The Zen Master, The Cow and The Young Indian Couple Downstairs Neighbors

december 29 2012 cow ice snowThere’s something about this photo of this icy cow moved me to open blank page on my blog and type.  Things are going fine while at the same time they’re not fine at all. There’s no escape.    But that has nothing to do with the cow at present.  Further explanation needed and forthcoming–hang on. For now let me say that cows are really interesting.  If you stop to look at them, they look back and there’s like a mesmerizing hypnotic-like psychic connection.  One day many years ago when home in the mountains, there was a good deal of anxiety and worry over money and a place to live.  In order to relive this, I went for a walk in the beautiful mountains and came to a pasture where cows were grazing.  The distinct memory that lingers has to do with conversing with the cow in an imaginative and dreamlike way offering to exchange my human life of money worries with hers of a pasture life.  We looked into each others eyes for a long, long time and then suddenly a bull ran directly at her and butted her to break up our energy exchange!  That little dream was over.  Looking at this picture now, I’d say pasture life may not be all it’s cracked up to be!   Still…

Maybe its human nature to want to be in a different pasture than one’s own.  It’s like a low-level discontent that we contend with when we say everything’s fine but not fine at all.  I’d venture to say that whatever is going on with any of us is likely very much intensified right now.  The Full Moon opposing the Sun/Pluto conjunction isn’t just any ordinary Full Moon… it was more exact yesterday by orb but still, the effects linger.   The desire to go home is stronger and something intense happening with my downstairs neighbor is too.

Apartment living cannot be compared to a house in the mountains in any positive way whatsoever–at least that’s how it feels at the moment!

Human behavior this close in to my living environ is not in the least bit interesting; in fact, it can be irritating which my best effort is engaged in not allowing at the moment.  I know more about the vocal, cooking and smoking habits of my downstairs neighbors than desired!  It amazes me that two people can dialogue on and on nonstop in those ways!  Are those young folks beneath me mirroring my own inner dis-satisfaction with my move here or simply adding to what is already there.  Sometimes, we don’t know what is mine and what isn’t when we are very sensitive to energies.  There was a very interesting post on Facebook recently:

zen student overcoming anger

A Zen student said to his teacher, “ Master, I have an ungovernable temper. Help me get rid of it.”
“You have something very strange,” said the teacher.
“Show it to me.”
“Right now I cannot show it to you.”
“Why not?”
“It arises suddenly.”
“Then it cannot be your own true nature,” said the teacher, “if it were, you would be able to show it to me at any time. Why are you allowing something that is not yours to trouble your life?”
Thereafter whenever the student felt his temper rising he remembered his teacher’s words and checked his anger. In time, he developed a calm and placid temperament.

This energy is not my true nature, it is not ‘me’, it is illusive; it comes and goes; it arises and dissolves back; it belongs to no one unless that one claims it as their own feeling and then inflames it further.  Maybe young Indian couples like bantering non-stop!  Perhaps this is a sport for them that is enjoyable as much as continual agitation can be.  I let it come up and pass out and do my best to send calming love and light beneath me in case they should wish to accept that; however, perhaps they are too distracted by their incessant dialogue to realize any other energy.

It all makes me miss the mountains even more and the more pasture-type of life of solitude and quiet.  Recent assurances that I am to go back home has been arriving in various forms, not the least being the non-stop mouthing young Indian neighbors.  Efforts to convince myself that one might be alternating reading aloud from a  book to the other have failed!  Ah, well I tried.

They pay rent as I do and each has a right to speak in their own apartment!  (But how can there be THAT MUCH to bicker about for that long? — i don’t get it.)  If their voices get very loud, as often happens, if I knock very lightly on the wall, then voices quiet for a while.  I think they do not realize–they’re young after all and into their dramas.  The young man smokes as many Indians seem to–they didn’t seem to get the memo about the Marlboro Man.  Whiffs of that drift up into my place as well as the spices they cook with, forcing me out of my sanctuary such as it is here.

As the Zen teacher says, Why are you allowing something that is not yours to trouble your life?”  I am using the bickering young Indian downstairs neighbors as teachers as much as I’d rather not–it is what it is.  My family, too, enable me to sit with stuff that gets triggered within my self.  Suddenly now, as I’m typing this,  there comes a recollection of an employment situation that I experienced some years ago.

Back then there seemed to be great unhappiness on my part going into work each day and at that time there was a strong desire to be free of that situation although I could not see practically or financially just how that could happen.  Yet, within me there was a strong inner knowing that the more I could make peace with the situation, the sooner I’d be released from it.  That same message echoed in my heart and mind each day when lamenting my lack of enthusiasm for going to work!

After months of resistance, finally there was a surrender within to find something fun and enjoyable and pleasant in the co-workers and the total environ.  And I maintained that over a period of time very consciously and then (YOU GUESSED IT), numerous situations occurred resulting in my being able to release myself!

That memory encourages me as well as the other indicators received that I will be going home to the mountains again.   Psychic predictive work, intuition and divination come in handy on a personal level too!  (Besides, my tarot cards don’t know how to lie.)  Meanwhile, not letting things that are not mine trouble my life!  In other words, it’s all in the mind, the attitude.  It is not the circumstances that upset a man, it’s the view that he takes of them! 

I’ve got to get a new view finder!  Happiness comes from within–not the absence of family drama, lack of human voices or the absence of dampness, mold or mice–dampness, mold and mice were part of the mountain house issue.  There is no escape!  One can only surrender to the external world and change the inner attitude in order to find peace, serenity and happiness.  Let me laugh at the family dramas, the loud smelly downstairs neighbors and the traffic and rest!  It’s all illusion anyway — may as well.  Or–mice or men?  mice or men? hmmmm.... what a choice!  Neither one!

Ahhwwwhkkkkjjkkhk…. and can’t you  just hear the glee of certain people who love to see this person struggle with it all?!  But that’s just it; there ‘is’ no person here, only energy playing out just like the weather plays out!  Certain conditions create certain weather–how much of it are we personally responsible for?  Weather is.  Downstairs couples who argue are.  The Sun is also out, the roads are clear and my car runs!

Ideas arise as suddenly as anything else!  and one has just arrived which causes me to end this silly diatribe now with the hope that something written here will serve some useful purpose to another in some way.   (If nothing else, this bit of a vent is one example of how a Cancer Full Moon can express–ugh!)

There’s always tomorrow….. and hope for a brighter day!

My Bird Story! Devoted Female Cardinal Tapping At My Windows And My Childhood Parakeet

My Feathered Friend! This image is a look-alike, not really her. The other images are look-alike's too. I can't get her and her mate to stand still long enough to snap a shot... they're both camera-shy I guess. Me too actually, so I "get it". LOL

Not rain, nor wind, nor sleet, nor snow will keep (not the postman but…) this bird from her appointed rounds! This bird has a zealous nature and seems particularly devoted!

Today, there’s a diversion from my normal posts with divination messages that are inspired by tarot cards and astrology. I can’t hold back writing about her any longer! Maybe I’ll make two blog posts today, pulling a card from the deck later, but for now I’ve got to get Ruthie out of my system—yeah, I named her (after my mother).

She’s a female cardinal who is accompanied by a very quiet and laid back companion named after my dad. They are like family now having been a noisy part (her not him) of my life since well before the first day of spring.

Ruth hasn’t missed a day, even when it snowed and froze over a few times or in a heavy rain event like this very morning, from her self-appointed job—tapping on my bedroom window in the morning, the kitchen window when I make coffee, the living room window when I sit at the computer or the sliding glass door in the back when I’m in the den.

No, REALLY.  This bird actually knows which room I’m in and follows my steps throughout the day! At first, I thought it was co-incidence. After all, how can a bird be so aware of my movements inside the house? All I know is that she is.

And when the phone rings or I’m on the line with a client, she hears my voice and hangs on the screen door for long periods or she flies directly up and down repeatedly parallel to the sliding glass door. Now, I have to say that I don’t know all that much about bird behaviors or what’s normal or what isn’t, but I’ve lived in this house for over 5 years and never had such companions!

Yeah, I know what they say (I spent a little time googeling a while back).  About female cardinals they say that they are seeing their reflection in the glass pane and, thinking it’s another bird, they are trying to frighten it off.  (Supposidly, its a territorial protection thing.)  I actually bought that for a while, but this has been going on way too long and consistently for that to be the real case.

As she engaged in her daily tapping on my bedroom window routine again this morning and I talked to her as I usually do (she stops tapping with her beak, tilts her head, listens to my voice and chirps back), I got to thinking about names. It’s always been my belief that even though parents think that it is they who name their babies, that the soul of the baby telepathically communicates their chosen name to their mother’s consciousness while in utero.

I was considering that while thinking about how I named this bird after my mother because of her incessant tapping.  It reminded me of how my mom used to tap her fingernails on the table—both types of tapping fall into the category of irritating. Yeah, my mother could be and this bird sometimes is too!  Yet I miss Mom and if this bird decided to move away, I’d miss her too.

My mother crossed over in December of last year and in the late days of winter, this cardinal showed up along with her very quiet and polite companion. With his demeanor being so much like my father’s, and since he’s Ruth’s companion, I named this bright red feathered friend after Dad. So this morning, she tapped and I talked and after a bit of that, I walked to the kitchen to make the coffee. She flew along the side of the house landing, as she usually does, outside the kitchen window so we could continue our conversation.

Waiting for my coffee I wondered to myself if she didn’t name herself like babies do! My mom promised me that she’d get a message to me after she crossed over and maybe this is one way she’s doing it—who knows? Go ahead and color me crazy if you’d like… I’m quite used to it. I talk to this bird like I talk aloud to my spirit guides half the day—it is what it is. Anyway…

You know, this feels like I’m writing an article for that old “True Confessions” magazine—remember that one? I wonder if it’s still around. This is probably boring stuff, and who knows if maybe all my blogs are, but I’ve just got to write about Ruth and her companion today.

Did you know that cardinals mate for life? He’s a hoot, you know? She’s all excited tapping on the window and flying up and down along the sliding glass door and he’s grabbing seed from the bird feeder and putting the seeds in her mouth which calms her down a moment or two and then she’s back at it again–and then so is he. It’s comical. Google says that this is normal bonding behavior. But I have something else to tell you about regarding Ruth and her bright red companion.

I am going to see if I can scan the picture. You see I had a bird when I was let’s say around 10 years old or so, a parakeet. My brother and I both had one. I loved my bird. I actually did managed to drag out the photo from an old album… I was so happy about those birds when our parents bought them for us!

Anyway, as these things go, sometimes during full Moon times my psyche seems to want to do these life reviews—go figure. And various memories pop up, mostly things I regret or memories of stupid things that I’ve done in my past rear their ugly heads!  And then I end up apologizing to the ceiling for them!

This bird event was one of them. There I was yelling up toward the ceiling and out to the ethers, “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” You see, about this bird:  I took the cage outdoors, with the bird inside no less, and placed it on the porch to clean the bottom of the cage.

You know how you slide out the bottom, replace paper and slide it back in again, right? Well, the bottom wasn’t in correctly and I lifted up the cage and my pretty light blue bird flew out!

I loved my bird and was devastated!

There I was during a full Moon at 2 in the morning flashing to a scene where I’d just learned the bird was found dead and was laying on my bed crying. My brother in his effort to comfort me is at my bedroom window outside with my dad and he calls to me, “Don’t worry, Dad is burying him right outside your window.” I cried even louder!

Usually when full Moon memories like this haunt me, I get up and meditate. On the worst occasions I’ve had to take 2 Advil PM’s to knock myself out! On the night of the full Moon bird drama memory, I threw off the covers, marched down the hall toward the kitchen and headed for 2 PM’s. I’m NOT going to lay here apologizing to a bird from 50 years ago!

In the days that followed, I found myself wishing for a bird. Trust me, the feeling was so strong that if there’d been a pet store anywhere within driving distance that sold parakeets, I’d have been there!

And it wasn’t but a heartbeat or two away from when I had those feelings that Ruth, the female cardinal, and her companion showed up. And they’ve been with me ever since.  Did I attract them through my desire?

I got to thinking not long after that how I’d actually feel sad to see a bird in a cage. Birds should fly free!

Ruth does and she’s a nice feathered friend to boot!

PS—it wasn’t the bird feeder that attracted them in the first place. (And, I hear her out there now actually chirping while I type this line.) I didn’t buy the bird feeder until long after they moved in, so-to-speak.

Also, I wanted to mention that my mom has communicated with me a number of times since her crossing, but hasn’t mentioned the bird.   And I have duly apologized from my little girl self to the pretty light blue parakeet–quite a number of times actually.

Anyway, that’s my story and now my story is done!