Feel Alone, Different, Like an Outcast? How Much Do You Unveil About Yourself to Others?

lonelyThat settles it!  Someone emailed me this morning asking me a question that I’ve been considering since last night.  Essentially, to bottom-line it, the individual is dealing with certain life challenges which (it sounds like) cause feelings of being alone and disconnected from the rest of the world.  I was just reflecting upon this very thing myself last night with my own physical setback here, realizing how lonely it can be (if you let it) when you’re ill or sick.  It feels very isolating–especially in my own case in that I could be contagious and purposefully avoid others and don’t blame people who would avoid me.  ‘Shoe being on the other foot’, I’ve done the same thing.  Someone coughs or sneezes or grabs for a tissue out in public, usually I’m the first one to go the other way.

But then again, this individual asks about deceit or pretending to be ‘normal’ like the others in the world (whatever normal means anyway) because the illness isn’t as obvious as a sneeze or cough.  The person finds it easier to tell those white lies or fib a little about things link vocation/career and in all relationships with others feels ‘abnormal’ in the world whilst otherwise there are no outward signs to the contrary.  Basically, the person asks me how I feel about this or if it were me how I’d handle it all.  But before we go further….

Fair warning:  I may ramble or meander being still under the influence of previous days worth of Benedryl and other such antihistamine and decongestant type drugs that my body ingested.  Then after being ‘too far gone’ and letting this “head-cold turn spring allergy” get out of hand and grow into a monster with various heads, the busy doctor’s office finally fit me in and AZithromycin (aka Z-pac antibiotics) are now fighting the battle with me.  So that’s why–I’m woozy and (until now) too ‘out of it’ to respond to email or sit at a computer in order to even focus long enough to blog or type anything meaningful.  But if you hang in through this maybe we can come out the other side with something worth the writing for me and the reading for you.

Again, for clarity’s sake, the individual with the question does not have a physically contagious malady and in fact it is not anything obvious to the casual observer (according to their description), which honestly I imagine to be more difficult than otherwise.  Why?

Because all expectations from society or ‘others’ in the world is that there exist in each life those common societal conditions considered to be ‘normal’.  But either way, maybe with my own little condition here (temporary one hopes), there’s a little something within me that can qualify me to give an answer or insight, albeit a small one.  After all, this is only a week for me whereas for this other individual, likely it’s been a lifelong issue.

But then again… well, wait.  Let’s consider it.  I think most of us spend our days here trying our best to feel normal and fit in and for the most part we can deceive ourselves into thinking we are.  Others seem to accept our explanations of ourselves as we covey those lines that mean, “I’m just like you.”  In fact, most of us probably do this more subconsciously than we realize.

I’ve long been aware of how I go ‘to the level of’ the person that I’m communicating with in order to establish a common thread in which to relate.  Take, for example, people who have a Virgo-Victim type of work ethic in the world.  You know the type.  All they talk about is how many long hours they put in and how early they rise in the morning and how crazy their boss is and basically… well, you get the idea.  You surely are not going to establish a common ground to relate to them by describing your life as one in which your values are totally different.   For example, maybe you’ve learned a few things and one is to work smart and not long or perhaps you’ve inherited a lot of money that changed your previous work ethic  Who knows why but let’s say that your life situation is totally different and doesn’t require those long hours.  Or maybe you simply aren’t wired to work 14 hour days at Walmart — and I just made that up; not knowing how many hours Walmart employees work in a day.  But you get the idea.

So are you being deceitful if your way of life is simply different (for various and sundery reasons) and…. well, here’s an example.  Let’s say I used to have a job once upon a time like that one perhaps and so can honestly relate and say, “Whew honey!  I hear ya’ sister.  Been there done that!”  So am in being deceitful?  Or maybe I did some work for my own business in which I worked day and night without much rest (like when I created my first website).  I was a self-employed task master!  (sometimes being your own boss you can be more of a slave-driver than any outside employer).  Either way, I can still relate and don’t have to feel dis-connected.

Well, okay.  Maybe those are silly examples.

I think it’s more a matter of ‘taking it on’ in a way.  In other words, helping the other person feel better about who they are by sort of pretending to meet their standards of how they see normal.  It’s like playing their game with them so that they feel okay about who they are and what they’re doing.

Sort of like agreeing with a crazy person–why would you try to convince them that their not if they are?  Now it’s true that they would think that it is ‘we’ who are the crazy ones when in fact it is ‘we’ who realize it is them!

Now who is crazy and who isn’t–pretty silly thing to speculate, right?

I don’t know if it’s best to pretend you are similar to others to help them feel okay if it makes you feel ‘not okay’.  But then again.  Whose to say whose crazy and who isn’t and whose okay and whose not?

The thing is that everybody is really alone with their own stuff and is pretending to be part of the conditioned society.  Ever hear that story about the emperor who has no clothes?

Being different — you being the only one willing to admit the emperor guy is naked –can be a lonely place to stand BUT ONLY IF YOU LET IT.  And that’s a key.

Got to toss in another one-liner and that’s the saying about feeling lonely in a crowd.  I’d pose to the individual who emailed the question about feeling deceitful by pretending to be like the others who can brag or discuss their life because it’s more accepted by consensus society to consider that everybody feels that way at a core level but most people spend the majority of their life trying to ‘fit in’ and be like what the consensus standards dictate.  Why do they do it?  Not all, of course, but some are afraid to be different or not-accepted.

In the end, we are born alone and we die alone but now we’re here we are with others; yet each of us is unique and different while at the very exact same time, we’re all the same!  A Zen riddle or a Paradox.

But most people don’t think about these things–too busy trying to fit in and make their mark or to achieve something to prove they are/were here.  Not all, of course, we have others consumed with helping others in some way and doing it going to a selfless level and so they probably never consider these kinds of things.  Good on them!

We’re all like that at times too of course.  Maybe the thing to consider is that we’re not like all people at all times–we have some similarities to others, always.  To find those and to relate to them is not being deceitful unless you believe it is.

Generally, ‘its a pickle’ as the saying goes.  And how a person views a thing or an attitude or a life situation is a personal decision.  I’ve felt like the outcast in my family and in any career or job I’ve held throughout my entire life and my work with intuition and astrology is fringe as compared to society at large.

I’ve not felt that separation from others so acutely until recently with regard to my health.  I’ve been sick before with flu or respiratory symptoms–bronchitis or the flu but never before did I feel as alone or cut-off as this time.  It was a different experience and one which has given me moments to pause, thinking toward the end-of-life scenario possibilities that we all face eventually.

What have those moments of pause revealed?  One thing that comes to the fore is how precious life is and what a gift it is and the realization of how much of my life I’ve spent resisting the many gifts Life as offered me by worrying about things like the gosh darn bills that come in the mail every month and the monthly rent that’s due!

I’m nearing 68 years old which by today’s standards is still young but when I was a child that was really, really, really old!  Anyway, life is more precious to me all the time and a few side trips into isolation from illness enabled me to have a preview of what my end days may be like.  And I see how it is a choice.

Isolation (whether forced or imposed) and whether it comes from being the oddball in society in any way — be that way due to illness of any type of different-ness  — is a gift really.  Those feelings  arising from that situation come to us as a catalyst to go within and reflect, resulting in the ability to make a choice as to whether or not we permit them to create a guilty state of being or a lonely state of being.  Its a choice.

To the person making the inquiry, I’d add this  To consider the fact that we (he/she and I) are aware enough to consider these matters is also a rare gift.  And we can use the awareness to create (or ‘be’) an example in the world which is either positive or negative but either way which creates by its very nature “teaching moments” as the saying goes.

No, I don’t mean that we have to ‘spill it’ to people who don’t care or who are strangers.  With those folks it’s probably best to play the game (pretend to be who they can most easily accept) in to help them (not ourselves) feel comfortable with interactions.

But to those who we do open up to and do reveal or expose ourselves, we do so and hope to create some awareness in those others or perhaps plant a seed in some way.

Is this making sense?  I mean look at a physician, a doctor..  Is it appropriate for him to go around examining people when he’s at a picnic or at the gym doing his workout?  The doctor doesn’t reveal himself when it’s not appropriate either.  Would it not be the same with anyone else?

I am feeling a bit weary now being that the antibiotic and I are still ‘fighting the good fight’ as the saying goes.  And the body is telling me to rest a bit now.

I don’t know if there may be a line here or a word or two here in what I’ve written today that is helpful to the email inquirer or to the casual reader of this blog.  I can only hope.

Oh, and one thing that has come from my own recent challenge is that it has create a desire within me to ‘visit the sick’ in some way as a volunteer in the community.  Now that I’ve had the personal experiences of how that feels–that loneliness of being sick–which I do not choose to entertain it (choice), it has inspired me to help others who may be feeling this alone feeling which I choose not to forget.

Anyway, I no longer volunteer at the soup kitchen (I lost my place with that when I moved) — this may be a way that I can do a little something on a volunteer basis again and I intend to look into it.

Perhaps, as a suggestion, the one who feels deceitful about their life could find (like me) something to do as a volunteer to help balance out those feelings.

Well, the person did write and asked me how I would handle it or what I would say about his/her “unveiling their true self to others”, using his/her words.

I will end this with the hope that there’s something within this post that you can use for your next step or as at least a partial answer to your question.

Another thought as I conclude, is that in some areas of my life, such as in places within my own control where i can keep a certain illusion of anonymity or where I feel there may be a greater acceptance, I tend to reveal quite a lot. Such as in my classes or in this blog, my website or weekly newsletter.  There’s a time and place for everything. One has to ‘read’ the situation, become sensitive, and follow ones intuition about what to say to who and when about one’s identity.  I always say the stomach or the ‘gut’ feelings can lead us to knowing when to speak and when to be quiet about ourselves.

I don’t tell every tom-dick-harry or man-on-the-street that I dig Divination, do Tarot, love Mysticism,  Buddhism and Hinduism (a few of my interests) and that I do astrology or that I teach about intuition or ‘read’ energy for others.  It’s still fairly well Fringe for the most part–I get that.  Not everyone is going to understand I’m not in cahoots with “the devil” like one of my own sister’s believes!  Also, one does have to maintain a certain sense of humor.

I’ve nearly worn myself out now…  I think what helps is to try to remember that we’re all alone with who we are and our divine self, the one within and that nobody is ever  going to ever fully understand us anyway–for me there’s a certain freedom in remembering that.

Time to lay the recovering body down a while for now….

Bottom line:  All is Well and Exactly as it Should Be!  

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Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Libra with players Pluto, Uranus and Jupiter – How it plays out

Full Moon Lunar Eclipse (Blood Moon) - April 4, 2015
Full Moon Lunar Eclipse (Blood Moon) – April 4, 2015

Today – It’s a super charged Full Moon (April 4, 2015) in Libra!  What can this mean? Here’s my version…

But is it only today that we may feel (Moon/emotion) the effects?  No; it’s more or less a theme that’s been occurring at least since the last eclipse (Solar a few weeks ago, March 20).

Something shifted around that time, perhaps ended—a change; a new way of BE-ing may have occurred for you.

And now, that’s associated with a new beginning.

Don’t’ get hung up on the exact dates; instead just think about something that may have occurred in the life 2 or 3 weeks ago (or even  a month or so ago) that set you up for the new phase that this eclipse is heralding—new beginning; new way of seeing things; new way of being in the world; new chapter in the life.  (We can experience the effects of an eclipse months before and months after–or so they say and so I’ve personally observed.)  But what are the key factors we can realize now?

Relationship is the key word with this energy and if you’re like me—happy to be in relationship with Self with a capital S (Higher Self) and with Divine Being you may, like me, be seeing life in a whole new light.  That should be a capital L really in the word Life—meaning All That Is and of course all that isn’t and the space in between.

Of course, we’d also have to mention personal one-on-one relationships with family, friends, life partners too which may be taking on a whole new meaning right about now and over the next few months.

This is no ordinary placement.  The Sun is conjunct Uranus and T-squaring Pluto.  What a mixture!   Moon, Uranus in Aries, the Libra Sun and tossed into that we also have the Capricorn Pluto – better not reference tossing Pluto, Lord of the Underworld, anywhere– it’s he who does the tossing.  LOL

Sun in Aries wants freedom and the ability to do it’s own thing regarding its purpose in life and the planet Uranus is empowering that Sun to go for it! As I see it, the planets and luminaries are setting up that theme when the Sun/Uranus opposes Moon and squares Pluto.

To me that configuration indicates  finding freedom in our life in a new way–one which challenges our feelings of security or actually enhances those feelings to create transformational (Pluto, the transformer) attitudes or views regarding how we relate to others and/or to Life Itself.  Pluto is quite psychological and so we could sense here a new psychology in your life–perhaps a highly personal one that creates a new beginning.

Can you see or feel how this can be playing out in your life now?  And how it has been occurring for some time now?

Jupiter plays a part in this attitudinal, emotional energy merger and change of view too. Jupiter, the great benefic, is highly focused via it’s retrograde motion.  It’s moving through Leo now.   And now its making an aspect to the other players, bringing with it a sense of playfulness and joy and mostly FUN.   That’s the energy that influences and balances this new attitude and way of be-ing that is taking shape and changing our lives right now.

May the blessings of Jupiter be yours and may you find the freedom and harmony in your life that brings the new freedom/ liberation of contented happiness with the influence of this eclipse both now and over the next 6 months!

The Fool and The MisUnderstood Fringe Dweller

“Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self Reliance

00_The_FoolRelationships!  Great teachers!  That quote always helps me to feel better at times when I feel mis-judged or mis-understood.  I wanted to blog a bit about it and hope in doing so that it helps others who come across this problem themselves.  This may be a more common experience among fringe dwellers and those are the type to come across a blog such as this.

Anyway, do we subconsciously ask for these judgments and or set ourselves up for the opinionated wrath of others?  I don’t think so.  Perhaps a tarot card can help us out here so I pulled one.  And by the way what I’ve observed is that those who point the finger at fringe dwellers are those that fear being on the fringe themselves and as so often happens we project our fears onto others.

So the cards we have here to help us understand these types of experiences are one major and one minor arcana card — namely, The Fool and the 3 of Pentacles.

The Fool has no home, no destination, with no possessions.  I have to laugh a bit at the cosmic joke here–currently I am without a home that is my own (I share an apartment) and essentially live in one bedroom.  I don’t know where I am going to be going (on various waiting lists currently) and well, this last part is partly true.  Most of my possessions are in storage and they’re not much at that–I’ve probably paid more in storage rent than the stuff is actually worth!  In that way this card describes my life right now–thus, the cosmic joke.  But getting back to the point now….

The Fool is fed by what Zen folks would call THE TAO, or the Great Mother or The Divine Intelligence.  And I think this is what fringe dwellers who are mis-understood should remember.  It’s important.

Others (the one’s who mis-calculate our life and our reasoning and our behaviors) are mere reflections of energy that we sometimes cast in more important roles than they deserve.  What I mean there is that we put people in a role many times and then we expect certain behaviors or perhaps a particular loyalty or some such attribute.  And then of course, they let us down.  People most all of the time do not live up to the expectations we have of the roles that we assign to them in our minds.

And that is a 2-way street of course.  It’s the reason we feel misunderstood at the same time the other mis-judges.

The thing is that it is we who are judging our own self, isn’t it?  We judge ourselves for not being part of the pack and then we see that reflection.

It is okay not to be part of the pack and this is why I like the quote from Emerson on self-reliance.  it is reliance on THE TAO or the GREAT MOTHER or reliance on the DIVINE INTELLIGENCE or DIVINE LOVE.

Not being part of the pack and feeling the pack turn against us (no matter how it comes about–i.e. reflection or not) is helpful in that it turns us back within toward that energy as described–the Divine Love.

Many times we want others to give us that respect, that love and to provide that sense of ‘belonging’ for us that we can only give to ourselves.  it is like turning ourselves inside out to find all of that within.  We fringe dwellers have done that over and over again, many times.  it is part of being on the fringe; only old souls or experienced souls seem to be capable of handling it.  I see that observing others who seem to be like myself–that’s why I say so.  Reflections? Maybe, but I do observe and correlate and we do carry the collective unconscious within us.

The tarot card of The Fool is all about learning from experience and and knowing that he is one with All That Is–so why worry?  The Fool is comfortable being alone and without attachment because of the inner knowledge that there is never any separation whatsoever and as in the the movie, The Matrix when the young adept says, “There is no spoon”, it is the same way with The Fool.  Even if there is a fall, even if it hurts a bit, it is just part of the Divine Matrix, an grand illusion.

We are sustained by Life Itself after all and not by the others–they only play out a role of our own making to help us see the truth… there is no spoon, no fringe, no dweller and no others, not ultimately.  Conventionally we have to acknowledge the existence of others, the pack, and the world of matter, but ultimately, “there is no spoon”.

It is a gift really to be mis-judged and mis-understood because it is at those times we are being assisted or reminded of ultimate reality.  It is not denial, it is enlightenment at least in the moment of the recalled realization.

I love being a psychic and in touch with various forms of divination and the tools of the trade.

03_Three_of_PentaclesPS— i nearly forgot about the 3 of pentacles but then again writing this blog post as I feel misunderstood today is an example of that card’s meaning.  I often think of this card as doing work.

Planting seeds, GETTING REAL and that’s writing this blog post today is about for me.   Applying your craft.

Many spokes attach to the hub but it is the empty center that turns the wheel, they say.    Emptiness has potential–that is associated with the 3 of pentacles as well.

The 3 of pentacles as a person is one who is highly skilled and has deep feelings.  This card reminds us to apply our craft, our art to any perceived problem or concern in life.