent geographical move and if I let it get out of control, it can become highly frustrating.  A bit like my house neighbor with the muffled drum beat banging at the corners of my mind as I type.  Yet, while typing I still hear the birds chirp as they visit the feeder just outside of the sliding glass door to the right of me and the meditation music to the left of me and my own fingers tapping on the keyboard.  I am here now and what is, is.  I find the rubber mallet type muffled drum sound unpleasant and the rest acceptable.

Ruling things out is what I had to do through my tears.  Just like I cannot control the musical neighbor, I had to sort through what I could do and let the rest go.  It was toward the end of the day when I realized one thing troubling me is that I’d lost my ability to be creative and expressive with my work at the drop of the hat with no time-table consideration.  Now days I have a time table, a schedule—an actual written schedule!  And my life schedule is dependent upon which family members have which days off and what days there is school and school activities—now the action is focused on the Xstian holiday school programs and those practice schedules!  These are now all a part of my life.  The spontaneity and freedom of being able to work through the night when the spark of energy became inflamed – well, those days are over.  I have to be up and atem’ at 6 am, but now with the time change make that 5 am.  Nice touch!

Well, that’s the part I cannot control and it goes along with me mourning my old life and trying to get used to the change—include the sound of a rubber mallet on my walls in in the list of what I’m having to get used to!  Whatever, it is.  It just is as it is.  Grand me the serenity to accept….

I realized that one core issue is that I’ve not written or recorded a single word of my intended intuitive astrology class!  And while it may be difficult to curb the flow of the creative juices since I have to kick those to the side to meet other obligations with family, I realized that there was one thing that I could do.

When the tears of frustration and resentment and betrayals began to settle as I remained unmoving as the Lao Tzu quote above advocates, I came up with an idea.  This originated from the ultimatum that arose as the mud settled.   I naturally reached a state of knowing that I could continue to cry or I could through my tears do something, take some action.  Through the silence, tears and the hours of unwavering sitting on the meditation cushion, an idea arose.

I realized that if I created a better space for working on the course that I want to offer—that taking this action could help to compensate for the lack of creative freedom that I’d become used to over the past 15 years.  No longer is my time my own and while grieving this loss, there is still motivation to help myself despite it.  I got busy the next day moving my desk to another part of my living room and in the cubby corner where my desk was, I surrounded myself with my shelves of astrology books and notes.

I’d remembered something author Wayne Dyer mentioned a number of times and each time he did my energy would leap!  He said that when he wrote his books that he’d sit down in the middle of an empty room and surround himself with books from other authors and then he’d use intuition to grab the right book in the right moment for the right quote from an author or the right teaching from a teacher.  He said that it would all just be right there for him.

I’ve always loved being surrounded by my books—all that wisdom and knowledge being close to me… well, I could happily live in a library and that’s my idea of heaven but of course with many windows and plenty of gardens and wilderness to wander through also.  But before I lose my point, let me return to telling you what I did; but let me add that sometime ago the rubber mallet stopped banging.  I didn’t notice when it did exactly, but peace has been restored.  Thank you!

So, my desk is now closer to the sliding glass door which I like anyway and while I cannot recreate an empty room like Wayne Dyer did (I’ve heard him say that he rents an empty condo for a period of time to write with no distractions) and while I will have the distractions and interruptions of family obligations, I can do my best to create a conducive environment that support my goals in the ways that ‘are’ possible.  I can also call to the universe to help me release resentments and forgive betrayals and surrender to what is in the meanwhile.

Anyway, I placed my meditation cushions in the center of the little space and purchased some colorful rugs that remind me of Tibet for some reason.  Oh, perhaps I can take a little photo or two to post here…and while it is a small space, I hope to be inspired to use my time there to create the astrology class—the astrology gods willing.

Here… c’mon in and see what the clear waters after the mud settled led me to do…here’s my little space in my one room place for creating an astrology course….

Photo of My Astrology Den
Photo of My Astrology Den

Yeah, so it’s a small space and actually not as small as it looks in the picture.  I guess the point is that you can cry just so long and then it seems to me that you’ve got to  get up and take whatever action the clarity that is achieved through the release of tears and the mud settling reveals.  Wow, that was a long awkward sentence, but I’ll let it stand.  One does have to go through the process however.  And in my case, I had to demand the space and time to be able to do it.  And sometimes it’s very appropriate to do that!

Just for the record, this past weekend the Moon was in Cancer, opposing Pluto—probably pretty emotional energy for anybody.  Sensitive types would be affected more profoundly than others.  Like I said, it is what it is – grant me the serenity to change what I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

If all else fails, we cast a spell!
If all else fails, we cast a spell!

And then if all else fails—there’s always casting a spell which I do turn to once in a while, reminiscent of my wiccan/pagan past lifetime!  I still believe in them and have worked a few with the help of the divine energies that support my intentions!

‘Nuff said for now.

I’ve got an hour fifteen before I go pick up my granddaughter from after school singing practice… here’s hoping I make good use!

And as always, I hope this post will help another along the path.  I should blog more (note to self)… grant me the wisdom to change what I can, like I said.  Om mani padme hum!

Just wanted to end reminding about Scorpio energy—when the Scorpio Sun hits personal planets in Scorpio, deep stuff is going to get triggered I suppose.  I didn’t consider that until today (its Monday after the crybaby weekend!) and toss in a Moon opposing Pluto; yeah, that’s the way of things.

I feel much better today—taking that action (wisdom to change what I can) and the rest I’ll continue to accept what I cannot change while hoping my spell will weave a little magic!