pasture

There’s something about this photo of this icy cow moved me to open blank page on my blog and type. Things are going fine while at the same time they’re not fine at all. There’s no escape. But that has nothing to do with the cow at present. Further explanation needed and forthcoming–hang on. For now let me say that cows are really interesting. If you stop to look at them, they look back and there’s like a mesmerizing hypnotic-like psychic connection. One day many years ago when home in the mountains, there was a good deal of anxiety and worry over money and a place to live. In order to relive this, I went for a walk in the beautiful mountains and came to a pasture where cows were grazing. The distinct memory that lingers has to do with conversing with the cow in an imaginative and dreamlike way offering to exchange my human life of money worries with hers of a pasture life. We looked into each others eyes for a long, long time and then suddenly a bull ran directly at her and butted her to break up our energy exchange! That little dream was over. Looking at this picture now, I’d say pasture life may not be all it’s cracked up to be! Still…

Maybe its human nature to want to be in a different pasture than one’s own. It’s like a low-level discontent that we contend with when we say everything’s fine but not fine at all. I’d venture to say that whatever is going on with any of us is likely very much intensified right now. The Full Moon opposing the Sun/Pluto conjunction isn’t just any ordinary Full Moon… it was more exact yesterday by orb but still, the effects linger. The desire to go home is stronger and something intense happening with my downstairs neighbor is too.

Apartment living cannot be compared to a house in the mountains in any positive way whatsoever–at least that’s how it feels at the moment!

Human behavior this close in to my living environ is not in the least bit interesting; in fact, it can be irritating which my best effort is engaged in not allowing at the moment. I know more about the vocal, cooking and smoking habits of my downstairs neighbors than desired! It amazes me that two people can dialogue on and on nonstop in those ways! Are those young folks beneath me mirroring my own inner dis-satisfaction with my move here or simply adding to what is already there. Sometimes, we don’t know what is mine and what isn’t when we are very sensitive to energies. There was a very interesting post on Facebook recently:

A Zen student said to his teacher, “ Master, I have an ungovernable temper. Help me get rid of it.”
“You have something very strange,” said the teacher.
“Show it to me.”
“Right now I cannot show it to you.”
“Why not?”
“It arises suddenly.”
“Then it cannot be your own true nature,” said the teacher, “if it were, you would be able to show it to me at any time. Why are you allowing something that is not yours to trouble your life?”
Thereafter whenever the student felt his temper rising he remembered his teacher’s words and checked his anger. In time, he developed a calm and placid temperament.

This energy is not my true nature, it is not ‘me’, it is illusive; it comes and goes; it arises and dissolves back; it belongs to no one unless that one claims it as their own feeling and then inflames it further. Maybe young Indian couples like bantering non-stop! Perhaps this is a sport for them that is enjoyable as much as continual agitation can be. I let it come up and pass out and do my best to send calming love and light beneath me in case they should wish to accept that; however, perhaps they are too distracted by their incessant dialogue to realize any other energy.

It all makes me miss the mountains even more and the more pasture-type of life of solitude and quiet. Recent assurances that I am to go back home has been arriving in various forms, not the least being the non-stop mouthing young Indian neighbors. Efforts to convince myself that one might be alternating reading aloud from a book to the other have failed! Ah, well I tried.

They pay rent as I do and each has a right to speak in their own apartment! (But how can there be THAT MUCH to bicker about for that long? — i don’t get it.) If their voices get very loud, as often happens, if I knock very lightly on the wall, then voices quiet for a while. I think they do not realize–they’re young after all and into their dramas. The young man smokes as many Indians seem to–they didn’t seem to get the memo about the Marlboro Man. Whiffs of that drift up into my place as well as the spices they cook with, forcing me out of my sanctuary such as it is here.

As the Zen teacher says, Why are you allowing something that is not yours to trouble your life?” I am using the bickering young Indian downstairs neighbors as teachers as much as I’d rather not–it is what it is. My family, too, enable me to sit with stuff that gets triggered within my self. Suddenly now, as I’m typing this, there comes a recollection of an employment situation that I experienced some years ago.

Back then there seemed to be great unhappiness on my part going into work each day and at that time there was a strong desire to be free of that situation although I could not see practically or financially just how that could happen. Yet, within me there was a strong inner knowing that the more I could make peace with the situation, the sooner I’d be released from it. That same message echoed in my heart and mind each day when lamenting my lack of enthusiasm for going to work!

After months of resistance, finally there was a surrender within to find something fun and enjoyable and pleasant in the co-workers and the total environ. And I maintained that over a period of time very consciously and then (YOU GUESSED IT), numerous situations occurred resulting in my being able to release myself!

That memory encourages me as well as the other indicators received that I will be going home to the mountains again. Psychic predictive work, intuition and divination come in handy on a personal level too! (Besides, my tarot cards don’t know how to lie.) Meanwhile, not letting things that are not mine trouble my life! In other words, it’s all in the mind, the attitude. It is not the circumstances that upset a man, it’s the view that he takes of them!

I’ve got to get a new view finder! Happiness comes from within–not the absence of family drama, lack of human voices or the absence of dampness, mold or mice–dampness, mold and mice were part of the mountain house issue. There is no escape! One can only surrender to the external world and change the inner attitude in order to find peace, serenity and happiness. Let me laugh at the family dramas, the loud smelly downstairs neighbors and the traffic and rest! It’s all illusion anyway — may as well. Or–mice or men? mice or men? hmmmm.... what a choice! Neither one!

Ahhwwwhkkkkjjkkhk…. and can’t you just hear the glee of certain people who love to see this person struggle with it all?! But that’s just it; there ‘is’ no person here, only energy playing out just like the weather plays out! Certain conditions create certain weather–how much of it are we personally responsible for? Weather is. Downstairs couples who argue are. The Sun is also out, the roads are clear and my car runs!

Ideas arise as suddenly as anything else! and one has just arrived which causes me to end this silly diatribe now with the hope that something written here will serve some useful purpose to another in some way. (If nothing else, this bit of a vent is one example of how a Cancer Full Moon can express–ugh!)

There’s always tomorrow….. and hope for a brighter day!