Blowing Your Spiritual Cover and Personal Integrity September 5, 2013 Daily Divination

10 of PentaclesAwareness—it’s awesome realizations; yet, because we are aware and realize something about ourselves doesn’t mean we have reached full enlightenment—it means we are aware of the path.  And excuse me if you are already fully enlightened but most of us go day-by-day doing the best we can, often reacting to life before, knowing we’re reacting.  But that’s okay or at least Pema Chodron says so.

Her recommendation is to say, “May this person who is driving me crazy enjoy happiness and be free of suffering” even though at the time what we are experiencing is genuine anger.  It always makes me feel sheepish when I remind myself that it is self-cherishing that is the root of my problem—that usually puts the fires of anger and frustration out easily.  And then I want to kick myself for reacting to a strong aversion in the first place.

We have our limits as humans it seems.  We can open to some people, but we remain closed to others—the ones who irritate us.

Awareness is seeing this clearly and realizing firsthand that as humans we are, as Pema says, “…a paradoxical bundle of rich potential that consists of both neurosis and wisdom.”

The thing is that we must acknowledge where we are and what we feel—it is so inauthentic and psychologically damaging (in my humble opinion) to pretend to feel anything that we don’t.

I can seem to feel more love, empathy and compassion for my daughter’s cats than I can for my downstairs neighbors!  I tried to muster up those feelings that I have for those animals and then transfer that same feeling to my irritating neighbors—no can do!  I just can’t seem to put these irritating people in the same place in my heart as the beautiful animals that I so love—I had to toss them right out.  I will keep trying and will let you know how it goes.

I am closed off there and need to keep working at it to open up and resolve my aversions—that’s what awareness can mean.  Oh, yeah, I try to tell myself that they are just like me and like the Dalai Lama says, we are all seeking happiness.  It’s just that their version of happiness and mine are apparently in dire contrast and opposition; perhaps it’s cultural but then again “when in Rome” as the saying goes.

I realize this is more aversion to humans and the epitome of resistance to them but I was thinking that I’ve got to start incorporating flip turns into my swimming routine.  Talk about human in your face!  When I got to the pool yesterday all the lanes were free, but for one.  I selected the last lane and started my swim.  About 20 minutes into my swim as I reached the wall to initiate my turn, there it was!

A man’s face in front of my own, asking to swim in my lane with me; all of the other lanes were filled with men and maybe he felt it was easier to ask a woman—who knows his motives? And who cares? But I felt immediate aversion to having to share my lane—why me?  He didn’t swim long but I realize that I have a lot of work to do in that area also; it’s just that (watch me try to justify my aversion now) when I swim it is like a meditation and one really would rather not be interrupted.  But that’s life—it’s what happens to us while we’re doing our own thing; human interference.  I’ve got to learn to be better at sharing my sacred spaces with other humans I guess…. Well, obviously.  I don’t like feeling irritated and would rather be happy and peaceful—that requires getting over my ego and self-cherishing!

I think to write about it and how these humans get under my skin so-to-speak is blowing my cover!  I’m human too and we all have an ego with aversions and attractions—when I lived in the mountains alone I could, for the most part, pretend that I wasn’t one of them!  Ha ha.

Well, humor is a gift from the Angels that helps us cope here.

Today, I will ask the Angels of Laughter to hang 10 with me through the ocean of life… or at least through my apartment living and my lap swimming at the pool.  I hit my toe on the side of the metal filing cabinet this morning as I made my way to my desk with my first cup of coffee while at the same time feeling resentful for being awakened by neighbor’s voices!

It’s a beautiful sunny day and we started out in the high 60’s, low 70’s this morning.  I made good progress on the project I’m creating for my daughter’s wedding gift and still wish that I could be half as artistic as my middle daughter (not the one getting married).  My middle child draws beautifully freehand and oh how I admire her ability to do that!

I just opened a desk drawer and the fragrance of Nag Champa incense cones (that I forgot I had) greeted me (I love Nag Champa) and may today be filled with such continued pleasant surprised for everyone!

DAILY DIVINATION SEPTEMBER 5, 2013 – TEN OF PENTACLES TAROT CARD

This card makes me think of the 11th House in Astrology, relating to the community.  I think of it too as “growing roots” in the community and creating a stable and comfortable environment. The 10 of Pentacles deals with the domestic life and living life upon the earth and represents “the good life”.  The deep connection to The Universe exists within the ordinary life—through this card I am reminded that the troubles and miseries that occupy many human minds (my own included) are only a play and the community plays a role for us in presenting that which we must free ourselves.

As I finished that last sentence a hummingbird was flying a holding pattern within a few feet of my laptop just on the other side of the glass door, looking at me directly.  Reminds me to be joyful and to find the nectar of life and drink heartily from that fountain.  Hummingbirds are symbolic for accomplishing that which seems impossible.

May you always feel encouraged!

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Day #20 Value System Shock and Awe – North Node Taurus and Electric Train Goes Back to the Future

Electric Train
When Life Starts Moving Like An Electric Train!

May there be something here in this writing to somehow help another along their path….

Before we get started catching up from Day #11 to now, let me just say how much I love my work!  It’s intense—this project, this commitment, this change—but when I do a phone reading for someone, it is like drinking cool water from a pure source on a hot day.  O, I’m sure there are better analogies to use—so let me just say it straight.  When I do a reading, it is the highlight of my day and a healing of my energy; it’s great!  And with the recent intensity of my life, the contrast is plainly and acutely pronounced.  Healers know this—when they do a healing for another they are channeling healing energy through them and so they too become healed.   It is the same in my work as a psychic and medium. 

And now to continue from Day #11:  whenever one makes a commitment for change, it will affect others and in my case I had to give that kind of notice or head’s up.  I had no idea how it was going to go.  Would I meet with any rage or resistance or resentment when I told others who would be affected about my commitment to this change?  I held my breath (held my nose) and jumped in and did it.  I had to because the persons I had to tell needed to be involved in the change itself.  I had a moment or two of the heart beating fast and then holding the breath in anticipation until I received the response.  It was surreal actually as much of the last 20 days have been. 

Sometimes I will program ahead for the response I want from another—or I have done so in the past.  You know—visualized it happening the way I wanted it to and then seeing that it did.  That can be a very empowering thing to do by the way!

This time, however, I was more ‘in the moment’.  What I mean is there was a level of confidence beforehand that no matter the response, I will deal with it as it happens moment by moment.  And I did and it went as well as could be expected—well, actually in some cases better than could be expected. 

The feeling was like I’m on this train and it isn’t stopping and so people will have to step aside because the train is coming through—yet, I am not driving the train as much as being a passenger. 

Once those people were told about the change and that was accomplished things really took off… moved much faster… like the train was on one of those electric tracks that goes 110 mph instead of 40 or 50.  It makes me think of how it goes from Washington, DC area to Philadelphia whenever I’d travel there from North Carolina.  Through North Carolina, Virginia and Maryland the train was slow as molasses but once we got near DC, we hooked onto the electric track and flew!  Well, that’s how it’s been… I’ve been flying for the past 9 days! 

And I’ve had help!  People help; family help; physical help and emotional help and so there’s the further evidence for the support for this commitment to change. 

Yet, emotionally or within me there’s been an issue triggered by value systems—mine versus theirs!  Or we could say fringe dweller spiritual and metaphysical values VERSUS big-city, Corporate America impersonal and “it’s all about the money mentality” and besides “you are just a number consciousness”—it’s been (to use their terms/words) just like “shock and awe”.  I won’t go into that too much more because it is just me having to adjust to being in Rome and doing what the Roman’s do—at least externally.  It’s not been pleasant on certain days and there’ve been times that I’ve sat on the floor and cried it out for a few minutes due to the ridiculous irony alternated by other moments on the floor laughing at levels of near-hysteria for the same reason. 

Overwhelmed isn’t a strong enough word to describe certain moments but I’ve got tools and have “been there-done that” enough times emotionally that I know how to use them!  So… it’s okay and I have in my 64 years upon the earth learned a good deal and have developed excellent coping and healing techniques!

So while the past 9 or 10 days have been moving quickly and have been intense mentally, physically and emotionally… the highlights have actually been when I’ve ceased in this project and helped another by doing my work, giving a reading.  It is when I am being my truest and happiest self!  And it’s not that I needed to make this change or commitment to know that—not at all; because I’ve always known that actually. 

In 18 days my life will change and I will be walking into an area that is semi-unknown to me on certain levels.  I have so many projects in mind after that which involve my work as a psychic, medium, astrologer and teacher!  I feel sure my focus will be sharper and I will have more time and energy to devote to those endeavors.

Until then, this update must end.  I know I just typed 18 days but I think of it more in terms of two weeks actually.  I hope lots of people will want a reading over these next two weeks… and that is what I am asking the universe for!

I’ve just got to tell ya’ though, in the meanwhile, that it is so strange watching the events of my life and watching myself go in directions that I said to everyone that I’d never, ever go!  and it’s not the first time this has happened!  Shows to go ya’ or goes to show ya’ that you probably should never say never–especially to The Universe!  Well, if you’ve lived life at all you already know that!

I will update again when there’s another opportune moment to sit down and gather myself and my thoughts.  My North Node Taurus is being triggered by my approaching transiting South Node and while I’m starting this whole “Back to the Future” thing in some ways in my life… it should get even more interesting as the conjunction becomes more or less exact at the end of the year triggering and electrifying the 4th/10th house axis even further!

Hoping that there was something here in this writing to somehow help another along their path….

See you next time…

Fear, Change, Committment and a New Life in 60-Days

CHANGE

Hello beautiful people!  O, take it first hand from me (as if you didn’t know from your OWN experiences anyway) but fear wreaks havoc (potentially) if we don’t nip it in the bud.  I’ve just made a commitment that has taken courage—and because of this,  I may not be blogging… wait.   How about this?  I could bring you along with me on this adventure via this blog (time permitting).

On this journey I am  going to ‘test my mettle’,  as well as my determination, courage and tenacity!  What do you say?  If I had the time I’d create a separate blog for that but this one will have to do.

This is just the beginning of what is going to be a very interesting journey over the next 60 days.  Hang on to your hat—that’s what I’m telling myself.  I’m about to head into territory.  From the Higher Self:  This experience  is likely to hit or trigger this soul’s past issues/wounds–yet also provides the opportunity to heal those!   This should get interesting and we will have to help this soul and this personality remain awake and fully conscious through this process!

This is Day #1 more-or-less officially (but there’s no signing on the dotted line yet exactly) but, like I said more-or-less since I just got the green flag to go ahead with my commitment for change and to experience a new life in 60 days. 

There is a particular area of my life that must remain strong if I am to succeed.  Yet I just had a moment of paranoia when I thought that area has become weak.  It involved looking at something and thinking, “How in the world could this be?” and then the mind started envisioning everything in my life going south.  Well, you know what I mean–the old fear monster reared its head and said, “See this weakened area and how it shows that you are going to fail? Just look at how vulnerable you are; you’ll never pull this off.”

Ha!  Wrong; it was a mistake, a simple error and did not indicate any vulnerability or weakness in any area whatsoever.  Mind you, this was just a half-hour in the making today, on day one of this venture, this commitment, this change in my life.  And during that half hour (after the initial shock hit like a strong wave and dissipated as quickly as it hit), what I did was consciously let go; I surrendered.

Yeah, it was still hanging out in the back of my mind but I shrunk that fear monster down to 5% of its original huge size by not giving it my energy or any credibility.

Me of all people knows how this kind of thing can snowball—first one fear and if it doesn’t get nipped in the bud right then, it starts calling in it’s family members and friends, doubt, uncertainly, anxiety and all of the others from on Main Street in Stress-ville and before you know it, we’re all sunk.

I just received information that my fear was actually erroneous – ahhh, like almost all fear is.  I thought so but got a validating email to that effect and so now we’re back on track again.  F.alse E.vidence A.ppearing R.eal — yeah, I know; you’ve heard that a thousand times if you’ve heard it once (but not everybody has).

I look forward to this challenge and to being very busy with clients, students and also in this area of commitment in my life which is only temporary but which in the end will bring positive change.  I’ll blog post again as we go along on this journey sharing my challenges and successes, planning to have more success than the other.

This has to potential to be emotional as change can be, but I am ready.  As I heard it said while watching a re-run episode of Grey’s Anatomy, and I paraphrase, “When what needs to be changed becomes more difficult to deal with than the fear of the change—it happens.”   And it’s about to.  So much for Day 1.  We’ve only 59 more days to go and lots to do!  My tarot card have been right so far on this–and my higher self has guided me right here at the brink of this change.  It seems so sudden but then change always does, doesn’ t it?

Oh, and I am pretty sure we have the green light go ahead… it should be official by tomorrow, more or less.  I’ll post again when that last small stop is pulled out; but it’s looking like a done deal.  I just have to take my own courageous steps and make my determined efforts now.  (It was that darned May Super Full  Moon in Scorpio that started this off!  I’ll be grateful at the END of the 60-Days, but one step, one day at a time.  LOL)

PS — Terence (the toad) and Sam (the salamander) didn’t make it. ( See last post. )

By the way, this week’s newsletter relates to this unfolding 60-Day thing  in many ways–the part about watching myself do things.

I’m going to make this a fun adventure (to the best of my ability) and laugh my way through it — as much as possible.  That’s my intent — we’ll see how I do.

What do you do when people change? Where do you find true unchanging happiness? Relationships, Drugs, and Tarot Ten of Cups

There’s no personal question today… nothing troubling the mind or heart but let me pretend that the person reading this today is troubled by a relationship problem.  It’s possible with the FULL MOON in the astrological relationship sign of LIBRA now.

Let’s say it has to do with people changing and we could pretend that the reader feels that the person they are closest to in life is turning, changing, becoming different and isn’t sure what’s going on and is troubled by the change.  Let’s ask the divination tool, the Tarot, the oracle used today in this post what advice should be given to such a person who is troubled by their loved one’s apparent change.

I’m going to shuffle the cards now.  Here we go…

Oh, good card I think!  We have the 10 of cups and there look at the image at the top of this post—good image isn’t it?  I mean, considering our question.  She’s looking down and he seems to be trying to look into her eyes to figure her out.  The rainbow above and cups with it represent emotional happiness perhaps and how she once was but currently there’s a different look than appears on the woman sitting on the rainbow.

Makes me think (before we go any further) about those who seem to need to figure other people out in the first place!  I mean, why can’t we tell him to get out of her face and leave her alone and find something better to do?  Well, anyway…

Let’s look at the 10 of cups and remember that this card – in archetypical terms – represents emotional happiness.  O, how fleeting that can be sometimes and how traumatic when we believe that we have lost the source of it which is (of course) impossible to do, but still…. There we are anyway.

It also makes me think about co-dependency.  You know what that is right?  I can’t be happy until I know you are okay and happy first.  That’s an example of co-dependency.  I know that one pretty well because this is how I was experiencing my middle child back when she was in high school and if I’m honest I still get this way sometimes and she’s now 34 years old!  But this isn’t about her and I… this is a general question about what to do when people change.

The Oracle (via the card) seems to want to specifically address the change having to do with changes in emotional happiness—or maybe that’s my own interpretation.  Anyway…

It’s definitely about emotions according to the Oracle.  Cups is the symbol representing emotions in the Tarot system.  My Herbal Tarot deck wants to associate this card with the “herb” cannabis sativa otherwise known as marijuana.  Passing illusions!  That’s what that rainbow on this card represents.  I’ve never liked drugs, alcohol or even excessive herbs because I’m already pretty Neptune-ish and have a difficult enough time keeping my feet on the ground!  I’m learning to master my mind and emotions and that’s a bit harder to do when under the influence.  LOL

The 10 of Cups card is about learning equilibrium and that comes through lessons many times that are given via others which brings us back to the main issue we’re talking about.  Can you remain balanced when others around you are not?  OR are you co-dependent?

When we get caught up in the pie-in-the-sky syndrome and believe that everyone should maintain a basic sense of equilibrium for our benefit so that ‘we’ can be okay, that’s quite a delusion to maintain.  People will change and we will as well.  That last statement really makes me think about how we find one moment of exquisite pleasure and peace in which no problems seem to be on any horizon and we feel happy and then we spend our life chasing that moment.  This, I believe, is what causes people to turn to marijuana, alcohol and/or other drugs—they are seeking to reproduce that carefree state albeit in an artificial way.  Joyful intoxication can be used as an exercise to learn to discriminate the true inner reality from outer delusions!  I can see that as the only benefit.

If you become troubled by a loved one who seems to have changed, examine your own tendency to be co-dependent and remember that all things will eventually pass—both peaks and valleys of happiness and sadness.  Find the unchanging core within you that is stable and maintains equilibrium despite changes in the life around you or in the people around you.  All happiness comes from within the mind and heart of full self-realization and no amount of drugs or alcohol or herbs will help you find it on a permanent basis.  Only YOU can create the non-changing stable, happy contentment that you are seeking in the outer world.  To help others who do not realize this yet, you can only show the best example and detach.