My Grand Cross April 2014 Freedom | Housing | Family | Power

photo Joy with Grandchildren
Joy with Grandchildren this past weekend

Yeah, really? seriously?  Wasn’t I just changing babies diapers the other day?  How could this be happening to ‘me’?  I don’t think of myself this way but being the good girl scout, looking ahead to be prepared, I see myself doing just what my own mother (God rest her soul–as they say) did when she was… well, yeah, I think right about my same age.  She found herself a place to live with others of her generation on her limited income and (cat out of the bag here), I’m doing the same thing right now.  I’m too early and way too young for this right?  Probably not; but LO! it’s taxing filling out all those forms and trying to figure it all out.  Which way to go? Which decision to make, while at the same time feeling completely at the mercy of the odds.  There’s not many ways to go actually. You just fill out the forms and pray you can manage until you move up on the list–and until the odds are in your favor, try to survive.

“May the odds be ever in your favor”–Hunger Games.

Well, anyway Cancer Capricorn is part of that grand cross with Aries Libra.  Yeah, there are the planets in those signs of course but let’s just think a minute about Capricorn/Cancer.  Sort of strange how those merge isn’t it? Capricorn (age) and Cancer (the baby/the child).

Isn’t it as we age that we become more childlike?  Think of (oh, do we have to?) those “adult day care centers”–I can’t believe they actually call them that!  That’s a perfect example of the merging of Capricorn (old) and Cancer (baby).  I just realized that just typed “old baby” and I’m about to gross myself out here and maybe you too reader!

And of course wouldn’t you know this grand cross is triggering my 5th and 11th houses and the 2nd and 8th.  Issues with the community, with my children, with my money and the money of others.  Yeah, that’s how it’s all playing out in my life–those areas are being triggered.

And it’s culminating, about to hit the fan as the saying goes.  Well, eventually I’m going to need some help and so I’m lining it up here–that’s just me facing old age even though I kick my legs and swing my arms in the pool as often as I can to stay young.  Yet, I’m falling into my mother’s footsteps to find a community of people my age where income is adjusted to what’s fair and reasonable.  I’m not like these younger adults with  a big corporate entity backing me up with a big paycheck every week; it’s just me out here mother/father god; just little ole’ me.  And maybe I’m delusional but I do deeply believe that I am employed by that unseen force that helps me to help others when I do psychic readings, counseling and astrology.  I’ve got a few calls into the ‘big boss’ if you know what I mean.

Meanwhile, I see some synchronicity–well, a good bit of it if I’m going to be fair in my blogging accounts.  I found out about help that came about in just that way serendipity, coincidence or whatever you’d like to call it–the path was shown and I’ve been following it and getting more and more direction and information.  So, I’m being led even though I see several possible outcomes, as if yet there’s no indication as to which one will manifest.  I’m, therefore, in the trust phase; and they don’t call it blind trust for nothen’!

It’s triggering that Aries/Libra thing too (Mar in Libra opposing Uranus in Aries).  I don’t like to ask for help and I want to remain independent and that’s hard especially as we are dealing with my money and other people’s money:  houses 2 and 8.  That’s the other part of the grand cross.

Wanting to be independent and yet needing to ask children and community–why? because I’m getting old and that’s still a hard one to admit since, like I said–it was just the other day that I was the mom of three little girls!

Yeah, and wanting to be rescued is part of that dynamic too.  Right now would be a good time for prince charming to ride in with saddle bags of money or at least a big house!  Not going to happen:  I know my astrology chart pretty well.  Even if it did, I’d very likely be held prisoner and Mars and Uranus would be totally pissed off about that!

For me the dynamic of this Grand Cross is kicking up some family issues and the realization of aging, housing, money for housing (Cancer — Jupiter [money]  in Cancer [home]) and family/freedom issues.  Echoes of my natal node’s soul lessons  actually–what else is new?

And looking up and out the window now I see the most beautiful sunset; the bright pink-orange with the dusty blue-purple.  And I think of the word Trust again and take a deep breath.  I will know which direction I’m going (or if I’m not going at all) by the time I need to know.

Breathing deeply, feeling so alone in this but remembering I’m not.

I’ve got a partner in spirit world helping and I don’t do anything alone.  Neither do you reader–we’re not alone, we have helpers and guides showing us the next step or keeping us from stepping at all. 

Blind trust; that’s all we need.  Again. And don’t expect anyone to be able to really understand; in fact, don’t seek to be understood–not this month.  Mars and Uranus are very independent and their both very active right now!  Just breathe.

(By the way, they [more adept astrologers than me] say this transit will stay intense through May.  That’s when I must decide about renewing my lease–not surprised about the timing.)

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Day #5 ‘All the World’s a Stage’ and Dealing with Change and Stage Fright in Your Own Life Play

It’s Day #5 and true to the last post, have been going at it “in a bit of a run”—fa’ sure!  The wheels were set into motion big time over the past two days and with so much still to do, there’s a bit of guilt about sitting at the computer, typing.  Yet, I may want to look back on this for encouragement (or maybe laughs!) later—besides, maybe someone will be helped by these posts about how I’m dealing with these  ♫ cha-cha-cha-cha-a-a-anges ♫.

People have recently told me that they never thought I’d commit to this change and honestly I didn’t either; and the greater part of me denied that these changes were already taking place on subtle levels before the lid blew off, before the genie got out of the bottle and before the lid to Pandora’s Box suddenly flew open! 

You know those moments when you hear your mouth saying things and watch yourself doing things while a unknown force seems to be pushing you from behind the unknown curtain?  “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain”, says the Wizard of Oz!

Meanwhile, the good ole’ personality me or what I’ve been calling ‘me-self’ sort of goes into a bit of shock—well, the day before yesterday it happened again.  I mean it’s silly, you know?  There we are standing in the middle of the change that is happening all around and then some communication comes that everything is right on track—green flag and all that. 

The 3 Aces in the Tarot card spread (indicating a very strong YES) were so right on–this weekend really kick started things forward!

What is it about that anyway?  It created an emotional trigger.  I think it is the sudden acceleration of life changing—like you’re in a car where someone pulled away very fast at the traffic light and your stomach gets left behind while the rest of you lurches suddenly forward.  Well, that’s how that moment of panic feels.  Even though I had checked, double checked, triple checked and quadruple checked before the greater part of me took over and jumped through the window of opportunity that was open before me—even with all that checking, I had a moment when I thought, “Wait, are you SURE you can handle this?”  And then of course at the same time I realized we had reached the point of no return—it was too late if I made a misjudgment.  Oh yeah, the pulse started to race; and even though my hot-flash days are over, I had one! 

What IS that?  I call that kind of thing an emotional trigger response.  An old wound, a sensitive spot in the psyche got hit and for a few moments I was spinning out in the ethers (at least my consciousness was). 

What are we afraid of when we go into panic and fear this way?  Today I am going to allow the answer to that question to surface—although I already know even as I type here.  I won’t share it publically—at least not now; maybe after the 30 days I will.  It may be 45 days, but surely this is not going to take 60 like I originally thought.  We’ve been going at it in a bit of a run—that Harry Potter movie scene (see last blog post) turned out to be quite the predictive phrase; no wonder it jumped out at me in such a significant way when I heard it the other day.

I was a bit disappointed that I had those 2 or 3 (that’s all it was) intense moments of fear and panic the other day.  Some of the reason for it (like I just said) is known to me but I just realized that another reason relates to that runaway train feeling that comes with that thought, “What if I made the wrong decision?  It’s too late to turn back now!”  And then comes the big fear—the trigger. 

I had to calm the ‘me-self’ and as soon as I realized that I had NOT made a literal, physical mistake—whew!  Deep breaths and a good laugh about it, but still I had to shake my head because the thing is, I thought we dealt with all that and put it to rest.  

Aside from the 2 minute moment of panic the day before yesterday—things are moving forward rapidly and smoothly and I have my sense of humor in tact and I’m excited that I jumped through that window of opportunity!  I am looking forward to a busy week with clients, students and lots of other activity–that part is always THE BEST

Best to keep a sense of humor and keep on talking to Higher Self  and  ♫ Just Breathe ♫.