Thoughts on Life: Resistance versus Acceptance – Fighting versus Flowing

it is what it isFIGHTING VERSUS FLOWING

RESISTANCE VERSUS ACCEPTANCE 

I was on the final 15 minutes of my hour spin bike workout, doing intervals.  There’s a point of non-resistance that has to be reached to get through those final intervals when the legs are burning and the level of fatigue makes you want to resist.  A coach once said, “Your legs should be burning–let ’em”.

There’s a point where you have to give up and surrender the battle to get the last few sets of intervals done successfully.

It’s acceptance.  The lungs are on fire and so are the legs and you’re pushing through to the end but if you fight this or resist it, you just can’t do it–you quit.

Today I thought about how this is just like life.  I mean, on the bike you accept it,  the “what is” of legs burning and the like and if you accept then the work is so much easier and you’re less likely to give up.  Or said another way what you ‘do’ give up is the resistance to ‘what is’–the burn or breathlessness or whatever.

When you give up the resistance and let the mind participate with the body, allowing the merging and accepting the fact that ‘yeah, it’s what it is, until it isn’t anymore’, THAT is so liberating, especially in those final moments.

Those hour long interval workouts are like the last moments of a race.  What really counts is what you do at the end when you have to dig deep and get to the finish line, especially when total exhaustion is so close.

When life becomes a crisis in some way and let’s face it, life presents challenges and if we deny this we are not living on this planet I think.  At those times do we surrender? Or do we fight it? Do we want to deny what’s happening and thereby struggle against it?

We make life harder for ourselves if we struggle.  I make the last 15 minutes of my workout harder if I struggle against.

This applies across the board or that’s my position in writing this.  No matter what life presents us with at any given time (and sometimes life is like those last 15 minutes of an hour long interval workout at the gym–rough!)…. point is that if we feel like we have to battle it or take a position of struggling against it, we find it’s all so much harder.

So many times in life we think something shouldn’t be what it is.

We deny reality or fight against how things ‘are’ and use all kinds of tactics to deny reality somehow.  It’s exhausting.

We can make this comparison with the Christian way of thinking about life being a struggle against a devil and having to fight the evil–this kind of mentality.

Another way of thinking is to simply not think–but what I really mean is allowing whatever ‘it is’ to be what ‘it is’ without the judgment.

Judgment is the christian way of dealing with life I think which comes from an idea of an ideal perfected state that we all must strive for but know we will never achieve (because they tell us that in their dogma), rather than the opposite which is giving up that fight and becoming free.

Does that mean that we don’t try to be better humans or that we stop doing our best?  That’s not what I’m saying.  

I’m talking about not beating one’s self up because of ‘what is’ or what isn’t during any given moment.  I’m writing here about not struggling against it or making the self wrong somehow in the process.

The last 15 minutes of intervals my legs burn and I’m breathless–it’s part of life at that moment and I accept that and don’t fight against it or resist it.

When anything in happens in life, I can draw from that ability to accept what is actually happening without judgment or without making myself or Life Itself wrong.  It is, after all, what is.

When my legs are burning, I don’t attach to the feeling–I let them burn.

When I’m right on the edge of breathlessness, I let it be and don’t fight against the feeling.

If I grunt or groan or tense my muscles or make a face, it’s only making it harder to simply flow with ‘what is’ in that moment.  Life is like that.  Life ‘is’ and there’s a certain amount of being okay with it and not judging it but simply noticing it that is very freeing, liberating.

Someone thinks a lot during meditation time.  No need to fight that.  Simply notice it without assigning a meaning or beating self up in any way.

Someone feels angry.  I’m not saying to act the anger out and of course we shouldn’t totally repress it but one way to handle it is to notice it as simply being ‘what is’ in that moment.  Or maybe for the whole day the feeling is there.  In noticing it one is standing outside of it and this juxtaposition is causing separation from it emotionally.

Just like “the leg’s are burning, let ’em” that happen during my workout.  It is what is and nothing last forever!  ‘It is’ until it isn’t anymore and the less we can attach to it and the more we simply notice it without emotion or resistance, the realization comes clearly that nothing last forever.  That’s the nature of reality:  impermanence.

And impermanence is a blessing.

Acceptance of ‘what is’ in any moment is liberating and elevating.

Judgment of what is in any moment is attachment and suffering.

That’s one difference between Christianity and Buddhism although there are many good similarities as we all know.

Acceptance is surrender and surrender is Divine!

Just my two cents, hoping to have expressed this in a way that’s understandable.

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Words from the Life of a Psychic and Form is Emptiness

Form is nothing but emptiness

Emptiness is nothing but form

Word from the Heart Sutra which holds my life together.

Form is Emptiness
Form is Emptiness

Here I go again–using this blog to sort out my personal life.  Therapy for an “off” day here and there I suppose.  Maybe that’s it.  Write it out and it is released.  Not energized further.  No.  Released, that’s all–sorted out and seen for the silliness that it is, the illusion that it is.  Maybe this post could be called something like ‘The Life of a Psychic’ or some such.

BLOG INTENTION, ASPIRATION:  Yeah, but in the spirit of Tonglen, knowing others out there feel this way from time to time or there are those who know this feeling right now just as I do.  Hello to you and may this feeling for us all and package it up and see us all being free of it, having compassion for you and for all those who feel a bit disoriented or perhaps are also in the midst of a move… whatever it is you are experiencing may we know that we are not alone… there are always many others who also go through this and may we all be relieved of this suffering or uncomfortable feelings such as they are… and may we all come to contentment and peace and may I be part of that process through my love and compassion for us all as we move through uncertain times. May this blog in some way be helpful to you.

Here it is, this feeling I’m sorting out or trying to heal.  And the internal feeling comes from attachment to  STUFF, yeah, form appearances–things.  Actual material things.  I told you this is silliness being sorted out here!  I already feel better really looking at this using some logic and intellect to soothe the …. well, the what?

Beyond what words can show, it is.  How about a picture to describe it?  A bit like the scarecrow from the story ‘The Wizard of OZ’.   That scene where parts of him were over here and over there and some he didn’t know where!

No, I’m not falling apart but rather I am realizing this whole Buddhist thing about the non-self and yeah, attachment too.  How can part of me be in a storage unit (we took a lot of boxes and things, forms) and loaded them in the vehicles and unloaded them into a storage unit.  As I tried to fall asleep last night I kept flashing on the dark rainy rows of storage structures and the number on my own with the lock and my things inside.  Yeah, it felt like parts of me were there, haunting my ‘things’ in some way.

Another part of me was hanging around my sister’s apartment, haven spend some hours at her place over the weekend helping her clean and pack.  Yet still, another aspect of consciousness was hanging around the new apartment that we’re going to that is getting updated appliances, new carpet, paint and so forth–do I really belong there?  Where is my place when I also see flashes of the last few things leaving this apartment unit.  I’m all over the place!  Like I said, silliness in the life of a psychic.

I’m feeling a wee little bit like crying (its mild), but have no real down-home authentic reason but for the fact that I’m feeling homeless and even without a self, more like a floating spirit neither here, nor there, everywhere and nowhere.  And the Buddhist teachings speak of emptiness in view of it holding form and formlessness such that everything is actually non-real as if it were a Moon’s reflection in the water.

I think again of that song of enlightenment, “All these form, appearance emptiness; like a rainbow with a shining glow…”

And one of the other lines is “Just let go, and go where no-mind goes.”  

Taffy pullI guess I’m having to do that a bit as I feel pulled in many directions like taffy.  Pulled, stretched, thinning out…. and definitely no place to ground.  The lessons of impermanence and non-self and forms being emptiness by appearing just the same… these are all being re-enforced within me.

At the same time, it feels like my solar plexus is torn a bit.  Here I am looking at an application, another one, for an apartment that I applied for on April 2nd and last week I found out my application was nowhere to be found.  I now have to fill out a new one!

Meanwhile, I am trying to visualize how I will fit all my necessary “stuff” into the master bedroom of the apartment that I’m sharing with my sister and her daughter, a teenager!   I feel grateful to have a place to go.

GRATITUDE:  I CAN DO this, of course I can and am so grateful to have some shelter so that I’m free to go without having to break a lease just as soon as I get a call from one of the many places upon which my name is on the list.

fill out the formAnd so the story goes.  Maybe I feel a bit better for writing it out?  My tummy is still topsey-turvey but I’m telling myself to enjoy the experience such that it is.  I’d better get that application filled out (another form—“all these forms”— and anyway get it resubmitted.  Forms are only emptiness.

 

“…just let go. And go where no-mind goes!”  

Form is nothing but emptiness

Emptiness is nothing but form

How much power and control do we have to create our reality? What about karma? Life lessons? And what the “haves” say to the “have not’s”

How much power and control do we have to create our reality?  What about karma? Life lessons?

And what the “haves” say to the “have not’s”

scales_love or moneyLo!  I do struggle with that one just a bit more than some—from what I’ve observed it’s the “have not’s” who are more concerned with this question.  The “have’s” just go about having and don’t think about it much I suppose—well, maybe they do and that’s why they “have” in the first place.  OR having or not having is not their karma in this lifetime—maybe it’s something else their soul struggles with.  Hey, we’ve all got our own personal bug-a-boo I suppose.  I’ve worked with many clients who have plenty of money—an excess in fact—and you should see what their worries are!  To us “have-not’s” those things can appear pretty laughable and to us their so-called problem seems easily manageable, but I have to be careful not to minimize their dilemma any more than I like the “have’s” to minimize my “have not” issues.

I do notice though that those “have’s” who want to give me some type of “have not” advice almost always come from a place of having daddy’s inheritance, a hard-hard working and high-income producing life partner, or live on huge retirement benefits–those types of things… I’m just sayen’.  I try to be patient.  They mean well but usually don’t understand or even if they did once, they’ve forgotten.

It’s simple—make a plan, create your reality, affirm your will—right?  Yes.  And; No.  There’s the laws of karma and causality and energy that must play out no matter what you affirm or how much will you demonstrate.  Yeah, I hear ya’.  If that’s what you believe, you say, then that’s what you will experience.  I know all that but I’m talking about what some would call “Divine Timing” or what in Tarot Card language we’d call the “Wheel of Fortune” card or perhaps we could use the word “destiny”.  Astrology is my new ‘thang’ more-or-less lately (besides swimming) and more than anything else it explains things like… well, that classic book entitled, “Why do bad things happen to good people?”   Essentially, one can see the karmic patterns and the timing of the events and what the soul is learning which ‘splains quite a bit and helps one work with the soul’s plan rather than making one of one’s own and working against it.

Do we make a plan or go with the flow

Flow
Flow

Someone says,  “Well,  make a plan”,  and I laugh because …. Well, what’s that line, “… best laid plans of mice and men”… tell the Universe your plans and make the gods laugh.

I have faith and trust that The Divine Assistants know our mind and heart ‘help us to help ourselves’.  And believing that we do have that assistance working on our behalf, I am assured.

Yet I’ve also realized that we are here working through the energies that have already been set into motion so that the best plan we can make (if we make one) is to find the way to be at peace with “what is”–and that’s not easy task some days!  Our heart’s desire is the plan and if we trust that  while having faith that the path will be cleared and the way will be shown and known to us in exactly the right timing, this is the best we can do until the energy shifts to align with those intentions and the soul plan.

Like the old saying goes–make your intention and express your will and then let go, and let god.

That last step, surrender, is what us “have not’s” get pretty good at over time—something the “have’s” may no nothing about.

Or maybe they do.

Meanwhile, as a “have not”, I usually flow with whatever happens while holding the general outcome desired in the mind and heart,  following guidance daily as it comes–for me its the best way to fly.   If you ask if I am making a plan, that’s my answer–it’s worked thus far.

The Zen Master, The Cow and The Young Indian Couple Downstairs Neighbors

december 29 2012 cow ice snowThere’s something about this photo of this icy cow moved me to open blank page on my blog and type.  Things are going fine while at the same time they’re not fine at all. There’s no escape.    But that has nothing to do with the cow at present.  Further explanation needed and forthcoming–hang on. For now let me say that cows are really interesting.  If you stop to look at them, they look back and there’s like a mesmerizing hypnotic-like psychic connection.  One day many years ago when home in the mountains, there was a good deal of anxiety and worry over money and a place to live.  In order to relive this, I went for a walk in the beautiful mountains and came to a pasture where cows were grazing.  The distinct memory that lingers has to do with conversing with the cow in an imaginative and dreamlike way offering to exchange my human life of money worries with hers of a pasture life.  We looked into each others eyes for a long, long time and then suddenly a bull ran directly at her and butted her to break up our energy exchange!  That little dream was over.  Looking at this picture now, I’d say pasture life may not be all it’s cracked up to be!   Still…

Maybe its human nature to want to be in a different pasture than one’s own.  It’s like a low-level discontent that we contend with when we say everything’s fine but not fine at all.  I’d venture to say that whatever is going on with any of us is likely very much intensified right now.  The Full Moon opposing the Sun/Pluto conjunction isn’t just any ordinary Full Moon… it was more exact yesterday by orb but still, the effects linger.   The desire to go home is stronger and something intense happening with my downstairs neighbor is too.

Apartment living cannot be compared to a house in the mountains in any positive way whatsoever–at least that’s how it feels at the moment!

Human behavior this close in to my living environ is not in the least bit interesting; in fact, it can be irritating which my best effort is engaged in not allowing at the moment.  I know more about the vocal, cooking and smoking habits of my downstairs neighbors than desired!  It amazes me that two people can dialogue on and on nonstop in those ways!  Are those young folks beneath me mirroring my own inner dis-satisfaction with my move here or simply adding to what is already there.  Sometimes, we don’t know what is mine and what isn’t when we are very sensitive to energies.  There was a very interesting post on Facebook recently:

zen student overcoming anger

A Zen student said to his teacher, “ Master, I have an ungovernable temper. Help me get rid of it.”
“You have something very strange,” said the teacher.
“Show it to me.”
“Right now I cannot show it to you.”
“Why not?”
“It arises suddenly.”
“Then it cannot be your own true nature,” said the teacher, “if it were, you would be able to show it to me at any time. Why are you allowing something that is not yours to trouble your life?”
Thereafter whenever the student felt his temper rising he remembered his teacher’s words and checked his anger. In time, he developed a calm and placid temperament.

This energy is not my true nature, it is not ‘me’, it is illusive; it comes and goes; it arises and dissolves back; it belongs to no one unless that one claims it as their own feeling and then inflames it further.  Maybe young Indian couples like bantering non-stop!  Perhaps this is a sport for them that is enjoyable as much as continual agitation can be.  I let it come up and pass out and do my best to send calming love and light beneath me in case they should wish to accept that; however, perhaps they are too distracted by their incessant dialogue to realize any other energy.

It all makes me miss the mountains even more and the more pasture-type of life of solitude and quiet.  Recent assurances that I am to go back home has been arriving in various forms, not the least being the non-stop mouthing young Indian neighbors.  Efforts to convince myself that one might be alternating reading aloud from a  book to the other have failed!  Ah, well I tried.

They pay rent as I do and each has a right to speak in their own apartment!  (But how can there be THAT MUCH to bicker about for that long? — i don’t get it.)  If their voices get very loud, as often happens, if I knock very lightly on the wall, then voices quiet for a while.  I think they do not realize–they’re young after all and into their dramas.  The young man smokes as many Indians seem to–they didn’t seem to get the memo about the Marlboro Man.  Whiffs of that drift up into my place as well as the spices they cook with, forcing me out of my sanctuary such as it is here.

As the Zen teacher says, Why are you allowing something that is not yours to trouble your life?”  I am using the bickering young Indian downstairs neighbors as teachers as much as I’d rather not–it is what it is.  My family, too, enable me to sit with stuff that gets triggered within my self.  Suddenly now, as I’m typing this,  there comes a recollection of an employment situation that I experienced some years ago.

Back then there seemed to be great unhappiness on my part going into work each day and at that time there was a strong desire to be free of that situation although I could not see practically or financially just how that could happen.  Yet, within me there was a strong inner knowing that the more I could make peace with the situation, the sooner I’d be released from it.  That same message echoed in my heart and mind each day when lamenting my lack of enthusiasm for going to work!

After months of resistance, finally there was a surrender within to find something fun and enjoyable and pleasant in the co-workers and the total environ.  And I maintained that over a period of time very consciously and then (YOU GUESSED IT), numerous situations occurred resulting in my being able to release myself!

That memory encourages me as well as the other indicators received that I will be going home to the mountains again.   Psychic predictive work, intuition and divination come in handy on a personal level too!  (Besides, my tarot cards don’t know how to lie.)  Meanwhile, not letting things that are not mine trouble my life!  In other words, it’s all in the mind, the attitude.  It is not the circumstances that upset a man, it’s the view that he takes of them! 

I’ve got to get a new view finder!  Happiness comes from within–not the absence of family drama, lack of human voices or the absence of dampness, mold or mice–dampness, mold and mice were part of the mountain house issue.  There is no escape!  One can only surrender to the external world and change the inner attitude in order to find peace, serenity and happiness.  Let me laugh at the family dramas, the loud smelly downstairs neighbors and the traffic and rest!  It’s all illusion anyway — may as well.  Or–mice or men?  mice or men? hmmmm.... what a choice!  Neither one!

Ahhwwwhkkkkjjkkhk…. and can’t you  just hear the glee of certain people who love to see this person struggle with it all?!  But that’s just it; there ‘is’ no person here, only energy playing out just like the weather plays out!  Certain conditions create certain weather–how much of it are we personally responsible for?  Weather is.  Downstairs couples who argue are.  The Sun is also out, the roads are clear and my car runs!

Ideas arise as suddenly as anything else!  and one has just arrived which causes me to end this silly diatribe now with the hope that something written here will serve some useful purpose to another in some way.   (If nothing else, this bit of a vent is one example of how a Cancer Full Moon can express–ugh!)

There’s always tomorrow….. and hope for a brighter day!

We’ve All Been There or Will Be Eventually; Sharing Common Experiences of Loss; This one’s for my brother – Oracle Wisdom from Tarot 5 of Cups

I am thinking of my brother this morning and his very ill wife, hospitalized and last we heard not expected to remain on this plane much longer.   My brother is very far away geographically and isn’t often in-touch but still—what can we do or say in this situation?  Generally, what can we who are on the outside do in this type of situation? 

I am not sure of the question and that’s really never good in divination methodology.  I guess, thinking back to a moment ago, the question in mind just as I pulled the card is what advice could I give to my brother?

Can the Tarot Oracle help in some way when there is a loss of some type or in situations like with my brother, when someone is facing the eminent loss of a spouse? 

It is not surprising at all that I drew the card of the 5 of Cups.  Just look at the image above and how it relates to my brother who is facing some difficult days ahead with his wife in the hospital not expected to live much longer.

Let us find some wisdom here for him or for others who may have a similar situation of some type or who are dealing in any way with loss.

Blood is spilled on the table in the image and something cannot be reversed—once blood is spilled from the cup (in some tarot decks they say ‘milk’ instead of blood)… anyway, once it is spilled, it cannot go back into the cup.  Here we can see the symbol-ogy of loss for sure and the man in the image is staring into nothingness, perhaps in shock and sadness.

We’ve all been in that state at one time or another in life and if you haven’t ‘been there, done that’, chances are it’s only a matter of time before you know exactly how that guy on the card is feeling.

It’s a shock and one needs sometimes that immobility and withdrawal to process what happened.  I am thinking of an episode on Grey’s Anatomy (TV series) when Izzie laid on the bathroom floor in her gown for a good many hours processing the loss of the man who she saved medically and died suddenly from a complication from a heart transplant.  He had just proposed to her and she’d accepted.

Life and death are part of life and while we celebrate births, we generally mourn death; yet, it is such a common experience to life—especially as we ourselves grow older.  And while I don’t know if this would help my brother or not (believe it or not, I barely know him), maybe there can be some comfort found in knowing that these moments or loss are common and perhaps some solace can be found in knowing that what one feels is something that has commonly been felt by so many others who have experienced such similar losses.  It may help to remember that in life we have common shared experiences.  We may think that no one else could possibly understand how we feel – but others do.  They had the courage to see things through and so will you—others understand and will help.

In my mind I am seeing a heart –shaped cup which has been broken.  Cups in Tarot relate to the suit of hearts in regular playing cards and also to emotions.  I think the important thing that this card reminds us of has to do with not feeling regret—this, indeed, is self-punishment at a time when the emotions are difficult enough.  Do not blame yourself for there was nothing you could have done; when it is someone’s time, it is just as perfectly timed and divine and as it should be as when a flower opens and blooms.  Birth and death alike happen in exact timing—or so goes my belief about it all.

If our birth chart is in perfect order (and I believe it is) then why should the time of death be any different?  It is exactly as it should be.  One of our greatest lessons in life is to accept what “is” and surrender to that–death is a teacher for us in that regard.  “Grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change….” as the prayer goes.

Typically this card speaks these words, “a depressed man mourns the loss of something that was a great comfort”.  I don’t think I could have pulled a more appropriate card considering the issue in mind when I did the shuffle.  This man must remember that all is not lost and he must consider a decision about what to do next or where/how he would like his life to be now.  All is not lost as there are still several cups still upright on the mantle nearby—that’s what those cups there mean; they represent rebounding after a difficult loss.

When we are grieving, it is hard to see those cups or to focus on asset or any advantages—that comes later, but it does come.  The warning has to do with not overindulging in the grieving process but to rather re-evaluate life from the changed situation.

It takes great imagination if one isn’t customarily working in areas of the afterlife to imagine the loved on being happy, content, liberated and free.  Humans are usually to focused on their own loss and imagine the loved one being as sorrowful as they are.  I don’t know if my brother would be able to understand how relieved his wife will be to become liberated from her body which has become a difficulty for her spirit.

If he can remember that to some degree, then he can allow his own survival instincts to kick in and this will help to alleviate his grief.  Eventually, he will focus on the gifts of life again rather than what has been lost—that’s what those two remaining cups are about.  One affirmation that can eventually be used to help those who have suffered a great loss of any kind is this one:  “From my loss I gain the experience to create a brighter tomorrow.”  I know at the time the loss is new and fresh, this type of affirmation seems ridiculous, but healing will take place and there will be brighter tomorrows; you’ll see.

I love you brother!  — and for casual readers of this blog, i hope there is something here for you to use somehow for yourself or with which to help others.

How I AM Releasing Attachment, Surrendering with Tree Karma, Projection, Heavy Equipment, Mars Return and the Dalai Lama

This is about surrender and release and it’s personal, very personal.  In some areas, my life is very private; yet sometimes I blog about certain things and try to make show the silver lining.

Sometimes it isn’t easy to find it, but in the process of sharing… well, maybe it will be helpful to someone.  Maybe something you can relate to in your own life and if nothing else–even if you find no wisdom here–perhaps you will find some things you can relate to which help you feel less alone.

Maybe you can make a connection here for a purpose that is useful for you… this is my wish and intention.  Please read on and see what you make of this as it applies or can relate in some way to your own life.  These are thoughts for consideration, offered with L.O.V.E as MJ would say to make the world a better place, as he says.

Baghdad Bombing

It’s been like a war zone around here since transiting Mars has been approaching it’s return to my birth Mars—talk about shock and awe! Like Bush bombing Baghdad and shake, rattle and roll, the bulldozers and earth moving equipment sounds and wounds to Mother Earth have rocked my inner world! I admit to being rocked back on my heels with this bulldozing, tree murdering, earth ripping event.

My ego has been having a bit of a field day with it and then this morning I woke up knowing that it was time to surrender, to let go, to accept ‘what is’.

Mars from Hubble

After all, it is. My Mars is pretty passive by nature in the 12th house with Cancer on the Cusp and blended into natal Pluto and Saturn, it’s pretty intense on all those inner 12th house levels. My Mars can get riled up but when it does, that 12th house Pisces energy takes over and helps me to surrender. Call it letting go and letting god if you’d like; yet, I’ll have to call upon that surrendering process even more so as Mars will soon be squaring my natal nodes (yikes! – real karma producing stuff if I’m not careful) and then over my Ascendant! The last time Mars crossed over my Ascendant, I got myself in some trouble. My impulsive Mars signed up for Match.com and after realizing it was a big mistake (that took no time at all), I realize further that I’d wasted not only time, money and energy, but put myself through some hoops that I didn’t need to jump through. Yes, there was a lesson in all that and some inner realizations but this time as Mars crosses my ascendant I’m going to watch those impulses. Mars jumps before it thinks sometimes. True, sometimes in life we have to do that but let’s move on for now. We’re talking early November before all that happens anyway; but it’s a good example of how astrology can help one prepare.

Since I’ve stepped through the most recent time (the “revolting development”, as my mother used to say) rather publicly, I’m hoping maybe it will be some type of service to someone. What I mean is that things happen that frustrate the be’jezus out of us (as the saying goes) or trigger us, just as the neighbor who I call the muggle has done for me. That total disregard and disrespect for nature has been quite disturbing; yet what causes that? Now we get into the good stuff.

My attachment or my position to the idea that nature should be respected and my attachment to that delicate balance not being disturbed as it has been around here this past week—that’s what causes my suffering. And frankly my attachment to those trees just across the road, it was something like a privacy wall for me in a way and I loved watching the birds fly back and forth from the maples in the front yard to the maples across the street. So yeah, I cried like I did on the day they bombed Baghdad feeling helplessly frustrated and highly attached to my idea that what was happening should not be! There it is again, you see? The need to surrender to what is and then of course doing something about it if it’s possible and then taking some of that serenity prayer wisdom, “… the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

This is how my new view looks with just 3 pieces of equipment instead of all that. But this is much like my new view instead of the forest and trees. Earth Movers are Ugly! (Obviously, resistance, judgment and opinion are still present. I'm a work in progress.)

Yeah, so there it is then and of course I’ve been resisting that process of surrender a bit and realizing it is only causing me pain to remain attached to my indignation and resistance to change. Now I have a cruddy empty football field /slash/ air strip of dead trees and destruction across from me with bulldozer machines and other earth rupturing equipment parked here and there in the chaos (they may as well be military tanks and dead bodies) instead of the beautiful forest that was there. What can I do about it? It happened before I realized what was going on—besides, I was frozen in “shock and awe”. So yeah, I’ve been resisting my new view and the sounds of the heavy equipment. Lovely that the landowner across the street,  who I call the muggle actually owns the heavy equipment company – set this guy loose with the entire Appalachians at his disposal and… no, let’s not go there. Anyway, I sat on my front porch the other day, when he was destroying the land on the other side of his house and out of my direct view.  And while sipping my cup of Chi tea, I forced myself look at the view and find something positive about it. I could not! (Or maybe would not because I was still resisting the whole ‘what is’ thing.) I told myself you are going to sit here a minute and get used to it and find something to like about it! Nope, it wasn’t going to happen that day! Okay, I said to myself, then get in the car and go somewhere and we will try again tomorrow!

Each time I hear the earth mover out there as I’m typing this, I take a deep breath and surrender and I’ve had to do that a number of times already this morning and its only a bit past 10 AM as I write this. It will happen; I’m getting better and better at surrender. A person just has to get over the shock first, then the anger, then denial and then comes acceptance—I’m beginning that last stage of the grieving process.  This time it has been slower, maybe because is happened more suddenly and I wasn’t prepared.  Usually I surrender much quicker than this; I hope I can surrender much quicker at the time of my own death.  I’d like to think so because I’m already preparing!  Anyway…

Suffering a Loss? Here’s Help  to Get Over It!

Nobody likes sudden, dramatic loss or change of any kind, but that’s life. Life is always changing and it is the one thing we can count on and be sure of.  And yes, of course, in the grand scheme of things I realize that one football field sized loss of forest isn’t a big deal compared to things like human death/suffering.  I suppose most people would say the death of a human or loss of a home is much more of a loss then a bunch of trees, right?  It’s all relative; besides, I am using my own little drama here as a teaching example to use for any scale; or at least this is how its turning out.  And could I think of worse loss?  Totally, of course!  With Uranus transiting my 8th house, anything can happen and if there is an 8th house (death) mortality… let’s just say that I’m happy that my family is in tact.  (My mother crossed just before last christmas when Uranus first entered my 8th house.)  But IF I had to suffer a sudden loss, best it be the trees that I’m attached to rather than a family member.  So the universe is taking it really easy on me in comparison, right?  So now the loss of trees (as compared to the loss of a family member) doesn’t seem so bad and that is the technique that the Dalai Lama uses–to think of how it could be worse and then to look at what is and it does not seem so bad.  🙂 You’ve got to love those Buddhists don’t ya’?!  It’s all relative is what they say.

I saw an image of the Dalai Lama this morning on my Facebook timeline. He’s my hero; look at how he has surrendered his anger to what the Chinese have done to Tibet. He is always teaching the Tibetan people about the poison of anger and has loving compassion for the China. And I’m sure he’s had to forgive the rest of the world too when he asked for help and none (or very little support) came.

So whatever loss you may have currently or disappointment or fear or anger—let go. We humans seem to have the need to grieve the loss and then accept and reach for the Sun–for the enlightenment that experience provides for us and for others.

Projection?

 I mentioned this to a Facebook friend yesterday–it’s something else that helps.  There is a possibility–and I’m sure I suppressed this deeply if it happened–that maybe I was responsible for destroying a segment of Mother Earth or deforestation from a previous life or another time, who knows?  We will, as humans, often project onto others things that we ourselves are guilty for but cannot admit to ourselves.   And we project onto others our own guilt or self-anger.  Either way the pain comes up and we either release it or create further karma.

So, all I’m saying is that if I can imagine how I might (just might) be guilty of what I dislike the muggle for (in this case, the current destruction of trees and tearing into Mother Earth, destroying animal’s homes)… if I can just imagine how I maybe could have at some time been so thoughtless and egocentric myself,  then it makes it easier for me to release my attachments and anger.  It’s a method that helps one let go of judgment, thus releasing attachment, thus ending suffering.  

Karma?

Another thought I want to add is about karma.

Last night I remembered about this and thought maybe I have tree karma since this seems to happen to me time and again–where I go, trees seem to be massacred.

Honestly, I am still sorrowful over the evergreen outside my bedroom window that was murdered by the landlord–a beautiful hemlock pine.  Okay, okay–shouldn’t have mentioned that… starting to get emotional again. And as if to punctuate the end of that sentence, I hear the slamming down of the dump truck which sounds like it’s in my living room!  With the trees being gone now, there is nothing to buffer the noise.   Geeze!  Deep breath, letting go… I surrender while trying to bless the muggle for giving me such excellent  opportunities to practice letting go. 

You know the kind of tree you sometimes see on christmas cards with snow-covered branches?  The image to the right  isn’t her (my old hemlock friend); she was actually bigger and more beautiful.

Anyway, when something happens, maybe it is karma?  We don’t always know for sure, but if we accept it and don’t become angry or blame and all those things, then we don’t create additional karma or future further karma–see what I mean?  So letting go is for our great benefit.

If we say something like, ” Alright I accept this as it is without anger or frustration or disappointment, this releases me from the need to call in or create  further future experiences of this nature”, it  is another way of  letting go and surrendering.  And as sure as life, we call things back again and again until we’re sure we’ve got it right–and then we recognize it and say, Okay I now know how to handle this. 

I let go, I surrender, with ♥  L.O.V.E. ♥, with ♥ L.O.V.E.♥, with ♥ L.O.V.E.♥

and with Courage moment-by-moment as long as it takes for myself and for all sentient beings to be free from all suffering.  Soha.

My Spiritual Challenge! Issues or Illusions? And Patterns! Clarifying Yesterday’s Repello Muggletum Blog Post?

Spiritual Issues or Illusions?  And Patterns!  I posted something yesterday — the muggle protection charm.  This blog post is an email that I wrote to a friend.  Part way through it I decided to make this a blog post… for whatever it’s worth to those who also struggle with questions around spiritual issues and illusions.

This is part of my spiritual challenge or how would you say it?–just one of those lingering issues that I still have an issue with–Ha! I have “an issue with an issue”;  and both issues are an illusion–so, really there are no issues, except for within my own mind.
And I have a feeling that one or the other will work its way into the blog or newsletter this week.

It’s like this issue is everywhere I go, it’s a pattern.  You remember, right?  I moved from the last place I rented because they cut down all the trees on the property next door–you know how disturbed I was about it.  Remember?  The family of deer lost their home too (they covered a pit wherein the deer lived under the berry bushes) while they massacred each and every single tree along with the berry bushes simply to put in a stupid trailer and a few horses.

When I first started to awaken or attempt to be conscious or to be aware there was an awareness, it was somewhere in the 80’s… No, wait, it goes farther back than that even. I just had a

flash of a similar troubling “issue with my issue”when I was a child. It was forgotten until this very moment. I do recall that it troubled me a good while but like these other issues there

Hey Brother if you are reading this... remember those trees when we were kids?

was nothing whatsoever I could do about it–hand’s tied; out of my jurisdiction; not my area as John Travolta would say in his movie role, playing Archangel Michael.

Trees, always trees and animals; the cruel and thoughtless death of either disturbs my spirit deep, deep, deeply. We were kids, you see? Oh, around 7 or 8 up until around 12. There was this huge tree at the entrance area to the housing section–there were two actually… Ficus trees, one on either side of the entrance to that neighborhood of houses–in the middle of a plot of land, smack in the middle and then on the edge of the land on either side of the road a half-high brick wall with the letters of the name of the area proudly displayed. It was a middle class area actually and eventually turning to lower class long after we moved. Not that this last sentence has anything to do with the story of the trees. They grew as we did and it was “THE” play area and gathering spot of all of us as we grew up, you see? We’d walk along the half wall and climb the Ficus trees as they grew–larger and larger they did as we were growing as well. Until finally, they were large enough to climb and climb we did! These trees became massive, their trunks nearly a car length wide with lots of branches and places to camouflage and hide.  We played as many childhood games as we could imagine there beneath and inside those trees. Those two trees were “IT” for us kids, you know?

And as I recall at times there’d be up to two-dozen of us gathering there to play with not a swing-set or sliding board in sight. No matter, the trees were “IT”and our minds imaginations made up the rest of it—it, the games.

One day one of the trees was gone, missing, out of there, nothing but a hole left and stretching my mind to the memory of it now, the recollection comes. We were told it was diseased and had to be removed.  I knew it was a lie.   And next thing you know a house starts to be built right upon the very spot that our old friend’s large trunk once sprung out of Mother Earth.

And then, years later, the same thing happened to our other friend, the other Ficus tree on the other side of the road. I was older by that time as I recall, perhaps ready for middle school or even high school–that part is a bit blurry. The half-walls were taken down and the tree gone suddenly. And that plot of land, too–our old gathering spot, taken over by house construction right in the middle, over the top of the roots of our friend, the Ficus tree. Ha! One can almost imagine the owners of the home being haunted by children’s gleeful, playful voices in the middle of the night. Of course, that brings up a whole other area of speculation, doesn’t it?

Cherokee mounds are usually located (I am told) inside the forks of 2 or 3 creeks and up as high as possible.

What once stood or was on the land where you live? Around here it was all once Cherokee as most of the ‘born and raised’ locals inherited land that was stolen from those Native Americans.  That’s not prejudice, it’s fact–even the “local born” teacher at the college who teaches a course in Appalachian Culture will tell you that–I took the course and used my intuition to discern truth versus lies.  But on that point, even she did not differ.

On THIS property where I now rent, on the ridge right above me and to the left, I’m told (by the property owner who used to live here as a child) that on that ridge above the house is an Indian “Mound”–a burying-place for the Native American ancestors.  I’ve never gone up there to look but next time my grandson comes, I’m going to ask him go up there with me to see.   He’s always wanted to go back behind the major tree line and I wouldn’t let him go without me.  Now, for some reason, I feel called to go and try to find it.  We will take an offering.

Usually, so I’ve been told, mounds can be found nearby where 2 or 3 creeks come close to each other or perferrably meet up.  They are considered power spots.  I’m just realizing that I live near a power spot! Here where I live there is a creek across the way and also behind me to the left.  I remember now.  This actually would be the right place for a mound here where the creeks fork and where it is highest elevation on that ridge out back.

I rent from the lords of the land around here.

In the last place I lived there was a church that I was behind and I was concerned that the old house that I rented was on top of a grave yard (they are almost always behind churches here). Then I saw the graveyard up on the side of a nearby mountain and was relieved. Baptists as well as Cherokee like to bury their dead where there is a beautiful view, usually up high. In fact, the house I was renting before was an old school-house which actually made me pretty happy as far a vibes go. I’ll take living where an old school-house was over living over a graveyard most any day of the week!

So I was remembering this morning — and this came by way of me just trying to get a handle on this mystery, the sadness, the whole business of trees and so forth — the lack of reverence for the sacredness of nature from humans, etc.  And the memory was about how devastated and heartsick I felt when… Well, let’s start with the yellow brick road that I was walking down (ha ha) and when looking for a job (physical therapy), I chose a facility that was located in a wooded area; yet it was still in a city.

There happened to be trees all around the place and this is where I thought it would be great to work — because of the trees you could see looking out any window there. So I’m working there a year or so when right outside the window in the therapy office where we’d write our notes in the charts–and the window was nearly ceiling to floor and our desktop faced the window, anchored to the wall. So it was like you could not avoid looking out and on that side of the property just after the little parking area there.  And it was that we were forced to watch them massacre the trees and there they lay one atop the other–just a field of dead bodies and day after day more fell and it was horrible and affected me deeply. No one else seemed to care or notice but I became sick over it.  That was Florida where they love concrete jungles.

Most all the places I’ve rented here in the Appalachian Mountains of North Carolina have had graveyards nearby–this house is the first without a graveyard within a stone’s throw. When I lived and worked south of here by a few hours (but still in the mountains), where I worked (I found out much later) was the actual place where they gathered the Cherokee — the outdoor prison — where they held them before they began to march them away on the famous journey known as the Trail of Tears. Imagine that!

Cherokee Native Americans used to gather for their tribal games

And about 5 miles from where I worked was once the area that the Cherokee gathered once a year for their “games” like the Olympics. I found all this out  later after I moved.  The vibes in those areas absolutely correlated!  And on a past life level it made perfect sense that I ended up in those places and even where I am right now.

Since those things and others that make me certain that I have reconnected with a Cherokee past life here, I googled the trail of tears and most information gives 1830 – 1850’s.   A shiver!

Gosh, I’m laughing a little bit thinking that maybe an old body of mine is buried up on the mound behind me and I am here returning to the place I once lived and died actually. LOL

I wouldn't be surprised if an old Cherokee body of my own is buried in the mound on the property where I rent the home where I currently reside. I seem to have lived in places connected with Cherokee history and do remember those lifetimes and am remembering one right now! Deja Vu! 🙂

Oh, so who knows…?  Maybe this is why I am so disturbed to the depth of my soul about the trees being cut down across the street. One tries to figure these things out you know? Something so deeply disturbing can seem mysterious especially as it happens or recurs… persists–this trauma I always go through at the thoughtless death of trees and killing of animals.

You as my friend remember the weeks–nearly a month or more–it took for me to get over the time I stumbled upon the group of hunters who had killed a beautiful black bear! And of course, I know you remember the time that I stood with my own body between a deer and a hunter up here in these mountains.  That was one deer that did not get shot (least the hunter shoot me too) at that moment in time!   You know how I feel, the deer  and bear are my brothers (and sisters) and I must stop writing now or I will allow the tear that is forming in the corner of my eye.

Later…

I will just add that there are many past life memories from around here and I know that I made a vision quest atop of Grandfather Mountain which is always why I call that mountain ‘my grandfather’ and why the first time (in this current lifetime) that I went there, I felt I was home and did not want to leave–ever!

Grandfather Mountain Profile

I was very sad yesterday and nearly ill in my stomach and had to leave here for most of the afternoon so that I could not see the destruction of the earth across the street which once was so beautiful and now it is awful.   I had to get away for the day.  I have asked for help from higher mind–an insight to help me understand the patterns… I have experienced these devastating feelings numerous times in the past.  Pattern!

I did blog post quite a number of Moons ago about a tree friend of mine who had to leave to make way for a highway bridge… (link below).

As a matter of fact dear friend, I may go ahead and cut and paste these words into a blog post.

And since I’ve just decided that I’m doing so, I have a line or two to add then… additions below….

Here goes:

Long time karmic history can take years and lifetimes to overcome and the process of surrender is to the emotionalism and in my case the intense sadness in these cases with the bear, and the trail of tears and the land and the trees and all such other issues in the psyche. The physical body is transitory and all worldly phenomena (the world of matter, of form) and eventually even the illusion of the witness and the observer is because it will also dissolve and return to pure awareness or pure consciousness Itself. And the illusion of time also dissolves into the Allness of Divine Oneness or Concordance. And so at the time of ‘release of form’ (death) of any kind whatsoever–death of trees or bears or deer or our own self, the Presence of the Allness of Creation as Divinity radiates and all is joined together again. So now then, what is the point of lamenting the loss of a tree or a bear or even the self–our own or others or the many–since all form eventually returns to Source. 

Sitting atop Grandfather Mountain ~ Me in Center back with grandson in front of me ~ very windy up there! 🙂 My sister in the red shirt and my niece to the right of me.

And these are the few Tao-like  thoughts today  via an ego  that is doing its best to allow the higher self to have free reign of the consciousness, thoughts and the keyboard in order to help me realize the possible source of my emotional patterns with these issues of illusion.

Ha!  and a final thing.  I mowed the lawn a week ago and as the locals here do all the time, trash was up on the lawn–they throw things out of the car windows without thought as their usual way of doing.

So as I bent down to retrieve the paper,  and in doing so saw it was a candy bar wrapper and the name was MOUNDS; and right away I thought that this was some sort of message for me and didn’t know a connection except one.

My mother told a story of when she took her mother-in-law to the funeral home.  My mother’s father-in-law had recently crossed over and on the drive home my mother stopped for gas and asked her mother-in-law  if she wanted a snack and replied that a candy bar would be fine.

So my mother chose that kind (a Mounds bar) and the old lady went berserk accusing my mother of rubbing it in her face associating the Mounds bar with the death of her husband! She was going a little loco at the time.

I remembered that as I was picking up the candy bar wrapper and disposing of it properly.

And now I find here that a week later I am writing a blog post which contains references to “mounds”–the native american burying-grounds.  Interesting, no? 

Your Friend,  Joy

PS– Here is the blog post about that other tree friend of mine and a few others…  I hope you will like to read it and if so, just  CLICK HERE

Cosmic Communiqué 6-25-11 Just Let Go! Can you? Or are you Hanging On to what’s no longer needed? – Kua 23; Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius- Death, The Empress, The World

Remember one of the final scenes in Lord of the Rings: Return of the King—that movie? Frodo takes on the burden of holding the ring which brings him great trouble and pain and when it’s time to let it go, after great trials to get to the fires into which he needs to throw it in, he simply cannot release it? It makes me think of this Kua 23 of the I CHING and of that movie!

We can become so accustomed to difficulties and suffering or any kind of negativity, that when the opportunity comes to simply release them or walk away—we have a hard time doing it! We can carry a problem over time to such a degree that we begin to over identify with it. We don’t know who we are without it or who we used to be and even though we don’t want it any longer, we still hang on to it when the moment comes to drop it in the fires to be transmuted and walk away. We cling to what has come to an end and no longer serves us and when that clinging causes us suffering, it is time to surrender. I will give a personal example below.

The truth is that everything disintegrates with time, yet sometimes we desperately try to hold together what we know is collapsing. We can feel that we no longer have the strength to move in a different direction and we therefore try to hold on to what should be released.

Without endings, there are no possibilities for beginnings. What are you holding to that is causing you sadness or unhappiness? Consider that these feelings and circumstances will intensify until you release or let go of what you already know is no longer a part of who you are.

The issue at hand today is one of impermanence—the impermanent nature of life. Everything changes form and the soul itself changes its circumstances (relationships, jobs, locations, friends, etc.) periodically in order to force its growth.

What comes to mind as I look at the image on this card and reflect on its meaning is a situation that occurred some time ago with one of my daughters. In her enthusiasm to encourage me to leave my mountain top and come down to the flatlands with her and my other daughters, she was taking an inventory of my belongings. As she moved through each of the rooms in my rental home here, she began ticking off items that I could get rid of in order to fit into a one-bedroom apartment down the mountain. I tried to envision with her as we looked at my den, living room, dining room and all three bedrooms here— a meditation room, exercise room and two bedrooms.

It’s all well more than I really need but as I considered what I could do without, feelings of sadness began. Right then I stopped myself realizing my attachments to ‘things’—to form. My precious collections and decorations and “stuff” were causing me suffering due to my feelings of attachment to them. In that moment and over subsequent days, I released them gradually and surrendered. I remembered that I know how to do that—I’ve started over numerous times in my life. My suffering ended as the attachments to my “stuff” were freed one-by-one, day-by-day. Yes, I still have my “stuff” and haven’t moved; but, thanks to my daughter, I have re-visited my attachments and let go.

Who I AM has nothing at all to do with a collection of “stuff”. And lest you think it is only stuff that I’ve released attachments to in my life, let me quickly assure you that my letting go has included people and places—not just things. I’ve also released attachments to beliefs and ideas and conceptions and those are probably much more difficult for me than the others.

I’m still here and so are all my things, but should the day come when the opportunity and situation demand that I let much of it go, I will without suffering—just as I will at the time of my death.

The astrological archetype correlations are Scorpio (death), Sagittarius (optimism/freedom), Capricorn (age, maturity) and Aquarius (liberation). The Tarot card archetypes that relate to this Kua 23 called “Splitting Apart” are: Death (Ending), The Empress (Rebirth) and The World (Completion).

The recycle of death and rebirth that is the very heartbeat of life itself—the impermanence—is part of the Universe. Stars die and are reborn all the time. It happens at the macrocosmic level as well as the micro in various forms and levels. The very seasonal changes of the Earth itself give us the example.

Wherever you know you need to let go, release and surrender today, the divination message is a reminder to do so. You already know what that is; you’ve seen it coming because it’s been deteriorating for a while now. Trying to hold it together is causing you unhappiness and suffering. Have courage; eliminate the old, let go so that what is new can be born.