Separating Self from Race Consciousness, a Meditation on Happiness

guitar in water imageI hope the guy downstairs doesn’t read my blog–chances are he doesn’t.  He sings you see.  And apparently he loves it because he does it often with his guitar accompaniment.  I love swimming and do that regularly too.  We both have a passion.  I don’t swim very well if I compare myself to many of the other swimmers–especially the triathlete types but I can’t not swim anymore than the guy downstairs can ‘not’ sing and play his guitar.

When you enjoy doing something, you simply must do it or unhappiness sets in.  I’m happy after my swim and I’d bet if we asked the guy downstairs that he’d say he’s happy when he sings and even when he isn’t singing, the song sustains him like my swim sustains me in between workouts.

Sometimes you do things simply for the joy of it and you don’t necessarily want to make a career of it.  Sometimes you ‘do’ make a career of it–some do, some don’t.  Everybody’s motivation is different.

I’m not trying to enter a triathlon and if you saw me in my bathing suit you’d see how far from that I was  anyway; it’s not my goal.  My goal for swimming is different than the guy in the next lane over–it’s an exercise in mindfulness for one thing.  Oh, there are other reasons why I swim too—I really love the water.

It separates me from race consciousness–from society, from the 3rd dimensional world.  Why? Its a present moment, time-altering thing.  Its my own path, my own inner truth.

Swim your swim, sing your song—

“Sing, sing your song and don’t worry if it’s not good enough for anyone else to hear, just sing.  Sing your song!”  Or swim your swim!  Got to go now, the pool is calling to me and I’m missing the water!

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The Psychic ‘Business’ and Mental Breaks

Mental Break

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the good use of time.  Maybe that’s because I’ve been busier than usual since I offered half-priced readings to celebrate my impossible neighbors having moved!  Yay!  Still celebrating actually—can’t help it!  Probably another reason time’s on my mind is that I’m on hold with my telephone company!

Anyway—time!  I’m think about THAT and my astrology course that I want to get on my new website that needs so much work but here I am blogging.  Yeah well, blogging doesn’t take as much total focus and concentration—after all, I’m listening to that music in my ear while waiting for the phone employee to come back to the line.

I jumped on Facebook today when I needed a diversion and thought how I tend to do that when my mind needs a break.  Then thinking about astrology, it occurred to me that I took breaks lasting months and years between learning astrology which I expected to be easier than it was.  A long-ago psychic once told me I’d be a natural at it should I ever take it up; I did and as far as I was concerned, I wasn’t!

Of course, I just needed breaks—it was intense.  And it still is really but one needs to be able to process all the patterns one sees in the chart.  But we were talking about time and taking rest breaks for the mind, weren’t we?  Getting back to that, I used to scold myself for mental diversions away from intense work projects—but not anymore.

Pause.  Do something else.  Come back later to tie up the loose ends.  I did that so much when I was first learning to interpret a whole chart.  I could only handle so much at one time.  I’d put the chart down and pick it up later and in doing so would see the next connection, the next piece to the puzzle, the next sequence in the soul’s story.

And I don’t do it in any logical step-by-step order.  Right now I hope my astrology teacher isn’t reading this because I’d get scolded for not following the formula step-by-step.  It’s just that one planet or one group or aspect just calls out to me, “Look at me!  Pay attention to this!  Start here! “—I can’t help it.  I get back to the textbook formula eventually; but then I’ve always been a bit of a rebel and found my own way through the mazes of life.

When things get intense, it’s good to have an escape planned—I do most things that way finding it helps alleviate my own inner pressure.  And I pay attention to the inner signals, the feelings—sometimes mild and sometimes strong—in any moment and allow myself to be led.  I like working that way.  Besides, I like to tell myself and to believe that I work for “spirit” and that this essence that lives within me guides me.  And well, heck, sometimes it just seems to take over but I let it—and that feels like just watching yourself do something and then afterwards thinking, “Wow, did I really DO THAT?”

I had to laugh aloud recently when somebody referenced what I do as my “business” since I hardly ever think of what I do as “business”—rather it seems I’m a sovereign-ly singularly recruited and willing participant in a co-creator-ship type of engagement with the universe.  Well, that was one confusing sentence.  Maybe something like it’s a co-merged spiritual co-op of some kind and through participation with and in union with such Life-Force somehow magically my earthly needs are met—sometimes just in a nick of time, but nonetheless provided.  Does that sound like a business?  Maybe to someone else it does, but not to me.  Or at least I don’t think of it that way and I don’t make business decisions either—I just follow my feelings and inner most drives.  If what I do ‘is’ a business, it’s not mine—I can say that much!  Ha! Well…

[pause]

…finally I’m off of ‘hold’ to the phone company and I just found out there’s no long distance plan for calling Canada—it’s ‘way-too-much’ per minute; however, in just asking about it they reduced my bill by $10 per month for other reasons.  Some new package or other—maybe the universe just gave me a little cash bonus (worth $120 per yr.)—that’s how I’d like to think of it anyway.

My mental break is now over—the phone company and I are finished on the phone—so, back to work with fresh new eyes!  I’m grateful for my work and for the magical support that I feel is given in the timing that always seems to impress upon me that what I do is a divine co-op (for lack of a better definition a the moment.)

Time and timing is really magical if we really notice and are aware, don’t you think?

Being in touch with the needs of the moment! The Time Tamer of Life!

Every day is a NEW BEGINNING This blog post will be short… I’ve more astrology charts to make notes on and besides, Grey’s Anatomy season premier starts in less than 2 hours!  So I will have to drop what I’m doing and bolt to my sister’s apartment which is quite simply around the corner—a mere two second jog on foot!

(She has cable, and I refused the temptation to look at those talking heads on CNN, etc.  And I’m so happy I made that choice, except for Greys; I just watch it on HULU the next day usually. My sister invited everyone over; she has a big screen TV too — man O man they all look different on her TV!)

I’m still getting used to being busy and integrating infringes on my personal time through assisting my family … O and have I mentioned my daughter is engaged and her engagement party is this weekend?

I’m not a social animal in those ways and having to shake the dust of my hermit-self and the hermit doesn’t like it very much.  To the point—there is objective time and SUBJECTIVE time.  I’ve got to do better with the latter of the two but I’m realizing how much resistance I have and how stubborn too.

A work in progress and it’s all inside where I am making peace with it by really bringing it down to what it took pages to get to in my last blog.  And that is simply living this affirmation:  “I am in touch with the needs of this moment.”  And that, in itself, helps me to be in touch with the “me” within so that I can center and be at peace no matter what schedule I’m trying to juggle.

Now if I can do that while meeting all of the groom’s family this weekend (nothing I resist doing more than making small talk with people I’ve never met—not that I’m not good at it because I am and that’s not false pride—it’s just something I thought well… “it is what it is” as they say but my old hermit wants nothing to do with any of  it or any new relationships either for that matter! The inner child goes, “Awwhh, do we HAVE TO go???”  and now suddenly I’m hoping the future groom’s family doesn’t read my blog… haha  I’m sure that they don’t.

Gate’, gate’ paragate’ …parasamgate, bodhi, svaha!  

Besides, I am in touch with the needs of this moment, I am in touch with the needs of this moment, I am in touch with the needs of this moment, I am in touch with the needs of this moment, I am in touch with the needs of this moment, I am in touch with the needs of this moment, I am in touch with….

Yeah, okay, whatever…

I’d better get going on those astrology charts that I have to make notes upon.  I just wanted to blog that I’m making progress with this time thing… but its not been easy.

Not Enough Time? Life too Scheduled? Adjusting to Change? Lose Your Self Around Others? Dancing to the Tune of the Clock? Wisdom from the I-ching

Calm, Quiet, Slow … Mountain Time

It seems like ages since simply sitting at the keyboard and typing onto my blog has happened… and it has to do with this thing that we call time or our concept of it.  Yeah, it’s bothering me and if you’re a regular reader here, then you know that I work things out here—things that disturb my psyche or ruffle my feathers.  I look for ways to handle these dilemmas, these “pickles” of life, and hope that my post will also help another who finds it or goggles a phrase that shows up here.  Ever since I’ve moved I’ve been dealing with schedules and family itineraries!  It’s like if someone suggests something to do in the future, everyone grabs their appointment calendar to see which day they are free!

Family
LEFT: grandson
TOP TO BOTTOM RIGHT: daughters, sister and daughter, grandaughter, grandson marching band, niece

I’m simply not used to living this way—at least for the past 15 years anyway.  I thought those days were over for me; never did I think that I’d be dancing to the tune of the clock again and certainly not to a school bus or band practice or Friday night football game schedule! 

O, Please–don’t get me wrong, I love being with my grandchildren and daughters–even my sister and niece!  And we love Friday night football; yet I’m sort of ‘over’ driving two nights a week to and from band practice… but anyway….

 It’s just that my life doesn’t seem like my own anymore, but I’m adjusting and my own appointment schedule is being juggled and adjusting too! 

We’re managing.  And everything is getting done; but inside me there’s lots of resistance to this new life! 

I’m working on it though and this blog post is helping me do just THAT today.  And I hope it will help you too in some way.  Anyway…

I know this feeling of being short of time all of the time is mental and emotional and psychological and it’s an energy thing that I’ve gotten pulled into.  I’m trying to pull myself out and having a little bit of difficulty. 

It is true that I have to accommodate my family now whereas before (the past 15 years@!) there was none of that.  I chose to do so and know that it is their energy and the energy of this general vicinity that needs balancing within me. 

You know, people drive so fast around here even in the parking lot of the apartment community and energy of the white rabbit from the Alice in Wonderland story is predominating:  “I’m late, I’m late for a very important date, I’m late, I’m late, I’m late, and I’m very, very late…” 

Yeah, I feel that within my own mind and body and it gets reinforced at the start of every new day… “Hi Mom, here’s her breakfast, she has to finish this or that homework, I love you, here’s her lunch box, gotta’ go, I’m late…”   (My granddaughter stays with me in the morning until her bus comes to take her to school and my daughter rushes off to work.)

Again, I love my family and being near them most of the time.  It’s just that I don’t like that hurry-up we’re late feeling and I know it is within me unnecessarily—I carry it too often! 

It’s affecting my usual feelings of peace and ease and I miss the pace of the mountains—the general feeling everywhere was “What’s the hurry?  And besides, if you wanted me to hurry you should have told me about it 3 weeks ago.”

Aaaahhhhh, sometimes I miss that small mountain town but then other times, like last Thursday night, having sushi and seaweed salad at a local Wasabi Restaurant makes me want to jump up and down celebrating being here in civilization!  Oh, there are many things that bring up celebratory feelings about being here—take my grandson for example! 

But then, I digress—my issue involves how to deal with this hurry up feeling that predominates too often and restore the more comfortable and compatible “what’s the hurry?” attitude.

Come to think of it, this has always been my problem in all relationships—whether it is with a person or a city/community!  I am way too taken in by the ‘other’ vibe and loose myself!  Yeah, I could blame it on my Sun/Neptune/Moon natal conjunction or I could use that triple combo to my advantage.  What’z it gonna’ be? 

Whether you’re like me and are sometimes too sensitive for your own good OR NOT, we’ve got to ask the Oracle for guidance.  What can we do? What insight can you give that will help with NOT being pulled into outer energy—how can we maintain our own energy when surrounded by an incompatible vibe 24-7?   

I will turn to the I-ching now to select a coin-combo which will bring us some helpful insight on how to change our attitude about time and hurry-up energy and how NOT to lose our self in the midst of so many ‘others’.  

Well we have Kua 3 (Difficulty in the Beginning) changing to Kua 60 (Limitations).

Let’s open up this guidance. But before we do that, I just want to say that I am enjoying this Saturday morning!  I am undisturbed by duty calling me in any direction and am enjoying the birds visiting my balcony bird feeder.  The trees are only a-small-number-of-feet away from my balcony (some ends of the branches are only a few feet) and I like to pretend that I live in the trees WITH the birds and that I AM one myself!  I did more of that in the early days of my residency here—and realize now that I need to spend more time with that fantasy when I can fit it in! 

Well, to the i-ching…  the changing line in the first Kua advises “doing nothing”  and “taking a breather”.  I really relate to that!  Writing in this blog today is about that very thing.  Kua 3 is about enduring difficult transitions and this move has been such a thing which I am STILL getting used to!  I moved in June and here it is nearing the end of September and the full adjustment has yet to be accomplished!

Here’s an example:  we had a garage sale last weekend in which we all sold items that we simply could not use in our new apartments (my daughter and sister also moved here around the same time I did).  We agreed to donate what did not sell to Goodwill afterward and did.  Several days later, I went there to get a donation receipt that my sister forgot and saw an item from my mountain home.  It was a basket which I had on a porch column and I filled it with different flowers as the season’s changed.  I did not expect to see it and there it was on a shelf in the Goodwill store and suddenly I grieved the death my old life of peace and solitude.  In turning to escape the basket, my eyes landed squarely on ceramic angels that I had along the window sill in the guest bedroom—I called it “The Angel Room”.  I nearly ran out of the store with my heart aching and tears streaming down my face.  Yeah, I’m not fully adjusted to being here yet—“fer’ shuur!”  said the way we used to say it in the 80’s.

So doing nothing and taking a breather this may be a good thing to restore a little bit of balance—that’s the advice (so far) from the i-ching oracle.  This sort of stops the whole time thing from being an issue—I can understand that it would be helpful. 

I had blocked some time out for myself yesterday and actually felt guilty that I didn’t DO something during that time.  Since this small amount of free time is so precious and valuable now, you better DO something special with it… I didn’t and then felt guilty!  I never, ever used to feel guilty about doing nothing before–what gives? 

The oracle speaks of this situation as “strengthening the ability to roll with the punches” –that is what is going on now.  I have to say that bumping into the energy of my old stuff in the Goodwill Store felt like a punch—fer shure.

This is about my ability to deal with difficult transitions—according to the i-ching book for this Kua.  Yeah, I think of death when I hear the word “transition” and actually I did say to my daughter on the ‘Goodwill Day” that my reaction is part of me “grieving over my old life”.  Kua 3 really does relate to this question I’m asking.

The old was dismantled to make way for the new and now that I’m in the new, the adjustments do create certain doubts and vulnerabilities.

Maybe I need to shore up my certainties and do something to feel less vulnerable.  I need to give that some thought.  I do believe that I did the right thing to move; yet I do feel vulnerable and intuitively feel some sort of boundary is needed, somehow, to remedy the vulnerability feeling.  I just don’t know exactly how to achieve that since I seem to have to be the one to accommodate to everyone else’s schedule!

  I find my mind wandering out to future to find a school holiday and to announce to my daughters that I am not available that week—I’ve always wanted to go away to some country that doesn’t celebrate x-Mas during that x-tian holiday anyway!  But I digress.  Let’s see what else the oracle says.

This is some sort of ‘stage of growth’—this transition, this move, this complete change of lifestyle!  Haven’t I grown enough?  Wait, don’t let me go into victimization now!  This blog post is about how to  accomplish a feeling which is one in which I feel as if I have more time—let’s stick with the topic at hand here.  (self reprimand– ha ha)

Moving on.  The oracle says to stay in touch with the “needs of the moment”.  Okay this is helpful.  And that’s right! Some of this whole time shortage and “I’m late” vibe is really future oriented.  People here run around trying desperately to drive into the future instead of just dealing with the needs of the moment—that’s the “slowing down” that I’ve been doing for the past 15 years which moving here has affected.  That’s usually how I am and I’ve allowed the surrounding people, places, things to infiltrate me—and I’ve sort of lost myself as far as this part goes. 

I need to bring my mountain mentality to the big city—and live it in the now by affirming continually that I am “in touch with the needs of the moment”—yeah, I like that.  I’m going to use that.  I should make that a sign and hang it up on the wall to remind myself! 

SIGN SHOULD READ:  I AM IN TOUCH WITH THE NEEDS OF THE MOMENT—PERIOD!

The Oracle also says that any attempt to make a plan or to make sense of things is premature and will lead to frustration.  Be gentle with the self and go slowly.

Let them rush and be late!  I don’t have to.  Right?

Kua 60 is about “Limitations” and speaks of “testing your own serenity in the chaos exposes the depth of self-disclipline” and also the manner in which we respond to “limitations” is revealing of what has been deeply assimilated. 

I have deeply assimilated the mountain energy and the inner peace of living a serene life has been genuinely anchored within me.  It is my true nature and true self.  I have to remember that it is there and cannot be affected—it is only necessary to stay in touch with myself by staying in touch with the needs of the moment.

Alright, I’ve gone on long enough and I’m good–are you?  I feel better and have, via this writing, helped to reinforce what is needed to establish my SELF in the moment again.

I hope this writing has helped another soul who may be able to use and apply any thoughts within these paragraphs. 

Obstacles, Frustrations, Delays and Highly Evolved Humans; And What is it with Time Lately? Mars Retrograde January 2012

Time – an illusion, a delusion they say and I’m feeling and understanding that more and more these days.  It’s nearly February and here in the North Carolina Mountains it has so far been a wet, soggy and unseasonably mild winter.  So much so that the daffodils are starting to bloom!  Yeah, I hear ya’—way too early!  I glance out the window and see the bird feeder is empty and I will break into my thoughts and typing to go fill it—will be right back.

There.  Done.  So where were we?  Time and timing and delays in timing and wires getting crossed—just before the holidays it started.  It?  Issues with the car insurance and telephone company and a few other things; billing mistakes that I’m still not sure are completely resolved.  People seem to tell you what they think you want to hear just to get you off the phone, and then nothing changes–then  you’re back at square one again.  In the psychic class I’m having to chase after folks to fulfill their obligation to do the project reading – or at least it feels that way to me; everyone seems to wait to the last-minute.  Not that I don’t understand that (I do; everyone’s busy or whatever it is),  but it just seems like everyone is distracted and overwhelmed these days.

In glancing out the window just now I see that my cardinals and the other birds are glad that I noticed the feeder was empty—there’s quite the crowd out there now.  They, too, must wonder why it takes ‘me’ so long to remember to fill the feeder with seed.  I’m distracted too I suppose and then to make the whole darn ‘moving forward thing‘ even more frustrating—yeah, I guess that’s the word:  frustration! The rebounder cord on the pilates machine broke, so there’s been no therapeutic bouncing exercise for me lately!

Frustrating delays around timing and getting things done seems to be the theme. Things are  starting to move forward a little bit now, energy is breaking free.

Life has felt like a rusty old cobwebby wheel that got frozen in time around mid-December and here at the end of January, with lots and lots of effort on my part, is just moving forward an inch or two!  I’ve felt a bit like I’m in slo-mo if you know what I mean and if that slow motion has been how the telephone company people and car insurance people have been feeling too… well, it’s no wonder the frustration.

I’m going to put it out there in the cyber world and yell it out to the universe right here and now:  FEBRUARY IS GOING TO BE A BETTER MONTH!  The timing may be off here and there but overall, we’ve got to break the rusty frozen wheel of time!  Let me consult the I-ching here a moment and ask for some guidance and counsel about how else to get things bouncing again (in addition to the rebounder cord arriving in the mail).  What wisdom comes from the I-ching about this?

Well, here it is:  I drew Kua 39, called  OBSTACLES.  Does THAT sound right on or what?  The themes or archetypes of this Kua have to do with unexpected obstructions, frustrations, difficulties, feelings of hopelessness, struggle and discouragement.  I’ve not felt hopeless but for a few times with that horrid Frontier Communications phone company!  I nearly quit on them entirely but things are starting to clear up a bit—not that I still don’t have so much static on the phones whenever it rains more than one day in a row; but at least I think they straightened out the bill (fingers crossed; time will tell).  And the house still smells awful in places here and there from the work of terminator the exterminater who was here just before christmas—sigh!  Okay, I admit these are not end of the world issues we’re talking about but maybe you can relate on your own level?

Energy is energy and delays in getting things resolved have been a theme I’ve recognized not just in my own life but… well, let’s just say in my work I talk to a lot of people and we’ll leave it at that.

Personally, I relate to the struggle and discouragement part of Kua 39.  Now.  Where’s the wisdom?

Earlier today I was thinking about how people will tend to hide things about themselves that they don’t want others to know because they think it will destroy their image.  We have this image of ourselves and of our lives that we wish to hold up as flawless and streamlined—like we’ve got it all under control and have got it made.  Of course, most people don’t care about these flaws like we do—sometimes we look at our imperfections under a microscope.  And these are things that are  not perceivable by others.  They try to project an image like “spiritual people never get frustrated, deal with disappointment or respond to difficulties because spiritual people don’t have them”—well, that’s just nonsense.

I love the Dalai Lama—that’s no secret.  One of the reasons why is he shares his humanness and doesn’t hide his struggles and allowing others to see his human flaws and imperfections helps the rest of us.

The wisdom from Kua 39 is that we all have ups and downs and we don’t have ultimate control over everything—I don’t care how many ‘law of attraction’ visualizations you do, there are delays, disappointments and sometimes even disasters.

Those things shake our sense of security.  I had such a shake up when my rent went up drastically and I scurried (much like the mice in attic were doing before Christmas) to make some changes and adjustments.  Sometimes a crisis comes at a time when it is hard enough to just keep your head above water in the first place—that is life.

Yet, we can’t panic and it is at those times most especially that our spiritual training is called upon and is extremely useful and beneficial.  Applying our spiritual teachings and following a well-worn path of meditation helps us avoid panic or feelings of helplessness.  I’ve always said that the real benefit of meditation is not as useful in good times as it is in bad; but if we haven’t created the pathway previously… well, it’s more difficult to begin a first time meditation practice when faced with crisis.

More wisdom from Kua 39… It is important not to become a victim or entertain a persecution mentality when faced with obstacles for this drains potential for empowered action.

And from my own point of view, remember humor and use that as much as possible… sarcastic humor isn’t a sin if it helps you get through it. Be dramatic to blow off steam but don’t take your drama too seriously—remember, that it ‘is’ a drama, a movie, a play.

We want progress and we can become fixated upon it to the point of losing a balanced perspective.  Do what you can and when you can and then switch focus to something else; anything else other than the obstacle that is frustrating you.

And don’t keep it all inside; talk to others and let go of some image that you are beyond having a problem—spiritual people have problems too!

And here’s one; some wisdom that came from my mother when I asked her what she had to share from her life perspective at age 82.  I said, Mom what wisdom would you give to those of younger generations who are facing a difficult life problem.  Her answer was this, “Tell them to hang in there.  Whatever it is, it will pass.”

Currently MARS is retrograde January 23rd to April 13th 2012.  Maybe the Kua 39 guidance in this blog post will be helpful to readers who are affected by the Mars retro cycle…  depending on your own personal chart, your life could be affected differently by the cycle.  But it is usually associated with times of frustration–or so the astrologers say.  Personally, I see it as taking action inwardly–Mars energy turned inward can be a good thing many times.  Mars retrograde does not frighten me; I plan to use it!

Kua 39 says to work with what you can in the moment, with what arises and do it the best way that you can.  Roll with the current, turn to the “big picture” and you will succeed.

And we have to remember the lessons of time—that is an illusion and doesn’t exist.  We have only now so breathe in and breathe out; be with it.