Feel Alone, Different, Like an Outcast? How Much Do You Unveil About Yourself to Others?

lonelyThat settles it!  Someone emailed me this morning asking me a question that I’ve been considering since last night.  Essentially, to bottom-line it, the individual is dealing with certain life challenges which (it sounds like) cause feelings of being alone and disconnected from the rest of the world.  I was just reflecting upon this very thing myself last night with my own physical setback here, realizing how lonely it can be (if you let it) when you’re ill or sick.  It feels very isolating–especially in my own case in that I could be contagious and purposefully avoid others and don’t blame people who would avoid me.  ‘Shoe being on the other foot’, I’ve done the same thing.  Someone coughs or sneezes or grabs for a tissue out in public, usually I’m the first one to go the other way.

But then again, this individual asks about deceit or pretending to be ‘normal’ like the others in the world (whatever normal means anyway) because the illness isn’t as obvious as a sneeze or cough.  The person finds it easier to tell those white lies or fib a little about things link vocation/career and in all relationships with others feels ‘abnormal’ in the world whilst otherwise there are no outward signs to the contrary.  Basically, the person asks me how I feel about this or if it were me how I’d handle it all.  But before we go further….

Fair warning:  I may ramble or meander being still under the influence of previous days worth of Benedryl and other such antihistamine and decongestant type drugs that my body ingested.  Then after being ‘too far gone’ and letting this “head-cold turn spring allergy” get out of hand and grow into a monster with various heads, the busy doctor’s office finally fit me in and AZithromycin (aka Z-pac antibiotics) are now fighting the battle with me.  So that’s why–I’m woozy and (until now) too ‘out of it’ to respond to email or sit at a computer in order to even focus long enough to blog or type anything meaningful.  But if you hang in through this maybe we can come out the other side with something worth the writing for me and the reading for you.

Again, for clarity’s sake, the individual with the question does not have a physically contagious malady and in fact it is not anything obvious to the casual observer (according to their description), which honestly I imagine to be more difficult than otherwise.  Why?

Because all expectations from society or ‘others’ in the world is that there exist in each life those common societal conditions considered to be ‘normal’.  But either way, maybe with my own little condition here (temporary one hopes), there’s a little something within me that can qualify me to give an answer or insight, albeit a small one.  After all, this is only a week for me whereas for this other individual, likely it’s been a lifelong issue.

But then again… well, wait.  Let’s consider it.  I think most of us spend our days here trying our best to feel normal and fit in and for the most part we can deceive ourselves into thinking we are.  Others seem to accept our explanations of ourselves as we covey those lines that mean, “I’m just like you.”  In fact, most of us probably do this more subconsciously than we realize.

I’ve long been aware of how I go ‘to the level of’ the person that I’m communicating with in order to establish a common thread in which to relate.  Take, for example, people who have a Virgo-Victim type of work ethic in the world.  You know the type.  All they talk about is how many long hours they put in and how early they rise in the morning and how crazy their boss is and basically… well, you get the idea.  You surely are not going to establish a common ground to relate to them by describing your life as one in which your values are totally different.   For example, maybe you’ve learned a few things and one is to work smart and not long or perhaps you’ve inherited a lot of money that changed your previous work ethic  Who knows why but let’s say that your life situation is totally different and doesn’t require those long hours.  Or maybe you simply aren’t wired to work 14 hour days at Walmart — and I just made that up; not knowing how many hours Walmart employees work in a day.  But you get the idea.

So are you being deceitful if your way of life is simply different (for various and sundery reasons) and…. well, here’s an example.  Let’s say I used to have a job once upon a time like that one perhaps and so can honestly relate and say, “Whew honey!  I hear ya’ sister.  Been there done that!”  So am in being deceitful?  Or maybe I did some work for my own business in which I worked day and night without much rest (like when I created my first website).  I was a self-employed task master!  (sometimes being your own boss you can be more of a slave-driver than any outside employer).  Either way, I can still relate and don’t have to feel dis-connected.

Well, okay.  Maybe those are silly examples.

I think it’s more a matter of ‘taking it on’ in a way.  In other words, helping the other person feel better about who they are by sort of pretending to meet their standards of how they see normal.  It’s like playing their game with them so that they feel okay about who they are and what they’re doing.

Sort of like agreeing with a crazy person–why would you try to convince them that their not if they are?  Now it’s true that they would think that it is ‘we’ who are the crazy ones when in fact it is ‘we’ who realize it is them!

Now who is crazy and who isn’t–pretty silly thing to speculate, right?

I don’t know if it’s best to pretend you are similar to others to help them feel okay if it makes you feel ‘not okay’.  But then again.  Whose to say whose crazy and who isn’t and whose okay and whose not?

The thing is that everybody is really alone with their own stuff and is pretending to be part of the conditioned society.  Ever hear that story about the emperor who has no clothes?

Being different — you being the only one willing to admit the emperor guy is naked –can be a lonely place to stand BUT ONLY IF YOU LET IT.  And that’s a key.

Got to toss in another one-liner and that’s the saying about feeling lonely in a crowd.  I’d pose to the individual who emailed the question about feeling deceitful by pretending to be like the others who can brag or discuss their life because it’s more accepted by consensus society to consider that everybody feels that way at a core level but most people spend the majority of their life trying to ‘fit in’ and be like what the consensus standards dictate.  Why do they do it?  Not all, of course, but some are afraid to be different or not-accepted.

In the end, we are born alone and we die alone but now we’re here we are with others; yet each of us is unique and different while at the very exact same time, we’re all the same!  A Zen riddle or a Paradox.

But most people don’t think about these things–too busy trying to fit in and make their mark or to achieve something to prove they are/were here.  Not all, of course, we have others consumed with helping others in some way and doing it going to a selfless level and so they probably never consider these kinds of things.  Good on them!

We’re all like that at times too of course.  Maybe the thing to consider is that we’re not like all people at all times–we have some similarities to others, always.  To find those and to relate to them is not being deceitful unless you believe it is.

Generally, ‘its a pickle’ as the saying goes.  And how a person views a thing or an attitude or a life situation is a personal decision.  I’ve felt like the outcast in my family and in any career or job I’ve held throughout my entire life and my work with intuition and astrology is fringe as compared to society at large.

I’ve not felt that separation from others so acutely until recently with regard to my health.  I’ve been sick before with flu or respiratory symptoms–bronchitis or the flu but never before did I feel as alone or cut-off as this time.  It was a different experience and one which has given me moments to pause, thinking toward the end-of-life scenario possibilities that we all face eventually.

What have those moments of pause revealed?  One thing that comes to the fore is how precious life is and what a gift it is and the realization of how much of my life I’ve spent resisting the many gifts Life as offered me by worrying about things like the gosh darn bills that come in the mail every month and the monthly rent that’s due!

I’m nearing 68 years old which by today’s standards is still young but when I was a child that was really, really, really old!  Anyway, life is more precious to me all the time and a few side trips into isolation from illness enabled me to have a preview of what my end days may be like.  And I see how it is a choice.

Isolation (whether forced or imposed) and whether it comes from being the oddball in society in any way — be that way due to illness of any type of different-ness  — is a gift really.  Those feelings  arising from that situation come to us as a catalyst to go within and reflect, resulting in the ability to make a choice as to whether or not we permit them to create a guilty state of being or a lonely state of being.  Its a choice.

To the person making the inquiry, I’d add this  To consider the fact that we (he/she and I) are aware enough to consider these matters is also a rare gift.  And we can use the awareness to create (or ‘be’) an example in the world which is either positive or negative but either way which creates by its very nature “teaching moments” as the saying goes.

No, I don’t mean that we have to ‘spill it’ to people who don’t care or who are strangers.  With those folks it’s probably best to play the game (pretend to be who they can most easily accept) in to help them (not ourselves) feel comfortable with interactions.

But to those who we do open up to and do reveal or expose ourselves, we do so and hope to create some awareness in those others or perhaps plant a seed in some way.

Is this making sense?  I mean look at a physician, a doctor..  Is it appropriate for him to go around examining people when he’s at a picnic or at the gym doing his workout?  The doctor doesn’t reveal himself when it’s not appropriate either.  Would it not be the same with anyone else?

I am feeling a bit weary now being that the antibiotic and I are still ‘fighting the good fight’ as the saying goes.  And the body is telling me to rest a bit now.

I don’t know if there may be a line here or a word or two here in what I’ve written today that is helpful to the email inquirer or to the casual reader of this blog.  I can only hope.

Oh, and one thing that has come from my own recent challenge is that it has create a desire within me to ‘visit the sick’ in some way as a volunteer in the community.  Now that I’ve had the personal experiences of how that feels–that loneliness of being sick–which I do not choose to entertain it (choice), it has inspired me to help others who may be feeling this alone feeling which I choose not to forget.

Anyway, I no longer volunteer at the soup kitchen (I lost my place with that when I moved) — this may be a way that I can do a little something on a volunteer basis again and I intend to look into it.

Perhaps, as a suggestion, the one who feels deceitful about their life could find (like me) something to do as a volunteer to help balance out those feelings.

Well, the person did write and asked me how I would handle it or what I would say about his/her “unveiling their true self to others”, using his/her words.

I will end this with the hope that there’s something within this post that you can use for your next step or as at least a partial answer to your question.

Another thought as I conclude, is that in some areas of my life, such as in places within my own control where i can keep a certain illusion of anonymity or where I feel there may be a greater acceptance, I tend to reveal quite a lot. Such as in my classes or in this blog, my website or weekly newsletter.  There’s a time and place for everything. One has to ‘read’ the situation, become sensitive, and follow ones intuition about what to say to who and when about one’s identity.  I always say the stomach or the ‘gut’ feelings can lead us to knowing when to speak and when to be quiet about ourselves.

I don’t tell every tom-dick-harry or man-on-the-street that I dig Divination, do Tarot, love Mysticism,  Buddhism and Hinduism (a few of my interests) and that I do astrology or that I teach about intuition or ‘read’ energy for others.  It’s still fairly well Fringe for the most part–I get that.  Not everyone is going to understand I’m not in cahoots with “the devil” like one of my own sister’s believes!  Also, one does have to maintain a certain sense of humor.

I’ve nearly worn myself out now…  I think what helps is to try to remember that we’re all alone with who we are and our divine self, the one within and that nobody is ever  going to ever fully understand us anyway–for me there’s a certain freedom in remembering that.

Time to lay the recovering body down a while for now….

Bottom line:  All is Well and Exactly as it Should Be!  

Patterns of Thought, Neurons, Psychic Development and Spiritual Evolution

Neurons Gossip
Neurons Gossip

Patterns of Thought, Neurons, Psychic Development and Spiritual Evolution

How do all those things relate?  Patterns that I’m referring to have to do with what sometime’s I’ve heard called “gossipy neurons” or “ground consciousness” — either way, karmic repetition.  I really appreciate how the Dalai Lama of Tibet has joined Buddhists theory with scientific theory to understand the mind and how it works.

So patterns of thought and neurons that react to stimuli (see What the Bleep Do we Know?) — gossipy neurons!  I love that image of neurons gossiping and we could then see how and why the work of Byron Katie has been helpful to so many–i.e. question that thought and who would you be without it?

Neurons gossip — stimulus happens (some life event or experience) and then old dialogue begins accompanied by old pictures.

In my work as a psychic I’ve learned how to listen to observe to create a space for information to come through and I can’t have any neurons gossiping in the background when i do this.   I think meditation and working in those areas with the mind enables one to recognize when ground or karmic consciousness takes over or said another way, when the neurons start gossiping and firing and kicking up those old connections.

When we notice those neurons gossiping we can become aware and break those old patterned connections through intention–creating a new pathway, one that includes compassion and love instead.

I often point out how psychic development (I offer an Online Course) is an aid to our personal spiritual evolution.  This is yet another example!  Awareness rocks!

All’s Well That Ends Well

alls well that ends wellWarning: mostly boring stuff.  This is a journal entry that I started on Facebook and it started to get too long so I finished it here.  I picked up a few documentaries at the video store the other day–one was on hiking Kilimanjaro.  And the other entitled “When we left the earth” about the space program, NASA and the astronauts.  Found both very enjoyable and no problem to ease into watching after leaving the gym today.  The last 10 minutes on the treadmill required mental discipline to get through but even though it’s Friday, I didn’t accept any excuse from the weak mind that kept offering excuses to quit prematurely.

They were giving away free T-shirts so picked up a few for myself, daughter and granddaughter; so soft and a nice little treat.

The last of the pottery Xmas gifts are being fired and tomorrow I will finish one of the last ones.  Hope to go the movies later to see Hunger Games with some of the family and aside from that, just waiting for news about an upcoming move to my own apartment.

This little place which is like a little house of it’s own has a front and back porch for my plants and steps up with a railing–not many; maybe 6 or 7.  The whole apartment area which is more like small little houses is really surrounded by woods and a creek is nearby or so I’m told—its a gem to find a place surrounded by woods here in the city.  Another bonus is that it’s not far from family and even closer to the gym than where I reside now.

Yeah, so I’ve been renting a few movies which help to keep my mind away from wanting to attach … well, you know this saying, right?  My Dad used it all the time, “Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched”, he’d say to me.  Evidently, Dad (rest is soul) noticed the tendency toward disappointment in me at an early age.  It’s taken all these many years to finally integrate that message of non-attachment.

The other day I was listening to a Buddhist teacher who said when you begin the path of awareness and mindfulness that you sometimes do a lot of karmic clearing all at once.  This brought a moment of consolation for the difficulties that I’ve experienced integrating here from my hermit lifestyle in the woods.  The Winter Solstice before even considering a move (or having the foggiest hint that I’d be doing so) I remember standing up on the mountain ridge behind my house hanging i-Ching and Buddha coins on a sweet little naturally growing live white pine tree which I assigned as my personal yule tree.  I clearly recall that I asked for more knowledge about Buddhism and “to become more Buddha-like”.  Yep, that could have done it!  LOL  I’m not kidding –really, I’m not.  I was quiet serious about expanding knowledge about Buddhism at the time.  And actually, not long after that (there being no sanghas in those old mountains, I learned about Vajra TV which I considered to be a miracle!)

And now that I’ve left the mountains, I will be happy to be once again in my own little nest.  (I’m sharing an apartment with my sister and niece–add that one to the challenges faced since moving here.)  Anyway, when the move happens (and it will eventually!),  I plan to eat better, cook healthier food.

simple life
Mentors Channel posted this on Facebook today; I relate

You know… I look back over my life for the past… well,  since the summer of 2012 (and we’re soon to be in 2015 in a few weeks) and realize even more so now how this “heap-load of intense karmic clearing” could really be a viable or possible truth.

I hope not to have incurred further or additional karma these past few years, but if intention is part of the cause/effect karmic equation for the future, this may ease any future karmic consequence.

One can only hope for the best on a karmic level and to offset that to perform good deeds, so tonglen meditations, and  as they say accrue merit to create good karma to balance.

Anyway, I can correlate so many Buddhist teachings with my experiences over the past 2+ years and while I may have struggled a good deal with reality/life, many realizations have occurred.  And this is one more thing to be grateful for.

My daughters have their apartments all decorated for the holidays now.  I hope for them that they experience that time goes slowly so that they can enjoy their Christmas trees and bright things each day.

In contrast, and as for me as I’ve grow older, it seems that holidays come and go so fast that it’s hardly worth the effort to drag the decorating stuff out before you have to put it back again.  I gave my holiday decorations to my girls for that and various reasons.

I know that I will be releasing even more items/things/stuff, giving more away since the new apartment will be even smaller than the old one that I had here.

Anyway, speaking of releasing, somehow I lost a few pounds recently and this time I hope to keep that going! I think I owe a thank you to the treadmill. 🙂 I am so grateful to be able to go to the gym.  I want to get back into swimming soon too–all these big plans.  LOL

Letting things go…  materially, emotionally and mentally!  And as Shakespeare wrote, “All’s well that ends well” and yet it is still debated if that play was a comedy or tragedy.  Perhaps, like all of our lives, both.

PS– oh, and that apartment house I mentioned… it’s an 11 (numerology).  But then there I go again; you’re right about those chickens Dad.  Yeah, I’m psychic and my intuition tells me things but it’s still better to take Dad’s advice.

Better put in another video.  🙂

The realization of non-self nowhere, now here

nowhere now hereI really like that this blog has no main theme so there is freedom to write whatever suits on whichever day.  Today its the ‘no self’ or non-self or ego-less-ness of self that’s knocking around in my noggin.  People misunderstand this concept and for good reason; it’s not an easy one to consider much less accept.  People are very attached to the idea of self and it’s dramas.

I tried to speak about this just a wee bit with my oldest daughter who is suffering mental anguish over an injury to her hand… what I tried to convey was distinguishing the mind-body-spirit.  At the mention of non-self her eyes glazed over and I totally lost her.  She seemed to grasp it a bit when I said that ‘the hand has a problem but you don’t have a problem’ and she let go a little bit then, but anyway…  I was trying to lead up to the fact that when we try to look for our self… well, once we can let go of the idea that we are our body, then we think we are our thoughts.

And when we try to look  and to see from where the thoughts arise, from where they originate to start with and where they go when we’re done with them, we cannot find the beginning or the end.

But even more to the point, when we try (in earnest and in meditation) to find the self or the one who is doing the thinking, we find nothing is there—  well, nothing but a never-ending and continually changing stream of thoughts and feelings.  But we find no solid self.  (You are not your body.)  And even if you look to your body to try to find your self, you will (at its basic core energy) find a lot of body parts and then empty space and protons, neurons and still no solid self.

This is the realization of non-self.  And this is Buddhism.

And then, after that,  we realize we are everywhere — or nowhere — now/here — now here sort of like that drawing above.

May we all release our dramas and suffering and the causes of those and come to the contented peace of true liberation!  

Karma, Ground Consciousness, Habituation and Meditation – mindfulness can create happiness

Karmic imprints

Karmic imprints.  They accumulate and are latent in ground consciousness or base mind.

This area of psyche gathers up or collects  (through the many layers of it’s nature)   all the karmic latencies that are gathered over eons of lifetimes.

And the responses to those tendencies create more imprints and here in this reality, on the earth,  they are able to be stimulated.

I used to think that we were completely in control of moods via our thoughts–and while that is partially true, the karmic imprints that settle into consciousness awaken in us as experiences of suffering or experiences of happiness which sometimes are seemingly out of our control.  I’ve been thinking about  karmic latency and habitual tendencies.  Do we say something like, ‘Oh that’s just how I am an I can’t help that‘ or what?  Just how does it all work anyway?   These thoughts that follow are influenced by Buddhist views by the way and they make perfect sense (to me).

Positive or negative karma ,it is said, does not always  immediately express itself. These karmic latencies resting within ground consciousness can arise later, even in future lifetimes.

Sometimes I can correlate karmic events to the Nodes of the Moon (North Node, South Node)  in an astrology chart–imprints remain in ground consciousness to ripen under the appropriate circumstances.  And we can correlate that to aspects to the birth Nodes and the transiting Lunar Nodes.  Anyway…

Negative and positive qualities increase due to habitual patterns–if a person tends to be angry again and again then becomes habituated to anger, it creates an increase of anger-latency in the mind.   The same is true with positive qualities such as love and compassion.  These qualities (either positive or negative) creates the foundation for the mind–ground consciousness.   Even in remembering some experience of the past, the remembering of it strengthens the latency.

For these reasons, we should be ever-aware and mindful–otherwise our disturbing emotions gradually increase from day-to-day and lifetime-to-lifetime.

We can create mindfulness latencies in the ground conspicuousness (habitual pattern of mindfulness).

Through meditation we can create positive latencies of love, wisdom and compassion which does overcome negative imprints when meditation is increased to focus on that love, wisdom and compassion.

We are born with a particular proclivities or latent tendencies developed in previous lifetimes.  We see this within seconds, minutes, hours of a baby’s birth.  Not all babies have the same newborn tendencies—some are restless, some are peaceful, etc.  Some children are naturally very kind due to positive latencies developed and imprinted in previous lifetimes into their ground consciousness.  Other children are very aggressive due to their own latent tendencies.

Some people are unable to deny themselves their desires and cannot say no to themselves–others can deny themselves but have difficulty saying no to others. Yet, we can change through cultivation of mindfulness or being aware of our tendencies and developing positive virtues where needed.

It seems like another lifetime ago when I asked higher mind/spirit guides [_____ fill in your own preferred word (s) here] a question. (Divination)

I really wanted to know why we were here and what we’re doing here and what the whole bottom-line point to our lives here were about.

And I was told that we are here to develop virtue.  And now, many years later, I see how true that answer was; although at the time I wasn’t satisfied with it.

With the correct understanding and with mindfulness in life and developing good qualities through  meditation we will be able to develop new latencies, new habitual  patterns, new tendencies.

Is that easy?  Is being mindful and conscious of our latent habitual tendencies at all times easy?  It’s as easy as that — or as difficult.  It depends on us.

We can develop positive or negative tendencies throughout life!  They come and they go depending upon our own awareness and contribution to the habitual patterns.

Our experience of happiness is based upon ground consciousness no matter which realm we are in.  Creating karmic imprints in the present reality results in experiencing their results in the future.

Just like a child who goes to school and studies hard creates an imprint in the mind that allows the child to later on do something with the imprint like become a teacher or a doctor.  If there was no type of imprint to start with (no schooling, no education) there would be no possibility of becoming the teacher in the future.

Well, this is all I have time to write on the topic for the moment.  I hope some of these words will find their way to the right person at the right time out there in cyber world and in doing so be helpful to that other.  

 

How the Aware Psychic Receives Information and the Jeweled Net of Indra

Indra's netHow the Aware Psychic Receives Information

and the Jeweled Net of Indra

Psychic awareness (divination) is the ability to tune into vibrations which are both distant and near because in actuality they exist in a dimension that exists outside of time and space.

Psychic awareness is the ability to translate these vibrations into a form accessible to the conscious mind.

The dimension where these vibrations exist is the same place where ideas exist before we have them.  The psychic becomes “at one with” that dimension.

The Jeweled Net of Indra is a metaphor or symbol for oneness, interconnectedness.  The Buddhists say that at the intersection of this infinite net there is a shining jewel and each jewel contains reflections of all the other jewels.  And each reflection contains within itself an infinite number of reflections.  Every point reflects every other point.  This gives us the idea the image for how each part of the universe is able to communicate with every other part.

The psychic is able to become one with the connective patterns of the universe and it is through this method that information is transferred to the aware psychic.

Afraid to be psychic? Is there something to fear? Seeing ghosts and hearing voices? What to do

Hearing Voices and Seeing Ghosts
Hearing Voices and Seeing Ghosts

This isn’t quite a vent and it may get recycled into this week’s newsletter so you may see this topic again soon depending upon how inspiration this week goes.  It’s about ghosts and people hearing things and feeling things and seeing things that cause them to be afraid, fearful.  I get this all the time along with people who ask if I can rid them of ghosts or they want me to identify or confirm which ghost seems to haunt them.

What gets me most is when they say that some other psychic was able to rid them of a ghost or stop a haunting.  The mind can be a wild and crazy apparatus and here’s the thing:  anything can happen there if you’re not present there, minding the store so-to-speak.

I once heard a eastern teacher say that learning to meditate is to connect with the one that abides within, the presence.  I liked the way he described this whole business of being in control of one’s mind.  He said think of the mind as being a room that has only one chair in the room.  He said as others come into the room they have nowhere to sit.  Anything that disturbs the mind is a mental affliction and these afflictions have nowhere to sit down, so they have to go on their way.

Essentially, if we are present and have mindful awareness of ‘self’ then when anything that is undesirable shows up—whether it is a ghost or voices or anger or any other conflicting emotion or delusion–there is no place for them in the mind if “YOU” are present.  If you are there occupying your mind, then nothing else can!

Of course, many people don’t understand that all that is heard, seen, felt and so forth is in the mind–everything we experience is mind projected outward.

If no one is sitting in the room of the mind being present (if you are not there) and if you don’t have that ‘presence of mind’ then delusion can take a seat and cause all types of fear and suffering.

If there is no one home in the mind, unwanted guests can come and make themselves comfortable–they can sit down and eat and make a mess.  These ‘hauntings’ and crazy fearful ‘mentalizations’  happen because people don’t understand their mind and are not present there, believing they have no control over mind,  This is because they have not spent any time with ‘the one who abides within’ which becomes known during meditation and because they don’t recognize the way the mind reacts to fears which push them all over the place.

People come to me to ask about these things and I can feel how they are spinning around because they don’t understand their mind and don’t know how to be present within it; there fore they not know how to separate out what is there and what isn’t–the mind of the individual who comes to me in this way is lacking discernment and awareness of the inner self or what we could call ‘the self who knows’ or the inner wisdom.

How do you find the inner self or contact the self who knows?  You can start by visualizing that chair in the mind and sit in that chair during meditation.   Then post-meditation you carry that Presence with you wherever you go.

Blowing Your Spiritual Cover and Personal Integrity September 5, 2013 Daily Divination

10 of PentaclesAwareness—it’s awesome realizations; yet, because we are aware and realize something about ourselves doesn’t mean we have reached full enlightenment—it means we are aware of the path.  And excuse me if you are already fully enlightened but most of us go day-by-day doing the best we can, often reacting to life before, knowing we’re reacting.  But that’s okay or at least Pema Chodron says so.

Her recommendation is to say, “May this person who is driving me crazy enjoy happiness and be free of suffering” even though at the time what we are experiencing is genuine anger.  It always makes me feel sheepish when I remind myself that it is self-cherishing that is the root of my problem—that usually puts the fires of anger and frustration out easily.  And then I want to kick myself for reacting to a strong aversion in the first place.

We have our limits as humans it seems.  We can open to some people, but we remain closed to others—the ones who irritate us.

Awareness is seeing this clearly and realizing firsthand that as humans we are, as Pema says, “…a paradoxical bundle of rich potential that consists of both neurosis and wisdom.”

The thing is that we must acknowledge where we are and what we feel—it is so inauthentic and psychologically damaging (in my humble opinion) to pretend to feel anything that we don’t.

I can seem to feel more love, empathy and compassion for my daughter’s cats than I can for my downstairs neighbors!  I tried to muster up those feelings that I have for those animals and then transfer that same feeling to my irritating neighbors—no can do!  I just can’t seem to put these irritating people in the same place in my heart as the beautiful animals that I so love—I had to toss them right out.  I will keep trying and will let you know how it goes.

I am closed off there and need to keep working at it to open up and resolve my aversions—that’s what awareness can mean.  Oh, yeah, I try to tell myself that they are just like me and like the Dalai Lama says, we are all seeking happiness.  It’s just that their version of happiness and mine are apparently in dire contrast and opposition; perhaps it’s cultural but then again “when in Rome” as the saying goes.

I realize this is more aversion to humans and the epitome of resistance to them but I was thinking that I’ve got to start incorporating flip turns into my swimming routine.  Talk about human in your face!  When I got to the pool yesterday all the lanes were free, but for one.  I selected the last lane and started my swim.  About 20 minutes into my swim as I reached the wall to initiate my turn, there it was!

A man’s face in front of my own, asking to swim in my lane with me; all of the other lanes were filled with men and maybe he felt it was easier to ask a woman—who knows his motives? And who cares? But I felt immediate aversion to having to share my lane—why me?  He didn’t swim long but I realize that I have a lot of work to do in that area also; it’s just that (watch me try to justify my aversion now) when I swim it is like a meditation and one really would rather not be interrupted.  But that’s life—it’s what happens to us while we’re doing our own thing; human interference.  I’ve got to learn to be better at sharing my sacred spaces with other humans I guess…. Well, obviously.  I don’t like feeling irritated and would rather be happy and peaceful—that requires getting over my ego and self-cherishing!

I think to write about it and how these humans get under my skin so-to-speak is blowing my cover!  I’m human too and we all have an ego with aversions and attractions—when I lived in the mountains alone I could, for the most part, pretend that I wasn’t one of them!  Ha ha.

Well, humor is a gift from the Angels that helps us cope here.

Today, I will ask the Angels of Laughter to hang 10 with me through the ocean of life… or at least through my apartment living and my lap swimming at the pool.  I hit my toe on the side of the metal filing cabinet this morning as I made my way to my desk with my first cup of coffee while at the same time feeling resentful for being awakened by neighbor’s voices!

It’s a beautiful sunny day and we started out in the high 60’s, low 70’s this morning.  I made good progress on the project I’m creating for my daughter’s wedding gift and still wish that I could be half as artistic as my middle daughter (not the one getting married).  My middle child draws beautifully freehand and oh how I admire her ability to do that!

I just opened a desk drawer and the fragrance of Nag Champa incense cones (that I forgot I had) greeted me (I love Nag Champa) and may today be filled with such continued pleasant surprised for everyone!

DAILY DIVINATION SEPTEMBER 5, 2013 – TEN OF PENTACLES TAROT CARD

This card makes me think of the 11th House in Astrology, relating to the community.  I think of it too as “growing roots” in the community and creating a stable and comfortable environment. The 10 of Pentacles deals with the domestic life and living life upon the earth and represents “the good life”.  The deep connection to The Universe exists within the ordinary life—through this card I am reminded that the troubles and miseries that occupy many human minds (my own included) are only a play and the community plays a role for us in presenting that which we must free ourselves.

As I finished that last sentence a hummingbird was flying a holding pattern within a few feet of my laptop just on the other side of the glass door, looking at me directly.  Reminds me to be joyful and to find the nectar of life and drink heartily from that fountain.  Hummingbirds are symbolic for accomplishing that which seems impossible.

May you always feel encouraged!