Words from the Life of a Psychic and Form is Emptiness

Form is nothing but emptiness

Emptiness is nothing but form

Word from the Heart Sutra which holds my life together.

Form is Emptiness
Form is Emptiness

Here I go again–using this blog to sort out my personal life.  Therapy for an “off” day here and there I suppose.  Maybe that’s it.  Write it out and it is released.  Not energized further.  No.  Released, that’s all–sorted out and seen for the silliness that it is, the illusion that it is.  Maybe this post could be called something like ‘The Life of a Psychic’ or some such.

BLOG INTENTION, ASPIRATION:  Yeah, but in the spirit of Tonglen, knowing others out there feel this way from time to time or there are those who know this feeling right now just as I do.  Hello to you and may this feeling for us all and package it up and see us all being free of it, having compassion for you and for all those who feel a bit disoriented or perhaps are also in the midst of a move… whatever it is you are experiencing may we know that we are not alone… there are always many others who also go through this and may we all be relieved of this suffering or uncomfortable feelings such as they are… and may we all come to contentment and peace and may I be part of that process through my love and compassion for us all as we move through uncertain times. May this blog in some way be helpful to you.

Here it is, this feeling I’m sorting out or trying to heal.  And the internal feeling comes from attachment to  STUFF, yeah, form appearances–things.  Actual material things.  I told you this is silliness being sorted out here!  I already feel better really looking at this using some logic and intellect to soothe the …. well, the what?

Beyond what words can show, it is.  How about a picture to describe it?  A bit like the scarecrow from the story ‘The Wizard of OZ’.   That scene where parts of him were over here and over there and some he didn’t know where!

No, I’m not falling apart but rather I am realizing this whole Buddhist thing about the non-self and yeah, attachment too.  How can part of me be in a storage unit (we took a lot of boxes and things, forms) and loaded them in the vehicles and unloaded them into a storage unit.  As I tried to fall asleep last night I kept flashing on the dark rainy rows of storage structures and the number on my own with the lock and my things inside.  Yeah, it felt like parts of me were there, haunting my ‘things’ in some way.

Another part of me was hanging around my sister’s apartment, haven spend some hours at her place over the weekend helping her clean and pack.  Yet still, another aspect of consciousness was hanging around the new apartment that we’re going to that is getting updated appliances, new carpet, paint and so forth–do I really belong there?  Where is my place when I also see flashes of the last few things leaving this apartment unit.  I’m all over the place!  Like I said, silliness in the life of a psychic.

I’m feeling a wee little bit like crying (its mild), but have no real down-home authentic reason but for the fact that I’m feeling homeless and even without a self, more like a floating spirit neither here, nor there, everywhere and nowhere.  And the Buddhist teachings speak of emptiness in view of it holding form and formlessness such that everything is actually non-real as if it were a Moon’s reflection in the water.

I think again of that song of enlightenment, “All these form, appearance emptiness; like a rainbow with a shining glow…”

And one of the other lines is “Just let go, and go where no-mind goes.”  

Taffy pullI guess I’m having to do that a bit as I feel pulled in many directions like taffy.  Pulled, stretched, thinning out…. and definitely no place to ground.  The lessons of impermanence and non-self and forms being emptiness by appearing just the same… these are all being re-enforced within me.

At the same time, it feels like my solar plexus is torn a bit.  Here I am looking at an application, another one, for an apartment that I applied for on April 2nd and last week I found out my application was nowhere to be found.  I now have to fill out a new one!

Meanwhile, I am trying to visualize how I will fit all my necessary “stuff” into the master bedroom of the apartment that I’m sharing with my sister and her daughter, a teenager!   I feel grateful to have a place to go.

GRATITUDE:  I CAN DO this, of course I can and am so grateful to have some shelter so that I’m free to go without having to break a lease just as soon as I get a call from one of the many places upon which my name is on the list.

fill out the formAnd so the story goes.  Maybe I feel a bit better for writing it out?  My tummy is still topsey-turvey but I’m telling myself to enjoy the experience such that it is.  I’d better get that application filled out (another form—“all these forms”— and anyway get it resubmitted.  Forms are only emptiness.

 

“…just let go. And go where no-mind goes!”  

Form is nothing but emptiness

Emptiness is nothing but form

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Impressions, Imprints, Cyber-footprints in SAMSARA

samsara2
SAMSARA and IMPERMANENCE

Impressions!  Imprints!  Cyber-footprints!

I don’t think about that often enough.  Or so I recently realized!  I tend to work through my rough days on my blog, hoping that as I do so that a reader out there somewhere may be helped through the insight that I, myself, seek.    But before going further, there must be an understanding conveyed.  One that I don’t convey as often as I should; one that should go without saying but that I forget to say–perhaps even forget to say to myself!  But look, it’s not easy to stay awake sometimes!  Life is full of … well, the most efficient way to say it is through one word SAMSARA.

Let me get an official Buddhist definition of that word [SAMSARA] and this from Wikapedia seems as good as any others from Google:  Saṃsāra (Sanskrit, Pali; also samsara) is a Buddhist term that literally means “continuous movement” and is commonly translated as “cyclic existence”, “cycle of existence”, etc. Within Buddhism, samsara is defined as the continual repetitive cycle of birth and death that arises from ordinary beings’ grasping and fixating on a self and experiences. Specifically, samsara refers to the process of cycling through one rebirth after another within the six realms of existence where each realm can be understood as either a physical realm or a psychological state characterized by a particular type of suffering. Samsara arises out of avidya (ignorance) and is characterized by dukkha (suffering, anxiety, dissatisfaction). In the Buddhist view, liberation from samsara is possible by following the Buddhist path.

I use divination to help me find peace because the process of  looking for insight puts one in the mental framework wherein one shifts or better said begins to detach from the mental affliction long enough to look for insight. [My profession involves divination after all; its a habit.  LOL.]

I’ve been conversing through private text on my Facebook account with a blog follower who summarized the last few years of my life in a few lines that made me startle a bit, thinking ‘Man o man, my life really sucks!”   But of course it doesn’t, and it is full of just as many ups, downs, attractions and aversions as anyone else’s here in Samsara!  No better or no worse, at least potentially, as anyone else’s life who is aware of their mind where it is all located anyway!

Here’s the last bit I wrote this morning, sharing a paragraph from the communication that I’ve been having with a reader:

I think one comfort is that we are never alone in what we experience since the human condition seems very universal… in that no matter what kind of dilemma one is in, one can always find so many others going through the same illusion or experiencing the same dream (or nightmare); so that on some level there is comfort when we can do as the Buddhists do which is Tonglen … basically to say, ” May all of us, may we join together , all of us, and may I be the one to gather it all up here, now;  and then may we all be free of our delusion and wake from the dream and be liberated! And how does the liberation happen”?

What kind of  liberation? Mental–for that is how it all occurs anyway, in the mind.  So, to look at life and hear, see, experience it without aversion or attachment, either one… to just say “Oh, now it is this and now it is that or now it is ‘not’  this and now it is ‘not’  that… hmmmm… okay… and that’s how it is or isn’t…. and now I notice that there is a regret thought, or a memory thought, or a judgment thought, or a happy thought, or a silly thought, or a sad thought, or whatever it is.”   Just looking at the mind.  Well, that’s pretty simplistic  sounding, but most Buddhist teachings are and that’s why I, for one,  like them. LOL I may blog this. Don’t be surprised if you see this text again!

Some  last thoughts:  IMPERMANENCE!  This is a good one to reflect upon too.  That helps put it all in perspective as well… the Buddhist perspective of the “precious human life.”   I have to often remind myself not to become caught up in self-cherishing; this, too, being the source of difficulty and suffering.  And then if all else fails, I hit the pool and go swimming to focus on my kick, stroke and lap times while everything else falls away!

Dense Fog, All These Forms, Bodhisattva Practice 18

  FOGSometimes Life Itself is like this photo:  Dense Fog!  And we can’t quite see what’s around the curve of Life and let’s face it, life is curvy.  The guitar dude downstairs neighbor  may agree with that one based on his behavior this morning.  He’s slammed the door  beneath me four times and screamed from the area of the parking lot, “You’re f____ing kidding me!!”  All on an otherwise very quiet Sunday morning!  Chances are he’d agree that life is curvy right now! LOL

Cha- cha- cha- chaaa-changes!!  As for me, it’s a little bit foggy but I did see our new apartment yesterday, being able to look upstairs at what will be my monastic cell.  Could be worse.  Not sure how this is all going to go since now the move date is in question, at least my own half of it.  I may be looking at boxes for a month longer than I originally thought since the only girl left in the office (the other two quit) can’t get an answer from the big boss regarding my particular apartment’s lease.  Geesh!

I’m looking hither, thither and yon trying to determine how the furniture is going to be in my room and have fingers, toes, and everything crossed that they can get the horrid smell out of the place before we get in.  Previous tenants had some real issues!  Yuck.

Yeah, foggy.  I don’t know how long I’ll have to be there before another place opens and with each box I pack, I wonder if its contents should go to storage or the garage sale/Goodwill pile.  Ahh, but it could be so much worse indeed!  At least there is someplace to go besides the street with a shopping cart!  Actually, I’m sort of getting ‘into’ the fog lately finding the humor in it while I sing the Buddhist song about form, appearance and emptiness!  That’s a song of enlightenment and always calms me and soothes me and restores happiness [lyrics below].

Meanwhile, I know the sun will shine again and all will be temporarily organized again even though there’s chaos now.  Then we have the next move after this one to who knows where for certain;  although I have a pretty good idea (being psychic and all).

Empty forms like a rainbow with a shining glow!  —  I try to hum this tune as I load the boxes.

Better go feeD my daughter’s cats now!  Today’s my last day of cat duty–that drive down the Interstate is way too exciting for my taste but shouldn’t be bad today being that it’s Sunday.  Good excuse to get away from the wailing guitar guys anger as he gives me opportunities to practice patience over and over as he slams the door yet again!  Wow, bad morning dude?  

The wall shakes when the door slams…   more Bodhisattva practice for me!!  thanks dude! 

Oh yeah, the Buddhist song…. the words….

It goes like this:

All these forms, appearance emptiness

Like a rainbow with it’s shining glow

In the reaches of of appearance emptiness

Just let go and go where no mind goes

Every sound is sound and emptiness

Like the sound of an echo’s roll

In the reaches of sound and emptiness

Just let go and go where no mind goes

Every feeling is bliss and emptiness

Way beyond what words can show

In the reaches of bliss and emptiness

Just let go and go where no mind goes

All awareness, awareness emptiness

Way beyond what thoughts can know

In the reaches of awareness emptiness

Let awareness go, OH, where no mind goes!

Bodhisattva Practice #18 on Discouragement and Compassion  (from the 37 practices of a Bodhisattva):  “… without discouragement take on the misdeeds and pain of all living beings.”

Tonglen!

Emotion as ‘the’ spiritual path on April 22 2014 Grand Cross – a continuation of last post

inquire3My last blog post was incomplete.  I got to thinking about it afterwards–the evolution of our emotional life, that is.  We evolve in the way we deal with them–the emotions.  I have observed that progression in my life.  And it 1,000% correlates with Buddhist teachings–the parallels between my own observations and the teachings being very validating and actually very comforting.

Let me try to explain.  You see, in our younger years (there are always exceptions) due to lack of experience/immaturity, we tend to act out our emotions.  When we are feeling  overwhelmed by the intensity of the wave of feelings that occur when emotions arise, what we tend to do before we know any better is to act out in some way, we re-act.

No matter the chronological age of the individual who is experiencing the emotion, immaturity or ignorance causes us to have a particular view of emotion.  The reaction may be to run away from the situation or stimuli that triggered the surge of emotion in order to relinquished or release the energy.  Therefore, the individual does not examine their own inner response.  The don’t hang out with the emotion long enough to realize the truth that emotions arise and then then dissipate.  There is no ability, therefore, to create enough space around the feeling to allow that realization to occur.  Emotions are viewed, therefore, as something bad or something that must be gotten rid of as soon as possible.

Once I heard a Buddhist monk speak about how some advanced Buddhist practitioners will purposefully hold a difficult emotion that arises and try to expand it and to work with that energy for the intentional purpose of extracting wisdom information from the emotional energy.  They also do a practice called Tonglen with the energy in order to help all sentient beings. Wow; impressive!

Many of us, because of societal conditioning, have been told that strong emotional energy is like poison or is highly undesirable and further that one must repress, suppress, avoid, or run away from or get rid of anger, fear, etc. as soon as possible.  And further that we are a sinner!

But eventually, if we progress in our evolution as a human, we begin to see how we can counterbalance an emotion by transforming the energy into it’s opposite or into something else instead–like in my last blog post.  For example, we learn to turn anger into compassion instead.  Whatever or whoever our anger may be about, even if it is anger that we have toward our own self, it is possible to transform it into compassion for self or others.

So then we first try to get rid of the emotion, run away from it somehow, eventually we progress to learning how to transform the emotion and then finally (and this is where I personally am deep into it), we take emotion “as the spiritual path itself”.  Yeah.  Heavy.

I’m doing a lot of that lately (just as others are) with the grand cross today, 13 degrees Pluto/Jupiter opposition in Cap/Cancer respectively and then Uranus/Mars in Aries/Libra.  Two oppositions and 4 squares–and we’ve all got that activated now!  That’ll intensify emotions if anything will. ( I’ve also got a lot of energy aspect-ing communicative Mercury in my personal chart  today so I thought this to be a good time to write a little bit about all this.)  But getting back to the topic here…

The other day I posted a line on Facebook that sort of speaks to using emotions as the path itself:  Fit regular life into spiritual practice, not the other way around.

And speaking of the other way around, when we can use the emotion to create something positive by flipping it around, this leads to really working with the energy–using it in a positive way instead of running from it or stuffing it.  This begins the awareness of the emotional causes and triggers and opens the door to a deeper understanding of one’s self and others.

One begins to notice patterns or triggers and begins to understand how past or present conditioning (cause and effect, karma) play into the emotions.

We can almost see emotions as friends because they assist us to relate to ourselves and to the world differently.

We exit the world of duality and separation and begin to see all people have similar motivations.  Just as the Embodiment of Compassion, Dalai Lama, always says, we see that all beings are, similar to ourselves, in that they are seeking pleasure and happiness and trying to avoid pain and suffering.

Another benefit is that we don’t feel alone in our emotional thunder storms and we can seek the shelter of viewing them from a higher place–seeing the bigger picture.

We can realize that without emotions there is no spiritual path!  Emotions contain spiritual wisdom, knowledge and information.

And this aspect of incorporating emotion into the spiritual path involves looking at the true state of emotion and finding the wisdom there.   The spiritual path IS seeing the nature of emotion.

And the emotion gets stronger and stronger as our teachers (if we ignore them) in order to show us the wisdom and knowledge and information contained within the feelings.

The previous blog post (a divination about emotion) was about the stage in which we take that emotion and flip it or transform it.  The stage after that one is to really wish to see the emotion for what it has to teach–asking what is this emotion’s wisdom nature?

So we let ourselves feel the emotion knowing it will recede just as abruptly as it arose and we hold still with the feeling and allow a gap between the feeling and our old tendency to react or run (fight or flight).  And as the gap forms we can distance ourselves enough to see the psychology of it all, to understand and to do something constructive and positive with it.  To change.

That’s all for now!  I have psychic reading clients calling soon and this is all the time I have right now.   I hope this information helps someone today!

This, That and Tonglin, a Buddhist Meditation Practice

lotus imageૐ  Just a bit of comings and goings in this blog post….

ૐ  trees are really coming out with their leaves here now and i can barely see the houses beyond…

ૐ  hostas are coming right up and hydrangeas are starting off well too…

ૐ got newsletter out on time this week; an accomplishment worth mentioning since I’ve been late too often in recent months…

ૐ   fed my daughter’s cat and fish and took my niece to counseling session…  it is good to be ‘of service’ to others

ૐ  the new apartment that my sister and I are renting in a month or so is getting new carpeting and appliances; I could see the guys working on that unit today and removing the old stove and refrig…

ૐ   we will have all new appliances and upgrades….

ૐ a blue jay sitting on the balcony railing looks at me before flying up to the bird feeder, then spreads his blue wings and majestically flies away and there’s god in that moment just now

ૐ   paused the packing yesterday for my swim, accomplishing the 66 lap mile and enjoying every lap!

ૐ  It’s a little above 60 degrees today but its going down to 32/freezing degrees tonight they say; a mixture of spring and winter….

ૐ   i plan to sort through clothes and utility and clothes closets soon… my daughter brought more boxes last night for me… need to pick out a date for a garage sale….

ૐ   daughter’s fish seems depressed or is that a projection?  no@!

ૐ   I may mix up a salad and settle for that for dinner.

ૐ  I could be writing a new country song, “My life is going back in storage, yes again.”

ૐ   Maybe before the year is out my name will come to the top of the waiting list for my own apartment in a more desirable place — or maybe my move-in with my sister will be permanent, eventually at a new location?

ૐ  These things are being worked out somewhere else right now… and i don’t feel fully part of that divine conversation yet.  Maybe I don’t want to be, to know.

ૐ   Not sure about a lot right now. but letting that be okay.

ૐ   Its Holy Thursday and tomorrow is Good Friday–so says my old catholic programming.

ૐ   One of my daughters reported the deaths of two people she knows from work; i always feel such compassion for those left behind.  My heart goes there, knowing the soul crossed over is alright, always.

ૐ  I feel a very long meditation is in order right now, doing the Buddhist Tonglin practice that i feel called to do; with this grand cross and eclipse energy, i know that there are those who could use extra good vibes…

ૐ  …feeling as if the elders are asking for my participation with this Tonglin meditation now especially for the souls of the loved ones left behind.

ૐ  So i will find a place where the Sun shines through my window and comply as soon as i hit the “publish” button here.

Some of you may not know about Tonglin.  So here’s a video of a Tonglin medition with the Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron … if you consider yourself a lightworker or world server, you may like to listen through the 4 minutes of how to do this meditation.  Won’t you join me?

Love and Tonglen with Home Foreclosure Notice – Holding a High Vibration

This day started out with me, myself and I making a vow to hold a high vibration today in consciousness for the good of all.  You know, an energy thing—helping to keep good vibes for humanity and all of life.  I’m sure some readers (have a small ‘christian’ following now—omg!)  may not fully get that, but what we think, feel and our general vibration goes out into the world and “thoughts are things” and gather more of the same.  They come back to us (some would say) eventually and others would maybe not agree.  I am not going to turn this blog into a metaphysics level one basic introductory course, so google stuff or not—anyone’s choice.  Wow, that sounded sort of testy—wasn’t meant that way.  Anyway, moving right along…

I am blogging about this vow I made to myself so that maybe I can release a certain guilt that came up a moment ago.  You see, It’s been taking a good deal of energy for me to cope with a recent rent increase—I’ve been doing the quick step over here in my attempts to figure out how to work that one into the budget.  There’s been a splitting off:  one part of me is planning to pack and move while knowing perfectly well that wouldn’t solve a thing!  Another part of me would like to start digging a tunnel to China (have no idea what that means except maybe it’s related to going home by way of  China to Tibet?),  while the more grounded other part is actually determining what we “do without” around here or how to increase income to compensate for the rent increase.

I really dislike the begging bowl thing (you have no idea!) and it doesn’t work well in the 21st century in America anyway, unless you become some sort of church or ministry–no thank you.  I’ve noticed that some bloggers have a Paypal button on their blog for donations–really?  Okay… so after I saw that, it crossed my mind.  Maybe if I get desperate, which hasn’t happened yet but I’m close.  Ha ha.  Anyway, back to moving right along here…

The rental lady called yesterday, left a message that I should call her right away because she needs to talk to me about something—and her tone of voice wasn’t really saying, “everything’s alright” but then her voice never does.  But, yeah, I was pretty disappointed in my reaction… before I even had finished dialing her number, my life was flashing before my eyes.  Those darn fears of being homeless again!  I thought I’d resolved that at least a thousand times already.

Who knows?  On the outside looking in (if someone would have been in the room at the time to see it), I may have appeared cool as a cucumber; but inside?  Imagine having just been in a car accident—that feeling.  It’s highly embarrassing – I teach this stuff!  I blog it, tweet it, Facebook it, read about it as well a/s write about it and still and as the song goes, still crazy after all these years!

We’ve all got something that triggers our security issues and rings our fear bell—everybody’s got that one big fear just hanging out on the sidelines waiting for something to hit its pattern so it can activate.  And many times, there’s really irrational stuff attached to the thinking and thank goodness we have other humans to discuss these things with because until someone laughs at those fears, we really don’t realize how irrational they are!

I told my sister that part of what flashed before my eyes when I was calling the rental girl back had to do with the x-tian telephone man who was in my very own kitchen telling me I was going to go hell the day before—see blog post from two days ago 11/29/11 –maybe he’s the cousin of the landlady or the rental girl and they want /me out!  It wasn’t until my sister roared laughing and then told me how ridiculous that sounded that I realized how irrational that fear could be in my mind!

After all was said and done, it had to do with an adjustment of $6.  Meanwhile, back at the ranch as the saying goes, I had another good look at that fear monster.

Today, I hear from someone who writes that the bank is foreclosing on her home.  I feel ashamed for splitting off from myself in these smaller and much more insignificant matters of mine in comparison to that.

And within 10 minutes of making the vow to myself to hold a high vibration today, feelings of being ashamed for whining about my rent increase in comparison to someone who is being foreclosed upon, I’ve broken my vow.

I must release this feeling.  I suppose it’s all relative—one man’s foreclosure is another’s rent increase?  I don’t know it’s a fair statement or not.  In these types of matters, I immediately go deeper into the meaning.  Anytime something happens, I’m immediately asking “What is the universe trying to tell me?”  In other words, what’s really going on here?  Is the direction changing and what IS that direction and how am I to work in harmony with it?

You know, some things are real in the sense that it is just life doing what it does and it is always for our benefit.  Yeah, I hear ya’; I know.  Trust me, I know.  I had very fast-moving thoughts of how I was going to pack up all my belongings yesterday to be ready to move.  And truthfully, I’m still working on chasing that image out of my head.   It’s one of those situations of “wherever you go, there you are” when it comes to me, myself and I with the bills and rent.  Anyway… I could probably nurture that belief system into something more prosperous!  How many times have I read, “poverty is a state of mind”–?

It’s strange though, deep down – which is where I’ve just gone since the pause between now and the last paragraph – I always believe it’s going to work out alright and that I am going to be alright.  You know, that it’s going to be (at a minimum) okay and more likely that it’s going to work out for my benefit so that it’s going to be more than okay.  And that’s even in the moment when my stomach is doing flips, my life is passing before my eyes and I’m thinking I may have to head for the bathroom at any moment!  Somehow, it’s going to be okay or better than that.  That’s what I want the person who wrote to me about the bank foreclosing on her house to know.

I now release the shame/guilt that I felt earlier and have re-infused my vow to hold a high vibration today for all of life.

And as I go about my work today, I will send special love to the person who wrote to me and to all beings who are in any way suffering or feeling insecure, unloved, fearful or confused.

Today, I will do the Buddhist Tonglen Meditation Practice for you!

And I will hold a special focus for the person who wrote to me about the bank foreclosing on her home.

Universal Love Prayer

        from the Metta  [Lovingkindness] Sutta

May all beings be filled with joy and peace. May all beings everywhere,  The strong and the weak,  The great and the small,  The mean and the powerful,  The short and the long,  the subtle and the gross:  May all beings everywhere,  Seen and unseen, Dwelling far off or nearby,  Being or waiting to become:  May all be filled with lasting joy.  Let no one deceive another,  Let no one anywhere despise another,  Let no one out of anger or resentment Wish suffering on anyone at all.  Just as a mother with her own life Protects her child, her only child, from harm, So within yourself let grow  A boundless love for all creatures.  Let your love flow outward through the universe,  To its height, its depth, its broad extent, A limitless love, without hatred or enmity.  Then as you stand or walk, Sit or lie down, As long as you are awake,  Strive for this with a one-pointed mind;  Your life will bring heaven to earth.

Namu Amida Buddha.