This blog post will be short… I’ve more astrology charts to make notes on and besides, Grey’s Anatomy season premier starts in less than 2 hours! So I will have to drop what I’m doing and bolt to my sister’s apartment which is quite simply around the corner—a mere two second jog on foot!
(She has cable, and I refused the temptation to look at those talking heads on CNN, etc. And I’m so happy I made that choice, except for Greys; I just watch it on HULU the next day usually. My sister invited everyone over; she has a big screen TV too — man O man they all look different on her TV!)
I’m still getting used to being busy and integrating infringes on my personal time through assisting my family … O and have I mentioned my daughter is engaged and her engagement party is this weekend?
I’m not a social animal in those ways and having to shake the dust of my hermit-self and the hermit doesn’t like it very much. To the point—there is objective time and SUBJECTIVE time. I’ve got to do better with the latter of the two but I’m realizing how much resistance I have and how stubborn too.
A work in progress and it’s all inside where I am making peace with it by really bringing it down to what it took pages to get to in my last blog. And that is simply living this affirmation: “I am in touch with the needs of this moment.” And that, in itself, helps me to be in touch with the “me” within so that I can center and be at peace no matter what schedule I’m trying to juggle.
Now if I can do that while meeting all of the groom’s family this weekend (nothing I resist doing more than making small talk with people I’ve never met—not that I’m not good at it because I am and that’s not false pride—it’s just something I thought well… “it is what it is” as they say but my old hermit wants nothing to do with any of it or any new relationships either for that matter! The inner child goes, “Awwhh, do we HAVE TO go???” and now suddenly I’m hoping the future groom’s family doesn’t read my blog… haha I’m sure that they don’t.
Besides, I am in touch with the needs of this moment, I am in touch with the needs of this moment, I am in touch with the needs of this moment, I am in touch with the needs of this moment, I am in touch with the needs of this moment, I am in touch with the needs of this moment, I am in touch with….
Yeah, okay, whatever…
I’d better get going on those astrology charts that I have to make notes upon. I just wanted to blog that I’m making progress with this time thing… but its not been easy.
It seems like ages since simply sitting at the keyboard and typing onto my blog has happened… and it has to do with this thing that we call time or our concept of it. Yeah, it’s bothering me and if you’re a regular reader here, then you know that I work things out here—things that disturb my psyche or ruffle my feathers. I look for ways to handle these dilemmas, these “pickles” of life, and hope that my post will also help another who finds it or goggles a phrase that shows up here. Ever since I’ve moved I’ve been dealing with schedules and family itineraries! It’s like if someone suggests something to do in the future, everyone grabs their appointment calendar to see which day they are free!
I’m simply not used to living this way—at least for the past 15 years anyway. I thought those days were over for me; never did I think that I’d be dancing to the tune of the clock again and certainly not to a school bus or band practice or Friday night football game schedule!
O, Please–don’t get me wrong, I love being with my grandchildren and daughters–even my sister and niece! And we love Friday night football; yet I’m sort of ‘over’ driving two nights a week to and from band practice… but anyway….
It’s just that my life doesn’t seem like my own anymore, but I’m adjusting and my own appointment schedule is being juggled and adjusting too!
We’re managing. And everything is getting done; but inside me there’s lots of resistance to this new life!
I’m working on it though and this blog post is helping me do just THAT today. And I hope it will help you too in some way. Anyway…
I know this feeling of being short of time all of the time is mental and emotional and psychological and it’s an energy thing that I’ve gotten pulled into. I’m trying to pull myself out and having a little bit of difficulty.
It is true that I have to accommodate my family now whereas before (the past 15 years@!) there was none of that. I chose to do so and know that it is their energy and the energy of this general vicinity that needs balancing within me.
You know, people drive so fast around here even in the parking lot of the apartment community and energy of the white rabbit from the Alice in Wonderland story is predominating: “I’m late, I’m late for a very important date, I’m late, I’m late, I’m late, and I’m very, very late…”
Yeah, I feel that within my own mind and body and it gets reinforced at the start of every new day… “Hi Mom, here’s her breakfast, she has to finish this or that homework, I love you, here’s her lunch box, gotta’ go, I’m late…” (My granddaughter stays with me in the morning until her bus comes to take her to school and my daughter rushes off to work.)
Again, I love my family and being near them most of the time. It’s just that I don’t like that hurry-up we’re late feeling and I know it is within me unnecessarily—I carry it too often!
It’s affecting my usual feelings of peace and ease and I miss the pace of the mountains—the general feeling everywhere was “What’s the hurry? And besides, if you wanted me to hurry you should have told me about it 3 weeks ago.”
Aaaahhhhh, sometimes I miss that small mountain town but then other times, like last Thursday night, having sushi and seaweed salad at a local Wasabi Restaurant makes me want to jump up and down celebrating being here in civilization! Oh, there are many things that bring up celebratory feelings about being here—take my grandson for example!
But then, I digress—my issue involves how to deal with this hurry up feeling that predominates too often and restore the more comfortable and compatible “what’s the hurry?” attitude.
Come to think of it, this has always been my problem in all relationships—whether it is with a person or a city/community! I am way too taken in by the ‘other’ vibe and loose myself! Yeah, I could blame it on my Sun/Neptune/Moon natal conjunction or I could use that triple combo to my advantage. What’z it gonna’ be?
Whether you’re like me and are sometimes too sensitive for your own good OR NOT, we’ve got to ask the Oracle for guidance. What can we do? What insight can you give that will help with NOT being pulled into outer energy—how can we maintain our own energy when surrounded by an incompatible vibe 24-7?
I will turn to the I-ching now to select a coin-combo which will bring us some helpful insight on how to change our attitude about time and hurry-up energy and how NOT to lose our self in the midst of so many ‘others’.
Well we have Kua 3 (Difficulty in the Beginning) changing to Kua 60 (Limitations).
Let’s open up this guidance. But before we do that, I just want to say that I am enjoying this Saturday morning! I am undisturbed by duty calling me in any direction and am enjoying the birds visiting my balcony bird feeder. The trees are only a-small-number-of-feet away from my balcony (some ends of the branches are only a few feet) and I like to pretend that I live in the trees WITH the birds and that I AM one myself! I did more of that in the early days of my residency here—and realize now that I need to spend more time with that fantasy when I can fit it in!
Well, to the i-ching… the changing line in the first Kua advises “doing nothing” and “taking a breather”. I really relate to that! Writing in this blog today is about that very thing. Kua 3 is about enduring difficult transitions and this move has been such a thing which I am STILL getting used to! I moved in June and here it is nearing the end of September and the full adjustment has yet to be accomplished!
Here’s an example: we had a garage sale last weekend in which we all sold items that we simply could not use in our new apartments (my daughter and sister also moved here around the same time I did). We agreed to donate what did not sell to Goodwill afterward and did. Several days later, I went there to get a donation receipt that my sister forgot and saw an item from my mountain home. It was a basket which I had on a porch column and I filled it with different flowers as the season’s changed. I did not expect to see it and there it was on a shelf in the Goodwill store and suddenly I grieved the death my old life of peace and solitude. In turning to escape the basket, my eyes landed squarely on ceramic angels that I had along the window sill in the guest bedroom—I called it “The Angel Room”. I nearly ran out of the store with my heart aching and tears streaming down my face. Yeah, I’m not fully adjusted to being here yet—“fer’ shuur!” said the way we used to say it in the 80’s.
So doing nothing and taking a breather this may be a good thing to restore a little bit of balance—that’s the advice (so far) from the i-ching oracle. This sort of stops the whole time thing from being an issue—I can understand that it would be helpful.
I had blocked some time out for myself yesterday and actually felt guilty that I didn’t DO something during that time. Since this small amount of free time is so precious and valuable now, you better DO something special with it… I didn’t and then felt guilty! I never, ever used to feel guilty about doing nothing before–what gives?
The oracle speaks of this situation as “strengthening the ability to roll with the punches” –that is what is going on now. I have to say that bumping into the energy of my old stuff in the Goodwill Store felt like a punch—fer shure.
This is about my ability to deal with difficult transitions—according to the i-ching book for this Kua. Yeah, I think of death when I hear the word “transition” and actually I did say to my daughter on the ‘Goodwill Day” that my reaction is part of me “grieving over my old life”. Kua 3 really does relate to this question I’m asking.
The old was dismantled to make way for the new and now that I’m in the new, the adjustments do create certain doubts and vulnerabilities.
Maybe I need to shore up my certainties and do something to feel less vulnerable. I need to give that some thought. I do believe that I did the right thing to move; yet I do feel vulnerable and intuitively feel some sort of boundary is needed, somehow, to remedy the vulnerability feeling. I just don’t know exactly how to achieve that since I seem to have to be the one to accommodate to everyone else’s schedule!
I find my mind wandering out to future to find a school holiday and to announce to my daughters that I am not available that week—I’ve always wanted to go away to some country that doesn’t celebrate x-Mas during that x-tian holiday anyway! But I digress. Let’s see what else the oracle says.
This is some sort of ‘stage of growth’—this transition, this move, this complete change of lifestyle! Haven’t I grown enough? Wait, don’t let me go into victimization now! This blog post is about how to accomplish a feeling which is one in which I feel as if I have more time—let’s stick with the topic at hand here. (self reprimand– ha ha)
Moving on. The oracle says to stay in touch with the “needs of the moment”. Okay this is helpful. And that’s right! Some of this whole time shortage and “I’m late” vibe is really future oriented. People here run around trying desperately to drive into the future instead of just dealing with the needs of the moment—that’s the “slowing down” that I’ve been doing for the past 15 years which moving here has affected. That’s usually how I am and I’ve allowed the surrounding people, places, things to infiltrate me—and I’ve sort of lost myself as far as this part goes.
I need to bring my mountain mentality to the big city—and live it in the now by affirming continually that I am “in touch with the needs of the moment”—yeah, I like that. I’m going to use that. I should make that a sign and hang it up on the wall to remind myself!
SIGN SHOULD READ: I AM IN TOUCH WITH THE NEEDS OF THE MOMENT—PERIOD!
The Oracle also says that any attempt to make a plan or to make sense of things is premature and will lead to frustration. Be gentle with the self and go slowly.
Let them rush and be late! I don’t have to. Right?
Kua 60 is about “Limitations” and speaks of “testing your own serenity in the chaos exposes the depth of self-disclipline” and also the manner in which we respond to “limitations” is revealing of what has been deeply assimilated.
I have deeply assimilated the mountain energy and the inner peace of living a serene life has been genuinely anchored within me. It is my true nature and true self. I have to remember that it is there and cannot be affected—it is only necessary to stay in touch with myself by staying in touch with the needs of the moment.
Alright, I’ve gone on long enough and I’m good–are you? I feel better and have, via this writing, helped to reinforce what is needed to establish my SELF in the moment again.
I hope this writing has helped another soul who may be able to use and apply any thoughts within these paragraphs.