I’m Chill-axing today! We all need a day off once in a while–to “check out” of our life in some way which is (for me anyway) a stress reducer. We need a vacation from our self, our mind our usual patterns. Really, that’s what it is–a pattern breaker day; that seems a much better word for it.
I’ve been overwhelmed with a few life concerns and have let my ole’ mind and emotions too much freedom to roam and today I feel that a self-imposed ‘shift’ in the pattern is what the inner-doctor ordered. Oh, and by the way, I do think we have one.
Have had some tests, screenings that they give you free (that’s the first joke; nothing is free) so that they can find reasons to bill medicare for things that (in my opinion; based on research via google) are not necessary. I could feel myself being sucked down that black hole of a reality… a life of “let’s go to the doctor and get more tests”. I’ve nipped it in the bud for now with a NO which I feel is well informed and reasonable.
And then we deal with things that go bump in the night around here and disturb sleep and add it all up and i need a day off. (You know that’s true when I don’t even want to go and swim!)
The headache that developed at the “mammogram, ultrasound and now we-want-to-stick-a few-needles-into-your-breast-but-don’t-worry-we-give-you-a-needle-to-numb-you-first’place yesterday still lingers a bit along with the sound that shakes whats left of the psyche barely holding together at 2 am—the nightly wall banging from downstairs neighbors. My music is on softly but i do keep it on to direct my mind to IT rather than the voices discussing know-knows-what half the night.
Toss it all up in a bowl and add my battle bruised (or maybe even broken) right small toe that i hit upon the furniture a few days ago (yes—again! I cannot be trusted to walk barefoot)…. it’s just that today I needed a break to just sit and ask myself a few questions… contemplations.
Divination helps…. i ‘d already pretty much decided “Hell NO, I won’t go” for the suggested needle biopsy of my breasts.
My YES/NO Tarot Card Spread gives me a validating NO also; assisting me to go deeper into the stress free zone.
I’ll run it past my very grounded and reasonable male general doctor who of course will tell me to go forward to cover his own you know what (think: malpractice insurance) but hopefully my tendency to think of him as a reasonable person isn’t wrong. Meaning, maybe he will tell me that my theories about it are, themselves, reasonable enough to delay this for a year or two in order to recheck things.
It had to be a man who invented such a procedure which includes squeezing a woman’s breast tortuously between metal and glass–give me a break. Like a sheep led to it’s slaughter, I allowed this not once but twice and then an ultrasound and who knows what they will suggest next–well, I do, they did suggest a needle aspiration procedure. What next? cut off my breasts? C’mon; there’s no history of breast cancer in our family anyway. No, I’m stopping this nonsense right now and if you are a hypochondriac reading this, i don’t want your opinion; thanks anyhow.
I’m talking to myself here or just doing nothingness today which is rare for me to begin with–but I felt I needed to take a pattern-breaker day so that i can gather the energy to redirect the whole energy field again tomorrow in the direction that I desire to go as I climb out of this medical black hole which I somehow allowed myself to be drug into.
My intuition says no, my tarot cards say no and once my doctor (a male) tells me that my refusal is reasonable (or whether he does or not), I’ve made up my mind. I don’t worship the ground that doctors walk on —quite far from it! I worked in the medical profession and with my eyes open so I have an education that the average person may not.
I trust my own intuition and inner feelings about things but still try to educate myself and there still seems to be a good deal of controversy over the necessity of mammograms at any age from what I’m reading and of course i do look at sources that do not have connections to the Radiology associations of America and/or the mammogram equipment providers who are bed with each other and the American Cancer Institute. There are entire books written on this whole mammogram necessity controversy and the effectiveness. I had to balk initially at the “big squeeze” thinking “can’t they cause a problem crushing my breast tissue like this?” they can and needle biopsies that open up the fluid sac and drag cells out tracing the needle likely cause more problems too–they have. Anyway. Like I said, No. No needles for my breast tissue, thanks.
The radiology doctor simply stated what she’s going do (as if i had no choice) and wanted me to schedule the appointment right then. Are you kidding? That’s where I drew the line as if the ultrasound wasn’t invasive enough—puleeeeze!
I will say that i was totally surprised it all went that far—but then the Sun was opposing Uranus yesterday: the astrological signature for the element of surprise, so considering the astrology I shouldn’t have been.
I’ve just realized that I have no moral to the story and no point to be made that will be helpful for others–which is what I try to do when I blog.
Maybe the point is that I think that it’s okay to take a pattern-breaker day (or call it stress day if you’d prefer) when we feel it’s in order. You see, i swam my laps anyway after leaving this whole mammogram, radiology business yesterday—swam with a headache. No let’s be real, I’d have to call it a migraine (not just a wee simple headache) which intensified the longer i was in that Imaging Center place. I though the swim would help and to some extent it did and the I had a totally empty stomach so that i thought food would help the headache after the swim… it lingered and still does but only very slightly. I am breaking that pattern today; that’s why I’ve given myself permission to do nothing more than what I want to do and right now it’s typing this blog.
I’ve not been sleeping well lately due to my need to stream music over the small TV in my bedroom at night… it helps me focus on something besides the voices beneath me which come and go all night long escalating again at around 6 am—last night was particularly difficult with a dramatic dream involving the neighbors. I call those kinds of dreams, venting dreams since they are energy releasing.
I am going to take my sore chest (from two mammograms in one week–just say no, and I didn’t) and yoga mat out to the balcony and stretch in the sunlight and meditate for a while. I’ve realized that I don’t like being around radiologist or mammogram technicians much more than any other doctor/hospital vibes. But my general doctor (had to have one for the free screening from medicare–welcome to old age) is really cool — a reasonable, kindly, about as old as myself, Irish gentleman with good humor and like i said a very reasonable attitude. I do like and trust him and believe me haven worked with many doctors from my own medical profession background in physical therapy, I know a bit about docs.
But then again—as a product of the 60’s we learned to be suspicious of “the establishment” and to question any so-called authority which I see is something quite lacking in the subsequent generations, including my own children and distant family members. Just sayen’.
It seems like ages since simply sitting at the keyboard and typing onto my blog has happened… and it has to do with this thing that we call time or our concept of it. Yeah, it’s bothering me and if you’re a regular reader here, then you know that I work things out here—things that disturb my psyche or ruffle my feathers. I look for ways to handle these dilemmas, these “pickles” of life, and hope that my post will also help another who finds it or goggles a phrase that shows up here. Ever since I’ve moved I’ve been dealing with schedules and family itineraries! It’s like if someone suggests something to do in the future, everyone grabs their appointment calendar to see which day they are free!
I’m simply not used to living this way—at least for the past 15 years anyway. I thought those days were over for me; never did I think that I’d be dancing to the tune of the clock again and certainly not to a school bus or band practice or Friday night football game schedule!
O, Please–don’t get me wrong, I love being with my grandchildren and daughters–even my sister and niece! And we love Friday night football; yet I’m sort of ‘over’ driving two nights a week to and from band practice… but anyway….
It’s just that my life doesn’t seem like my own anymore, but I’m adjusting and my own appointment schedule is being juggled and adjusting too!
We’re managing. And everything is getting done; but inside me there’s lots of resistance to this new life!
I’m working on it though and this blog post is helping me do just THAT today. And I hope it will help you too in some way. Anyway…
I know this feeling of being short of time all of the time is mental and emotional and psychological and it’s an energy thing that I’ve gotten pulled into. I’m trying to pull myself out and having a little bit of difficulty.
It is true that I have to accommodate my family now whereas before (the past 15 years@!) there was none of that. I chose to do so and know that it is their energy and the energy of this general vicinity that needs balancing within me.
You know, people drive so fast around here even in the parking lot of the apartment community and energy of the white rabbit from the Alice in Wonderland story is predominating: “I’m late, I’m late for a very important date, I’m late, I’m late, I’m late, and I’m very, very late…”
Yeah, I feel that within my own mind and body and it gets reinforced at the start of every new day… “Hi Mom, here’s her breakfast, she has to finish this or that homework, I love you, here’s her lunch box, gotta’ go, I’m late…” (My granddaughter stays with me in the morning until her bus comes to take her to school and my daughter rushes off to work.)
Again, I love my family and being near them most of the time. It’s just that I don’t like that hurry-up we’re late feeling and I know it is within me unnecessarily—I carry it too often!
It’s affecting my usual feelings of peace and ease and I miss the pace of the mountains—the general feeling everywhere was “What’s the hurry? And besides, if you wanted me to hurry you should have told me about it 3 weeks ago.”
Aaaahhhhh, sometimes I miss that small mountain town but then other times, like last Thursday night, having sushi and seaweed salad at a local Wasabi Restaurant makes me want to jump up and down celebrating being here in civilization! Oh, there are many things that bring up celebratory feelings about being here—take my grandson for example!
But then, I digress—my issue involves how to deal with this hurry up feeling that predominates too often and restore the more comfortable and compatible “what’s the hurry?” attitude.
Come to think of it, this has always been my problem in all relationships—whether it is with a person or a city/community! I am way too taken in by the ‘other’ vibe and loose myself! Yeah, I could blame it on my Sun/Neptune/Moon natal conjunction or I could use that triple combo to my advantage. What’z it gonna’ be?
Whether you’re like me and are sometimes too sensitive for your own good OR NOT, we’ve got to ask the Oracle for guidance. What can we do? What insight can you give that will help with NOT being pulled into outer energy—how can we maintain our own energy when surrounded by an incompatible vibe 24-7?
I will turn to the I-ching now to select a coin-combo which will bring us some helpful insight on how to change our attitude about time and hurry-up energy and how NOT to lose our self in the midst of so many ‘others’.
Well we have Kua 3 (Difficulty in the Beginning) changing to Kua 60 (Limitations).
Let’s open up this guidance. But before we do that, I just want to say that I am enjoying this Saturday morning! I am undisturbed by duty calling me in any direction and am enjoying the birds visiting my balcony bird feeder. The trees are only a-small-number-of-feet away from my balcony (some ends of the branches are only a few feet) and I like to pretend that I live in the trees WITH the birds and that I AM one myself! I did more of that in the early days of my residency here—and realize now that I need to spend more time with that fantasy when I can fit it in!
Well, to the i-ching… the changing line in the first Kua advises “doing nothing” and “taking a breather”. I really relate to that! Writing in this blog today is about that very thing. Kua 3 is about enduring difficult transitions and this move has been such a thing which I am STILL getting used to! I moved in June and here it is nearing the end of September and the full adjustment has yet to be accomplished!
Here’s an example: we had a garage sale last weekend in which we all sold items that we simply could not use in our new apartments (my daughter and sister also moved here around the same time I did). We agreed to donate what did not sell to Goodwill afterward and did. Several days later, I went there to get a donation receipt that my sister forgot and saw an item from my mountain home. It was a basket which I had on a porch column and I filled it with different flowers as the season’s changed. I did not expect to see it and there it was on a shelf in the Goodwill store and suddenly I grieved the death my old life of peace and solitude. In turning to escape the basket, my eyes landed squarely on ceramic angels that I had along the window sill in the guest bedroom—I called it “The Angel Room”. I nearly ran out of the store with my heart aching and tears streaming down my face. Yeah, I’m not fully adjusted to being here yet—“fer’ shuur!” said the way we used to say it in the 80’s.
So doing nothing and taking a breather this may be a good thing to restore a little bit of balance—that’s the advice (so far) from the i-ching oracle. This sort of stops the whole time thing from being an issue—I can understand that it would be helpful.
I had blocked some time out for myself yesterday and actually felt guilty that I didn’t DO something during that time. Since this small amount of free time is so precious and valuable now, you better DO something special with it… I didn’t and then felt guilty! I never, ever used to feel guilty about doing nothing before–what gives?
The oracle speaks of this situation as “strengthening the ability to roll with the punches” –that is what is going on now. I have to say that bumping into the energy of my old stuff in the Goodwill Store felt like a punch—fer shure.
This is about my ability to deal with difficult transitions—according to the i-ching book for this Kua. Yeah, I think of death when I hear the word “transition” and actually I did say to my daughter on the ‘Goodwill Day” that my reaction is part of me “grieving over my old life”. Kua 3 really does relate to this question I’m asking.
The old was dismantled to make way for the new and now that I’m in the new, the adjustments do create certain doubts and vulnerabilities.
Maybe I need to shore up my certainties and do something to feel less vulnerable. I need to give that some thought. I do believe that I did the right thing to move; yet I do feel vulnerable and intuitively feel some sort of boundary is needed, somehow, to remedy the vulnerability feeling. I just don’t know exactly how to achieve that since I seem to have to be the one to accommodate to everyone else’s schedule!
I find my mind wandering out to future to find a school holiday and to announce to my daughters that I am not available that week—I’ve always wanted to go away to some country that doesn’t celebrate x-Mas during that x-tian holiday anyway! But I digress. Let’s see what else the oracle says.
This is some sort of ‘stage of growth’—this transition, this move, this complete change of lifestyle! Haven’t I grown enough? Wait, don’t let me go into victimization now! This blog post is about how to accomplish a feeling which is one in which I feel as if I have more time—let’s stick with the topic at hand here. (self reprimand– ha ha)
Moving on. The oracle says to stay in touch with the “needs of the moment”. Okay this is helpful. And that’s right! Some of this whole time shortage and “I’m late” vibe is really future oriented. People here run around trying desperately to drive into the future instead of just dealing with the needs of the moment—that’s the “slowing down” that I’ve been doing for the past 15 years which moving here has affected. That’s usually how I am and I’ve allowed the surrounding people, places, things to infiltrate me—and I’ve sort of lost myself as far as this part goes.
I need to bring my mountain mentality to the big city—and live it in the now by affirming continually that I am “in touch with the needs of the moment”—yeah, I like that. I’m going to use that. I should make that a sign and hang it up on the wall to remind myself!
SIGN SHOULD READ: I AM IN TOUCH WITH THE NEEDS OF THE MOMENT—PERIOD!
The Oracle also says that any attempt to make a plan or to make sense of things is premature and will lead to frustration. Be gentle with the self and go slowly.
Let them rush and be late! I don’t have to. Right?
Kua 60 is about “Limitations” and speaks of “testing your own serenity in the chaos exposes the depth of self-disclipline” and also the manner in which we respond to “limitations” is revealing of what has been deeply assimilated.
I have deeply assimilated the mountain energy and the inner peace of living a serene life has been genuinely anchored within me. It is my true nature and true self. I have to remember that it is there and cannot be affected—it is only necessary to stay in touch with myself by staying in touch with the needs of the moment.
Alright, I’ve gone on long enough and I’m good–are you? I feel better and have, via this writing, helped to reinforce what is needed to establish my SELF in the moment again.
I hope this writing has helped another soul who may be able to use and apply any thoughts within these paragraphs.
There are many occasions in which the psychic reading client will ask me a question about another person in their life. Sometimes it is a family member or someone they have to interact with on their job that nearly literally drives them crazy. No matter what the relationship association or reason they come to me to ask what to do about such persons.
It’s true, you know, that certain people just rub us the wrong way or irk the heck out of us! Yesterday, I blogged about our psychological ‘blind spots’ and if you read that post we could insert such an irksome person into that blog post and call him or her a blind spot awareness gorilla!
Now that we can rationalize at least one reason why they’ve shown up for us (again, see yesterday’s post), the question then becomes what to do next.
And for each person the answer differs – I’ve notice that as the psychic message-giver during readings. The answers that come are not always the same and I never know what is going to be given until it arises in response to the question in the same second (and sometimes before) the question is asked.
But for generalized purposes and for the indiscriminate reader, let’s consult the I-ching Oracle for guidance. Off we go to toss the coins…
How do we handle our response to that irksome person who we would like to see vanish from contact with our life, LIKE NOW!? Better yet, yesterday!
Finding out that you have become a pawn in someone else’s game is a rude awakening! You want to divorce yourself from that person immediately, but sometimes this cannot be done. If this is a family member or co-worker or group member or even your best friend or spouse—good luck. It’s difficult in those situations to severe the ties overnight. And it is not easy then to ignore or brush aside their existence.
The thing to consider, says the Oracle, is that you have become too easily rocked by external experiences and the only way to change that is to turn inward… it’s called meditation.
Another bit of guidance here is to ask yourself if you have been unconsciously allowing yourself be put in an inferior position by this annoying individual. Somehow you have gotten yourself into a position that you neither want nor need. Was it your own desires (perhaps wanting to be liked or loved thereby compromising your personal authenticity) that has gotten you into the situation? I’m just asking. Where along the lines might you have compromised your personal truth?
In the end, the only way past it is through it. Feel the pain of being compromised by the bothersome individual and take responsibility for your part in it. That step renews your self-respect.
What remains now is perseverance. You can’t divorce your family member or co-worker and it’s not practical to change jobs just because of this one gorilla. It may be best to deal with this person, at least mentally and emotionally within your own self, as if they will never leave! I know, I know—gods forbid and perish the thought! But doing that helps (trust me) to relax you into a state of peace and acceptance about it.
And the funny thing is that once you go there and do that whole acceptance thing, they somehow either stop irking you or move or quit or give you the divorce somehow!
These irksome people are usually weak with no power and feel threatened by you. You’d like to put them in their place ten times over but you also know that to do so will cause resentment from that person, empowering them further, or those close to him or her could develop animosity toward you.
It’s one of those lose-lose situations.
…speaking of loose; the best advice I can give at the end here is not to lose your sense of humor!
Sometimes with humanoids it is like a movie of the monsters versus the aliens anyway, you know?
Besides, there’s always a Miss Piggy in every group!
Sit back, get a little distance and have a hoot!
It’s all only the Monsters Versus the Aliens after all! Remember?
People. Wow. Family people. BIGGER WOW. My recent move has taken my trip here on Earth to another level. Let me just use the words “other level” rather than put any other descriptive adjective onto it.
As they say, it is one thing to meditate up on the mountain in a cave quite alone and totally another to bring your soul into the village and practice there! I can see I’m going to get some good practice!
Yet, I’ve brought the mountain with me—it’s in my heart and in my mind and yes, the mountain is in my soul. The mountain and my soul are one—and like the American Indian would say, “I am one with the Earth”. In fact, I have a t-shirt that says that on the front.
I’ve had more human activity and family activity (call it human drama—that’s more the truth) than I’ve been accustomed to in the past. I’m still making the adjustment and truthfully have longed for the solitude from which I’ve come and have had moments wherein I’ve had to consciously remind my ego-self that all that I seek exists within.
Change takes some getting used to–I’m living that truth fer’ sh’ure!
It was therapy–I just came back from a 2 mile hike in a nearby state park area; very nice. I still want to call on the I-ching oracle for a word or two about this whole topic of human dramas and dealing with that type of energy scenario. You might be having the same type of issue because after all the Sun in still in the family sign, Cancer. And it’s still within striking distance of a wide opposition to Pluto.
The question has to do with dealing with those dramas–what should we keep in mind around the human theatre arenas? The information below is general and not necessarily specific to my situation–it’s just some I-ching wisdom to apply to human theater generally.
Well, we’ve received several things here. One is to remember that in the heat of the drama or in the midst of the battle, it is best to not charge up the hill when both sides are firing at one another, least you become the unwitting recipient of a bullet or two. Or you could become shouted at when one of the guys from the opposing side mistakes you for the enemy. Making one’s self a small target at those times is wise–once the heart stops pounding and you catch your breath, the circumstances may change by then.
The other bit of guidance is if you do make a preemptive strike, trust that your intuition was guiding you to do so and do not defend your actions or entertain any type of rationalization.
Aside from that, be willing to “roll with the punches” as the sayings go while increasing your strength and capacity to endure difficulties in the face of change. If recent change is part of the scenario, its normal to feel vulnerable and shaky at times. It’s also normal to doubt and question yourself in areas where there was previous unshakable certainty! All that is “par for the course” to use another saying.
Keep a steady pace and stay in touch with the real needs of the moment rather than bringing in past of future scenario thinking.
Remember, that we can’t always make sense of things or other people when it comes to human ego-dramas or family-theatre.
Breathe deeply and tune into the inner guide, the voice of truth that speaks from your intuition.
Most of all, have patience with yourself and this will help you to have patience with others–yet, don’t allow yourself to be a doormat either! If YOU don’t respect you, who will?
If you weren’t ready for the human drama and family theatre productions that certain changes can provide, remember that the Tao would not have provided the current opportunity.
That’s how to see it all — as one big opportunity to expand your Earthly trip!
And yeah, that other opportunity… to take a drive to the nearest state park and go for a hike by the lake! Amen.
It’s not a real glamorous image but there it is – the current energy pattern, called a grand cross. Energy opposes and energy squares all by the light of a full moon! We’ve all got this pattern playing out in our lives right now—the heavens ARE the heavens after all! The Sun and Moon/Pluto square the Uranus/Mars opposition and we’re getting that energy from all directions having to do with courage and freedom and all of those generalized 4th of July in America themes—freedom or death! And it may feel like that a little bit—death, I mean. That depends, I suppose, on how attached we’ve been or how much we’ve been asleep at the wheel as the saying goes. Uranus and Pluto are squaring – there’s a battle within the soul and freedom and transformation are the issues at large.
Keeping the eyes open and watching for those flashes of clarity is what I keep getting… sometimes it takes courage to wait it out when you want to grab the bull by the horns if you know what I mean. I’m not going to bore you with doing an astrology dissection but rather ask for guidance for all of us. If you are facing some intense issues right now, or if the full Moon triggering these intense planets has you feeling a bit like you are coming apart, you need some guidance and for that we can ask for some input from a divination tool, the I-ching.
Yeah, I know astrology is a divination tool too and we already know there are forces that are transforming (Pluto), emotional (Moon), liberating/surprising (Uranus) and reactive, passionate and aggressive (Mars) and they are all affecting our very essence (Sun) and the core of our purpose (Sun). We’ve got the forces of those planets and luminaries in our literal corners to draw from and use. Or we can let them do their work to transform us and our lives through experiences and challenges.
Yet, what is the best way to deal with the energy at this time? Let’s toss the coins and see what the I-ching oracle says. We have Kua 40, called DELIVERANCE.
Before a storm breaks, the accumulation of energy and tension can build to a point where if feels nearly unbearable then there is a sudden release of pent up energy.
The I-ching is clearly addressing the current Grand Cross energy and the oracle further advices that awareness and being grounded are especially needed right now for the release of energy, when it does release, could be very un-grounding.
It is vital to identify and clear away any destructive thoughts or actions that may create a heavy atmosphere—otherwise a storm of some type will have to come to clear it away.
Also, the oracle says that the current energy can enable you to see your life with greater equanimity, calmness and composure. There is a window of opportunity now to move quickly and decisively into a new order of things, and this is best accomplished with heartfelt gratitude for all the lessons learned.
My sister just said something that struck me in an interesting way as it applies to all this–she said that something that was oppositional energy in her life just got “squared away”. “We got that squared away”, she said referring to some opposition that she had with someone. Since she said that by phone (as I took her call while writing this blog), I found it very interesting–synchronistic.
Maybe Mars and Uranus can square away any issues of an oppositional nature that we have with Pluto/Moon and Sun and also the other way around!
Here’s hoping that anything in your life that needs to get squared away now is easily accomplished–that’s one way of looking at this Grand Cross energy. Perhaps the squares help the oppositional energies merge instead of oppose! And if you celebrate ‘the 4th’ as we call it in America, enjoy the fireworks and we hope it’s only the good and pretty kind!
From the other side the view is different—back to Kansas. Kansas, the land of traffic jams, double turning lanes i.e. “Get in the far right lane to turn left! — What?” But first things first! My body is black and blue and every muscle seems to ache and if I drop one more thing on my foot…. Well, the physical part of moving is heavy-duty! How we got it all in a truck that was a few sizes too small, that’s a miracle in itself. A van and two cars in addition were filled to the roof tops, including the trucks. Ahhh, the joy of moving! And I’ve still a good deal of boxes to open but for now I can find the important things and my office is assembled and so my shop is open so-to-speak.
I’m taking the time to write this blog post since my air conditioner has gone out and I’m waiting for the maintenance man to show up—perhaps it’s the way the “universe and I” are forcing a rest. In this summer heat, it is no time to increase body heat by opening boxes and doing heavy lifting. The mood of the moment goes like this: stay cool!!! So blogging requires the least amount of effort.
There have been quite a number of surreal moments since last Saturday—move-in day. Every day this week was filled with either clients or kicking, pushing, pulling boxes out-of-the-way. One dreamlike moment was yesterday when my daughter and I went to the pool—something I’d not have done on my own but with the air conditioner out and her insistence, I took the plunge! A very pleasant experience that was! When we got back, the air conditioner was working but that was only for a few hours then it went out again.
I love the trees just beyond my balcony and can almost reach out and touch them—glorious maples mixed in with a few other unknown varieties. From my bedroom window as well as the sliding glass door I can watch the birds hopping along in the branches and many will lite on the balcony railing from time to time. I don’t have to imagine too hard that I am a bird myself!
A peculiar moment during the first reading that I did here had to do with those trees. And before you think it, this part does sound a little bit ‘mashugana’ (crazy)–I’ll admit it. My experience is what it is—mashugana or not. In my old place (back in the ‘Merry Ole’ Land of OZ’) I would look out the window when doing readings. Now you may not understand this next part or it may be perfectly understandable to you (dependent upon your own level of consciousness I suppose). I draw informational energy from between the branches and leaves of trees. I’ve always realized this and in fact once cried special tears for the loss of a beautiful hemlock who was a muse for my work. They (previous landlords) cut her down, but I kept a small cut branch in memory of her—actually it sits on the balcony mixed in with other foliage right this very moment.
Anyway, in the maiden reading that I did here, I found myself looking at the blank wall for a moment or two during the first part of the reading and it was exactly like the expression used when no information comes, “Drawing a blank”. Suddenly, I realized that my gazed was fixed upon the white wall in front of me. When I switched my eyes to looking out the window, all kinds of information seemed to come through the trees!
So being at a pool while knowing that this is not a motel but I actually live here—that was a bizarre moment. Having dinner with my daughters a few doors down yesterday evening was another dream-like moment too. All very positive. 🙂
Yet, talk about an awakening! Traffic! It feels a little bit like playing that old video game, Pacman. Duck and dodge and drive like a NASCAR driver to avoid the hungry ghosts that seem to come out from every corner—how can I watch all 12 possible directions from which cars can come all at once! It didn’t take long for me to realize that I’d have to ‘resolve or make peace with’ the fact that I will have to trust that people will stay in their right places while I manage to do what is necessary in my own little corner of the chaos. Total overstimulation!
I’ve lived in small towns out in the country for the past 20 years and big city driving is something I’d nearly forgotten how to do. Driving like a speeding bullet or like I’m some NASCAR driver like Toni Stewart or Junior is going to take more than a day! My daughter kept saying, “Mom, you have to keep up with traffic. Go faster.” Rome wasn’t built in a day and this too may take a while. I will say that toward the end of the day I felt proud of myself. Maybe I can do it in a day after all. I was whipping in and out of traffic with the best of them but my heart was in my throat and it took all the concentration and focus that I could muster! But talk about pure adrenalin!(see my last blog post in reference to adrenalin)
I just need to learn to trust other drivers here the way I used to trust other drivers back in the mountains to stay in their own lane on those single-lane, hair-pin, switch-back curves! Yeah, it’s that middle path isn’t it? Trusting other drivers and then driving defensively while at the same time intuitively!
Whew! It’s getting hot in here and it’s just after 8 AM. Do I really want another cup of hot coffee? Excuse me while I go and get a fan to plug-in! [pause].
Okay, that’s better. Now to the telephone adjustments! Back in the Merry Ole’ Land of OZ, we didn’t dial an area code when calling a local number. I had a Twilight Zone moment this morning when I realized that it is “not necessary to dial a 1” but it IS necessary to dial the area code even if the number your calling is the person next door! Go figure!
That one took me longer to figure out than the “get in the far right lane to turn left” did. I have to feed my daughters’ cats next week—they are all going out-of-town together. Two of my girls live here but one is several Interstate Exit’s away and the directions to and from her place include, “Whatever you do Mom, don’t miss this exit because it’s too hard to get back on if you do.” So, it’s that and it’s get in the left lane to turn right in some places and the right lane to turn left in others. Wish me luck!
When I moved to the Appalachians it was very much like “You’re not in Kansas anymore Dorothy” and it seems that as soon as I’m comfortably infiltrated and merged with that culture (and it took 15 years!), now I’m back in Kansas i.e. the land of traffic and humans galore! It’s a nice switch and an exciting one at that. And I’ll be fine as long as I keep saying my “Jesus, Mary and Joseph”’s while I’m driving. I’ve lived in bigger and busier cities than this! I can do it! I will not be intimidated!
My office and living room need more tweaking in the décor departments but that can’t be done until the rest of the boxes are unpacked. Those and also the kitchen boxes are still piled in a corner but considering my work, I’ve accomplished a good deal this week. O and yay! The maintenance man is here about the air conditioner—seems the fan relay goes out and then the unit forms ice and freezes and whatever. Anyway…
Most of the time I pretend not to live in either Kansas or OZ–neither one! Truth be told and I’m a truth-teller, I’d much rather prefer to pretend that I’m a bird up in one of those trees that are only a few feet from my balcony!
Well, turns out we have a few hours to wait before the air conditioner can be turned back on; the ice has to melt. I get a little frosty myself (so there may be a connection) when relating to the duck in the rental office here! But that’s another story for another day if at all. Some things are best left unsaid or in this case un-typed.
Meanwhile, I release those frustrations and offer them up to The Protectors which has become frequent on certain days—but it’s all ‘part of the path’ and ‘spiritual grist-for-the-mill’ as they say. Then I go back to the trees and the birds, becoming ONE with that energy. Human lower-mind consciousness can then fall back; the connection to bias, opinion, resentment, preferences and judgments dissolve and peace is restored.
Boy O boy this coffee is good-tasting today! Same coffee, same coffee pot, prepared the same way each day—but today is the first day that I’ve actually slowed down and relaxed enough to enjoy it!
In 38 Days my life has changed a great deal. I’m back to the future again in so many ways–back with the kids and back with mass humanity. I’ve come down from my hermitage. There’s a whole new set of challenges, experiences and adventures in this new setting. Appalachia is like being on another planet, in another galaxy—far, far away. Yet, I’m only an hour or so from the Appalachian Mountain top from whence I came.
The vibe here is great really and the outdoor Buddha on my lattice-work balcony with the tree branches reaching toward the statues and plants, including my Angel statues, is actually much prettier than my house in the mountains. My granddaughter pointed out a vine coming from the closest maple branch that has heart-shaped leaves–she points that out like they are growing especially for me. I’m so glad I will have more time with her. My mother’s favorite flowering tree was a Rosebud tree which has HEART shaped leaves–I taught that to my little granddaughter and now she notices the shapes of leaves. She wanted to show me something special about the apartment that only she noticed. 🙂
I’ve heard no human sounds from neighbors and I’m on the other side of the parking area, so do no hear the sounds of cars either. My apartment is on the end and so this, too, is conducive to more quiet. It feels very good here all-in-all. I have sage and sweet grass to burn to cleanse the place, but do not feel the need. The energy of my daughters and grandchildren were here before my presence to decorate with “welcome home” signs and stock the refrigerator and pantry, etc. infused the vibe in here with love!
Previous tenants were from India as many residents here are and I feel a special connection to that country and their people.
Well, its late enough in the day now to contact clients for appointment-scheduling so I’d best stop typing and move along in that direction. The maintenance man who was very nice and apologetic about a burnt relay switch will be back in an hour or so to check on the melting ice on the central air unit and to replace the cover. It will be back to unpacking boxes later today between clients, once things cool down a bit more in here.
Just a final thought. It was 44 days ago that I inquired about an apartment here and am now actually here in one of those apartments typing this blog today! I moved in on Day 38. Here on Day 44, looking back at everything that was achieved in order to pull-this-off seems miraculous!
Getting all my ‘stuff’ around the back of this brownstone and up the stairs was another miracle that my daughters made happen! They called it “Operation Move-Mama-Bear” in their text messages and each car driving up the mountain to get me and my things was assigned a unit number for the ‘mission’!
I couldn’t be happier or feel more loved by my children! O and PS, a while ago I heard a lawn mower out back and smiled one of those inner smiles realizing that I no longer have to mow the lawn but can, instead, go in the pool to swim for my exercise. At least that’s true for the summer months anyway!
One last thing—I’d like to turn to the i-ching to ask for guidance for how to handle the issue of resentment and attitude that I have with the duck in the rental office here. I have very few ‘issues’ with others and in this case it seems that I get to review how to deal with difficult people—or at least my perceptions around that person. Maybe we have a past life to resolve or maybe I just need to get over myself! Or maybe it’s just a reflection of my own issue with authority figures generally and/or the representative of the “Lords” of the land, landlords.
I would like the i-ching to give me guidance and advice about how to handle this or what I should consider in regard to that duck situation.
So what do you say I-ching oracle? Okay, it’s Kua 10, called “TREADING”. It is also called “WALK YOUR PATH”. That alone—just those kua titles—gives you the idea that my connection with the duck is to be a part of my spiritual path, just as I said. But then again—everything is!
In the Wu Wei Book of Answers this kua is depicted as “treading the tail of the tiger”, meaning a powerful person can cause you harm.
Yeah, I get that!
This person is in a position that can hold some “Kansas” power and this person knows it and flaunts it–or so goes my perceptions. This is why the oracle brings up the treading issue.
When I see or perceive what seems like insincerity in another human, I have to ask myself if this is something within myself which I deny on some level? Yes, in a perfect world all humans would be sincere and authentic; this is what I liked about most mountain people–they are.
Mind games, power plays and ‘putting on airs’ was not—well, let’s just say that most mountain people are earthy and honest and that’s how I’d like to see myself too. Not so with the duck in power and in question.
Anyway, this kua indicates that I know how to behave properly around people who could cause me harm. It goes on, “Pleasant manners win over bad-tempered people”.
Ego Consciousness versus Essence Consciousness:
In my other I-ching book we have sharp contrast of human conduct emphasized. One conduct acts from essence and the other conduct arises from ego. I think we could say that people who are “fake” or “inauthentic” or “insincere” or are not of-the-earth or ‘put on airs’ are working from ego-driven consciousness.
When working from essence-consciousness there’s no putting on of airs and one relates to others with awareness and sensitivity to all variables in play and to the demand of the moment. Therefore, grey areas are visible and thus possible to integrate. When you act from essence-consciousness you understand that marching to the beat of your own drum is not a contradiction. Every orchestra needs the sound of an oboe!
Essentially, I need to tread the waters with these understandings as I relate to the mother duck around here who wants all the tenants to fall in line behind her! O, that image really makes me want to laugh. Mama Bear versus Mama Duck!
The Merry Ole’ Land of OZ has gone bye-bye. Back to the Future includes playing those duck games again. A small price to pay in order to play and work in my tree house and be near my family!
By the way, the “Platform 9 3/4” reference connects to a blog from the first Days that I began blogging about my committment to move.
At the moment of COMMITMENT – the Universe conspires to assist you!
O, and did I mention that dinner with my daughters yesterday was great!?
Yeah, all right. So there is freaking out just a little bit now. It’s Day #29. If you haven’t figured it out by now… I’m moving. ‘Cats out of the bag’ as of right now. Where in the world did that expression come from and why does it stick? Anyway, there’s the big reveal—I’m moving. Those last two words are pretty funny actually because right this minute, nothing is moving—it’s all just sitting here in boxes and bags and plastic containers.
I’m normally one of those “there’s a place for everything” kind of persons. And last night I walked in circles around piles of containers and boxes looking for the one that contains the light bulbs! I tried not to let it get on my nerves and reminded myself that transitions are like this—temporarily organized chaos!
Riddle me this, says the uncertain part of me. Am I doing the right thing? I have moments where I’m riddled with doubt and then along comes his friend, fear, and their cousin, apprehension. We’re NOT going there with them; this will all be over soon! Besides, I have more than an equal amount of certainty that this IS the correct ‘move’. So, what’s the issue? It has more to do with that Venusian thing of what meets the eye–brown boxes are not exactly eye pleasingly beautiful home decor!
I now realize how much energy I draw from my surroundings! If everything is clean and organized and arranged in an eye-pleasing way with color, shape and balance, when the eyes meet the environment the mind, body and spirit feel soothed—or something. Maybe soothed isn’t the right word exactly. I find myself looking out the windows more lately and while I do this often anyway, I realize that I look away from the boxes to seek feelings of harmony by looking out at nature. At least the trees, flowers and rocks have not changed!
Yeah, I know it’s temporary, but that’s not all that’s going on. I’m blogging in order to try and figure it out—that’s how I work through things if you haven’t already noticed!
I think it has to do with loose ends – too many of those but with just over a week to go, those can’t be tied up and just have to dangle. I have to “let be what is” and be in my own is-ness. And that can feel like letting more of this ‘stuff’ go and just floating away! I’ve released so many things over the past 29 Days. I’ve come across items that I didn’t even know were here and let go of other things by the truck load! All I can say is that I will have a huge tax donation deduction this year!
It’s just being unsettled I suppose—I’m not here, nor am I there. And ‘there’ has a certain unknown quality to it. I have not been in the space yet where I will be living and I find that completely… well, I have to trust and hope and bring sage and sweetgrass to burn, not knowing who was in that space before me. That’s how they do it in the cities now—you rent a space without being in it and then wait for the previous person to move out. Such is life in a rental community!
I will, however, be aquainted with at least some of my neighbors—my daughters and grandchildren! Yay! And that’s the joyful part of all this! No more worries about fog or snow getting up and down the mountain and no more missing their school plays and performances! The pluses outweigh the minuses. Besides, last winter up here was pretty rough all alone—many an eve I longed for a nice warm, cozy (dry!) apartment that’s easy to clean and easy to heat.
All I’m saying is that this is an interesting place that I’m at emotionally and psychologically—neither here nor there. I want to push time forward instead of waiting this last week. I’m ready to go NOW but have to wait for my family’s help. The move-out date was selected weeks ago and everybody arranged their work and travel schedule to accommodate that.
Thankfully there are clients calling for readings and this, for me, is just like looking out the window—I get to unplug from my own life and surroundings and help someone else. It’s an escape for me in some ways.
I am looking at my two angel statue yard decorations sitting nearby. I have them in a strong medal carrier ready for the journey. One is child-like and posed reading a book, sitting on a pedestal; and I have to admit she’s my favorite. The other angel is a larger standup version, holding a bunny rabbit in her arms. Emotionally, I sort of feel like these angels… like I, too, am sitting in a medal cage waiting for moving day to be released from bondage!
In my new place I will have an upstairs balcony apartment with a view of trees–it will be my tree house! And since it’s going to be like a dorm room in amongst so many others that look like those old historic Brownstone’s of the Eastern cities, I’m calling the whole darn apartment rental campus “Hogwarts” (after the Harry Potter School of Wizardry). The Brownstones where I’m moving are actually white and not brown, but it’s the architecture and the campus that’s similar to those of the Eastern cities.
I know happiness and boundaries are within the self and not the environ and this is what I am actually being reminded of here in these last 8 or 9 days–let’s call it a week; that sounds much better!
Part of my spirit is here, some of it is going over the switchbacks down the mountain yet another part is emotionally and mentally unloading boxes into the new place! I’m everywhere! And at the same time I am saying goodbye to this house and property that has sheltered my soul for 9 years—maybe there are too many days left to say goodbye! No, I’m not sad about it especially when I remember how wet and cold this house was last winter despite my best efforts to keep a fire going!
No more wondering if the firewood person is going to show up before I run out; no more worrying if the fuel oil is getting too low; no more pulling weeds, trimming bushes and mowing the lawn, no more shoveling snow to get out of the driveway, no more this or no more that. That’s the known; but I have the unknown before me.
My rent will nearly double and I’m not used to being around humans in a rental community; there’ll be an exchange of birds, bunnies and the like for humans. Lots of them! I will be less country and back to being “citified” again. I’ve already had a few encounters with city duck-mentality! (not pleasant) Will it be a challenge to make these adjustments?
Yeah, I think too much and besides I’ve got clients calling and other tasks here needing my attention so I should end this.
But before I do, I know there are others out there in cyber world ( like me) who are also in the midst of a transition. I’ve been in this state numerous times in my life—after all, I’m 64 years old and ‘been there, done that’ is a phrase I’ve used a lot. I’ve moved a number of times in my life and so I’m no stranger to it; but it’s been a while and I’d forgotten this feeling of being neither here any longer and not there yet.
It’s quite like floating in the ethers—no gravity, nothing to ground in to but one’s own is-ness. This is how death will be when the time comes; my own body will be like these boxes and containers. Yeah, okay young readers will think that’s morbid, so no more talk about that.
For those who may, like me, be in between this or that and not here anymore really but not there either—in other words, in transition… for you and for me, let me toss the coins and ask the i-ching for a word or sentence or two to help us while we’re in this phase.
Well, we received Kua 57. It is called “The Gentle” or “Gently Penetrating”. It is ‘The Sun’, doubled and is also called ‘two winds’—the first wind disperses negativity and the second wind changes attitudes. The guidance is to take small steps toward the completion of small goals and be patient and persevering. The message of this Kua is also about taking “the middle way” or the “middle path” and remaining gentle and free.
“Gentleness is flexible and free and not burdened by the maintenance cost of keeping a high-profile.” That line makes me laugh a little bit considering an email that I received this morning which was really a spam advertisement. If you are in my type of profession you know how you receive trick emails which at first seem as if someone would like you to be a guest on a radio show only to find it is gimmick to sell you a thousand dollars’ worth of radio time!
I thought about it for a moment actually now that my living expenses will be higher—but that’s just not who I am. It’s strange though because my natal chart indicates that my soul’s purpose is to work or earn a living in the public domain (10th house) by bringing Peace and Spirit in a grounded way onto the Earth. Well, that’s a whole other blog now isn’t it? Anyway, each time I consider doing a big public attention-getting blitz of some type, the end result is turning from it totally.
Well, according to this Kua 57 I probably shouldn’t even publish this blog entry—it reads this way: “This is not the best time to make sweeping changes or to announce future plans.” I was tormenting myself about how to create a new class (in astrology) last night and then I thought about tarot classes and totally revamping my current psychic class, doing a better job with at least the sign up page. Yeah, on and on it went and so I get it—let go of the idea of sweeping change right now. Just get through this move first, silly!
ADVICE FOR HANDLING A TRANSITION: During any transition the focus should be on adaptability as one remains tuned in to subtle and shifting energy currents of change. Keep a steady pace and make a routine as best as you can—do things that do not involve the mind too much.
HOLD THE VISION AND BE WILLING TO WAIT. Don’t be overly confident or doubtful either.
Stay on the path of least resistance for now and merge with the meandering course of the Tao in any way that it shows up right now!
One final word from the i-ching: in order to see the bigger picture when we are in transition we must periodically create some distance between the self and the forest. Only then is it possible to see the trees and where we stand in relationship to them.
Let “Is-ness” be the only “business”!
Feel better? C’mon we can do this! Its only death and rebirth after all.
I’ve seen this coming and have a pretty good idea now that we’re into June how this is playing out in my own life but we still have the whole month to get through! After reading this well-written article [http://www.astroraven.com/astrology-news/item/12-a-perfect-storm?-the-transits-of-june-2012] about the astrology of June: the Venus thing with the Sun squaring Mars and Neptune and Saturn and full Moon Lunar Eclipse and lions and tigers and bears, O my! I’m looking to divination for overall bottom line guidance.
What would the i-ching say to us if it could (and it can as soon as I toss the coins) about June 2012? What is the most important thing for humanity to keep in mind in consideration of all these astrological gymnastics occurring this month?
Let’s get the coins and see what we are told…
Well, no lines were changing in the toss, so the guidance is pretty straight forward. We’re talking about Kua 53 called “Development” and relates to that old saying “a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”. So right away here we get the feeling that we should be patient during the month of June; one step at a time apparently but STEP! (Don’t NOT step). There is also the feel here of two separate parts uniting; so we have a feeling of people working together.
I am hearing that old song in my head, “People who need people are the luckiest people….” Walk the walk with others during the month of June and stay flexible—that’s the other bottom line.
But wait! There’s one more and that’s to stop worrying about the future and the way you do that is to remain in the present moment with your mental attention. Should you find yourself in a tizzy about the future, instead do what needs doing with all your full attention in the present moment.
This keeps you balanced and that is a word for June—balance! Keep attention on the balance point within you and do whatever you need to in order to maintain balance. Keep your cool in the face of anything you’d label a delay or set back—whatever happens this month, don’t check out! Look at life straight in the eye and then feel supported—it’s a choice. Choose to feel supported rather than in any way fearful or worried.
In Wu Wei’s Book of Answers, Kua 53 is called “Gradual Development” and the advice from this kua is that things will develop slowly and as a consequence become strong and enduring. Keep that in mind over the month of June 2012 also.
Any situation that is currently being developed in your life now will require thoughtfulness, attention to detail, and social correctness in which integrity serves you well. The future will be prosperous and peaceful if you maintain balance and a positive attitude.