Wednesday September 4, 2013 Daily Divination, Divine Timing, Escape and Self-Acceptance in Meditation

Hello from Wednesday, September 4, 2013.

divine_timingA touch of fall is back in the air along with the bee-in-your-bonnet vocalizations and wall-banging sounds of my downstairs’ neighbors—yeah, they’re back.     Well, that’s life isn’t it?  I’m forced once again to stay present with what arises fighting the internal temptations to “do something” when nothing really can be done—our end of the building is constructed like a tent.  Experiencing emotional distress is something that people try to escape through drugs, alcohol and yes, even meditation.  Pema Chodron says that even long time meditation practitioners use meditation as a means of escaping difficult emotions. People even create a chronic disease to cover up their negativity.  Let’s face it—it can be difficult to stay present with whatever arises.  It’s not easy to stay with emotional distress despite the cause and be with the energy without judgment or self-punishment in order to go beneath it and find the deeper self.  It’s not easy to fully experience the intense emotions and stay with them neither acting out nor repressing them.  Well, that’s life in the big city—there’s always something as grist for the spiritual mill.

There was a brief moment late yesterday when I was walking toward my apartment.  Yet another Indian couple moved into the building in the front apartment. I could hear him inside of my car with my windows up as soon as I shut off the engine.  At first I didn’t know where the voice (s) were coming from but then I saw him lying on the floor (most Indians have no furniture), cell phone to his hear shouting into it and a female voice (although I did not see her) shouting over his.  Charming!

It was a wonderful swim yesterday and I promise that I really do have to fight myself to get out of the pool once I’m in!  And one hour and 15 minutes is a long swim but I do wish I could grow a set if gills and could remain in water—it’s so quiet under water but then there I go looking for an escape again.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how people use spirituality and meditation as an escape, but I’m also thinking about my daughter’s wedding—the time is fast approaching.  Better get going so that I can work some more on the gift project I’m making and then back to the pool for another workout.  But another thought on escape–more like reprieve actually.  When a client calls for a reading, I’m totally not here in this apartment when I’m working on those levels; even if the lawn maintenance people are outside with a mower or leaf blower,  barely hear it.  In that sense my work doing psychic readings by phone is wonderful temporary relief–more than that.  A gift!  Now that I put it in those terms, how many people think of their work that way?  I’m grateful.

Thinking of that project again… I’m learning to accept myself on yet another level; I’m not the artistic type with paint and brush and such.  One does one’s best and one hopes that it’s the thought that counts after all is said and done.

Nice breezes and around 70 degrees and sunny and as I look out,  the trees dancing in the wind seem to be calling me into the open air.  As I look around the living room /slash/ den area here I’m pleased with my recent furniture arrangement and it reminds me of the nice weekend it was with my neighbors gone.

Of all people, I came out of the place where I’m working on my daughter’s wedding gift only to find her call out to me!  Talk about energy merging!  She was having lunch right next door with one of her brides maids—“I thought that was your car mom!”

I have placed my Happy Buddha wood carving at the top of my stairs on a little table stand and as I look up coming up the stairs I see him, reminding me that this apartment should be a happy place, not a place of suffering.  This seems so much easier to accept when the neighbors are gone.  And speaking of gone, it’s time for me to go while wishing you a wonderful Wednesday September 4th—seventeen more days to the wedding.

Daily Divination September 4, 2013 ~ Angel Card drawn:  Divine Timing

This card reminds me of the blog post from the other day about making plans and about astrology and exactly that:  Divine Timing.  I love that astrology gives us more than a hint of divine timing.  For example, take my daughter’s upcoming wedding this month—her PROGRESSED NEW MOON is in her 7TH HOUSE OF RELATIONSHIPS right when she’s getting married!  yeah, new beginning in relationships is what astrology would predict and there she is getting married—after a long engagement! 🙂  “To every thing there is a season, turn, turn, turn; And a time for every purpose under heaven” — if your not too young to remember that song.   And that’s Divine Timing—apply this insight to whatever troubles you right now, and if it’s nothing–there ‘s divine timing for that too, so smile. 🙂

Advertisements

Liberation and Enlightened Awareness Means Not Taking Your Self Too Seriously!

enlarge for background or headerLike everything mental, the so-called ‘law of causation’ contradicts itself (says Nisargadatta).  He adds, “No thing in existence has a particular cause–the entire universe contributes to the existence of even the smallest thing; nothing could be as it is without the universe being what it is.”  In this response to a question Nesargadatta is taking time out of the equation which the ego-mind attaches to but the universe functions outside of the law of causation because causation means succession of space time events that are physical or mental and all that has to do with “mind”.  The universe is not bound by its content– everything is an expression of the totality of causes.

As the couple from India in the apartment below me showed up, so did a used book that I’d forgotten I ordered on a teacher (interestingly enough) also from India—Nisargadatta!  For decades now my ears have taken in that name spoken by Dr. Wayne Dyer who would often quote him in his lectures.  The noise and smells below me were too much India for me and the book sat beneath a pile of others, intentionally buried!  After a few gatherings of Indian people for weekend parties below me, it was as if I was THERE—bad enough my sleep and meditations have been disturbed. Teacher or not–a book written by someone having anything to do with India seemed like something that would throw me way over the edge.  I’d been on India overdose!

But I think I really like Nisargadatta now that I’ve cracked the book.  He has essentially validated some of my own insights regarding what happens being just life and even my life being just life and all of it just being energy playing out—no need to take any of it personally!

Between this teacher and few others (via books), I’m also realizing that we humans take our preferences and pains from past memories and call that ME, identifying ourselves based on our memories.  Case in point—the Indian couple (who are just being themselves) have loud voices which I’m now realizing as I look around this community many do talk very loud—trigger within me memories of my parents fighting when I was a child.  Yes, before you ask the Indian couple fights—doors slam and fighting is fighting no matter what language it’s in; so there’s no mistaken it.   Again, it could totally be a cultural thing but all that aside, I find myself bracing in my stomach and jaw when they come in to their apartment (yes, I can hear them) and many times I look for excuses not to come home when I know they’re home—just like as a child I’d not want to go home to hear my parents fighting.  I’d get sick to my stomach and beg my grandmother to let me stay with her so I didn’t have to go home.  All this is memory that I over-identify with as ‘me’—this is what I’m realizing or remembering.  The I AM of ‘me’ doesn’t have anything to do with any of that!  And that is what Nasargadatta is explaining in the book that I’m reading!

I knew that, I lived that and figured it out on my own but forgot it.  Even my longing to go home to the mountains is really just a memory that I’m overly attached to and too identified with which is causing additional unnecessary suffering.

We are not our memories!  Good ones (the serenity of the mountains, the silence) or the bad ones (people yelling and fighting) or even the current events or happenings—it is all just energy playing out and the universe doing what it does and we are part of it in this moment but don’t need to over identify with the memories of the past or the apprehensions of the future.

That is true liberation.  The challenges of course are to recall this and be in this realization; and remain in that awareness when those memories that we mistake for a ‘me’ are triggered.  That’s my work now or at least part of it.

It is said that we are slaves to what we do not know.  And of what we do know we are masters.   When we discover something within ourselves like this and when we strive to understand it and understand its causes and its workings, we can potentially overcome it by the very knowing—the unconscious dissolves when brought to the conscious.

Then we can become quiet again—serene, at peace.

By the way, I am also reading Songyal Rinpoche’s Tibetan Book of the Living and the Dying.  I read the huge long thick tedious version a few decades ago when I was a physical therapist.  It was on the required reading list to become a hospice worker.  I did my own survey over the years asking every hospice worker I’d met if they read this book that is required to be read (according to the hospice paperwork I came across) and not a one of them had read it!

Now it’s time for me to do my own writing while everything is quiet here—at least in between clients and my other work.  It’s time for me to return to writing my astrology course.  Meanwhile, the message for the day is not to take your self too personally; like Nisargadatta reminds me through his book, every thing and every one is the energy of the universe working itself out.  Consciousness is one thing but AWARENESS is beyond that and the earth/ego realms and in awareness we realize this liberating truth!

These reminders and realizations and the memory releases are part of the transiting North Node of the Moon merging with my natal South Node (4th house Scorpio)– conjunct now within one degree.  Somehow the recent broken bone in my foot is part of the mini-awakening here and a message to get back in the body and stay centered in the present moment!  There has been so much change since last June!  As a psychic/intuitive, I could feel the change coming but frankly did not foresee how the reversed lunar nodal returns would play out!  ( The nodes were in an exact conjunction 2 days after I broke–in 2 places– a bone in my foot.  Two days before the exact conjunction is “close enough in horse shoes and hand grenades”, as the saying goes.)

For any astrologers out there who may wonder how a reversed lunar nodal return would play out in the 4th house, I also left my home in the mountains to move closer to my children in order to help them which is how I ended up in an apartment above a loud Indian couple.  It was very quiet when I first moved here.  Just for the record, people in our building have complained to the office about them and they have become better mannered and quieter since then.

And here again I have to turn back to Nisargadatta and the liberating teachings and Truth which I have come to already know within myself through my experience in meditation and contemplation:  whatever happens is just life (which includes me) being just life  and all of it just being energy playing out—no need to take any of it personally!  Not even should I take my own self personally — everything is just energy playing itself out.  In a state of pure awareness I see that!  I clearly do and obviously needed the reminder.

Dealing with Neighbor Karma – Mindrolling Rinpoche Helps with Loud Indian Neighbors

 WARNING: this is a vent; read at your own risk.  Awakening at 3:30 AM

So anyway. Okay. That’s probably IT. Neighbor karma! And they say if you don’t fight against the karmic consequences; that is if you accept without resistance, this releases the karma.

Are they butchering their own meat for dinner with a chain saw? Or grinding up ice cubes in a blender to make frozen margaritas to get drunk on? Or shoving what they can shove down the electric garbage disposal? You have to love the way they yell right over the top of the noise—even when the grinding sound isn’t happening and they are within two feet of one another—yelling at the top of their lungs! What’s that about, huh? Say, What!?!!?? If you are Indian (from the country of India – not to be confused with Native Americans), please ask yourself why you scream at the top of your lungs when it isn’t necessary?

Mindrolling Monastery in Dehra Dun North India
Mindrolling Monastery in Dehra Dun North India

Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? This ain’t no monastery and (that’s not all!). Besides that…

I can’t get no… I can’t get no…. I can’t get no… SATISFACTION! (Rolling Stones)

Remember back in the mountains when the new neighbor massacred an acre of perfectly healthy and happy trees displacing numerous trees and deer and birds, et al –? (I’m talking to long time followers of my blog.) There was a disturbance in the force – a horrid ripping up of the pre-peaceful energy field – it felt terrible. Awoke to that same feeling at 3:19 AM! Voices shouting—a woman’s voice! NO, don’t tell me they’re at each other again downstairs.

Lovely! The young people in the next building were on their patio whooping, hooting and hollering to the silence of the night. Humans around here are just blowing off steam, releasing their stresses is the guess. Why oh why does this particular kingdom of beings (human kingdom) who have the most advanced brain potential on the planet act like dogs? No, dogs are much more intelligent; they bark for a reason; at least most of the time. Unfortunately, this same level of intelligence is not able to be attributed (at least by me) to the downstairs Indian neighbors and the young “drunk-at-3:30 AM-hooting-into-the-trees-neighbors”  who live in the next building a mere 30 feet from the one we’re in. Watch out!  There’s competition for  the human idiot of the weekend prize around here—the Indian couple below me now has competition.

Come to think of it, I’ve always had neighbor issues (karma?) even back into my late teenage years. The man in the house next door used to stand on is porch (only feet from bedroom window) and call his little black dog named “sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooH-TEEeeeeeeee”, correctly spelled “sooty” until I wanted to pull my hair out! Then years later there was the neighbor who would send her son to my house to play soon as she got home from work so she could entertain her latest boyfriend. And then we had the old couple who… well, never mind. Yeah, neighbor karma.

Maybe they (downstairs Indian couple)  got some message yesterday—who knows? Loud Indian People, I’ll say it again–Loud Indian People!   Well, let’s start with Friday night; they always come back from Monsters, Inc. (Lowe’s Headquarters) on Friday nights really geeked up and louder than any of the other days of the week. I was into my writing when they blasted in downstairs, their voices escalating as the night wore on. I tried to be tolerant—obviously another bad day or week for them and they’re fighting about it again. I put my headset on and piped into my ears via my headset the meditation and relaxation music that I’d spent hours ripping off CD’s last week. I was prepared!

Go ahead freakazoid Indian peeps! I’m prepared. Can you believe that over certain music –which I had playing full blast as loud as it the volume will go—that I could still hear them at certain times?

I was writing the lesson on astrological elements and modalities—earth, air, water, fire and cardinal, fixed and mutable signs. The lesson I was writing was a bit complicated to explain so to keep my focus, keep myself sane and to keep my sense of humor, when they’d yell out below me, I’d yell back that the male part of the couple has won the biggest mouth of the week award and I congratulated him duly and properly in my own language to match their voice volume (loud) while they barely took a breath, not listening to a word! Not that they could hear a thing over their non-stop vocal drama. She would wail out in a long vocal diatribe on occasion and at the same volume, I’d hoot and holler back in response that unfortunately, try as she might, she wasn’t nearly as obnoxious as her male counterpart although at times it was rather close. Then I’d wish her better luck for next week and go back to my typing certain they did not hear a word over their own vocalizations. Did you ever hear pig calling? No. Really. It’s a sport in certain parts of the American’s—they have pig calling contests. I really think this Indian couple should enter; they’d win@! — hey, don’t judge me; this blog and that are my ways of DEALING. 

I can’t imagine what the heck they’re grinding down there but from the shouting, it’s getting pretty exciting for them right now.

Mindrolling Jetsun Rinposhe
Mindrolling Jetsun Rinposhe

Yesterday morning I played an hour of Her Eminence Mindrolling Jetsün Khandro Rinpoche for their listening pleasure (and mine). She may have (who can know for sure?) out talked them putting them into a more quiet trance for the rest of the day. Who knows really since I made it a point to be out most of the day with the family—it was my grandson’s birthday. But before I left, their voices were subdued. Thank you Rinpoche!

There’s the Mindrolling Monastery in India. Do theses Monkey Mumbai’s (as I lovingly call them) know about it I wonder? It’s located in the foothills of the Himalayas in Dehra Dun in North India. Well, if they can calm down downstairs, I’d like to contemplate further the Yanas! The first step to this is to accept my neighbor karma with love, compassion, toleration and did I say acceptance, yeah, several times now.

May I accept what I cannot change! I am no longer in the peaceful serene mountains. I am not in living in a monastery. I am in the middle of slumdogs, making the best of it, accepting my karma, learning toleration, but to love this is a bit of a stretch; I’m tolerating until I get to go home. Let there be peace on Earth (the kind that doesn’t come from alcoholic overdose or scream fighting with others until exhausted – the real kind).

Well, the grinding stopped downstairs, so maybe I can get some work done now. Yeah, it’s Sunday but parts of me don’t know that—an old throwback habit from my peaceful, serene days in the mountains. Many times I did not know what day or time it was.

Oh, to finish on a positive note—the celebration of my grandson’s birthday was such a contrast! We had a lovely dinner together at Olive Garden Restaurant (his choice) and came back to a little party at home wherein we played a few rounds of Catch Phrase, and then his mother read to him a list of memories about him that we all submitted to her beforehand at her request. His task was to guess whose memory it was. Then we each read 15 things we love about him (since it was his 15th birthday, 15 attributes or virtues, etc.). Again we had these prepared ahead of time to read. It was very beautiful actually.

His aunts gave him a savings account in their name that they opened for him and a booklet of the account and deposit slips – the account being for saving for his first car. We supported this with our own monetary gifts and he received a few video games and his mother’s big gift to encourage his music and this he was so thrilled with it—a violin! We all then enjoyed a totally awesome ice cream cake which was especially good since we’ve all been dieting. A warm, beautiful family evening!

Later I came home to bathe, sleep and be awakened at 3:30 AM to the party of drunks hooting at the trees on the balcony next door. Such is life, the acceptance of my neighbor karma, and now we’ve come full circle.

Judging from the voices below, I feel another teaching from Her Eminence Mindrolling Jetsün Khandro Rinpoche in my immediate future!

PS—why do people SLAM cupboard doors? Answer?: because they can (I suppose?) Accepting my neighbor karma—trying to send love; help me Buddha!

….and as I end this diatribe they are screaming at each other below me. Meditate? Ha! Perhaps a charnel ground meditation for me today? Chad– Perhaps and if  I must.

Compassion for Loud Downstairs Indian Neighbors and Happy New Year

Compassion
Compassion

The photo is a recent one December 2012 High Country of North Carolina — my destination!  my home!  I’ve got to get back~ ET phoning home!

Compassion is the only way around this situation.  Resentment is poison. Try to stand in their shoes Joy!  Strange country, perhaps even a strange language–they do not seem to be speaking English down there.  Both of them maybe afraid, fearful — clinging to one another.  He talks and talks over the vacuum cleaner and she to him nearly as if they’re fearful that the vac will come between them and separate them even for a moment.  They may cleave and cling to one another to away their own personal, individual fears.  Perhaps they feel as though they made a mistake to come here.  I don’t believe they have a car and someone picks them up on week days; and i know personally how horrible that feeling is–very limiting and feeling trapped.  I can now begin to feel deep compassion for their lives and situation and find more patience and tolerance for their non-stop and lively conversations.  I imagine maybe they are both deaf… partially.  This could be possible.  Maybe they could have met one another at a place for the deaf as children and have known one another for many years.  In this case they suffer a handicap and this helps me to feel more compassion for them.  Couldn’t his be why they speak so loudly? They do not know, do not realize.

I did not realize how paper-thin these walls are.  When I moved here I do not think neighbors were there–I did not hear any sounds, noises.  I imagine that they do not hear me and thus do not know how thin the walls are.  O the poor people –perhaps blaming, clinging, not knowing many others, alone without transportation in a strange country!  I feel compassion for them and want to give them a hug because of what imagined suffering they may be experiencing.

I, too, feel great compassion for myself.  I am working on my astrology class–trying to!  I do not have family responsibility currently and planned the time between Xmas and New Years that I would do extra meditation and writing of my astrology course.  Its been nearly impossible to feel alone enough in my own sanctuary, such that it is, to be able to do this.  I feel compassion for myself too for those reasons.  Every New Year Eve, my habit is to spend the entire day in quiet contemplation and then in the evening to go deeply into meditation.  It is then that predictions for the New Year come in; but this year I do not know how quiet this environment of apartment dwellers will be.  Judging from just the downstairs folks alone not to mention the conglomeration of humans here and the residential homes just on the other side of the trees beyond the balcony… well, there is also compassion for myself.  New Years is bound to be different this year.

Oh, the poor people downstairs–those poor people–this is where i must be in my mind and heart–it must be so difficult for them too.  And for myself, there is humor in this too.  I remember when I had small babies, when my children were small, and I would do my work when the babies were sleeping.  Finally it would be nap time and then I’d get to do what I needed to do!  This is how I am beginning to do with this Indian couple.  If they quiet down that is when I get out my work or do a mediation!   Can i feel more compassion and love for those humans if I think of them as my noisy children?  Sometimes they laugh, sometimes they fight, sometimes they are quiet and then a sudden outburst of voice–just like children playing in their room!

I am blogging to help myself to adjust to the changes around me.  Shhhhhh, it seems quiet down there; maybe the babies have fallen asleep or are playing a quiet game.  I am grateful.

I found the library around here yesterday; it was of course closed but it is somewhere to go–not that libraries these days are necessarily quiet either.  But is a change, to get out of this environ and into another!  O the poor  Indian people downstairs; they seem to have only each other to entertain themselves and how happy I am for them because they have each other so that they are not lonelyLet me feel happy for them when I hear their loud voices–please let me rejoice for them.  And maybe their ears are not properly functioning and this is why they call out loudly in their non-stop conversations–they cannot help their afflictions.  And even if their ears are fine, I still feel compassion for them–especially for her since he talks non-stop at her for hours on end.  She must have great tolerance; perhaps i could admire her since I would not be able to have such strength.  I’d have shoved a sock into his mouth and taped it over long ago!  Opps, there came my cynicism and sarcasm slipping in!

Dogs bark you know?  they do.  Why?  I will have to think more of it… they want to be heard I suppose.  Oh, these poor people like dogs who neither one feels heard and keeps barking and barking.  I could turn up my music louder but then I distract my own thoughts worse than the barking.  I am feeling compassion now for myself again.  I wanted to spend this time writing my astrology class and not typing out another diatribe on the blog!

Yesterday, I left and went to a store, a walk and dinner with my daughter.  Last night they were so loud i didn’t try writing, I just put a movie on to drown them out and balanced my checkbook and paid bills.  Oh, what can I do? what can I do?  I think with no furniture in their apartment the sounds cannot help but echo.  Most Indians just somehow come up with a used mattress or sleep upon the floor since some are here only 6 months and others 2 years; depending on their contract with the Lowe’s headquarters here I suppose.  T”hey sit on the floor–with their computers — this you see as you pass by if their blinds are open and lights on at night.

“My body is the garden of my soul… “these words come over my TV set  on low volume.  The voice is Deepak Chopra who is also Hindu and from India on the meditation channel in Pandora.

I wish that … well, when i do a reading for someone… i go somewhere even when I am clearly here…. i do not hear noises … barely, slightly…i am in trance devoted to the work of the reading and receiving the psychic information… and in fact while doing a reading recently, the Indian couple came home below me there…. and as usual they seem to argue and vent … perhaps things they hold in all day around others… other Indians come to drive them to work i think…but then they are very, loud and at each other in a way that sounds like venting…. and several times I am in the middle of a reading and i realize they are there in the background with their ruckus but it is like I’m not here to fully hear it because i am working and when I work I’m not here.  Does this makes some sense?  so I wish i could do that now… achieve that high state of concentration and focus…. this i must do… and I will try.  I’ve worked around with and within so many distractions when doing readings; it’s really pretty amazing now that I think of it and i remember doing readings at parties where there was a great amount of voices and noise and sounds. 

The voices are quiet now…again.  I am going to end this and open back up the word document containing the astrology course that I’m vowing to get done, by hook/by crook.  The voices below motivate this in a way.  I hope that if i have enough students that I can set aside some dollars… i am very motivated to save money for the purpose of moving back to the mountains!

Oh, the poor Indian couple and poor me!  Let me have great compassion for us all and feel more love and peace because of us! Om mani padme hum!

And   “…for as long as space remains, For as long as sentient beings remain, Until then may I too remain, To dispel the miseries of the world.”

SHANTIDEVA’S PRAYER

May all beings everywhere
Plagued by sufferings of body and mind
Obtain an ocean of happiness and joy
By virtue of my merits.

May no living creature suffer,
Commit evil, or ever fall ill.
May no one be afraid or belittled,
With a mind weighed down by depression.

May the blind see forms
And the deaf hear sounds,
May those whose bodies are worn with toil
Be restored on finding repose.

May the naked find clothing,
The hungry find food;
May the thirsty find water
And delicious drinks.

May the poor find wealth,
Those weak with sorrow find joy;
May the forlorn find hope,
Constant happiness, and prosperity.

May there be timely rains
And bountiful harvests;
May all medicines be effective
And wholesome prayers bear fruit.

May all who are sick and ill
Quickly be freed from their ailments.
Whatever diseases there are in the world,
May they never occur again.

May the frightened cease to be afraid
And those bound be freed;
May the powerless find power,
And may people think of benefiting each other.

For as long as space remains,
For as long as sentient beings remain,
Until then may I too remain
To dispel the miseries of the world.

“Today i will notice the good things in people and today i will let go of my body mind and today i will see beauty as tenderness.  Today i will nurture the world in all my relationships…..” –-The voice of Deepak Chopra again over Pandora from his “healing meditations”.

Happy Full Moon New Year!

Happy New Year

The Zen Master, The Cow and The Young Indian Couple Downstairs Neighbors

december 29 2012 cow ice snowThere’s something about this photo of this icy cow moved me to open blank page on my blog and type.  Things are going fine while at the same time they’re not fine at all. There’s no escape.    But that has nothing to do with the cow at present.  Further explanation needed and forthcoming–hang on. For now let me say that cows are really interesting.  If you stop to look at them, they look back and there’s like a mesmerizing hypnotic-like psychic connection.  One day many years ago when home in the mountains, there was a good deal of anxiety and worry over money and a place to live.  In order to relive this, I went for a walk in the beautiful mountains and came to a pasture where cows were grazing.  The distinct memory that lingers has to do with conversing with the cow in an imaginative and dreamlike way offering to exchange my human life of money worries with hers of a pasture life.  We looked into each others eyes for a long, long time and then suddenly a bull ran directly at her and butted her to break up our energy exchange!  That little dream was over.  Looking at this picture now, I’d say pasture life may not be all it’s cracked up to be!   Still…

Maybe its human nature to want to be in a different pasture than one’s own.  It’s like a low-level discontent that we contend with when we say everything’s fine but not fine at all.  I’d venture to say that whatever is going on with any of us is likely very much intensified right now.  The Full Moon opposing the Sun/Pluto conjunction isn’t just any ordinary Full Moon… it was more exact yesterday by orb but still, the effects linger.   The desire to go home is stronger and something intense happening with my downstairs neighbor is too.

Apartment living cannot be compared to a house in the mountains in any positive way whatsoever–at least that’s how it feels at the moment!

Human behavior this close in to my living environ is not in the least bit interesting; in fact, it can be irritating which my best effort is engaged in not allowing at the moment.  I know more about the vocal, cooking and smoking habits of my downstairs neighbors than desired!  It amazes me that two people can dialogue on and on nonstop in those ways!  Are those young folks beneath me mirroring my own inner dis-satisfaction with my move here or simply adding to what is already there.  Sometimes, we don’t know what is mine and what isn’t when we are very sensitive to energies.  There was a very interesting post on Facebook recently:

zen student overcoming anger

A Zen student said to his teacher, “ Master, I have an ungovernable temper. Help me get rid of it.”
“You have something very strange,” said the teacher.
“Show it to me.”
“Right now I cannot show it to you.”
“Why not?”
“It arises suddenly.”
“Then it cannot be your own true nature,” said the teacher, “if it were, you would be able to show it to me at any time. Why are you allowing something that is not yours to trouble your life?”
Thereafter whenever the student felt his temper rising he remembered his teacher’s words and checked his anger. In time, he developed a calm and placid temperament.

This energy is not my true nature, it is not ‘me’, it is illusive; it comes and goes; it arises and dissolves back; it belongs to no one unless that one claims it as their own feeling and then inflames it further.  Maybe young Indian couples like bantering non-stop!  Perhaps this is a sport for them that is enjoyable as much as continual agitation can be.  I let it come up and pass out and do my best to send calming love and light beneath me in case they should wish to accept that; however, perhaps they are too distracted by their incessant dialogue to realize any other energy.

It all makes me miss the mountains even more and the more pasture-type of life of solitude and quiet.  Recent assurances that I am to go back home has been arriving in various forms, not the least being the non-stop mouthing young Indian neighbors.  Efforts to convince myself that one might be alternating reading aloud from a  book to the other have failed!  Ah, well I tried.

They pay rent as I do and each has a right to speak in their own apartment!  (But how can there be THAT MUCH to bicker about for that long? — i don’t get it.)  If their voices get very loud, as often happens, if I knock very lightly on the wall, then voices quiet for a while.  I think they do not realize–they’re young after all and into their dramas.  The young man smokes as many Indians seem to–they didn’t seem to get the memo about the Marlboro Man.  Whiffs of that drift up into my place as well as the spices they cook with, forcing me out of my sanctuary such as it is here.

As the Zen teacher says, Why are you allowing something that is not yours to trouble your life?”  I am using the bickering young Indian downstairs neighbors as teachers as much as I’d rather not–it is what it is.  My family, too, enable me to sit with stuff that gets triggered within my self.  Suddenly now, as I’m typing this,  there comes a recollection of an employment situation that I experienced some years ago.

Back then there seemed to be great unhappiness on my part going into work each day and at that time there was a strong desire to be free of that situation although I could not see practically or financially just how that could happen.  Yet, within me there was a strong inner knowing that the more I could make peace with the situation, the sooner I’d be released from it.  That same message echoed in my heart and mind each day when lamenting my lack of enthusiasm for going to work!

After months of resistance, finally there was a surrender within to find something fun and enjoyable and pleasant in the co-workers and the total environ.  And I maintained that over a period of time very consciously and then (YOU GUESSED IT), numerous situations occurred resulting in my being able to release myself!

That memory encourages me as well as the other indicators received that I will be going home to the mountains again.   Psychic predictive work, intuition and divination come in handy on a personal level too!  (Besides, my tarot cards don’t know how to lie.)  Meanwhile, not letting things that are not mine trouble my life!  In other words, it’s all in the mind, the attitude.  It is not the circumstances that upset a man, it’s the view that he takes of them! 

I’ve got to get a new view finder!  Happiness comes from within–not the absence of family drama, lack of human voices or the absence of dampness, mold or mice–dampness, mold and mice were part of the mountain house issue.  There is no escape!  One can only surrender to the external world and change the inner attitude in order to find peace, serenity and happiness.  Let me laugh at the family dramas, the loud smelly downstairs neighbors and the traffic and rest!  It’s all illusion anyway — may as well.  Or–mice or men?  mice or men? hmmmm.... what a choice!  Neither one!

Ahhwwwhkkkkjjkkhk…. and can’t you  just hear the glee of certain people who love to see this person struggle with it all?!  But that’s just it; there ‘is’ no person here, only energy playing out just like the weather plays out!  Certain conditions create certain weather–how much of it are we personally responsible for?  Weather is.  Downstairs couples who argue are.  The Sun is also out, the roads are clear and my car runs!

Ideas arise as suddenly as anything else!  and one has just arrived which causes me to end this silly diatribe now with the hope that something written here will serve some useful purpose to another in some way.   (If nothing else, this bit of a vent is one example of how a Cancer Full Moon can express–ugh!)

There’s always tomorrow….. and hope for a brighter day!