Word from the Heart Sutra which holds my life together.
Here I go again–using this blog to sort out my personal life. Therapy for an “off” day here and there I suppose. Maybe that’s it. Write it out and it is released. Not energized further. No. Released, that’s all–sorted out and seen for the silliness that it is, the illusion that it is. Maybe this post could be called something like ‘The Life of a Psychic’ or some such.
BLOG INTENTION, ASPIRATION: Yeah, but in the spirit of Tonglen, knowing others out there feel this way from time to time or there are those who know this feeling right now just as I do. Hello to you and may this feeling for us all and package it up and see us all being free of it, having compassion for you and for all those who feel a bit disoriented or perhaps are also in the midst of a move… whatever it is you are experiencing may we know that we are not alone… there are always many others who also go through this and may we all be relieved of this suffering or uncomfortable feelings such as they are… and may we all come to contentment and peace and may I be part of that process through my love and compassion for us all as we move through uncertain times. May this blog in some way be helpful to you.
Here it is, this feeling I’m sorting out or trying to heal. And the internal feeling comes from attachment to STUFF, yeah, form appearances–things. Actual material things. I told you this is silliness being sorted out here! I already feel better really looking at this using some logic and intellect to soothe the …. well, the what?
Beyond what words can show, it is. How about a picture to describe it? A bit like the scarecrow from the story ‘The Wizard of OZ’. That scene where parts of him were over here and over there and some he didn’t know where!
No, I’m not falling apart but rather I am realizing this whole Buddhist thing about the non-self and yeah, attachment too. How can part of me be in a storage unit (we took a lot of boxes and things, forms) and loaded them in the vehicles and unloaded them into a storage unit. As I tried to fall asleep last night I kept flashing on the dark rainy rows of storage structures and the number on my own with the lock and my things inside. Yeah, it felt like parts of me were there, haunting my ‘things’ in some way.
Another part of me was hanging around my sister’s apartment, haven spend some hours at her place over the weekend helping her clean and pack. Yet still, another aspect of consciousness was hanging around the new apartment that we’re going to that is getting updated appliances, new carpet, paint and so forth–do I really belong there? Where is my place when I also see flashes of the last few things leaving this apartment unit. I’m all over the place! Like I said, silliness in the life of a psychic.
I’m feeling a wee little bit like crying (its mild), but have no real down-home authentic reason but for the fact that I’m feeling homeless and even without a self, more like a floating spirit neither here, nor there, everywhere and nowhere. And the Buddhist teachings speak of emptiness in view of it holding form and formlessness such that everything is actually non-real as if it were a Moon’s reflection in the water.
I think again of that song of enlightenment, “All these form, appearance emptiness; like a rainbow with a shining glow…”
And one of the other lines is “Just let go, and go where no-mind goes.”
I guess I’m having to do that a bit as I feel pulled in many directions like taffy. Pulled, stretched, thinning out…. and definitely no place to ground. The lessons of impermanence and non-self and forms being emptiness by appearing just the same… these are all being re-enforced within me.
At the same time, it feels like my solar plexus is torn a bit. Here I am looking at an application, another one, for an apartment that I applied for on April 2nd and last week I found out my application was nowhere to be found. I now have to fill out a new one!
Meanwhile, I am trying to visualize how I will fit all my necessary “stuff” into the master bedroom of the apartment that I’m sharing with my sister and her daughter, a teenager! I feel grateful to have a place to go.
GRATITUDE: I CAN DO this, of course I can and am so grateful to have some shelter so that I’m free to go without having to break a lease just as soon as I get a call from one of the many places upon which my name is on the list.
And so the story goes. Maybe I feel a bit better for writing it out? My tummy is still topsey-turvey but I’m telling myself to enjoy the experience such that it is. I’d better get that application filled out (another form—“all these forms”— and anyway get it resubmitted. Forms are only emptiness.
Apathy and indifference! How to “handle that” when there’s a lot to do and you don’t feel like doing it? I drew a tarot card for insight. I have packing to do and my heart’s not exactly in that–except when the guy downstairs play’s his guitar and sings like a dog howling at the Moon. That’s motivation! But back to the card I drew. We all have times like that, don’t we? Stuff to do and we don’t feel like it and know we will never feel like doing that thing–right? Well, the KNIGHT OF WANDS brings guidance. He’s indifferent and apathetic at times on his negative side but he also has great courage and he moves forward, although awkwardly. All he needs is a cause… to create an attitude of service to others and then the apathy disappears.
Fire within—there has to be some type of desire that is stronger than what you don’t want to do. I don’t want to go in the direction that I have chosen to go but I don’t want to maintain the current course either—that feels like being “between the rock and the hard place” as that saying goes. I don’t want to go where I’m going but I don’t want to stay here either and I know that I have to go—must go and really DO want to go! But where I’m going doesn’t seem all that enticing either. But I know I will be helping someone and will be able to save money. And it’s only temporary—that last part is what I need to keep remembering!
So I have to pack and there’s the pickle! I drew a card for my apathy and indifference and lack of motivation about that.
It’s interesting that the herbal tarot connects this card [Knight of Wands] with MONKSHOOD which is actually a very poisonous plant. It’s a metabolic stimulant and in small doses can be a used [Chinese medicine] for low metabolism.
Suddenly I think of using this apathetic indifference about packing as an athletic challenge—use it as a “work out”. Make it exercise, work fast and it becomes nearly aerobic. Yeah, okay—maybe that is something that I could use to change the attitude and motivate self.
What about selfless service? I could think about how I will be helping my sister save money and how we will both be using less energy—conserving mother earth; things like that. Yeah, maybe I could expand that and make it work as an antidote to my apathy and indifference about packing.
I can think about the guitar player neighbor downstairs and his howling with his guitar and how I’ll be rid of that aversion.
I can think about how poisonous this angry kid’s energy is and how getting away from that will be a good thing.
Determination is what is needed when this card comes up in reply to a question. In this case, the question or concern is about my not wanting to do what I know I must—continue packing!
Between a rock and a hard place! That’s how I feel. I can’t stay and I feel resistance to going where I’m going. Where did that phrase come from anyway? Of course we know that it means, “In difficulty, faced with a choice between two unsatisfactory options.” Just like “between the devil and the deep blue sea”.
Well, Knights [in tarot] like adventure and change! Moving from the mountains in the first place was that indeed! And another move will be adventure and change too—moving in with my LEO sister and ARIES niece! If you know astrology then, yeah, beginning to see why the lack of motivation and apathy? But the good news is neither of them plays guitar (same notes over and over and over) while howling like a dog at the Moon. I must think of myself as a monk going into a monastery! devote my time for the benefit of all sentient beings and do my best to create some merit, somehow. Must review the 37 practices of a Bodhisattva! Must be a better Buddhist!
I don’t think Ram Das really said this but there was a recent quote on Facebook that read, “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family.” Oh, enlightenment and initiations and packing and never mind all that because my daughter just texted me about going to the Y for a work out.
Didn’t want to pack anyway! It’s a no brainer; I’m outa here! I’ll pack some more later or another day! I think about Monkshood and motivation and attitude while I swim and maybe come back with a better attitude. Something. For now, I’m outahere!
It seems like ages since simply sitting at the keyboard and typing onto my blog has happened… and it has to do with this thing that we call time or our concept of it. Yeah, it’s bothering me and if you’re a regular reader here, then you know that I work things out here—things that disturb my psyche or ruffle my feathers. I look for ways to handle these dilemmas, these “pickles” of life, and hope that my post will also help another who finds it or goggles a phrase that shows up here. Ever since I’ve moved I’ve been dealing with schedules and family itineraries! It’s like if someone suggests something to do in the future, everyone grabs their appointment calendar to see which day they are free!
I’m simply not used to living this way—at least for the past 15 years anyway. I thought those days were over for me; never did I think that I’d be dancing to the tune of the clock again and certainly not to a school bus or band practice or Friday night football game schedule!
O, Please–don’t get me wrong, I love being with my grandchildren and daughters–even my sister and niece! And we love Friday night football; yet I’m sort of ‘over’ driving two nights a week to and from band practice… but anyway….
It’s just that my life doesn’t seem like my own anymore, but I’m adjusting and my own appointment schedule is being juggled and adjusting too!
We’re managing. And everything is getting done; but inside me there’s lots of resistance to this new life!
I’m working on it though and this blog post is helping me do just THAT today. And I hope it will help you too in some way. Anyway…
I know this feeling of being short of time all of the time is mental and emotional and psychological and it’s an energy thing that I’ve gotten pulled into. I’m trying to pull myself out and having a little bit of difficulty.
It is true that I have to accommodate my family now whereas before (the past 15 years@!) there was none of that. I chose to do so and know that it is their energy and the energy of this general vicinity that needs balancing within me.
You know, people drive so fast around here even in the parking lot of the apartment community and energy of the white rabbit from the Alice in Wonderland story is predominating: “I’m late, I’m late for a very important date, I’m late, I’m late, I’m late, and I’m very, very late…”
Yeah, I feel that within my own mind and body and it gets reinforced at the start of every new day… “Hi Mom, here’s her breakfast, she has to finish this or that homework, I love you, here’s her lunch box, gotta’ go, I’m late…” (My granddaughter stays with me in the morning until her bus comes to take her to school and my daughter rushes off to work.)
Again, I love my family and being near them most of the time. It’s just that I don’t like that hurry-up we’re late feeling and I know it is within me unnecessarily—I carry it too often!
It’s affecting my usual feelings of peace and ease and I miss the pace of the mountains—the general feeling everywhere was “What’s the hurry? And besides, if you wanted me to hurry you should have told me about it 3 weeks ago.”
Aaaahhhhh, sometimes I miss that small mountain town but then other times, like last Thursday night, having sushi and seaweed salad at a local Wasabi Restaurant makes me want to jump up and down celebrating being here in civilization! Oh, there are many things that bring up celebratory feelings about being here—take my grandson for example!
But then, I digress—my issue involves how to deal with this hurry up feeling that predominates too often and restore the more comfortable and compatible “what’s the hurry?” attitude.
Come to think of it, this has always been my problem in all relationships—whether it is with a person or a city/community! I am way too taken in by the ‘other’ vibe and loose myself! Yeah, I could blame it on my Sun/Neptune/Moon natal conjunction or I could use that triple combo to my advantage. What’z it gonna’ be?
Whether you’re like me and are sometimes too sensitive for your own good OR NOT, we’ve got to ask the Oracle for guidance. What can we do? What insight can you give that will help with NOT being pulled into outer energy—how can we maintain our own energy when surrounded by an incompatible vibe 24-7?
I will turn to the I-ching now to select a coin-combo which will bring us some helpful insight on how to change our attitude about time and hurry-up energy and how NOT to lose our self in the midst of so many ‘others’.
Well we have Kua 3 (Difficulty in the Beginning) changing to Kua 60 (Limitations).
Let’s open up this guidance. But before we do that, I just want to say that I am enjoying this Saturday morning! I am undisturbed by duty calling me in any direction and am enjoying the birds visiting my balcony bird feeder. The trees are only a-small-number-of-feet away from my balcony (some ends of the branches are only a few feet) and I like to pretend that I live in the trees WITH the birds and that I AM one myself! I did more of that in the early days of my residency here—and realize now that I need to spend more time with that fantasy when I can fit it in!
Well, to the i-ching… the changing line in the first Kua advises “doing nothing” and “taking a breather”. I really relate to that! Writing in this blog today is about that very thing. Kua 3 is about enduring difficult transitions and this move has been such a thing which I am STILL getting used to! I moved in June and here it is nearing the end of September and the full adjustment has yet to be accomplished!
Here’s an example: we had a garage sale last weekend in which we all sold items that we simply could not use in our new apartments (my daughter and sister also moved here around the same time I did). We agreed to donate what did not sell to Goodwill afterward and did. Several days later, I went there to get a donation receipt that my sister forgot and saw an item from my mountain home. It was a basket which I had on a porch column and I filled it with different flowers as the season’s changed. I did not expect to see it and there it was on a shelf in the Goodwill store and suddenly I grieved the death my old life of peace and solitude. In turning to escape the basket, my eyes landed squarely on ceramic angels that I had along the window sill in the guest bedroom—I called it “The Angel Room”. I nearly ran out of the store with my heart aching and tears streaming down my face. Yeah, I’m not fully adjusted to being here yet—“fer’ shuur!” said the way we used to say it in the 80’s.
So doing nothing and taking a breather this may be a good thing to restore a little bit of balance—that’s the advice (so far) from the i-ching oracle. This sort of stops the whole time thing from being an issue—I can understand that it would be helpful.
I had blocked some time out for myself yesterday and actually felt guilty that I didn’t DO something during that time. Since this small amount of free time is so precious and valuable now, you better DO something special with it… I didn’t and then felt guilty! I never, ever used to feel guilty about doing nothing before–what gives?
The oracle speaks of this situation as “strengthening the ability to roll with the punches” –that is what is going on now. I have to say that bumping into the energy of my old stuff in the Goodwill Store felt like a punch—fer shure.
This is about my ability to deal with difficult transitions—according to the i-ching book for this Kua. Yeah, I think of death when I hear the word “transition” and actually I did say to my daughter on the ‘Goodwill Day” that my reaction is part of me “grieving over my old life”. Kua 3 really does relate to this question I’m asking.
The old was dismantled to make way for the new and now that I’m in the new, the adjustments do create certain doubts and vulnerabilities.
Maybe I need to shore up my certainties and do something to feel less vulnerable. I need to give that some thought. I do believe that I did the right thing to move; yet I do feel vulnerable and intuitively feel some sort of boundary is needed, somehow, to remedy the vulnerability feeling. I just don’t know exactly how to achieve that since I seem to have to be the one to accommodate to everyone else’s schedule!
I find my mind wandering out to future to find a school holiday and to announce to my daughters that I am not available that week—I’ve always wanted to go away to some country that doesn’t celebrate x-Mas during that x-tian holiday anyway! But I digress. Let’s see what else the oracle says.
This is some sort of ‘stage of growth’—this transition, this move, this complete change of lifestyle! Haven’t I grown enough? Wait, don’t let me go into victimization now! This blog post is about how to accomplish a feeling which is one in which I feel as if I have more time—let’s stick with the topic at hand here. (self reprimand– ha ha)
Moving on. The oracle says to stay in touch with the “needs of the moment”. Okay this is helpful. And that’s right! Some of this whole time shortage and “I’m late” vibe is really future oriented. People here run around trying desperately to drive into the future instead of just dealing with the needs of the moment—that’s the “slowing down” that I’ve been doing for the past 15 years which moving here has affected. That’s usually how I am and I’ve allowed the surrounding people, places, things to infiltrate me—and I’ve sort of lost myself as far as this part goes.
I need to bring my mountain mentality to the big city—and live it in the now by affirming continually that I am “in touch with the needs of the moment”—yeah, I like that. I’m going to use that. I should make that a sign and hang it up on the wall to remind myself!
SIGN SHOULD READ: I AM IN TOUCH WITH THE NEEDS OF THE MOMENT—PERIOD!
The Oracle also says that any attempt to make a plan or to make sense of things is premature and will lead to frustration. Be gentle with the self and go slowly.
Let them rush and be late! I don’t have to. Right?
Kua 60 is about “Limitations” and speaks of “testing your own serenity in the chaos exposes the depth of self-disclipline” and also the manner in which we respond to “limitations” is revealing of what has been deeply assimilated.
I have deeply assimilated the mountain energy and the inner peace of living a serene life has been genuinely anchored within me. It is my true nature and true self. I have to remember that it is there and cannot be affected—it is only necessary to stay in touch with myself by staying in touch with the needs of the moment.
Alright, I’ve gone on long enough and I’m good–are you? I feel better and have, via this writing, helped to reinforce what is needed to establish my SELF in the moment again.
I hope this writing has helped another soul who may be able to use and apply any thoughts within these paragraphs.
Every cell in the human body regenerates on average every 7 years; so biologically, we are brand new people every 7 years. Most of the time we look the same and the change isn’t visible unless our self-image has changed (our inner picture of who we are), then sometimes the change is visible; but usually it isn’t. And aside from minimal normal aging over a 7 year period–it’s still not usually that noticeable. Anyway, biologically, change is imperative—like I said, about every 7 years we replace every cell in our body; it’s a medical fact.
Biologically change is imperative as just described but then all change is imperative, isn’t it?
Change is a necessity not a luxury; otherwise stagnation, non-growth and eventually death (in some way) will occur.
I’ve been thinking about that as I make the final preparations to move off the mountain. That and life-cycles and the number 9 representing endings and new beginnings—that category of thought has also been prominent. I’ve been doing the visualization thing too and in cycles. Maybe everybody does this and I wouldn’t know without taking some sort of poll, but here’s how it works for me. When change is happening or about to happen or even when I’m involved in some sort of creative process (isn’t that all the same?), I seem to spend a day or so in a great activity and achievement and then I sort of shut down almost like I’m physically tired (although I am not tired actually—at least not physically) and I spend a day or half-day or sometimes 3 or 4 hours at rest having visions.
It seems like the vision is necessary before I can actually accomplish it in physical reality. For instance, yesterday evening, I felt the need to go to bed early but I did not sleep right away. I was, in fact, visualizing myself driving off the mountain and seeing the mountains grow smaller in my rear view mirror and practicing how I was going to handle that experience and the accompanying feelings. It was as if I was instructing myself in the best way to process that experience.
I saw myself driving into the town where I will be living and coached myself in how to deal with any feelings that may come up then too.
I packed up my house in preparation to move in much the same way—periods of instructive type of rest that comes from a part of me that seems to be merging with me to direct the whole play, the entire affair.
One of my daughters went to check on the readiness of the apartment and took a video of the place, even though I had visited a similar unit in the past so I knew roughly where I was going. It does help me to have watched the video so that I can put myself there with a grace and ease that I’ve prepared for. Between now and the end of the week – I move in 4 more days—flashes of the video she showed me will play out in my mind as I merge my self and my belongings there.
We mostly look the same with the biological changes that occur in the physical body every 7 years as every cell completely regenerates—this is because during those 7 years, a lot is occurring beneath the surface as cells die and regenerate. The same thing seems to occur in other areas of life, for I’d say that I was preparing for this change gradually and beneath the surface over the past 7 years (or 9 years actually) although from the outside there has been no evidence of it–until the past 34 days happened!
Just like one day you see a moving truck pull in or pull out in your neighborhood, it didn’t happen overnight. Weeks and months of physical preparation occurred and probably years of subconscious preparation was going on too. It’s like a couple who walks into divorce court one day—to the casual observer it appears sudden, but a lot of changes were occurring beneath the surface to arrive at that point. And sometimes the couple themselves aren’t fully aware until a year or months before the actual day of the divorce, but they were working up to that point from the moment they said “I do” during the wedding ceremony. Change is inevitable and it is imperative if there is to be growth and any type of re-birth at all and change is Life Itself. As they say on Star Treck, “Resistance is Futile.”
I sometimes want to laugh when people look for that long-lasting, unchanging situation or job or love partner or place to live. Most of the time long-lasting isn’t in the cards and it’s a good thing—we need new experiences in order to grow and evolve. It’s also how we can comfort ourselves when we think that times are bad—we can feel certain nothing will last forever, not even the so-called bad times. Life is nothing BUT change and we suffer when we deny the impermanence of it all.
Last Friday my landlady came to settle up with me as far as the security deposit and rent and to say goodbye. That was an emotional day! She accepted a little gift from me for being so nice over the years—I gave her a white blooming hydrangea [see photo]. Tears were part of that scenario. She and I and her mother were together in a Cherokee lifetime here in the mountains—she doesn’t believe in reincarnation but does not deny a strong connection between us.
Anyway, I wasn’t done with tears however, because after my landlord left, I went to the post office to fill out a change of address form and found myself feeling sad about saying goodbye to someone who I usually made simple small talk with. “Awwwh, you’re not moving are you?” That’s all he said and that did it! As I walked out the door after filling out the forms I turned and said, “It was nice knowing you…”, knowing I will likely never see that person again. There’s a bit of sadness in that—letting go of the familiar, the routine, the comfortable. I went to the grocery store after that and purchased a small basket of comfort food and came home to watch re-runs of Grey’s Anatomy followed by Anna and The King with Jodie Foster and now my face is breaking out like a teenager!
I’m conceiving the astrology class metaphysically, creating it in my mind. My grandson knows a lot about making and editing videos so maybe that can be part of the process. I’m camera shy when I let my ego be too much a part the process so that will be a challenge!
I guess this is all I am in the mood to write or have the time for right now. I have clients to call back and best be moving on. I am excited to be neighbors with my daughters and grandchildren and am reminding myself that even though paying the higher rent is going to be something I can go into great fear over being able to do, that worrying about it is… well, you know!
I think that we can feel as those final changes happen—that move or divorce or whatever it is—whether the change feels supported. In other words, even though it may take 7 years or 9 years or even longer for the physical change to reach the surface where matter starts moving—it moves easily or not. If it does move easily, then this is how I feel assured that the change is supported and/or fated or pre-determined. I may not know the restructuring is happening for 7 or 9 years that the shift beneath occurs. And when change does happen, it seems sudden even though there have been (over time) minor intuitions or flashes or hunches. When it does happen, it does seem sudden and is often accompanied by some uncertainty. YET, and here’s my point, when the doors open, energy cooperates, events go smoothly and no obstacle stands in the way—one marvels at the seeming support that The Universe or the Divine Forces apparently give.
Here’s the truth that I believe. It’s all been in the works all the while and has picked up speed like a train going down the mountain (pun intended) and it’s marvelous to marvel at! Word repetition intended there too. It can be genius and one stands there wonder-struck! That’s change that’s imperative.
Okay, well there it is—my experience shared and accompanying thoughts here on Day #34 for whatever it’s worth. I may not have time to blog again until I’m there in the new place, the upstairs tree house dorm room at the rental community that I’m calling Hogwarts! I will watch for the changing staircases, mudbloods and muggles and all the rest and if you’re a Harry Potter fan, you know what I mean.
There are only 3 more days up here where I’ve spent the last 15+ years. On the 4th day it’s off to a new adventure. A rebirth if you will – here’s hoping the new life is a good one! It better be, it’s taken 9 years to prepare for it!
Nice, small, e-z to clean, cozy central heat and air apartment with a pool on the premises here I come. Visualizing: Oh, who’s that down there knocking on my door? Why it’s one of my grandchildren with one of my daughter’s. C’mon up you guys!
Yeah, all right. So there is freaking out just a little bit now. It’s Day #29. If you haven’t figured it out by now… I’m moving. ‘Cats out of the bag’ as of right now. Where in the world did that expression come from and why does it stick? Anyway, there’s the big reveal—I’m moving. Those last two words are pretty funny actually because right this minute, nothing is moving—it’s all just sitting here in boxes and bags and plastic containers.
I’m normally one of those “there’s a place for everything” kind of persons. And last night I walked in circles around piles of containers and boxes looking for the one that contains the light bulbs! I tried not to let it get on my nerves and reminded myself that transitions are like this—temporarily organized chaos!
Riddle me this, says the uncertain part of me. Am I doing the right thing? I have moments where I’m riddled with doubt and then along comes his friend, fear, and their cousin, apprehension. We’re NOT going there with them; this will all be over soon! Besides, I have more than an equal amount of certainty that this IS the correct ‘move’. So, what’s the issue? It has more to do with that Venusian thing of what meets the eye–brown boxes are not exactly eye pleasingly beautiful home decor!
I now realize how much energy I draw from my surroundings! If everything is clean and organized and arranged in an eye-pleasing way with color, shape and balance, when the eyes meet the environment the mind, body and spirit feel soothed—or something. Maybe soothed isn’t the right word exactly. I find myself looking out the windows more lately and while I do this often anyway, I realize that I look away from the boxes to seek feelings of harmony by looking out at nature. At least the trees, flowers and rocks have not changed!
Yeah, I know it’s temporary, but that’s not all that’s going on. I’m blogging in order to try and figure it out—that’s how I work through things if you haven’t already noticed!
I think it has to do with loose ends – too many of those but with just over a week to go, those can’t be tied up and just have to dangle. I have to “let be what is” and be in my own is-ness. And that can feel like letting more of this ‘stuff’ go and just floating away! I’ve released so many things over the past 29 Days. I’ve come across items that I didn’t even know were here and let go of other things by the truck load! All I can say is that I will have a huge tax donation deduction this year!
It’s just being unsettled I suppose—I’m not here, nor am I there. And ‘there’ has a certain unknown quality to it. I have not been in the space yet where I will be living and I find that completely… well, I have to trust and hope and bring sage and sweetgrass to burn, not knowing who was in that space before me. That’s how they do it in the cities now—you rent a space without being in it and then wait for the previous person to move out. Such is life in a rental community!
I will, however, be aquainted with at least some of my neighbors—my daughters and grandchildren! Yay! And that’s the joyful part of all this! No more worries about fog or snow getting up and down the mountain and no more missing their school plays and performances! The pluses outweigh the minuses. Besides, last winter up here was pretty rough all alone—many an eve I longed for a nice warm, cozy (dry!) apartment that’s easy to clean and easy to heat.
All I’m saying is that this is an interesting place that I’m at emotionally and psychologically—neither here nor there. I want to push time forward instead of waiting this last week. I’m ready to go NOW but have to wait for my family’s help. The move-out date was selected weeks ago and everybody arranged their work and travel schedule to accommodate that.
Thankfully there are clients calling for readings and this, for me, is just like looking out the window—I get to unplug from my own life and surroundings and help someone else. It’s an escape for me in some ways.
I am looking at my two angel statue yard decorations sitting nearby. I have them in a strong medal carrier ready for the journey. One is child-like and posed reading a book, sitting on a pedestal; and I have to admit she’s my favorite. The other angel is a larger standup version, holding a bunny rabbit in her arms. Emotionally, I sort of feel like these angels… like I, too, am sitting in a medal cage waiting for moving day to be released from bondage!
In my new place I will have an upstairs balcony apartment with a view of trees–it will be my tree house! And since it’s going to be like a dorm room in amongst so many others that look like those old historic Brownstone’s of the Eastern cities, I’m calling the whole darn apartment rental campus “Hogwarts” (after the Harry Potter School of Wizardry). The Brownstones where I’m moving are actually white and not brown, but it’s the architecture and the campus that’s similar to those of the Eastern cities.
I know happiness and boundaries are within the self and not the environ and this is what I am actually being reminded of here in these last 8 or 9 days–let’s call it a week; that sounds much better!
Part of my spirit is here, some of it is going over the switchbacks down the mountain yet another part is emotionally and mentally unloading boxes into the new place! I’m everywhere! And at the same time I am saying goodbye to this house and property that has sheltered my soul for 9 years—maybe there are too many days left to say goodbye! No, I’m not sad about it especially when I remember how wet and cold this house was last winter despite my best efforts to keep a fire going!
No more wondering if the firewood person is going to show up before I run out; no more worrying if the fuel oil is getting too low; no more pulling weeds, trimming bushes and mowing the lawn, no more shoveling snow to get out of the driveway, no more this or no more that. That’s the known; but I have the unknown before me.
My rent will nearly double and I’m not used to being around humans in a rental community; there’ll be an exchange of birds, bunnies and the like for humans. Lots of them! I will be less country and back to being “citified” again. I’ve already had a few encounters with city duck-mentality! (not pleasant) Will it be a challenge to make these adjustments?
Yeah, I think too much and besides I’ve got clients calling and other tasks here needing my attention so I should end this.
But before I do, I know there are others out there in cyber world ( like me) who are also in the midst of a transition. I’ve been in this state numerous times in my life—after all, I’m 64 years old and ‘been there, done that’ is a phrase I’ve used a lot. I’ve moved a number of times in my life and so I’m no stranger to it; but it’s been a while and I’d forgotten this feeling of being neither here any longer and not there yet.
It’s quite like floating in the ethers—no gravity, nothing to ground in to but one’s own is-ness. This is how death will be when the time comes; my own body will be like these boxes and containers. Yeah, okay young readers will think that’s morbid, so no more talk about that.
For those who may, like me, be in between this or that and not here anymore really but not there either—in other words, in transition… for you and for me, let me toss the coins and ask the i-ching for a word or sentence or two to help us while we’re in this phase.
Well, we received Kua 57. It is called “The Gentle” or “Gently Penetrating”. It is ‘The Sun’, doubled and is also called ‘two winds’—the first wind disperses negativity and the second wind changes attitudes. The guidance is to take small steps toward the completion of small goals and be patient and persevering. The message of this Kua is also about taking “the middle way” or the “middle path” and remaining gentle and free.
“Gentleness is flexible and free and not burdened by the maintenance cost of keeping a high-profile.” That line makes me laugh a little bit considering an email that I received this morning which was really a spam advertisement. If you are in my type of profession you know how you receive trick emails which at first seem as if someone would like you to be a guest on a radio show only to find it is gimmick to sell you a thousand dollars’ worth of radio time!
I thought about it for a moment actually now that my living expenses will be higher—but that’s just not who I am. It’s strange though because my natal chart indicates that my soul’s purpose is to work or earn a living in the public domain (10th house) by bringing Peace and Spirit in a grounded way onto the Earth. Well, that’s a whole other blog now isn’t it? Anyway, each time I consider doing a big public attention-getting blitz of some type, the end result is turning from it totally.
Well, according to this Kua 57 I probably shouldn’t even publish this blog entry—it reads this way: “This is not the best time to make sweeping changes or to announce future plans.” I was tormenting myself about how to create a new class (in astrology) last night and then I thought about tarot classes and totally revamping my current psychic class, doing a better job with at least the sign up page. Yeah, on and on it went and so I get it—let go of the idea of sweeping change right now. Just get through this move first, silly!
ADVICE FOR HANDLING A TRANSITION: During any transition the focus should be on adaptability as one remains tuned in to subtle and shifting energy currents of change. Keep a steady pace and make a routine as best as you can—do things that do not involve the mind too much.
HOLD THE VISION AND BE WILLING TO WAIT. Don’t be overly confident or doubtful either.
Stay on the path of least resistance for now and merge with the meandering course of the Tao in any way that it shows up right now!
One final word from the i-ching: in order to see the bigger picture when we are in transition we must periodically create some distance between the self and the forest. Only then is it possible to see the trees and where we stand in relationship to them.
Let “Is-ness” be the only “business”!
Feel better? C’mon we can do this! Its only death and rebirth after all.