indifference

Apathy and indifference! How to “handle that” when there’s a lot to do and you don’t feel like doing it? I drew a tarot card for insight. I have packing to do and my heart’s not exactly in that–except when the guy downstairs play’s his guitar and sings like a dog howling at the Moon. That’s motivation! But back to the card I drew. We all have times like that, don’t we? Stuff to do and we don’t feel like it and know we will never feel like doing that thing–right? Well, the KNIGHT OF WANDS brings guidance. He’s indifferent and apathetic at times on his negative side but he also has great courage and he moves forward, although awkwardly. All he needs is a cause… to create an attitude of service to others and then the apathy disappears.

Fire within—there has to be some type of desire that is stronger than what you don’t want to do. I don’t want to go in the direction that I have chosen to go but I don’t want to maintain the current course either—that feels like being “between the rock and the hard place” as that saying goes. I don’t want to go where I’m going but I don’t want to stay here either and I know that I have to go—must go and really DO want to go! But where I’m going doesn’t seem all that enticing either. But I know I will be helping someone and will be able to save money. And it’s only temporary—that last part is what I need to keep remembering!

So I have to pack and there’s the pickle! I drew a card for my apathy and indifference and lack of motivation about that.

It’s interesting that the herbal tarot connects this card [Knight of Wands] with MONKSHOOD which is actually a very poisonous plant. It’s a metabolic stimulant and in small doses can be a used [Chinese medicine] for low metabolism.

Suddenly I think of using this apathetic indifference about packing as an athletic challenge—use it as a “work out”. Make it exercise, work fast and it becomes nearly aerobic. Yeah, okay—maybe that is something that I could use to change the attitude and motivate self.

What about selfless service? I could think about how I will be helping my sister save money and how we will both be using less energy—conserving mother earth; things like that. Yeah, maybe I could expand that and make it work as an antidote to my apathy and indifference about packing.

I can think about the guitar player neighbor downstairs and his howling with his guitar and how I’ll be rid of that aversion.

I can think about how poisonous this angry kid’s energy is and how getting away from that will be a good thing.

Determination is what is needed when this card comes up in reply to a question. In this case, the question or concern is about my not wanting to do what I know I must—continue packing!

Between a rock and a hard place! That’s how I feel. I can’t stay and I feel resistance to going where I’m going. Where did that phrase come from anyway? Of course we know that it means, “In difficulty, faced with a choice between two unsatisfactory options.” Just like “between the devil and the deep blue sea”.

Well, Knights [in tarot] like adventure and change! Moving from the mountains in the first place was that indeed! And another move will be adventure and change too—moving in with my LEO sister and ARIES niece! If you know astrology then, yeah, beginning to see why the lack of motivation and apathy? But the good news is neither of them plays guitar (same notes over and over and over) while howling like a dog at the Moon. I must think of myself as a monk going into a monastery! devote my time for the benefit of all sentient beings and do my best to create some merit, somehow. Must review the 37 practices of a Bodhisattva! Must be a better Buddhist!

I don’t think Ram Das really said this but there was a recent quote on Facebook that read, “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family.” Oh, enlightenment and initiations and packing and never mind all that because my daughter just texted me about going to the Y for a work out.

Didn’t want to pack anyway! It’s a no brainer; I’m outa here! I’ll pack some more later or another day! I think about Monkshood and motivation and attitude while I swim and maybe come back with a better attitude. Something. For now, I’m outahere!