Guilt, Withdrawal, The Hermit, The Leopard and the 12th House with Moon and Pluto

The HermitIts probably a good day to stay home and write.  The Moon is transiting my 12th house and sitting atop of my natal Pluto with Mars nearby.  Could get intense in the outer world today–best to keep that intensity within the 4-walls here.  Or so says the intuition.  The 12th house is about seclusion and withdrawal — or at least that’s one of the archetypes.  Or that’s one astrologically accepted classic model of the House 12 pattern anyway–withdrawal.

I think that its good for the soul:  withdrawal, going within, terminating connections with the outer world.

Sometimes we withdraw from life or from certain situations for self-protection but what do we really want to protect ourselves from?  The same thing that motivates all of us–we either seek pleasure or avoid pain.

Let’s face it. We don’t have to be martyrs in life.  I don’t think it’s wrong to disengage from persons, places or things that are unpleasant if we have a choice.  Sometimes we don’t but with the blessing of the universe, sometimes we do.  Why not exercise the choice and not feel guilty about it?

That’s how my 12th house Moon conjunct Pluto feels about it today.  I think that choice is a gift, why not use it and do so so without guilt?

I don’t know about you but sometimes my feelings of guilt, when present, seem to come from worries about what other people will think about me–people that I care about or who are important to me.  Sometimes we see ourselves through other people’s eyes and that triggers those old patterns of guilt that we’ve probably carried over a number of lifetimes.

Guilt serves no purpose and is un-necessary self-criticism.  Its like allowing those voices of the old Catholic nuns or critical parents or other authority figures to take over our psyche.

It serves one thing that is purposeful however; it let’s us know that we are still working on resolving something within our own relationship to our self.    We always think these things are about us versus them.  We think it’s about our connection to the ‘other person’ or ‘the job’, etc.  When really its about our own relationship to our own self.

In other words, in my own case, honoring my own tendencies and feelings without concern of being misunderstood or judged as being uncaring or cruel.  So in that way we can see that the concern really is self-judgment.

Give self permission to embrace one’s own natural tendencies which are there for a reason and there as much for other people’s benefit as well as our own.  And honor that.

One thing we learn when we withdraw is how to experience our feelings fully and to release them in full too because we are giving ourselves the space by withdrawing in order to do so.

To carry guilt is to sabotage ourselves.  Withdrawal gives us the space to know ourselves, and to understand our feelings and to release them.

One way to resolve any guilt is to rebuild faith in one’s self and withdrawal creates the space for faith and self-trust to become strengthened.

I always relate the TAROT card of THE HERMIT to 12th house withdrawal energy.  I think of an “old soul” (if you will) and someone more comfortable alone than with others and not because of a lack of social skills or anything of the sort.  Just someone who values alone time higher than surface or shallow time with others.

Leopard walking towardThe Hermit card relates to the 12th house in another way –or so I think.  I liken this energy to someone who has created their own religion or their own rules to live by following the inner guidance or personal conscience.  Here is someone with personal dogma and may be seen as eccentric because this is quite different than the consensus rules of society and is seeking spiritual happiness in ways that the consensus cannot understand or does not follow.

Sometimes I feel a lot like THE HERMIT and its animal counterpart THE LEOPARD. Today that feels more intense than usual — it’s one of those times.

But then again, the Moon is setting off my 12th house now highly activating Pluto so I accept that as normal for today.  Once a month my inner Hermit and Leopard get kicked up to higher levels as the Moon passes through this area of my psyche.

Thus, I stay home and even write about it!  😉 wink!

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Guilt! Do We Draw In Experiences To Show Us Where We Need to Release Responsibility? Stelliums: Special Gifts and Talents that Include Blind Spots

A stellium ~ a part of the psyche that conglomerates in one area of life indicating special talents and gifts but also blind spots

Transcending our own mental boundaries can feel like swimming naked and alone in a dark and unfamiliar place.  The mind will often wrongly interpret vulnerability as inadequacy — i.e. the blind spot!

Guilt!  Do We Draw In Experiences To Show Us Where We Need to Release Responsibility?

The answer to that, I believe is a resounding YES!  Is it true in all cases and at all times? I’m not sure but I have been considering the blind spots we have in our psyches and how that is showing in an astrological birth chart in a merging of 3 or more planets closely together.   I think it applies in transiting charts too.  When our attributes (planets) are so closely aligned, we can feel a certain sense of…. This may be hard to describe.  We ‘are’ a certain way and many times assume everyone is built that way—they’re not. 

Therefore, we need them to show us our blind spots and so we draw in others to our life who trigger within us what we cannot otherwise see or realize about ourselves. There is yin/yang to everything–polarities and dichotomies.  That’s life.  And with the talents and gifts and brilliant light of the astrological stellium (special part of our soul where our gifts and talents can be found), we also have blind spots. 

Then we can have those internal arguments.  Internal arguments are much better than hacking it out with the person who is carrying the projection for us—they have nothing to do with it—they are simply the tool we use to see our blind spot. 

Let’s take guilt for example—it’s such a waste of time really; and many times the guilt itself comes from a lack of personal esteem or feeling not worthy somehow.  So let’s say that a person really is an over-giver and when they receive back, they practically feel guilty about it.  Or we could change it up this way and say that a person does receive what is reasonable in exchange for what they give, but feels somehow that they should give more or carry some sort of unreasonable guilt about it.  And let’s say that this is their blind spot!

And some people can be almost apologetic about asking for what is due as a reasonable exchange but they just don’t realize that they do this.  We could correlate this to a stellium in the natal chart most likely but leaving astrology out of it for a moment, let’s say that this person’s blind spot is starting to open up.  And this is due to the type of people and circumstances that are drawn into their life spectrum at a particular time that the blind spot is being realized. 

We need those people and circumstances so that we can be aware that a blind spot exists in our psyche  even though we may have always known we were missing something or perhaps under appreciating our own efforts in some way and that we shouldn’t be feeling guilty.  So what do we do?  We draw in people who sit in that blind spot area and get our attention through their presence—they can be like pesky mosquitoes or gorillas, but either way—they draw our attention to that part of ourselves that we otherwise could not see.

In the example of guilt or feeling in any way uncertain about responsibility—such as which is ours and which isn’t—they make us look there and address that area within ourselves.  And the internal argument gets triggered and we have to look at it all and come to terms with it.

So, just as an example, if we are feel generally guilty that we do not give enough in relationships; for example, we will likely draw in relationship partners who are expert wretchers, moaners, whiners and complainers.  And they will challenge us to look at our guilt and our giving and we will have to come to terms with it—they will put a mirror in the blind spot through their wreching, moaning, whining and complaining. 

And the reason we called them into our experience is to help us to look into that blind spot and see something about ourselves.   That we DO give enough and we DO live up to our responsibility AND MORE and that we ARE giving in equal amount to what receive and that we don’t have to give unceasingly. 

When we stop having the guilt or stop being overly responsible, we will no longer have a need for complainers in our blind spot.  Oh, we all know the types of people I’m talking about—they do all that they can to make everyone else responsible for their disappointments and dis-eases and double-bubble toil and trouble (something evil comes this way…. ).  Pardon me, I just broke into a spontaneous song from a Harry Potter movie.  Anyway…

In relationships men can be just as good at kvetching as women can.  Some people are just so darn good at it—know what I mean? 

Blind Spot

Well, let me think of another example quickly here.  Let’s say we have a young woman who is very attractive really but really has a blind spot about it—maybe she has a natal stellium that includes Venus for example.   She tries to care for her skin and hair and body and so forth and does all she can to develop a people-pleasing personality; however she just can’t seem to recognize her beauty.   Therefore, somewhere within her there is this nagging part that keeps calling out that she needs to try harder and that she’s not quite good enough and maybe that part of her that we’ll call the blind spot for now also says, you know you really are kind of unattractive in many ways.  We might also say that this young woman is barely aware of any of this inner dialogue or consciousness.  Next thing you know, a transiting planet hits her natal stellium, and then she’s drawing in experiences and people who point out every beauty and personality flaw that she may have secretly suspected.  Now she has to really look at herself and question it all.  She may say to herself, “Hey!  That isn’t true—I really AM an attractive person and I need to appreciate myself more.”  When the inner critic quiets the outer critics usually go away.

Yeah, well, these are just a few thoughts about an astrological stellium, guilt, blind spots, responsibility and moaners and complainers.  Stelliums are powerful places in a natal chart but they do create blind spots in areas of life where the light of consciousness is more intense and we cannot, therefore, see ourselves as clearly.

Love and Tonglen with Home Foreclosure Notice – Holding a High Vibration

This day started out with me, myself and I making a vow to hold a high vibration today in consciousness for the good of all.  You know, an energy thing—helping to keep good vibes for humanity and all of life.  I’m sure some readers (have a small ‘christian’ following now—omg!)  may not fully get that, but what we think, feel and our general vibration goes out into the world and “thoughts are things” and gather more of the same.  They come back to us (some would say) eventually and others would maybe not agree.  I am not going to turn this blog into a metaphysics level one basic introductory course, so google stuff or not—anyone’s choice.  Wow, that sounded sort of testy—wasn’t meant that way.  Anyway, moving right along…

I am blogging about this vow I made to myself so that maybe I can release a certain guilt that came up a moment ago.  You see, It’s been taking a good deal of energy for me to cope with a recent rent increase—I’ve been doing the quick step over here in my attempts to figure out how to work that one into the budget.  There’s been a splitting off:  one part of me is planning to pack and move while knowing perfectly well that wouldn’t solve a thing!  Another part of me would like to start digging a tunnel to China (have no idea what that means except maybe it’s related to going home by way of  China to Tibet?),  while the more grounded other part is actually determining what we “do without” around here or how to increase income to compensate for the rent increase.

I really dislike the begging bowl thing (you have no idea!) and it doesn’t work well in the 21st century in America anyway, unless you become some sort of church or ministry–no thank you.  I’ve noticed that some bloggers have a Paypal button on their blog for donations–really?  Okay… so after I saw that, it crossed my mind.  Maybe if I get desperate, which hasn’t happened yet but I’m close.  Ha ha.  Anyway, back to moving right along here…

The rental lady called yesterday, left a message that I should call her right away because she needs to talk to me about something—and her tone of voice wasn’t really saying, “everything’s alright” but then her voice never does.  But, yeah, I was pretty disappointed in my reaction… before I even had finished dialing her number, my life was flashing before my eyes.  Those darn fears of being homeless again!  I thought I’d resolved that at least a thousand times already.

Who knows?  On the outside looking in (if someone would have been in the room at the time to see it), I may have appeared cool as a cucumber; but inside?  Imagine having just been in a car accident—that feeling.  It’s highly embarrassing – I teach this stuff!  I blog it, tweet it, Facebook it, read about it as well a/s write about it and still and as the song goes, still crazy after all these years!

We’ve all got something that triggers our security issues and rings our fear bell—everybody’s got that one big fear just hanging out on the sidelines waiting for something to hit its pattern so it can activate.  And many times, there’s really irrational stuff attached to the thinking and thank goodness we have other humans to discuss these things with because until someone laughs at those fears, we really don’t realize how irrational they are!

I told my sister that part of what flashed before my eyes when I was calling the rental girl back had to do with the x-tian telephone man who was in my very own kitchen telling me I was going to go hell the day before—see blog post from two days ago 11/29/11 –maybe he’s the cousin of the landlady or the rental girl and they want /me out!  It wasn’t until my sister roared laughing and then told me how ridiculous that sounded that I realized how irrational that fear could be in my mind!

After all was said and done, it had to do with an adjustment of $6.  Meanwhile, back at the ranch as the saying goes, I had another good look at that fear monster.

Today, I hear from someone who writes that the bank is foreclosing on her home.  I feel ashamed for splitting off from myself in these smaller and much more insignificant matters of mine in comparison to that.

And within 10 minutes of making the vow to myself to hold a high vibration today, feelings of being ashamed for whining about my rent increase in comparison to someone who is being foreclosed upon, I’ve broken my vow.

I must release this feeling.  I suppose it’s all relative—one man’s foreclosure is another’s rent increase?  I don’t know it’s a fair statement or not.  In these types of matters, I immediately go deeper into the meaning.  Anytime something happens, I’m immediately asking “What is the universe trying to tell me?”  In other words, what’s really going on here?  Is the direction changing and what IS that direction and how am I to work in harmony with it?

You know, some things are real in the sense that it is just life doing what it does and it is always for our benefit.  Yeah, I hear ya’; I know.  Trust me, I know.  I had very fast-moving thoughts of how I was going to pack up all my belongings yesterday to be ready to move.  And truthfully, I’m still working on chasing that image out of my head.   It’s one of those situations of “wherever you go, there you are” when it comes to me, myself and I with the bills and rent.  Anyway… I could probably nurture that belief system into something more prosperous!  How many times have I read, “poverty is a state of mind”–?

It’s strange though, deep down – which is where I’ve just gone since the pause between now and the last paragraph – I always believe it’s going to work out alright and that I am going to be alright.  You know, that it’s going to be (at a minimum) okay and more likely that it’s going to work out for my benefit so that it’s going to be more than okay.  And that’s even in the moment when my stomach is doing flips, my life is passing before my eyes and I’m thinking I may have to head for the bathroom at any moment!  Somehow, it’s going to be okay or better than that.  That’s what I want the person who wrote to me about the bank foreclosing on her house to know.

I now release the shame/guilt that I felt earlier and have re-infused my vow to hold a high vibration today for all of life.

And as I go about my work today, I will send special love to the person who wrote to me and to all beings who are in any way suffering or feeling insecure, unloved, fearful or confused.

Today, I will do the Buddhist Tonglen Meditation Practice for you!

And I will hold a special focus for the person who wrote to me about the bank foreclosing on her home.

Universal Love Prayer

        from the Metta  [Lovingkindness] Sutta

May all beings be filled with joy and peace. May all beings everywhere,  The strong and the weak,  The great and the small,  The mean and the powerful,  The short and the long,  the subtle and the gross:  May all beings everywhere,  Seen and unseen, Dwelling far off or nearby,  Being or waiting to become:  May all be filled with lasting joy.  Let no one deceive another,  Let no one anywhere despise another,  Let no one out of anger or resentment Wish suffering on anyone at all.  Just as a mother with her own life Protects her child, her only child, from harm, So within yourself let grow  A boundless love for all creatures.  Let your love flow outward through the universe,  To its height, its depth, its broad extent, A limitless love, without hatred or enmity.  Then as you stand or walk, Sit or lie down, As long as you are awake,  Strive for this with a one-pointed mind;  Your life will bring heaven to earth.

Namu Amida Buddha.