Look. Maybe it’s because our family has experienced a recent death and a few close calls or maybe it’s the leaves blowing off the trees this time of year…. evidence of death and transition everywhere.
And today being All Hallows Eve as I write this, it seems to me more-so this year than any previous, that what we’re really doing by dressing up our kids and making pumpkin faces and putting pictures of ghouls in library windows (a recent experience of mine) is really all about this subconscious cry into the darkness, “Death we do not fear you!” We make fun of you and laugh at you and gorge on sweets to help ourselves feel better about it all!
The more serious minded and religious will call this time All Saints [Souls] Day time and honor those who have… well, all the ‘faithful departed’.
‘…. may the faithful departed, through the mercy of god rest in peace. amen’ –– part of the religious liturgy.
And then on the other hand, and I’m knowingly repeating myself now, without the liturgical point-of-view we use humor and ridicule to confront the power of death and subconsciously teach our children to do the same. Its just fun holiday we may say and that’s most of us–we do things just because the neighbors do and without really looking more deeply into the reason why.
I’ll never forget the irony of seeing all these Baptist Christian mom’s out walking the town streets in the dark dressed up for trick or treating in the attire of the costumed Halloween witch. “Give their kids some candy and maybe the scary Christian witches will go away!” LOL
I think Halloween might just be the twisted joke of some who refocused the holiday to make light of the Gaelic festival Samhain in which cleansing and protection rituals were/are performed as well as divination. The word Samhain (pronounced “sow-en”) comes from the Gaelic “Samhuin”. It is said that at sunset on Samhain is the beginning of the Celtic New Year. The meaning being that the old year has passed, the harvest has been gathered, cattle and sheep have been brought in from the fields, and the leaves have fallen from the trees. The earth slowly begins to die around us.
If you’ve had a loved one die in the past year, this is the perfect night to celebrate their memory and/or to do divination or message work.
Anyway, my point is that it feels so much like a time to go within and be quiet this time of year and all the noise and chaos of trick or treating and the partying is such like a disassociation. Sort of like people watching TV or texting on exercise equipment. We’re so good at that–denying what is really happening by unplugging from it and doing something else entirely and completely.
“I’m not really going to pay attention to my body when I exercise, I’m going to try to forget that and text.” And, “I’m not going to honor the ancestors or contemplate the ending of the year and look squarely at death and the transitional nature of life, I’m doing to dress up in a costume, go to a party and pretend death doesn’t happen.”
Right? You see the point that I am making? Oh, I didn’t give it a 2nd thought either when I was a young mother with little ones–you are in Rome in a way and do as the Romans. But when the noise of the world and the chaos of the kids quiet in the reflective years of maturity, you contemplate these things. And even blog about them!
Yeah, unfortunately, I live in proverbial Rome and if I have to, will hand out candy; but would prefer to spend the evening very quietly as have been my Halloweens of the past.
It was such that in the mountains the kids and parents trick or treated in the main street of town. Homes there were few and far between.
And here where I reside now, until this summer, my back facing apartment location didn’t entice kids to knock on the door. And I could meditate and do divination in quiet.
This year may be different because the apartment that I rent with my sister is front-facing and the kids will definitely come around.
I am remembering the mountains today as I often do and in doing so must say that in the ole mountain town where I used to live, the effigies of departed ancestors hanging from the street poles were awesome! If thatdidn’t have ya’ contemplating the transitions of life, nothing else would!
Hanging on the poles that way would remind me of “the burning days”–all kids of stuff those effigies trigger within.
BOTTOM LINE: I say, eat candy, dress up, have fun but don’t fully disassociate from the old Celtic/Gaelic meanings in favor of a more commercialized and secularized celebration.
That’s all I’m sayen’. Meditate on the meaning; be aware of what you’re really doing! Death is not to be feared, it’s a part of life. And as I said to my daughter earlier this week, quoting the Jedi Code, “There is no death. There is the Force.” And to the Celtic among us, “Happy New Year!”
It seems like ages since simply sitting at the keyboard and typing onto my blog has happened… and it has to do with this thing that we call time or our concept of it. Yeah, it’s bothering me and if you’re a regular reader here, then you know that I work things out here—things that disturb my psyche or ruffle my feathers. I look for ways to handle these dilemmas, these “pickles” of life, and hope that my post will also help another who finds it or goggles a phrase that shows up here. Ever since I’ve moved I’ve been dealing with schedules and family itineraries! It’s like if someone suggests something to do in the future, everyone grabs their appointment calendar to see which day they are free!
I’m simply not used to living this way—at least for the past 15 years anyway. I thought those days were over for me; never did I think that I’d be dancing to the tune of the clock again and certainly not to a school bus or band practice or Friday night football game schedule!
O, Please–don’t get me wrong, I love being with my grandchildren and daughters–even my sister and niece! And we love Friday night football; yet I’m sort of ‘over’ driving two nights a week to and from band practice… but anyway….
It’s just that my life doesn’t seem like my own anymore, but I’m adjusting and my own appointment schedule is being juggled and adjusting too!
We’re managing. And everything is getting done; but inside me there’s lots of resistance to this new life!
I’m working on it though and this blog post is helping me do just THAT today. And I hope it will help you too in some way. Anyway…
I know this feeling of being short of time all of the time is mental and emotional and psychological and it’s an energy thing that I’ve gotten pulled into. I’m trying to pull myself out and having a little bit of difficulty.
It is true that I have to accommodate my family now whereas before (the past 15 years@!) there was none of that. I chose to do so and know that it is their energy and the energy of this general vicinity that needs balancing within me.
You know, people drive so fast around here even in the parking lot of the apartment community and energy of the white rabbit from the Alice in Wonderland story is predominating: “I’m late, I’m late for a very important date, I’m late, I’m late, I’m late, and I’m very, very late…”
Yeah, I feel that within my own mind and body and it gets reinforced at the start of every new day… “Hi Mom, here’s her breakfast, she has to finish this or that homework, I love you, here’s her lunch box, gotta’ go, I’m late…” (My granddaughter stays with me in the morning until her bus comes to take her to school and my daughter rushes off to work.)
Again, I love my family and being near them most of the time. It’s just that I don’t like that hurry-up we’re late feeling and I know it is within me unnecessarily—I carry it too often!
It’s affecting my usual feelings of peace and ease and I miss the pace of the mountains—the general feeling everywhere was “What’s the hurry? And besides, if you wanted me to hurry you should have told me about it 3 weeks ago.”
Aaaahhhhh, sometimes I miss that small mountain town but then other times, like last Thursday night, having sushi and seaweed salad at a local Wasabi Restaurant makes me want to jump up and down celebrating being here in civilization! Oh, there are many things that bring up celebratory feelings about being here—take my grandson for example!
But then, I digress—my issue involves how to deal with this hurry up feeling that predominates too often and restore the more comfortable and compatible “what’s the hurry?” attitude.
Come to think of it, this has always been my problem in all relationships—whether it is with a person or a city/community! I am way too taken in by the ‘other’ vibe and loose myself! Yeah, I could blame it on my Sun/Neptune/Moon natal conjunction or I could use that triple combo to my advantage. What’z it gonna’ be?
Whether you’re like me and are sometimes too sensitive for your own good OR NOT, we’ve got to ask the Oracle for guidance. What can we do? What insight can you give that will help with NOT being pulled into outer energy—how can we maintain our own energy when surrounded by an incompatible vibe 24-7?
I will turn to the I-ching now to select a coin-combo which will bring us some helpful insight on how to change our attitude about time and hurry-up energy and how NOT to lose our self in the midst of so many ‘others’.
Well we have Kua 3 (Difficulty in the Beginning) changing to Kua 60 (Limitations).
Let’s open up this guidance. But before we do that, I just want to say that I am enjoying this Saturday morning! I am undisturbed by duty calling me in any direction and am enjoying the birds visiting my balcony bird feeder. The trees are only a-small-number-of-feet away from my balcony (some ends of the branches are only a few feet) and I like to pretend that I live in the trees WITH the birds and that I AM one myself! I did more of that in the early days of my residency here—and realize now that I need to spend more time with that fantasy when I can fit it in!
Well, to the i-ching… the changing line in the first Kua advises “doing nothing” and “taking a breather”. I really relate to that! Writing in this blog today is about that very thing. Kua 3 is about enduring difficult transitions and this move has been such a thing which I am STILL getting used to! I moved in June and here it is nearing the end of September and the full adjustment has yet to be accomplished!
Here’s an example: we had a garage sale last weekend in which we all sold items that we simply could not use in our new apartments (my daughter and sister also moved here around the same time I did). We agreed to donate what did not sell to Goodwill afterward and did. Several days later, I went there to get a donation receipt that my sister forgot and saw an item from my mountain home. It was a basket which I had on a porch column and I filled it with different flowers as the season’s changed. I did not expect to see it and there it was on a shelf in the Goodwill store and suddenly I grieved the death my old life of peace and solitude. In turning to escape the basket, my eyes landed squarely on ceramic angels that I had along the window sill in the guest bedroom—I called it “The Angel Room”. I nearly ran out of the store with my heart aching and tears streaming down my face. Yeah, I’m not fully adjusted to being here yet—“fer’ shuur!” said the way we used to say it in the 80’s.
So doing nothing and taking a breather this may be a good thing to restore a little bit of balance—that’s the advice (so far) from the i-ching oracle. This sort of stops the whole time thing from being an issue—I can understand that it would be helpful.
I had blocked some time out for myself yesterday and actually felt guilty that I didn’t DO something during that time. Since this small amount of free time is so precious and valuable now, you better DO something special with it… I didn’t and then felt guilty! I never, ever used to feel guilty about doing nothing before–what gives?
The oracle speaks of this situation as “strengthening the ability to roll with the punches” –that is what is going on now. I have to say that bumping into the energy of my old stuff in the Goodwill Store felt like a punch—fer shure.
This is about my ability to deal with difficult transitions—according to the i-ching book for this Kua. Yeah, I think of death when I hear the word “transition” and actually I did say to my daughter on the ‘Goodwill Day” that my reaction is part of me “grieving over my old life”. Kua 3 really does relate to this question I’m asking.
The old was dismantled to make way for the new and now that I’m in the new, the adjustments do create certain doubts and vulnerabilities.
Maybe I need to shore up my certainties and do something to feel less vulnerable. I need to give that some thought. I do believe that I did the right thing to move; yet I do feel vulnerable and intuitively feel some sort of boundary is needed, somehow, to remedy the vulnerability feeling. I just don’t know exactly how to achieve that since I seem to have to be the one to accommodate to everyone else’s schedule!
I find my mind wandering out to future to find a school holiday and to announce to my daughters that I am not available that week—I’ve always wanted to go away to some country that doesn’t celebrate x-Mas during that x-tian holiday anyway! But I digress. Let’s see what else the oracle says.
This is some sort of ‘stage of growth’—this transition, this move, this complete change of lifestyle! Haven’t I grown enough? Wait, don’t let me go into victimization now! This blog post is about how to accomplish a feeling which is one in which I feel as if I have more time—let’s stick with the topic at hand here. (self reprimand– ha ha)
Moving on. The oracle says to stay in touch with the “needs of the moment”. Okay this is helpful. And that’s right! Some of this whole time shortage and “I’m late” vibe is really future oriented. People here run around trying desperately to drive into the future instead of just dealing with the needs of the moment—that’s the “slowing down” that I’ve been doing for the past 15 years which moving here has affected. That’s usually how I am and I’ve allowed the surrounding people, places, things to infiltrate me—and I’ve sort of lost myself as far as this part goes.
I need to bring my mountain mentality to the big city—and live it in the now by affirming continually that I am “in touch with the needs of the moment”—yeah, I like that. I’m going to use that. I should make that a sign and hang it up on the wall to remind myself!
SIGN SHOULD READ: I AM IN TOUCH WITH THE NEEDS OF THE MOMENT—PERIOD!
The Oracle also says that any attempt to make a plan or to make sense of things is premature and will lead to frustration. Be gentle with the self and go slowly.
Let them rush and be late! I don’t have to. Right?
Kua 60 is about “Limitations” and speaks of “testing your own serenity in the chaos exposes the depth of self-disclipline” and also the manner in which we respond to “limitations” is revealing of what has been deeply assimilated.
I have deeply assimilated the mountain energy and the inner peace of living a serene life has been genuinely anchored within me. It is my true nature and true self. I have to remember that it is there and cannot be affected—it is only necessary to stay in touch with myself by staying in touch with the needs of the moment.
Alright, I’ve gone on long enough and I’m good–are you? I feel better and have, via this writing, helped to reinforce what is needed to establish my SELF in the moment again.
I hope this writing has helped another soul who may be able to use and apply any thoughts within these paragraphs.
Yeah, all right. So there is freaking out just a little bit now. It’s Day #29. If you haven’t figured it out by now… I’m moving. ‘Cats out of the bag’ as of right now. Where in the world did that expression come from and why does it stick? Anyway, there’s the big reveal—I’m moving. Those last two words are pretty funny actually because right this minute, nothing is moving—it’s all just sitting here in boxes and bags and plastic containers.
I’m normally one of those “there’s a place for everything” kind of persons. And last night I walked in circles around piles of containers and boxes looking for the one that contains the light bulbs! I tried not to let it get on my nerves and reminded myself that transitions are like this—temporarily organized chaos!
Riddle me this, says the uncertain part of me. Am I doing the right thing? I have moments where I’m riddled with doubt and then along comes his friend, fear, and their cousin, apprehension. We’re NOT going there with them; this will all be over soon! Besides, I have more than an equal amount of certainty that this IS the correct ‘move’. So, what’s the issue? It has more to do with that Venusian thing of what meets the eye–brown boxes are not exactly eye pleasingly beautiful home decor!
I now realize how much energy I draw from my surroundings! If everything is clean and organized and arranged in an eye-pleasing way with color, shape and balance, when the eyes meet the environment the mind, body and spirit feel soothed—or something. Maybe soothed isn’t the right word exactly. I find myself looking out the windows more lately and while I do this often anyway, I realize that I look away from the boxes to seek feelings of harmony by looking out at nature. At least the trees, flowers and rocks have not changed!
Yeah, I know it’s temporary, but that’s not all that’s going on. I’m blogging in order to try and figure it out—that’s how I work through things if you haven’t already noticed!
I think it has to do with loose ends – too many of those but with just over a week to go, those can’t be tied up and just have to dangle. I have to “let be what is” and be in my own is-ness. And that can feel like letting more of this ‘stuff’ go and just floating away! I’ve released so many things over the past 29 Days. I’ve come across items that I didn’t even know were here and let go of other things by the truck load! All I can say is that I will have a huge tax donation deduction this year!
It’s just being unsettled I suppose—I’m not here, nor am I there. And ‘there’ has a certain unknown quality to it. I have not been in the space yet where I will be living and I find that completely… well, I have to trust and hope and bring sage and sweetgrass to burn, not knowing who was in that space before me. That’s how they do it in the cities now—you rent a space without being in it and then wait for the previous person to move out. Such is life in a rental community!
I will, however, be aquainted with at least some of my neighbors—my daughters and grandchildren! Yay! And that’s the joyful part of all this! No more worries about fog or snow getting up and down the mountain and no more missing their school plays and performances! The pluses outweigh the minuses. Besides, last winter up here was pretty rough all alone—many an eve I longed for a nice warm, cozy (dry!) apartment that’s easy to clean and easy to heat.
All I’m saying is that this is an interesting place that I’m at emotionally and psychologically—neither here nor there. I want to push time forward instead of waiting this last week. I’m ready to go NOW but have to wait for my family’s help. The move-out date was selected weeks ago and everybody arranged their work and travel schedule to accommodate that.
Thankfully there are clients calling for readings and this, for me, is just like looking out the window—I get to unplug from my own life and surroundings and help someone else. It’s an escape for me in some ways.
I am looking at my two angel statue yard decorations sitting nearby. I have them in a strong medal carrier ready for the journey. One is child-like and posed reading a book, sitting on a pedestal; and I have to admit she’s my favorite. The other angel is a larger standup version, holding a bunny rabbit in her arms. Emotionally, I sort of feel like these angels… like I, too, am sitting in a medal cage waiting for moving day to be released from bondage!
In my new place I will have an upstairs balcony apartment with a view of trees–it will be my tree house! And since it’s going to be like a dorm room in amongst so many others that look like those old historic Brownstone’s of the Eastern cities, I’m calling the whole darn apartment rental campus “Hogwarts” (after the Harry Potter School of Wizardry). The Brownstones where I’m moving are actually white and not brown, but it’s the architecture and the campus that’s similar to those of the Eastern cities.
I know happiness and boundaries are within the self and not the environ and this is what I am actually being reminded of here in these last 8 or 9 days–let’s call it a week; that sounds much better!
Part of my spirit is here, some of it is going over the switchbacks down the mountain yet another part is emotionally and mentally unloading boxes into the new place! I’m everywhere! And at the same time I am saying goodbye to this house and property that has sheltered my soul for 9 years—maybe there are too many days left to say goodbye! No, I’m not sad about it especially when I remember how wet and cold this house was last winter despite my best efforts to keep a fire going!
No more wondering if the firewood person is going to show up before I run out; no more worrying if the fuel oil is getting too low; no more pulling weeds, trimming bushes and mowing the lawn, no more shoveling snow to get out of the driveway, no more this or no more that. That’s the known; but I have the unknown before me.
My rent will nearly double and I’m not used to being around humans in a rental community; there’ll be an exchange of birds, bunnies and the like for humans. Lots of them! I will be less country and back to being “citified” again. I’ve already had a few encounters with city duck-mentality! (not pleasant) Will it be a challenge to make these adjustments?
Yeah, I think too much and besides I’ve got clients calling and other tasks here needing my attention so I should end this.
But before I do, I know there are others out there in cyber world ( like me) who are also in the midst of a transition. I’ve been in this state numerous times in my life—after all, I’m 64 years old and ‘been there, done that’ is a phrase I’ve used a lot. I’ve moved a number of times in my life and so I’m no stranger to it; but it’s been a while and I’d forgotten this feeling of being neither here any longer and not there yet.
It’s quite like floating in the ethers—no gravity, nothing to ground in to but one’s own is-ness. This is how death will be when the time comes; my own body will be like these boxes and containers. Yeah, okay young readers will think that’s morbid, so no more talk about that.
For those who may, like me, be in between this or that and not here anymore really but not there either—in other words, in transition… for you and for me, let me toss the coins and ask the i-ching for a word or sentence or two to help us while we’re in this phase.
Well, we received Kua 57. It is called “The Gentle” or “Gently Penetrating”. It is ‘The Sun’, doubled and is also called ‘two winds’—the first wind disperses negativity and the second wind changes attitudes. The guidance is to take small steps toward the completion of small goals and be patient and persevering. The message of this Kua is also about taking “the middle way” or the “middle path” and remaining gentle and free.
“Gentleness is flexible and free and not burdened by the maintenance cost of keeping a high-profile.” That line makes me laugh a little bit considering an email that I received this morning which was really a spam advertisement. If you are in my type of profession you know how you receive trick emails which at first seem as if someone would like you to be a guest on a radio show only to find it is gimmick to sell you a thousand dollars’ worth of radio time!
I thought about it for a moment actually now that my living expenses will be higher—but that’s just not who I am. It’s strange though because my natal chart indicates that my soul’s purpose is to work or earn a living in the public domain (10th house) by bringing Peace and Spirit in a grounded way onto the Earth. Well, that’s a whole other blog now isn’t it? Anyway, each time I consider doing a big public attention-getting blitz of some type, the end result is turning from it totally.
Well, according to this Kua 57 I probably shouldn’t even publish this blog entry—it reads this way: “This is not the best time to make sweeping changes or to announce future plans.” I was tormenting myself about how to create a new class (in astrology) last night and then I thought about tarot classes and totally revamping my current psychic class, doing a better job with at least the sign up page. Yeah, on and on it went and so I get it—let go of the idea of sweeping change right now. Just get through this move first, silly!
ADVICE FOR HANDLING A TRANSITION: During any transition the focus should be on adaptability as one remains tuned in to subtle and shifting energy currents of change. Keep a steady pace and make a routine as best as you can—do things that do not involve the mind too much.
HOLD THE VISION AND BE WILLING TO WAIT. Don’t be overly confident or doubtful either.
Stay on the path of least resistance for now and merge with the meandering course of the Tao in any way that it shows up right now!
One final word from the i-ching: in order to see the bigger picture when we are in transition we must periodically create some distance between the self and the forest. Only then is it possible to see the trees and where we stand in relationship to them.
Let “Is-ness” be the only “business”!
Feel better? C’mon we can do this! Its only death and rebirth after all.
I totally get to live it now (again!). I get to apply firsthand all the advice that comes from the higher levels of mind about change, impermanence, transition, letting go/holding on (an interesting dynamic!) and all the rest. O, not that I haven’t lived it in the past—it’s a refresher is all.
Anytime we make a decision that is going to obviously out-picture in a major life change, we have moments—call them temporary moments of insanity if you’d like. I may have had a few of those this week. I am laughing inside as I reflect on that last line; there’s a part of me that’s still a bit numb and consequently unsure if I’ve been completely sane the entire week.
I think it’s normal as a portion of life unravels and then begins to reassemble due to the necessity of change that moments of “crazy” happen and there again come those old buddies of worry who is crazy’s cousin. Those buddies are doubt and anger. What’s there to be angry about you may ask—don’t worry, I’m asking myself the same question.
Maybe it’s my rebellious Aquarius energy in my 7th house—who knows? I really have to get over a certain amount of resentment about jumping through other people’s hoops and dealing with “THE almighty RULES”. Yeah, I’ve always been a fringe dweller, an outsider. I’m examining that now; that frustration and resentment.
But I got through the week and with regard to this project, this commitment, this change–the ball is continuing to roll with or without me because things have been set irreversibly into motion. Last night I had as moment of angst. Now this is where divination comes in handy!
Maybe it was me just tired from a long week of bumping heads with… let me be kind. Let’s just say maybe a certain fatigue set it that wasn’t necessarily physical. Mentally I am living (in my mind) within the new way of being that comes from this change that I’ve chosen (did I really choose it?) and physically there is chaos in the realm that I’m still disassembling as part of the change.
Holy chaos! What am I doing? Am I doing the right thing? I keep getting flashes of the transiting lunar nodes about to come to merge with my natal lunar nodes—once I heard an astrology teacher say that this is… well, she said, “The past becomes the future and the future becomes the past.” I really do feel like something quite similar to that is going on with all of this!
You know how you get that sinking feeling when you are just about to go walk the aisle to say, “I do”-? Did you ever do that? Sometime before you take that walk you say to yourself, “Really, do I? OMG, am I doing the right thing?” OR maybe you are about to close on that house whether you are selling or buying—there’s a moment that happens when you ask yourself, “Do I REALLY want to do this?”
And you’re at the point with it where it is way too complicated to change your mind now! You know, like you just strapped your body in the roller coaster and it begins to move and you really wish you could get off the thing and it’s way too late to turn back now!
Okay, so I had a moment like that last night you see? Those kinds of moments can be sort of immobilizing—everything freezes and you feel like you have to go put your head on the pillow for a while and consider everything one more time.
If you’re experienced with life—it’s familiar territory. You just want someone to come down from some heaven somewhere, float down through the walls and tell you that you are doing the right thing. That didn’t happen exactly, so I grabbed a few divination tools and did ‘my thing’.
It is calming to shuffle those cards or toss those coins—if nothing else, shuffling the cards is a centering activity in itself.
It was helpful is all that I can say—very helpful—calming, reassuring, peace-provoking and enabled me to breathe easy once more.
I’d say the whole affair took maybe a half hour and I was back on course again emotionally. I was still physically tired but got a lot of good rest last night and today I’m ready to go back at it again. And the chaos of change I must make peace with until the 30 days is over. Around this same time next month, I should have totally different view of life; stay tuned. But my greater point is that divination tools, used properly and with confidence in the tool itself, can be so helpful in the heat of the moment when guidance and an elevated, unbiased view is needed.
It’s worth learning about tarot cards or runes or i-ching and to take a psychic development class before you consider a major change; they can help you. As a matter of fact, now that we are thinking of it, I’ve noticed that many people who take the class are also planning something huge in their life at the same time—some life changing event like a job/career change or divorce or a relocation.