I’m just a soul whose intentions are good Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood

Having quite a time with the human vulgars lately.  Define vulgar?  Sure.   Went to the dictionary.  Meaning: of or relating to the common people (and most especially these types):  morally crude, undeveloped, lacking sophistication or good taste; unrefined.  Gawd, drawing in weird stuff and humans lately–had to find a name.  Recent example.  I am walking at a city park that has a walk/jog trail, baseball diamonds, playgrounds and lots and lots of trees.

Right you are! Its the trail with the trees that attracted me.  The schools were still in session so all the kids were elsewhere and this being a beautiful and quiet day with a cool breeze, it was my choice for a walk with the trees.  Forty minutes later, still quiet, I found myself a tree on a little hill not far from the car park and sat to meditate.  I was still listening to my mp3 player, actually Lord of the Rings Album playing to block out any accidental noisy situations that should come upon me.  Sitting in half lotus with hands in my lap — what’s the problem, right?

T’was lovely.  For about 10 minutes, going deeper and deeper into meditation.  Then a car pulls up across the way and a woman gets out and lights a cigarette and looks over at me.  Huh? I think to the Universe, Are you kidding me?  It took my attention but no matter– ignoring the situation, I looked up at the clear blue sky and various fall colored maple leaves and found the mind considering how to paint them.  Next thing I realize the car was gone so returned to my deep inner space.  Not long after there comes a police car right in front of my location and there went my attention again. I look up and the cop is talking to me. Huh?

I take out my earbuds and say What? and he asks if I am Okay.

Huh?  For buddha’s sake!  WTF? So I say, Yes; I’m just meditating, is that okay?

Yeah, well okay. I was doing my own personal “sit in” not wanting to return to the Human Vulgars of the apartment building where this body (and the rest of me) currently resides. But alone under a tree just sitting there . . .  and I think can I be arrested for this? 

He tells me that someone reported to him that I was just staring off into space.

Dang, since when was this something to report to the police?  I do it all the time!  hahaha

Experiences like that and so many more around this human/dog city life make me miss the mountains enough to have a really good cry.  Maybe I will.

I’m just a soul whose intentions are good

Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood

Zen, Cats, Deer, the Outdoors and Meditation

Animal Zen Masters

It’s true and if you are a careful observer, you will know this for certain.  Watch any animal in nature while being in nature yourself (without your cell phone or other tech distractions) and you will see their Zen-ness.  We can find our own animal zen nature when out in the woods or even outside our back door (woods are better!).  Here’s what I mean.  Animals in nature are still and alert — this is exactly what we humans who seek to meditate and to be more Zen-like and peaceful aim for — stillness while remaining alert!  And to be beyond our ego-personality daily stressful thinking.  Just going outside achieves a disconnect from our own mental residue that bounces off the walls.

I have a one-bedroom apartment surrounded by many lunatic humans — sorry, but you could fact check this and if you lived here, you’d know the truth of that as well.  And I also feed feral cats — kittens born just feet from my back door.  (They are as big as an adult cat now.)  I watch them and think how, in their wild animal nature, they possess what I strive for in my meditation practice:  still alertness.  They perk up at any sound that they’re not accustomed to and yet right afterward they are able to return to their former peaceful stillness again, totally letting it all go and being fully present.

Watch any animal in nature; take deer for example.  They are always alert and attentive yet are able to return to a peaceful state rather quickly after they tense up or perk up due to a perceived threat.  They are alert — not hyper-alert however.

I feel so trapped and smothered living here in this city and in an apartment complex sometimes.  This is because even the outdoors here in this apartment complex can be chaotic with barking dogs and boisterous humans.  Life.  Its what we are, life itself. Rather difficult to merge with you have an aversion to, but it’s my current path here surrounded by human animals.

I am thinking soon to have a nice long hike in the woods.  My trekking poles are always in my car and unfortunately, it’s necessary to drive 20 minutes to get to a state park.  It’s not like when I lived in the mountains. But I can’t mentally “go there” today — makes me too sad.  Anyway . . . I digress.

When we are out in nature (again, without the phones, etc.) it becomes so easy to let the trees, rocks, lakes and all of nature merge with our own energy.  And then we can forget the human self and go once again into the animal self.  We have to be aware when in a natural setting — snakes and the like, you know?  Yet in the state park that I mentioned above, the greatest predators are humans and their dogs, not wild animals.  Either way, one’s tendency in the wood is to be still and alert–or at least it’s that way for me.  And that is very meditative.

Sometimes, I just want to dash out the door and get a bit of exercise when in between writing bursts or watercolor painting.  Lately, I’ve stopped walking loops in this apartment complex (for numerous reasons not to be included here) and have chosen instead to take my walks along the highway on the bike lane.  Now there is a place to be hyper-alert like in the woods!  One must be in the present moment there too!  Traffic is whizzing by 5 feet from my shoulder.  I don’t walk on the highway every day and only for about 30 minutes all together out and back usually.  It surely isn’t a pleasant walk in the woods,  but there are dangers and the necessity to be alert and present.

I find I can be much more present in a group weight lifting class at the gym, but sometimes one just wants to walk out the door, not having the time or inclination to drive off to the gym or take 40 minutes to get to and from the state park.

Well, these are thoughts that crop up today.  Being outside is expansive and meditative states are natural.  Next time you watch a wild animal, see if it isn’t true — they are zen teachers!

 

Aspiring to the goal of Spiritual Happiness and Wisdom

This picture inspired the words in this blog post!
This picture inspired the words in this blog post!

Some of us aspire to this.  We understand this as the goal, the intention.  And that is the absence of the goal or intention.  Sounds like a Zen riddle.  Pretty much is I suppose. Seeking NO fulfillment!

Recognizing the vain irrelevancy involved in seeking fulfillment, yet finding it everywhere as we giving up endeavors to acquire it.

Un-petrified, un-paralyzed, un-phased and un-dazed–more than comfortable to stand alone and become eccentric in a spiritual and otherworldly way.  

Knowing fully that it is the path itself and not fulfillment of outer world desire that makes the magic.  

Understanding reality for its nature and finding spiritual happiness–some of us value this.

As this value is perceived, adversity faced in the outer world holds less meaning than in the past.

 Friends  disappear but those that remain are high quality spiritual brethren.  (non-religious) 

Both traveling and staying at home are one and the same–aspiring to live this particular wisdom leading to spiritual happiness!

Some of us yearn for this if we do yearn at all, but we do not seek it.

Disengage Stress, Fear, Anxiety by Knowing the Nature of Reality and other Spiritual Tools

LotusHow do you feel when you think that thought?  Then why think it?  Or is it thinking you?  Even Byron Katie (the great truth teller who essentially teaches Buddhism or  the study of the nature of reality– i.e. “all is thought and attachment”) talks about thoughts thinking themselves.

I love the “meeting them halfway” with understanding quote attributed to Katie who said,

“I don’t let go of my thoughts—I meet them with understanding. Then they let go of me.”    I really appreciate her teachings and discussions called THE WORK. 

One way to meet them with understanding is to nurture the self that is harmed by them and another is to (as Katie says) question them because in that you question the nature of reality, and just the questioning loosens the grip we have on “the story” as she calls it.

The link below will take you to an interview that I did a few weeks ago where we (Stevie- Sparks Press and I)  discussed some of these very things:

http://www.joystarpsychicastro.com/audio-interview/

You are not alone, neither am I; we all go through these up’s and down’s; forgetting momentarily and remembering.  There’s THE WORK and then various other spiritual tools that we discuss one audio (link above).

Here’s another little blurb that just came into my inbox today; this (quote below) links to these same themes about the nature of reality.  In fact, in the blog post below this one as I discuss my fears (let’s be real, we all have them.  Like Katie says,

“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but the attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering.”  And that’s Buddhism 101.

And another way to express it all is like this little line that arrived in my inbox from tut.com, who writes a message from “THE Universe”,

” The next time you feel really hurt, really angry, or really, really upset, and you’re sure that even I have been violated, shaken, and humbled, quick, check and see if the sky is any less blue, the sun any less radiant, the birds have stopped singing, or the flowers have lost their scent.” 

Try the link above to the interview for practical earthy tools to use when we “think that thought” and begin to believe it or it infiltrates us without our knowing causing that panic, anxiety and mental crisis.  We talk a wee bit about astrology on the above audio too.

Do the gods smile down on us on certain days? Or is it just energy striving for balance? Taking refuge in devotionals to deities

gods smiling down2

I had to blog this!  It’s not about astrology or divination or the psychic–actually, today’s post is not my usual fare.

It’s just that I may have broken out of Dante’s inferno.  I had to laugh at the sign at the entrance of this apartment building which reads, “relax now, your home”–but most comical is that the image that accompanies those words is a tropical drink glass.   Alcohol and drugs could help numb the experience of some types apartment living–I do neither. My experience since the current downstairs neighbors moved in has been one in which the sign should read, “Abandon hope ye who enter here”–  which Dante says is written above the gates of hell.

I know,  I know!  Yeah, look–we make our own heaven or hell–don’t preach to the choir.  But sometimes we have a little help one way or the other.  Yesterday the help I received was… well, I wanted to write about it and add that I have also recently retreated into deep devotionals to my most cherished deities.

Wonderful day yesterday!  Was that ‘Life Itself’ balancing out the day-of-frustration from the day before?  No matter; but the gods did seem to smile down up on me in these ways:

started the cool~ish morn with a one hour walk getting out the door early before Lady India downstairs began her usual morning tirade and on my last lap around the ‘complex-ed complex’ noticed not one single body was at the pool.  Really?  So I took advantage by sitting in a poolside lounge chair, shutting down the music playing in my ear (sorry M.J.) and wow, listened to the birds and let the morning breezes whirl around me.

Close to heaven; yet,  the silence could be broken at any moment by the vocal cords of other humans.  It wasn’t–should I grab my suit?

I had just walked an hour and a little swim could be nice as long as it’s quiet…. got home and India was ‘up and at ’em’ –voice boxes fully engaged.  Ahhhh, and that’s Life in the Land of men with wide horizontal striped polo shirts, madras checkered colored shorts and flip-flop zories shoes where the women are women and the men are too!

No matter; I stripped down and grabbed a suit and changed,  and gathered a few things and drove down… yeah, I could walk but every second counts.  Checked the water and the PH and Chlorine levels were rarely perfect but it gets even better!

I swam laps for 27 minutes right down the center of the pool and nearly started to pretend that it was my own private lagoon!  I love imagination!

After the first half hour having the pool to myself I began to fantasize while I swam—maybe all the humans went to another planet? But it was more likely that since school starts tomorrow they’re all busy with those kinds of activities—after all, they’ve had the pool with their screams and cannonballs all summer long!

I began to tire from the 30 minutes of laps so I interspersed arm and leg water resistance exercises between laps–and still had the pool to myself!  I even had time to practice flip turns which is something you really don’t want to do in public if you can help it!

Wow, the gods were really smiling down upon me today!  I then sat in the sun resting from all my exercise—I’d walked an hour and swam for an hour; what more could a girl ask for? Sitting in the sun all alone!  Listening to the birds and the breezes looking at the sky with so much gratitude!

I looked up at the sky and smiled as I saw a cloud that looked like someone running; awesome.  I saw other patterns in the clouds and enjoyed my speculations forgetting all my cares and remembering how cool it was to see the angel at the bottom of the pool!   How’s that?  Well, …

Snow Angel type reflection cast from sun creating shadows while swimming breast stroke
Snow Angel type reflection cast from sun creating shadows while swimming breast stroke

As I swam the breast stroke interspersed with freestyle, and while the sun shone upon the whole affair, I noticed that the movement of the arms in the water and the movement of  the water itself cast a shadow  at the bottom of the pool which looked sort of like those snow angels you make when you lay down in the snow and slide your arms up and down.

Anyway, it was my own private, magical moment and I felt happy and enchanted. 

The rest of my day was peaceful–quiet.  Thank you to the gods who smiled down and all friends of the Light!

PS  yesterday was a rare gift, perhaps from Venus whose gift I’ve had an eye out for as she exited my 1st house to the 2nd.  One awesome gift as she moved through my first house was a 20 pound weight loss; but maybe the final departing gift was one of peace and solitude which I do value so highly.

I’m also hoping my 3rd house transiting Saturn in Scorpio neighbor karma has finally exhausted itself and has completely played out!  It had to be karmic–anything as intense as this neighbor situation has to be karmic!  Their lease is up in January I’m told–everything  must eventually come to an end.

Dealing with Neighbor Karma – Mindrolling Rinpoche Helps with Loud Indian Neighbors

 WARNING: this is a vent; read at your own risk.  Awakening at 3:30 AM

So anyway. Okay. That’s probably IT. Neighbor karma! And they say if you don’t fight against the karmic consequences; that is if you accept without resistance, this releases the karma.

Are they butchering their own meat for dinner with a chain saw? Or grinding up ice cubes in a blender to make frozen margaritas to get drunk on? Or shoving what they can shove down the electric garbage disposal? You have to love the way they yell right over the top of the noise—even when the grinding sound isn’t happening and they are within two feet of one another—yelling at the top of their lungs! What’s that about, huh? Say, What!?!!?? If you are Indian (from the country of India – not to be confused with Native Americans), please ask yourself why you scream at the top of your lungs when it isn’t necessary?

Mindrolling Monastery in Dehra Dun North India
Mindrolling Monastery in Dehra Dun North India

Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? This ain’t no monastery and (that’s not all!). Besides that…

I can’t get no… I can’t get no…. I can’t get no… SATISFACTION! (Rolling Stones)

Remember back in the mountains when the new neighbor massacred an acre of perfectly healthy and happy trees displacing numerous trees and deer and birds, et al –? (I’m talking to long time followers of my blog.) There was a disturbance in the force – a horrid ripping up of the pre-peaceful energy field – it felt terrible. Awoke to that same feeling at 3:19 AM! Voices shouting—a woman’s voice! NO, don’t tell me they’re at each other again downstairs.

Lovely! The young people in the next building were on their patio whooping, hooting and hollering to the silence of the night. Humans around here are just blowing off steam, releasing their stresses is the guess. Why oh why does this particular kingdom of beings (human kingdom) who have the most advanced brain potential on the planet act like dogs? No, dogs are much more intelligent; they bark for a reason; at least most of the time. Unfortunately, this same level of intelligence is not able to be attributed (at least by me) to the downstairs Indian neighbors and the young “drunk-at-3:30 AM-hooting-into-the-trees-neighbors”  who live in the next building a mere 30 feet from the one we’re in. Watch out!  There’s competition for  the human idiot of the weekend prize around here—the Indian couple below me now has competition.

Come to think of it, I’ve always had neighbor issues (karma?) even back into my late teenage years. The man in the house next door used to stand on is porch (only feet from bedroom window) and call his little black dog named “sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooH-TEEeeeeeeee”, correctly spelled “sooty” until I wanted to pull my hair out! Then years later there was the neighbor who would send her son to my house to play soon as she got home from work so she could entertain her latest boyfriend. And then we had the old couple who… well, never mind. Yeah, neighbor karma.

Maybe they (downstairs Indian couple)  got some message yesterday—who knows? Loud Indian People, I’ll say it again–Loud Indian People!   Well, let’s start with Friday night; they always come back from Monsters, Inc. (Lowe’s Headquarters) on Friday nights really geeked up and louder than any of the other days of the week. I was into my writing when they blasted in downstairs, their voices escalating as the night wore on. I tried to be tolerant—obviously another bad day or week for them and they’re fighting about it again. I put my headset on and piped into my ears via my headset the meditation and relaxation music that I’d spent hours ripping off CD’s last week. I was prepared!

Go ahead freakazoid Indian peeps! I’m prepared. Can you believe that over certain music –which I had playing full blast as loud as it the volume will go—that I could still hear them at certain times?

I was writing the lesson on astrological elements and modalities—earth, air, water, fire and cardinal, fixed and mutable signs. The lesson I was writing was a bit complicated to explain so to keep my focus, keep myself sane and to keep my sense of humor, when they’d yell out below me, I’d yell back that the male part of the couple has won the biggest mouth of the week award and I congratulated him duly and properly in my own language to match their voice volume (loud) while they barely took a breath, not listening to a word! Not that they could hear a thing over their non-stop vocal drama. She would wail out in a long vocal diatribe on occasion and at the same volume, I’d hoot and holler back in response that unfortunately, try as she might, she wasn’t nearly as obnoxious as her male counterpart although at times it was rather close. Then I’d wish her better luck for next week and go back to my typing certain they did not hear a word over their own vocalizations. Did you ever hear pig calling? No. Really. It’s a sport in certain parts of the American’s—they have pig calling contests. I really think this Indian couple should enter; they’d win@! — hey, don’t judge me; this blog and that are my ways of DEALING. 

I can’t imagine what the heck they’re grinding down there but from the shouting, it’s getting pretty exciting for them right now.

Mindrolling Jetsun Rinposhe
Mindrolling Jetsun Rinposhe

Yesterday morning I played an hour of Her Eminence Mindrolling Jetsün Khandro Rinpoche for their listening pleasure (and mine). She may have (who can know for sure?) out talked them putting them into a more quiet trance for the rest of the day. Who knows really since I made it a point to be out most of the day with the family—it was my grandson’s birthday. But before I left, their voices were subdued. Thank you Rinpoche!

There’s the Mindrolling Monastery in India. Do theses Monkey Mumbai’s (as I lovingly call them) know about it I wonder? It’s located in the foothills of the Himalayas in Dehra Dun in North India. Well, if they can calm down downstairs, I’d like to contemplate further the Yanas! The first step to this is to accept my neighbor karma with love, compassion, toleration and did I say acceptance, yeah, several times now.

May I accept what I cannot change! I am no longer in the peaceful serene mountains. I am not in living in a monastery. I am in the middle of slumdogs, making the best of it, accepting my karma, learning toleration, but to love this is a bit of a stretch; I’m tolerating until I get to go home. Let there be peace on Earth (the kind that doesn’t come from alcoholic overdose or scream fighting with others until exhausted – the real kind).

Well, the grinding stopped downstairs, so maybe I can get some work done now. Yeah, it’s Sunday but parts of me don’t know that—an old throwback habit from my peaceful, serene days in the mountains. Many times I did not know what day or time it was.

Oh, to finish on a positive note—the celebration of my grandson’s birthday was such a contrast! We had a lovely dinner together at Olive Garden Restaurant (his choice) and came back to a little party at home wherein we played a few rounds of Catch Phrase, and then his mother read to him a list of memories about him that we all submitted to her beforehand at her request. His task was to guess whose memory it was. Then we each read 15 things we love about him (since it was his 15th birthday, 15 attributes or virtues, etc.). Again we had these prepared ahead of time to read. It was very beautiful actually.

His aunts gave him a savings account in their name that they opened for him and a booklet of the account and deposit slips – the account being for saving for his first car. We supported this with our own monetary gifts and he received a few video games and his mother’s big gift to encourage his music and this he was so thrilled with it—a violin! We all then enjoyed a totally awesome ice cream cake which was especially good since we’ve all been dieting. A warm, beautiful family evening!

Later I came home to bathe, sleep and be awakened at 3:30 AM to the party of drunks hooting at the trees on the balcony next door. Such is life, the acceptance of my neighbor karma, and now we’ve come full circle.

Judging from the voices below, I feel another teaching from Her Eminence Mindrolling Jetsün Khandro Rinpoche in my immediate future!

PS—why do people SLAM cupboard doors? Answer?: because they can (I suppose?) Accepting my neighbor karma—trying to send love; help me Buddha!

….and as I end this diatribe they are screaming at each other below me. Meditate? Ha! Perhaps a charnel ground meditation for me today? Chad– Perhaps and if  I must.

New Years Eve 2013 Meditation and Loud Downstairs Neighbors

I really miss the High Country and can't wait to get back!  Civilization and city livine sux!
I really miss the High Country and can’t wait to get back! Civilization and city living sux!  This time I shall not forget this!

My bedroom looked like a church–an interjection from my catholic heritage (i’m an X) but for the blessed mother who has merged with Isis, Kwan Yin, Laxmi, Tara and other mother-goddesses in my mind.  Yet, the chant of the rosary is still very peaceful, very calming, stilling, quieting… and using the name of every higher being in my memory,  they were all called in last night.  Please, please dear heavens, let me have a quiet new years eve!  Let the downstairs couple shush a while, Amen.

Their voices were escalating as usual around up until 9:30 but after that… nothing.  Maybe it was my music.  It wasn’t loud but there are a great set of Dolby speakers on my old desktop in my room!  And I used them, called up Pandora on the Internet and played Heart Meditation music.  Then I lit my candles, placed a barrier of light all around my and between the floor and the chaos below.  I could hear nothing but the music and my own thoughts–!!  Amen!

Tomorrow Monsters Inc. will be open again (Lowes Hardware Store Headquarters) where the Indian people work; on a regular work day they should be barking somewhere else than beneath my feet!  Can I get another Amen Brothers and Sisters?  Amen!

It was lovely… last night.  Reciting my most favorite prayers and chants just barely over the sound of my breath with eyes slightly open to taken in the candles in front of my Buddha statue on one side of my room and the candles in front of the Blessed Mother statue on the other side and the heart meditation music on not too loud and not too softly… perfect.  After my chants I quieted for a good while hearing only my music–maybe the angels put the loudmouth Indian couple into a trance!  Who knows, who cares?  I felt completely alone like I hadn’t for days!  Beautiful.

After a good while, perhaps an hour or so, there were predictions for the year and in that state with only candle light, I did my best to scribble down some things that were coming in for the New Year.  Then back to my music and my peaceful mind and heart.

New Years Eve is a favorite time of mine for meditation.  One of the candles that I lit was from our solstice gathering — it was loaded with intentions for the new year.  I thought of people who might be suffering for various reasons and did the Buddhist Metta Meditation for a while with tears streaming down my face.  I promised to be a better person and felt truly sorry for times in 2012 when I wasn’t and then forgave myself and forgave others.  I asked for blessings for each of my family members by name with my heart and mind infused their highest and best intentions for 2013 (something we worked on at our solstice gathering).

Earlier in the day somehow my intentions were fulfilled to have quiet for my writing (the astrology class) and through this miracle hours of writing took place which left me with great satisfaction.  Then I did my indoor exercises followed by a night-time walk at the jogging park a bit of a distance away from here.  It was dark and breezy, temperature in the 40’s but walking on the gravel reminded me of  the crunch of snow under my feet the way it was walking in the mountains.  My music was loud on the mp3 player, and I was there alone and the cold air on my face was exhilarating.  There were plenty of street lights and parking lot lights surrounding this place that I had all to myself–reminiscent somewhat of my hikes in the mountains.

I came home to Lord and Lady mouth downstairs and let me tell you ‘he ain’t no Deepak Chopra‘!  And she?  her sounds are very irritating to anyone’s ears no doubt.  It is nearly comical actually thinking of how they could stand to listen to each other’s sounds all day and all night the way they go on!  How much could one person have to say to another?  Since before Christmas–on and on and on day after day and trust me they are not always happy sounds!  Sometimes they fight horribly.  I’ve begun to notice the sound of banging on the  wall which must be from other neighbors in the building when they get loud.  Ah-ha and that is somewhat comforting that it is not me alone who is sending them signals.

One night I just tapped gently on the wall by my bed to let them know they could be heard.  That quieted them for only about 10 minutes!  They yesterday I did loose it after being awakened by their loud arguing mouthings.  I didn’t mean to… it was probably a response to being awoken in the morning to arguing human voices that caused enough irritation that I slammed the wall with my fist so hard that I startled myself–it was reactive and not premeditated.  Wow, where did that come from, eh?  That got me a few hours of peace afterward but I felt bad all day long for losing control.

I need to go back to writing my astrology class now… enough energizing the downstairs neighbor issue!  Yet, I do believe in the power of intention and others energizing an intention.  Like I said, Monsters Inc. can’t resume business calling the Indian computer geeks back to work soon enough as far as I’m concerned! (apologies to my Indian friends and clients — i know these two birds below me must be rare and not like you at all)

In the meanwhile, maybe others reading this (no matter what day you stumble across it) could help energize my intention to have a quiet peaceful place to live and work–yes?  Could you think that thought for me for a second now?  Thank you.

One last thing–as I told my daughter, since they’ve moved in dreams have been very strange!  And then last night there is the realization why.  After my very nice New Years meditation –which by the way is fun to do with eyes closed and no clock in view anyway  because you can feel the energy build from all over the time zone you’re in and then it starts to peak and you FEEL exactly when new years is!  Lord and Lady Mouth must have passed out since not a whimper could be heart over my soft music and there was no external sounds at all until well after midnight when somewhere there were fireworks off in the distance.

And in the mountains in the past 15 years it is very quiet too–so the point is that it is that on New Years Eve, by the energy build up you feel in your own body which permeates the whole North Eastern part of the United States here,  that indicates when it is 12 midnight New Years Eve!  And before that time–yes some lower life forms are getting drunk  LOL–but many others are also meditating and to be tapped into that energy is very close to total bliss.

Again, I thank the powers that be for Lord and Lady mouth’s silence last night.  Amen and thank you again!

I can actually, as I listen to his muffled voice going on non-stop right this very minute now as I type and as  it has for hours with her high-pitched inflections inserted… I can actually feel so grateful for what freedom i have from that in that I’d not be able to be her.   To have to be in her shoes would be a very special kind of hell for me–to have a man lecture and scold me for hours on end in that way while imprisoned with no escape from him, no car and today it is raining.  Oh, how awful that would be for me although she laughs and carries on to the point where I don’t think she minds it much.  It just amazes me that two people could talk so non-stop, amazing!

Well, the dreams I understand why I’ve had strange dreams after last night.  I fell into a peaceful slumber around 1 am after my new year meditation and next thing I was trying to help a very weak man who was in a wheel chair and had fallen and he was no more than skin and bone.  I could not reach him…  there were metal bars and things between he and I and the next thing my eyes open and the realization is that the couple downstairs are yelling at each other in their bedroom directly beneath my own!

It was quite loud.  Spontaneously I jumped out of bed half asleep and yelled, “Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey….” as I stumbled to the bathroom, glancing at the clock… it was 2:45 am and on my way back to bed, turned on the fan for some white noise and somehow fell back asleep while thinking Oh my gosh, no wonder I’ve been having strange dreams since they moved in! They talk and fight in the middle of the freaken’ night too!? omg!  Yeah, they were totally YELLING at each other at 2:45 AM.

Well, now I’ve  used this time to type another diatribe –instead I could have totally written about the next planet for my astrology class.  Sigh!

There was a maintenance man here yesterday asking to check in the water heater area to see if any patching of the drywall needed doing–he had the wet plaster in his hand.  I mentioned the couple downstairs and he said he’d speak to them since he was going there next.  Didn’t do much good apparently! sigh again!

Okay I’m going to grab the TV controls and put on Pandora and try to drown them out with my music.  I’d prefer total silence when I write but…. that is what I continue to prefer.  Now where is the remote?

This too shall pass as my mother used to say… it will.

Monsters Inc. will want them back to work soon!  and someday their Visa will run out!  And they will board the plane back to their Mother Country…. buh-bye.

No worries; I can outlast anything; I’m tough!  I will survive.  (I have to until my lease is up at least and until i have the $$ to move!!)

Oh, and Happy New Year!  I will post the predictions for the New Year next blog.

I really miss the High Country–I’m moving back to the mountains as soon as I can save enough money! 

My family will be fine without me.  My sister is here now for them…. besides civilization sux!

I WILL TRY TO HEAR AND SEE MY NEIGHBORS WITH THE EARS AND EYES OF COMPASSION!  THEY ARE LIVING SOULS DOING THEIR BEST TO NEGOTIATE THIS WORLD JUST LIKE ME.  THEY SUFFER AND CELEBRATE JUST LIKE ME.  I WILL DO BETTER AT SEEING MY NEIGHBORS WITH EYES AND EARS OF COMPASSION… THEY ARE AFTER ALL,  LIKE ALL HUMANS, ONLY DOING WHAT THEY BELIEVE WILL BRING THEM PLEASURE AND THE AVOIDANCE OF PAIN.  

MEANWHILE, DEAR DIVINE INTELLIGENCE, GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT WHAT I CANNOT CHANGE…. PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE, ANIMALS ARE ANIMALS, FLOWERS ARE FLOWERS AND LORD AND LADY MOUTH SIMPLY ARE… AS I AM AS I AM

A Little Winter Solstice Amongst the X-mas Madness

Winter Solstice in X-Mas Craziness
Winter Solstice during X-Mas Craziness

I’m more plugged into nature (such as it is in this concrete jungle) since opting out of the madness of X-mas while focusing more on solstice. I’m very grateful for the line of trees outside of my balcony and for the birds that come to the bird-feeder!  Life would may be unbearable without the local trees there and the birds.  There are many birds there because I’m sure many homes were lost to building the interstate and the malls.  Anyway, I think I’ve always recognized and in my heart held it within my own inner awareness on New Year’s, December 31st.  I usually spend that day very quietly and in meditation.  X-mas had to be with family—I’d come down from the mountains for the holiday clamor and clatter. This year, however, missing the solitude of the mountains, I’ve turned to the ‘solace of solstice’ if you don’t mind a play on words.  The word solstice means “sun stands still” from the old Celtic. Anyway, polarities now are so interesting.  As I watch the hustle bustle of the holiday shopping frenzies existing all around me in this city here versus what is happening in nature—quite contrary.  At a time when it seems natural to slow down and turn inward, the commercialism gods have people running in circles to meet a deadline, turning up the angst and turning away from nature.

I was just on dictionary.com a while ago and a hyper female voice came out from beyond my opened pages on my laptop screaming about saving 60 to 70% on something or other for X-mas.  You can’t get away from the vendors screaming at you to buy something even when you go to look up a word in an online dictionary!

Is it designed this way by some negative force that… well, best not to go into paranoia or conspiracy theories.  It’s just that I’m more focused on the trees, the wind, and all aspects of nature these past few weeks.  And everything in nature seems to be saying, “It’s time to go within; to slow down; to notice the changes.”  Instead, people are focused on a materialism ritual to which they seem to have totally lost the connection to any meaning. Yeah, I know; it’s great for the economy and all that, but….

In order to counterbalance all of that in my family this year (since I’m here and not home in the mountains), I plan to introduce them to solstice.  We will go to the woods and hang up birdseed loaded onto pine cones and other gifts for the birds and animals.  I don’t think myself masterful enough to entice them to meditate as they are always competing for who is going to talk next and we’ve got a family member who wants to direct everything everyone to distraction; but at least there will be no super stores on Friday.  Only a nature hike and then we will sit at home in a candle lit room and do a few other things to mark the change.  Wish me luck turning them away from the malls and madness.  If nothing else, the birds and squirrels will be given some treats, we’ll all get some exercise and maybe I can get them to notice the trees and naturally growing holly.  I’ve a number of little nature rituals planned if I can get them to clamber down enough.

I’ve no doubt the younger ones will get into it; it’s the others, so we’ll see.  For the time being, my granddaughter and I are enjoying the various preparations.

The Winter Solstice is December 21st (2012).