Feel Alone, Different, Like an Outcast? How Much Do You Unveil About Yourself to Others?

lonelyThat settles it!  Someone emailed me this morning asking me a question that I’ve been considering since last night.  Essentially, to bottom-line it, the individual is dealing with certain life challenges which (it sounds like) cause feelings of being alone and disconnected from the rest of the world.  I was just reflecting upon this very thing myself last night with my own physical setback here, realizing how lonely it can be (if you let it) when you’re ill or sick.  It feels very isolating–especially in my own case in that I could be contagious and purposefully avoid others and don’t blame people who would avoid me.  ‘Shoe being on the other foot’, I’ve done the same thing.  Someone coughs or sneezes or grabs for a tissue out in public, usually I’m the first one to go the other way.

But then again, this individual asks about deceit or pretending to be ‘normal’ like the others in the world (whatever normal means anyway) because the illness isn’t as obvious as a sneeze or cough.  The person finds it easier to tell those white lies or fib a little about things link vocation/career and in all relationships with others feels ‘abnormal’ in the world whilst otherwise there are no outward signs to the contrary.  Basically, the person asks me how I feel about this or if it were me how I’d handle it all.  But before we go further….

Fair warning:  I may ramble or meander being still under the influence of previous days worth of Benedryl and other such antihistamine and decongestant type drugs that my body ingested.  Then after being ‘too far gone’ and letting this “head-cold turn spring allergy” get out of hand and grow into a monster with various heads, the busy doctor’s office finally fit me in and AZithromycin (aka Z-pac antibiotics) are now fighting the battle with me.  So that’s why–I’m woozy and (until now) too ‘out of it’ to respond to email or sit at a computer in order to even focus long enough to blog or type anything meaningful.  But if you hang in through this maybe we can come out the other side with something worth the writing for me and the reading for you.

Again, for clarity’s sake, the individual with the question does not have a physically contagious malady and in fact it is not anything obvious to the casual observer (according to their description), which honestly I imagine to be more difficult than otherwise.  Why?

Because all expectations from society or ‘others’ in the world is that there exist in each life those common societal conditions considered to be ‘normal’.  But either way, maybe with my own little condition here (temporary one hopes), there’s a little something within me that can qualify me to give an answer or insight, albeit a small one.  After all, this is only a week for me whereas for this other individual, likely it’s been a lifelong issue.

But then again… well, wait.  Let’s consider it.  I think most of us spend our days here trying our best to feel normal and fit in and for the most part we can deceive ourselves into thinking we are.  Others seem to accept our explanations of ourselves as we covey those lines that mean, “I’m just like you.”  In fact, most of us probably do this more subconsciously than we realize.

I’ve long been aware of how I go ‘to the level of’ the person that I’m communicating with in order to establish a common thread in which to relate.  Take, for example, people who have a Virgo-Victim type of work ethic in the world.  You know the type.  All they talk about is how many long hours they put in and how early they rise in the morning and how crazy their boss is and basically… well, you get the idea.  You surely are not going to establish a common ground to relate to them by describing your life as one in which your values are totally different.   For example, maybe you’ve learned a few things and one is to work smart and not long or perhaps you’ve inherited a lot of money that changed your previous work ethic  Who knows why but let’s say that your life situation is totally different and doesn’t require those long hours.  Or maybe you simply aren’t wired to work 14 hour days at Walmart — and I just made that up; not knowing how many hours Walmart employees work in a day.  But you get the idea.

So are you being deceitful if your way of life is simply different (for various and sundery reasons) and…. well, here’s an example.  Let’s say I used to have a job once upon a time like that one perhaps and so can honestly relate and say, “Whew honey!  I hear ya’ sister.  Been there done that!”  So am in being deceitful?  Or maybe I did some work for my own business in which I worked day and night without much rest (like when I created my first website).  I was a self-employed task master!  (sometimes being your own boss you can be more of a slave-driver than any outside employer).  Either way, I can still relate and don’t have to feel dis-connected.

Well, okay.  Maybe those are silly examples.

I think it’s more a matter of ‘taking it on’ in a way.  In other words, helping the other person feel better about who they are by sort of pretending to meet their standards of how they see normal.  It’s like playing their game with them so that they feel okay about who they are and what they’re doing.

Sort of like agreeing with a crazy person–why would you try to convince them that their not if they are?  Now it’s true that they would think that it is ‘we’ who are the crazy ones when in fact it is ‘we’ who realize it is them!

Now who is crazy and who isn’t–pretty silly thing to speculate, right?

I don’t know if it’s best to pretend you are similar to others to help them feel okay if it makes you feel ‘not okay’.  But then again.  Whose to say whose crazy and who isn’t and whose okay and whose not?

The thing is that everybody is really alone with their own stuff and is pretending to be part of the conditioned society.  Ever hear that story about the emperor who has no clothes?

Being different — you being the only one willing to admit the emperor guy is naked –can be a lonely place to stand BUT ONLY IF YOU LET IT.  And that’s a key.

Got to toss in another one-liner and that’s the saying about feeling lonely in a crowd.  I’d pose to the individual who emailed the question about feeling deceitful by pretending to be like the others who can brag or discuss their life because it’s more accepted by consensus society to consider that everybody feels that way at a core level but most people spend the majority of their life trying to ‘fit in’ and be like what the consensus standards dictate.  Why do they do it?  Not all, of course, but some are afraid to be different or not-accepted.

In the end, we are born alone and we die alone but now we’re here we are with others; yet each of us is unique and different while at the very exact same time, we’re all the same!  A Zen riddle or a Paradox.

But most people don’t think about these things–too busy trying to fit in and make their mark or to achieve something to prove they are/were here.  Not all, of course, we have others consumed with helping others in some way and doing it going to a selfless level and so they probably never consider these kinds of things.  Good on them!

We’re all like that at times too of course.  Maybe the thing to consider is that we’re not like all people at all times–we have some similarities to others, always.  To find those and to relate to them is not being deceitful unless you believe it is.

Generally, ‘its a pickle’ as the saying goes.  And how a person views a thing or an attitude or a life situation is a personal decision.  I’ve felt like the outcast in my family and in any career or job I’ve held throughout my entire life and my work with intuition and astrology is fringe as compared to society at large.

I’ve not felt that separation from others so acutely until recently with regard to my health.  I’ve been sick before with flu or respiratory symptoms–bronchitis or the flu but never before did I feel as alone or cut-off as this time.  It was a different experience and one which has given me moments to pause, thinking toward the end-of-life scenario possibilities that we all face eventually.

What have those moments of pause revealed?  One thing that comes to the fore is how precious life is and what a gift it is and the realization of how much of my life I’ve spent resisting the many gifts Life as offered me by worrying about things like the gosh darn bills that come in the mail every month and the monthly rent that’s due!

I’m nearing 68 years old which by today’s standards is still young but when I was a child that was really, really, really old!  Anyway, life is more precious to me all the time and a few side trips into isolation from illness enabled me to have a preview of what my end days may be like.  And I see how it is a choice.

Isolation (whether forced or imposed) and whether it comes from being the oddball in society in any way — be that way due to illness of any type of different-ness  — is a gift really.  Those feelings  arising from that situation come to us as a catalyst to go within and reflect, resulting in the ability to make a choice as to whether or not we permit them to create a guilty state of being or a lonely state of being.  Its a choice.

To the person making the inquiry, I’d add this  To consider the fact that we (he/she and I) are aware enough to consider these matters is also a rare gift.  And we can use the awareness to create (or ‘be’) an example in the world which is either positive or negative but either way which creates by its very nature “teaching moments” as the saying goes.

No, I don’t mean that we have to ‘spill it’ to people who don’t care or who are strangers.  With those folks it’s probably best to play the game (pretend to be who they can most easily accept) in to help them (not ourselves) feel comfortable with interactions.

But to those who we do open up to and do reveal or expose ourselves, we do so and hope to create some awareness in those others or perhaps plant a seed in some way.

Is this making sense?  I mean look at a physician, a doctor..  Is it appropriate for him to go around examining people when he’s at a picnic or at the gym doing his workout?  The doctor doesn’t reveal himself when it’s not appropriate either.  Would it not be the same with anyone else?

I am feeling a bit weary now being that the antibiotic and I are still ‘fighting the good fight’ as the saying goes.  And the body is telling me to rest a bit now.

I don’t know if there may be a line here or a word or two here in what I’ve written today that is helpful to the email inquirer or to the casual reader of this blog.  I can only hope.

Oh, and one thing that has come from my own recent challenge is that it has create a desire within me to ‘visit the sick’ in some way as a volunteer in the community.  Now that I’ve had the personal experiences of how that feels–that loneliness of being sick–which I do not choose to entertain it (choice), it has inspired me to help others who may be feeling this alone feeling which I choose not to forget.

Anyway, I no longer volunteer at the soup kitchen (I lost my place with that when I moved) — this may be a way that I can do a little something on a volunteer basis again and I intend to look into it.

Perhaps, as a suggestion, the one who feels deceitful about their life could find (like me) something to do as a volunteer to help balance out those feelings.

Well, the person did write and asked me how I would handle it or what I would say about his/her “unveiling their true self to others”, using his/her words.

I will end this with the hope that there’s something within this post that you can use for your next step or as at least a partial answer to your question.

Another thought as I conclude, is that in some areas of my life, such as in places within my own control where i can keep a certain illusion of anonymity or where I feel there may be a greater acceptance, I tend to reveal quite a lot. Such as in my classes or in this blog, my website or weekly newsletter.  There’s a time and place for everything. One has to ‘read’ the situation, become sensitive, and follow ones intuition about what to say to who and when about one’s identity.  I always say the stomach or the ‘gut’ feelings can lead us to knowing when to speak and when to be quiet about ourselves.

I don’t tell every tom-dick-harry or man-on-the-street that I dig Divination, do Tarot, love Mysticism,  Buddhism and Hinduism (a few of my interests) and that I do astrology or that I teach about intuition or ‘read’ energy for others.  It’s still fairly well Fringe for the most part–I get that.  Not everyone is going to understand I’m not in cahoots with “the devil” like one of my own sister’s believes!  Also, one does have to maintain a certain sense of humor.

I’ve nearly worn myself out now…  I think what helps is to try to remember that we’re all alone with who we are and our divine self, the one within and that nobody is ever  going to ever fully understand us anyway–for me there’s a certain freedom in remembering that.

Time to lay the recovering body down a while for now….

Bottom line:  All is Well and Exactly as it Should Be!  

Meaning of the New Moon in Aquarius January 20, 2015 and the Aquarian in Your Life and The Chariot with Queen of Cups

New Moon times.  Could these be times in which the door to the psyche is open for us to enter and redirect our play just a little bit–at least emotionally?  And is it a time for us to create and debate and elevate as well as fixate about our emotional nature?  New Moon times could be  the most important part of our creative nature since it sets the tone for how we interpret the world.  Each month the dye is cast so-to-speak by our response to life at the New Moon time.  If we could mark the time and be aware of it, we could control the nature of the dye we cast for the upcoming 28’ish to 30-day lunar cycle.

If you happen to know  the house that the New Moon is in (for you), you can derive more insight from the vibes but even if you don’t know that information, it’s still beneficial to open to setting a new tone for your emotional responses to life.    (If you should happen to know what house 0° Aquarius falls in your natal chart, this will give you an idea for the areas of your life that will be activated and in what life categories the potential for renewal will be natural and beneficial to cast your emotional die for the next 30-day cycle.   But even if you do not know which house your 0° Aquarius is located, you can still benefit from simply knowing the sign itself.

So we have a New Moon in Aquarius!  This sign rules the 11th house of hopes, dreams and also carries a humanitarian and “friends” as general meaning archetypes.  Innovative thinking is part of the Aquarius vibe as well as freedom seeking qualities being a part of this energy.  In evolutionary soul astrology, it also links with “the wound” of the past lives.

So in any of those ways we can cast the dye for this next month–changing our emotional responses to life in those areas.

(Again, if you know the house of your natal chart that holds 0° Aquarius, you can factor in that information as well.)

I just had a brilliant idea!  (Now that’s the stuff that Aquarius is made of actually–brilliant ideas.)  Anyway, why not draw a few tarot cards to add insight to the Aquarius New Moon meaning here?  Why not?  It’s my blog and I can do what I want!–that last sentence (too) is very ‘Aquarian’ in nature.  🙂

Let me first reiterate that a New Moon relates to heightened sensitivity to a particular energy for the purpose of casting new dye for the purpose of renewing the potential of that part of your psyche.  Using emotion to rededicate yourself in some way–that’s another way to say it.  We can toss in “desire nature” as well here in that what we desire usually has a rather significant emotional derivative so using that energy to create something new in our lives.

Let me draw two cards now to help us to know more about this month’s New Moon in Aquarius, asking how we can best use this time for our highest benefit and therefore highest benefit of all.  I’m going to use the Hanson-Roberts tarot deck for this one; here we go.  (By the way, I love the images on this deck and the cards are small and fit nicely in my hands during the shuffle.  This is a deck that I used to program meanings from the divinitory method using my own memories.)

I drew THE CHARIOT and QUEEN OF CUPS. 

Chariot with Queen of Cups

Well, first impression:  male image/female image so a hint at balance confirmed by the yin and yang on the Chariot.  All those stars on the Chariot card really do remind me of the sign of Aquarius and now the Cup the Queen holds, definitely relates to emotions (cups equal emotion in the tarot system).

The Chariot also speaks of using one’s will, directing one’s energy and being determined; it is also about practice and practice making perfect.  Practicing what?  The Queen holds that answer–understanding your emotional reactions.  Satisfaction comes from practicing using one’s will to understand emotional responses and to keep on that path and exerting control in some way to achieve a goal.

Sometimes we let our emotions spin out of control.  Yet, these cards speak of the suggestion that this New Moon cycle the directive is about making it a goal to control emotions so that they do not spin out, causing us to break down, go off our intended path and by failing to maintain our balance and by neglecting to keep the positive/negative pull of our nature (yin/yang) under control.

I think of the Queen of Cups always as it relates to intuition and also empathy/compassion — those energies, too, need to be balanced so that emotions don’t spin out.

The Queen sits by an ocean and this hints, to me, that water can help in our endeavors this month and if there is a goal that you believe you’d like to reach regarding water in any way, this New Moon in Aquarius would support that.   Many people feel very “at peace” near water or even in water.  Aquarius, after all, is the “water bearer” (despite it being an ‘air’ sign.  The Chariot does relate to the Sign of Cancer and Cancer is ruled by the Moon and Moon energy always relates to water.

The New Moon
The Sun and Moon are joined together to create something new during the New Moon time

So on all levels I do get that a message for this New Moon time relates to emotion and the goal of harnessing those in some way that relates to Aquarius energy — friends, hopes, dreams, humanitarian causes, group energy or perhaps it relates to a person with the Sun sign Aquarius with the understanding that the Sun and Moon are neck-in-neck right along side one another at the same degree when there’s a New Moon.

Give it another go here–what I mean is to consider reading this post over again with what your intuition tells you Aquarius means to you!  Cast the dye consciously.

Final thought:  is there a way that you can balance emotions for a new cause, a new reason in this new lunar phase?

The Fool and The MisUnderstood Fringe Dweller

“Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self Reliance

00_The_FoolRelationships!  Great teachers!  That quote always helps me to feel better at times when I feel mis-judged or mis-understood.  I wanted to blog a bit about it and hope in doing so that it helps others who come across this problem themselves.  This may be a more common experience among fringe dwellers and those are the type to come across a blog such as this.

Anyway, do we subconsciously ask for these judgments and or set ourselves up for the opinionated wrath of others?  I don’t think so.  Perhaps a tarot card can help us out here so I pulled one.  And by the way what I’ve observed is that those who point the finger at fringe dwellers are those that fear being on the fringe themselves and as so often happens we project our fears onto others.

So the cards we have here to help us understand these types of experiences are one major and one minor arcana card — namely, The Fool and the 3 of Pentacles.

The Fool has no home, no destination, with no possessions.  I have to laugh a bit at the cosmic joke here–currently I am without a home that is my own (I share an apartment) and essentially live in one bedroom.  I don’t know where I am going to be going (on various waiting lists currently) and well, this last part is partly true.  Most of my possessions are in storage and they’re not much at that–I’ve probably paid more in storage rent than the stuff is actually worth!  In that way this card describes my life right now–thus, the cosmic joke.  But getting back to the point now….

The Fool is fed by what Zen folks would call THE TAO, or the Great Mother or The Divine Intelligence.  And I think this is what fringe dwellers who are mis-understood should remember.  It’s important.

Others (the one’s who mis-calculate our life and our reasoning and our behaviors) are mere reflections of energy that we sometimes cast in more important roles than they deserve.  What I mean there is that we put people in a role many times and then we expect certain behaviors or perhaps a particular loyalty or some such attribute.  And then of course, they let us down.  People most all of the time do not live up to the expectations we have of the roles that we assign to them in our minds.

And that is a 2-way street of course.  It’s the reason we feel misunderstood at the same time the other mis-judges.

The thing is that it is we who are judging our own self, isn’t it?  We judge ourselves for not being part of the pack and then we see that reflection.

It is okay not to be part of the pack and this is why I like the quote from Emerson on self-reliance.  it is reliance on THE TAO or the GREAT MOTHER or reliance on the DIVINE INTELLIGENCE or DIVINE LOVE.

Not being part of the pack and feeling the pack turn against us (no matter how it comes about–i.e. reflection or not) is helpful in that it turns us back within toward that energy as described–the Divine Love.

Many times we want others to give us that respect, that love and to provide that sense of ‘belonging’ for us that we can only give to ourselves.  it is like turning ourselves inside out to find all of that within.  We fringe dwellers have done that over and over again, many times.  it is part of being on the fringe; only old souls or experienced souls seem to be capable of handling it.  I see that observing others who seem to be like myself–that’s why I say so.  Reflections? Maybe, but I do observe and correlate and we do carry the collective unconscious within us.

The tarot card of The Fool is all about learning from experience and and knowing that he is one with All That Is–so why worry?  The Fool is comfortable being alone and without attachment because of the inner knowledge that there is never any separation whatsoever and as in the the movie, The Matrix when the young adept says, “There is no spoon”, it is the same way with The Fool.  Even if there is a fall, even if it hurts a bit, it is just part of the Divine Matrix, an grand illusion.

We are sustained by Life Itself after all and not by the others–they only play out a role of our own making to help us see the truth… there is no spoon, no fringe, no dweller and no others, not ultimately.  Conventionally we have to acknowledge the existence of others, the pack, and the world of matter, but ultimately, “there is no spoon”.

It is a gift really to be mis-judged and mis-understood because it is at those times we are being assisted or reminded of ultimate reality.  It is not denial, it is enlightenment at least in the moment of the recalled realization.

I love being a psychic and in touch with various forms of divination and the tools of the trade.

03_Three_of_PentaclesPS— i nearly forgot about the 3 of pentacles but then again writing this blog post as I feel misunderstood today is an example of that card’s meaning.  I often think of this card as doing work.

Planting seeds, GETTING REAL and that’s writing this blog post today is about for me.   Applying your craft.

Many spokes attach to the hub but it is the empty center that turns the wheel, they say.    Emptiness has potential–that is associated with the 3 of pentacles as well.

The 3 of pentacles as a person is one who is highly skilled and has deep feelings.  This card reminds us to apply our craft, our art to any perceived problem or concern in life.

On Karma and Intuition — The Moon Card in Tarot

18_The_MoonKarma!  Sometimes instantaneous, we are able to relate it to a very recent event; and other times appears suddenly out of the blue without any seeming association or link to the current life!  I’ve heard it told by the Eastern teachers how Karma manifest when the conditions are ripe for it, even if it comes from a prior life action–cause and effect.  That explains how people who seem to get away with all type of negative actions don’t seem to suffer the consequences when they should according to human timing but perhaps will later in the current life or subsequent lifetimes.  It also explains how people who seem to do no harm suffer terrible misfortune for no apparent reason.  Karma catches up when the timing is right.

Just because a person breaks a law or commits a crime or lies-through-their-teeth and gets away with it temporarily doesn’t mean the universe supports it–the karmic consequence will come to fruition during the right conditions (Divine Timing).  Astrologically, we often see this with aspects to the Moon’s Nodes.

How about people interfering with other people’s karma?  Do they create their own karma because they don’t (or do) interfere in other people’s lives?  When is it okay to do so and when is it not?  The teachers tell us that it depends upon our motivation.  I think intuition comes in handy in those cases of not knowing if one should interfere.

In the Catholic tradition they have the saying, “examine your conscience” in other words, check your motivation–is it pure or kind-heart-ed or not?  What do you hope to achieve and will the benefits outweigh any negative consequences?

I remember once hearing that to judge another person is to take on their karma.  I think I get where this comes from now after additional study study of Buddhism.

As Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet,

To be, or not to be- that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them.

Intuition helps in certain decisions … to ask a question to help one examine the motivations if one interferes with the life of another.  (I’m a psychic after all, so have to use intuition!)    There’s the Tarot divination system to help guide and of course, more directly, one’s own intuition.  To ask for guidance and then to wait until one is shown or given a clue in some way.   Tarot can be pretty direct when asking a yes/no question using specific spreads.

Get your nose out of my karma! LOL

But let me pull a card, just generally, and ask not for the answer to one specific situation but rather generally for the benefit of any reader who happens upon this post, asking, “What should be considered if one is uncertain about a situation that could lead to further karma or karmic interference?”

Well, here’s a can of worms for ya’—the card I drew is THE MOON.  Immediately, the word “feeling” comes to mind and that the intuition speaks to us through feelings and to trust your feelings about any situation regarding karma (creating or interfering with another’s karma).  Trust the feelings in the stomach and you will know what to do.

A teacher told me long ago that when trying to make a decision that if you think about doing the action and a feeling of peace comes over you, then this is the answer rather than if you feel un-easy, meaning not to take the action.  Feelings of foreboding or dread should clearly indicate a “no” to the question.

 

The message of THE MOON card is that there is a Law of Balance operating in the Universe.  For every win, there’s a loss.  For every happiness, there’s a sadness.  For every positive, there’s a negative.  The best course of action when the Moon card comes up is…

BE NEUTRAL and FOLLOW YOUR OWN INNER LIGHT ;  shadow worlds can be very confusing

(…besides, unless it’s a matter of immediate life or death, let the Angels and the energy of the Universe handle karma)

PS- just as an aside for today, July 12, 2014:  the Moon is Full today in the sign of Capricorn.

Here’s a blog post about the Cap Moon:  CLICK HERE

On the Life Path: Boulders, Vows, Evaluating Goals, Tarot 7 of Swords, Wood Bethony, and Buddhism

Imagine standing at the edge of a forest and  you want to reach the other side...
THE FOREST OF LIFE!  Imagine standing at the edge of a forest and you want to reach the other side…

Imagine standing at the edge of a forest, and that you want to reach the other side. 

Would you walk a straight line through it? Or, might the path meander in every possible direction, around boulders, between trees, along a stream, feeding the deer, conversing with the owls, and roasting marshmallows? 

Yeah, every possible direction, because this is how things are in a forest. 

Tree! 
    The Universe

[the clever lines above received by email this morning from tut.com]

I’d just been thinking such a similar set of mental phrases.  I sure am going the long way around wherever I’m going — and I quit trying to second-guess the ultimate destination a while back.  I adapted the attitude of one of my teachers who said, “… you go where you’re sent in life.”

Today I am also thinking of the Bodhisattva  vow:  May I attain Buddhahood for the benefit of all sentient beings.  May my action bodhichitta grow

Yeah, okay.  I’m doing my best–so don’t laugh!  And I seem to be meandering around a few boulders in the forest of life  this year in general and this week most recently, but as my grandmother used to say “little by little” progress is made. So T-minus 4 days to take off!  The next move is in 4 days and some final cleaning took place here in the kitchen yesterday and the skin on my fingertips are a  bit raw to prove it.  Never have gotten used to cleaning using rubber gloves.  Clumsy and too much time taking them on an off as I’m pulled in other directions while cleaning–take answering the phone  for one example.

Where is the ultimate destination?  I don’t know!  But I’m willing to let that be okay.  I’ve located a number of possible paths and applied for the hiking permit (so-to-speak, speaking symbolically) and we’ll see what opens up.

Meanwhile, I have two small mirrors to un-anchor from the wall and some things to drive over to storage before the end of the week, aside from that, I don’t know what more I can do as I’ve always applied that girl scout motto:  BE PREPARED

My trip to the rental office yesterday was productive in that I was able to tie up the loose ends and end the confusion about final notices and paperwork:  there was a change of staff right in the midst of the apartment change.  (Long story–don’t ask.)  All’s well that ends well and I’m ending my association with this particular apartment about as well as I can do it.

So on to the next adventure, around this boulder here in 4 days.  Maybe then I will see more clearly what’s ahead.  I think sometimes my vision is blocked for good reason–perhaps I’m being spared in some way and that’s a blessing.

As I sometimes do, let me pull a card and ask (reaching for my tarot cards)… let me ask what is ahead around this current boulder, perhaps the card will show me?  (I do love divination! but then I’m a psychic after all and should, right?)

For clarity sake, the boulder represents the current move into the new apartment with my sister.  What is beyond that?  At least for the near future–this is my question.  Near future representing let us say the next 6 months.  So here we go…  asking for just one card, just to get a feel for the energy beyond the T-minus 4 days….

7 of swords wood betony collage

Well, it’s the 7 of Swords.  Well first thing I get here is “confrontations being avoided” — and that may be a good thing.  The herb associated with this card is WOOD BETONY which some wear to avoid evil spirits.  That’s a bit dramatic.  Let’s just say that Wood Betony can help one release fearful visions of the future… that I’ll go with.   It helps with one’s nerves when used medicinally.  There’s some reference to hidden intentions and deceptions.  Sounds like honesty all around will be important on the other side of this boulder.

The affirmation for this card [according to the book] is:  “With a peaceful heart, I gather information and truth for my plans and goals.”

This card involves “keeping something to yourself”  and being a loner–like those blackbirds who keep to themselves and bow and then fly away when they see other birds.  (Just this past week many blackbirds have been coming to the feeder–highly unusual)  Blackbirds stay to them selves so much that it is said when you actually see two blackbirds together at once, it’s a good omen.

So this “keeping to one’s self” sounds like blackbird medicine advice.  This card is also about preferring solitude–and that of course is no secret about me.  This will likely not change is what the card is indicating.  This card involves “separation from others”.   And further, this card relates to self-reliance and using one’s own wits to solve problems and resources.

Boy O boy!  The feeling that I’m getting here is that my life won’t really change all that much from what it is now.  That “loner” and “self-reliant” energy that I carry (that blackbird energy) will not change.  That’s a comfort to me.

This card also carries a meaning that relates to “running away” in some way—and that has to do with confrontations being avoided in this case (or so it feels).  There’s a testy teenager who will be part of the household and since this card applies to my question about what is around the corner for me, the avoidance of confrontations (bow and fly away; blackbird energy) may be what this card indicates.  (Astrologically speaking:  If you’re an astrologer, this girl is a Leo Moon and Aries Sun with Saturn (in Aries)  in the 7th, Virgo rising–3rd house Pluto.  My Sun and Moon are  in her 1st house within orb of her Chiron.   Her Moon is on my 12th house Mars/Pluto/Saturn  stellium.  My sister is an very early Leo Sun and Aquarius Moon affecting her daughter’s 5th House Uranus.)  Yeah, that 7 of Swords and Blackbird loner stuff …. probably good advice.  A big message of the 7 of Swords has to do with the need to be calm and to keep things to yourself–I so get that.

I may re-evaluate my plans or goals once I get on the other side of the boulder too but meanwhile, I will meander just  as I have been through the forest of life and enjoy whatever is beyond the boulder or around the curve in the path.   Meanwhile, I will do my best to hold to my Bodhisattva vows and the 37 Practices.

I also may totally plan a get away camping trip for a week  or so in the mountains too, providing I have the increase in $$ to do so.   Anybody want to order a reading or sign up for my class?  🙂   Help!  LOL

Part of the Vow:

Just as all the previous Sugatas, the Buddhas
Generated the mind of enlightenment
And accomplished all the stages
Of the Bodhisattva training,
So will I too, for the sake of all beings,
Generate the mind of enlightenment
And accomplish all the stages
Of the Bodhisattva training

This includes practice the “six perfections”:  giving, moral discipline, patience, effort, concentration and wisdom in order to attain enlightenment for the sake of all beings.

Life’s Illusions, Tarot Card: The Moon and Help for the overwhelmed

The Moon can create shadows, Life's Illusions
The Moon can create shadows, Life’s Illusions

Here’s some advice when you are feeling overwhelmed with lots to do and potentially stressful change.  Okay.  Truth.  This one’s for me.  Sometimes I think of receiving a flower when I pull a tarot card.  I give myself a flower in some way when I pull a card to ask for insight, advice, guidance–divination!

That’s what it is after all, isn’t it?  We turn our eyes upward and say a little help.  We need a time out.  And when taking one for ourselves, pull an Angel Card or a Tarot Card and open up to wisdom.  Just shuffling the cards helps to calm it all down enough to hit center, right?

If you don’t have a set of cards or runes or some divination tool, you may consider the comfort they can bring.

We’re moving this week.  And most everyone knows what fun that is.  I’d like to know what I need to consider today regarding this move, what advice do the cards have for me as I’m feeling like I need this little time out to seek wisdom.

Oh, the card I drew is THE MOON.  Wow, so believing in illusions and experiencing distortions.  Appearance Emptiness!  Here we go again.  This is good though.  It reminds me of the Buddhist teachings that I’ve been embracing lately about the nature of reality and oh so much more!  I need not go further really.

But I will for others who may need this little help too.  The Moon card reminds us that our anxiety, fear, doubt and apprehensions are shadows; therefore not real.  A good friend of mine quoted Mark Twain to me recently who said, “‘I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.'”

That applies here with this Moon card.

And then there’s Joni Mitchell and Life’s Illusions:  ♫ I’ve looked at life from both sides now. From win and lose and still somehow. It’s life’s illusions I recall. ♫  Recall that song?

Most of the time we live in a security blanket of illusion — our life remains the same day in and out.  Then suddenly there’s a move coming up, a change of location, a change of routine and the security blanket falls away.  That’s what this Moon card represents.

Shadow times, transition times can be maddening but it doesn’t have to be!  The Moon comes but so does the Sun. Change is natural.  The universe supports it!

Apathy and indifference when caught between a rock and a hard place – Knight of Wands

knight of wands herbal tarotApathy and indifference!  How to “handle that” when there’s a lot to do and you don’t feel like doing it?  I drew a tarot card for insight.  I have packing to do and my heart’s not exactly in that–except when the guy downstairs play’s his guitar and sings like a dog howling at the Moon.  That’s motivation!  But back to the card I drew.  We all have times like that, don’t we?  Stuff to do and we don’t feel like it and know we will never feel like doing that thing–right?  Well, the KNIGHT OF WANDS brings guidance.  He’s indifferent and apathetic at times on his negative side but he also has great courage and he moves forward, although awkwardly.  All he needs is a cause… to create an attitude of service to others and then the apathy disappears.

Fire within—there has to be some type of desire that is stronger than what you don’t want to do.  I don’t want to go in the direction that I have chosen to go but I don’t want to maintain the current course either—that feels like being “between the rock and the hard place” as that saying goes.  I don’t want to go where I’m going but I don’t want to stay here either and I know that I have to go—must go and really DO want to go!  But where I’m going doesn’t seem all that enticing either.  But I know I will be helping someone and will be able to save money.  And it’s only temporary—that last part is what I need to keep remembering!

So I have to pack and there’s the pickle!  I drew a card for my apathy and indifference and lack of motivation about that.

It’s interesting that the herbal tarot connects this card [Knight of Wands] with MONKSHOOD which is actually a very poisonous plant.   It’s a metabolic stimulant and in small doses can be a used [Chinese medicine] for low metabolism.

Suddenly I think of using this apathetic indifference about packing as an athletic challenge—use it as a “work out”.  Make it exercise, work fast and it becomes nearly aerobic.  Yeah, okay—maybe that is something that I could use to change the attitude and motivate self.

What about selfless service? I  could think about how I will be helping my sister save money and how we will both be using less energy—conserving mother earth; things like that.  Yeah, maybe I could expand that and make it work as an antidote to my apathy and indifference about packing.

I can think about the guitar player neighbor downstairs and his howling with his guitar and how I’ll be rid of that aversion.

I can think about how poisonous this angry kid’s energy is and how getting away from that will be a good thing.

Determination is what is needed when this card comes up in reply to a question.  In this case, the question or concern is about my not wanting to do what I know I must—continue packing!

Between a rock and a hard place!  That’s how I feel.  I can’t stay and I feel resistance to going where I’m going.  Where did that phrase come from anyway?   Of course we know that it means, “In difficulty, faced with a choice between two unsatisfactory options.”  Just like “between the devil and the deep blue sea”.

Well, Knights [in tarot] like adventure and change!  Moving from the mountains in the first place was that indeed!  And another move will be adventure and change too—moving in with my LEO sister and ARIES niece!  If you know astrology then, yeah, beginning to see why the lack of motivation and apathy?  But the good news is neither of them plays guitar (same notes over and over and over) while howling like a dog at the Moon.  I must think of myself as a monk going into a monastery!  devote my time for the benefit of all sentient beings and do my best to create some merit, somehow.  Must review the 37 practices of a Bodhisattva!  Must be a better Buddhist!

I don’t think Ram Das really said this but there was a recent quote on Facebook that read, “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family.”   Oh, enlightenment and initiations and packing and never mind all that because my daughter just texted me about going to the Y for a work out.

Didn’t want to pack anyway!  It’s a no brainer; I’m outa here!  I’ll pack some more later or another day!  I think about Monkshood and motivation and attitude while I swim and maybe come back with a better attitude.  Something.   For now, I’m outahere!

Betrayals of Trust and Emotional Devastation — How to deal with that

nature devasTAROT INSIGHT:  sometimes we feel that people we love betray us or turn against us and it can feel crushing.  From a Buddhist perspective this can be a problem of self-cherishing and also attachment to particular expectations of people.  In both cases, life gives us what we need to course correct–painful and disappointing as it may be.  I thought to ask the Tarot to give some guidance or insight about these types of emotional gottcha’s.

First though whether people have actually betrayed us or not (sometimes they do unknowingly or sometimes, yeah, it’s intentional) but either way we still have our own emotional feeling to deal with as the residual.  I’m asking for guidance or insight from the tarot about how to deal with the emotion.  Ha!  sometimes I have to laugh at the divination process and how literal it can be!

What card did I draw to pull insight from?  PAN or in some decks the card of  THE DEVIL.  Instantly one thinks of being caught in the hell realms, chained to a person or an idea.  In any case, the card is an indication of being out of harmony with natural law and relates to the need to break old patterns.

Past lives comes right along with the word patterns in my way of seeing things.

They did it in the past–the betrayal.  Maybe not that person or that group of persons but it’s some old wound we’re still carrying around more than likely.   Pan is thought to be the nature god and the world “panic” comes from this source word “pan”.

Pan suggests we laugh at our selves and our life-predicaments instead of falling back into addictive behaviors, unconscious attachments and self-imposed limitations.  Pan says to laugh and be joyful about our lives.

What type of insight does this card offer?  To lighten up, not take one’s self  so seriously, let goes of cares and worries and play more.  Divination rocks!  Especially if you can follow the advice.

Go out and play in nature and try to lighten up–it’s hard (I know) but try to find some humor.  And if all else fails:  Valerian!