Taking a day off from life to change patterns AND mammograms, the ‘BIG SQUEEZE’

CHILL BUTTONI’m Chill-axing today!  We all need a day off once in a while–to “check out” of our life in some way which is (for me anyway) a stress reducer.  We need a vacation from our self, our mind our usual patterns.  Really, that’s what it is–a pattern breaker day; that seems a much better word for it.

I’ve been overwhelmed with a few life concerns and have let my ole’ mind and emotions too much freedom to roam and today I feel that a self-imposed ‘shift’ in the pattern is what the inner-doctor ordered.  Oh, and by the way, I do think we have one.

Have had some tests, screenings that they give you free (that’s the first joke; nothing is free) so that they can find reasons to bill medicare for things that (in my opinion; based on research via google) are not necessary.  I could feel myself being sucked down that black hole of a reality… a life of “let’s go to the doctor and get more tests”.  I’ve nipped it in the bud for now with a NO which I feel is well informed and reasonable.

And then we deal with things that go bump in the night around here and disturb sleep and add it all up and i need a day off.  (You know that’s true when I don’t even want to go and swim!)

The headache that developed at the “mammogram, ultrasound and now we-want-to-stick-a few-needles-into-your-breast-but-don’t-worry-we-give-you-a-needle-to-numb-you-first’ place yesterday still lingers a bit along with the sound that shakes whats left of the psyche barely holding together at 2 am—the nightly wall banging from downstairs neighbors.  My music is on softly but i do keep it on to direct my mind to IT rather than the voices discussing know-knows-what half the night.

Toss it all up in a bowl and add my battle bruised (or maybe even broken) right small toe that i hit upon the furniture a few days ago (yes—again! I cannot be trusted to walk barefoot)…. it’s just that today I needed a break to just sit and ask myself a few questions… contemplations.

Stress Free ZoneDivination helps…. i ‘d already pretty much decided “Hell NO, I won’t go” for the suggested needle biopsy of my breasts.

My YES/NO Tarot Card Spread gives me a validating NO also; assisting me to go deeper into the stress free zone.

I’ll run it past my very grounded and reasonable male general doctor who of course will tell me to go forward to cover his own you know what (think:  malpractice insurance) but hopefully my tendency to think of him as a reasonable person isn’t wrong.  Meaning, maybe he will tell me that my theories about it are, themselves, reasonable enough to delay this for a year or two in order to recheck things.

It had to be a man who invented such a procedure which includes squeezing a woman’s breast tortuously between metal and glass–give me a break.  Like a sheep led to it’s slaughter, I allowed this not once but twice and then an ultrasound and who knows what they will suggest next–well, I do, they did suggest a needle aspiration procedure.  What next? cut off my breasts?  C’mon; there’s no history of breast cancer in our family anyway.   No, I’m stopping this nonsense right now and if you are a hypochondriac reading this, i don’t want your opinion; thanks anyhow.

I’m talking to myself here or just doing nothingness today which is rare for me to begin with–but I felt I needed to take a pattern-breaker day so that i can gather the energy to redirect the whole energy field again tomorrow in the direction that I desire to go as I climb out of this medical black hole which I somehow allowed myself to be drug into.

My intuition says no, my tarot cards say no and once my doctor (a male) tells me that my refusal is reasonable (or whether he does or not), I’ve made up my mind.  I don’t worship the ground that doctors walk on —quite far from it!  I worked in the medical profession and with my eyes open so I have an education that the average person may not.

I trust my own intuition and inner feelings about things but still try to educate myself and there still seems to be a good deal of controversy over the necessity of mammograms at any age from what I’m reading and of course i do look at sources that do not have connections to the Radiology associations of America and/or the mammogram equipment providers who are bed with each other and the American Cancer Institute.  There are entire books written on this whole mammogram necessity controversy and the effectiveness.  I had to balk initially at the “big squeeze” thinking “can’t they cause a problem crushing my breast tissue like this?”  they can and needle biopsies that open up the fluid sac and drag cells out tracing the needle likely cause more problems too–they have.  Anyway.   Like I said, No.  No needles for my breast tissue, thanks.

The radiology doctor simply stated what she’s going do  (as if i had no choice) and wanted me to schedule the appointment right then.  Are you kidding?  That’s where I drew the line as if the ultrasound wasn’t invasive enough—puleeeeze!

I will say that i was totally surprised it all went that far—but then the Sun was opposing Uranus yesterday:  the astrological signature for the element of surprise, so considering the astrology I shouldn’t have been.

I’ve just realized that I have no moral to the story and no point to be made that will be helpful for others–which is what I try to do when I blog.

Maybe the point is that I think that it’s okay to take a pattern-breaker day  (or call it stress day if you’d prefer) when we feel it’s in order.  You see, i swam my laps anyway after leaving this whole mammogram, radiology business yesterday—swam with a headache.  No let’s be real, I’d have to call it a migraine (not just a wee simple headache) which intensified the longer i was in that Imaging Center place.  I though the swim would help and to some extent it did and the I had a totally empty stomach so that i thought food would help the headache after the swim… it lingered and still does but only very slightly.  I am breaking that pattern today; that’s why I’ve given myself permission to do nothing more than what I want to do and right now it’s typing this blog.

I’ve not been sleeping well lately due to my need to stream music over the small TV in my bedroom at night… it helps me focus on something besides the voices beneath me which come and go all night long escalating again at around 6 am—last night was particularly difficult with a dramatic dream involving the neighbors.  I call those kinds of dreams, venting dreams since they are energy releasing.

I am going to take my sore chest (from two mammograms in one week–just say no, and I didn’t) and yoga mat out to the balcony and stretch in the sunlight and meditate for a while.  I’ve realized that I don’t like being around radiologist or mammogram technicians much more than any other doctor/hospital vibes.  But my general doctor (had to have one for the free screening from medicare–welcome to old age) is really cool — a reasonable, kindly, about as old as myself, Irish gentleman with good humor and like i said a very reasonable attitude.  I do like and trust him and believe me haven worked with many doctors from my own medical profession background in physical therapy, I know a bit about docs.

But then again—as a product of the 60’s we learned to be suspicious of “the establishment” and to question any so-called authority which I see is something quite lacking in the subsequent generations, including my own children and distant family members.  Just sayen’.

Advertisement

Not Enough Time? Life too Scheduled? Adjusting to Change? Lose Your Self Around Others? Dancing to the Tune of the Clock? Wisdom from the I-ching

Calm, Quiet, Slow … Mountain Time

It seems like ages since simply sitting at the keyboard and typing onto my blog has happened… and it has to do with this thing that we call time or our concept of it.  Yeah, it’s bothering me and if you’re a regular reader here, then you know that I work things out here—things that disturb my psyche or ruffle my feathers.  I look for ways to handle these dilemmas, these “pickles” of life, and hope that my post will also help another who finds it or goggles a phrase that shows up here.  Ever since I’ve moved I’ve been dealing with schedules and family itineraries!  It’s like if someone suggests something to do in the future, everyone grabs their appointment calendar to see which day they are free!

Family
LEFT: grandson
TOP TO BOTTOM RIGHT: daughters, sister and daughter, grandaughter, grandson marching band, niece

I’m simply not used to living this way—at least for the past 15 years anyway.  I thought those days were over for me; never did I think that I’d be dancing to the tune of the clock again and certainly not to a school bus or band practice or Friday night football game schedule! 

O, Please–don’t get me wrong, I love being with my grandchildren and daughters–even my sister and niece!  And we love Friday night football; yet I’m sort of ‘over’ driving two nights a week to and from band practice… but anyway….

 It’s just that my life doesn’t seem like my own anymore, but I’m adjusting and my own appointment schedule is being juggled and adjusting too! 

We’re managing.  And everything is getting done; but inside me there’s lots of resistance to this new life! 

I’m working on it though and this blog post is helping me do just THAT today.  And I hope it will help you too in some way.  Anyway…

I know this feeling of being short of time all of the time is mental and emotional and psychological and it’s an energy thing that I’ve gotten pulled into.  I’m trying to pull myself out and having a little bit of difficulty. 

It is true that I have to accommodate my family now whereas before (the past 15 years@!) there was none of that.  I chose to do so and know that it is their energy and the energy of this general vicinity that needs balancing within me. 

You know, people drive so fast around here even in the parking lot of the apartment community and energy of the white rabbit from the Alice in Wonderland story is predominating:  “I’m late, I’m late for a very important date, I’m late, I’m late, I’m late, and I’m very, very late…” 

Yeah, I feel that within my own mind and body and it gets reinforced at the start of every new day… “Hi Mom, here’s her breakfast, she has to finish this or that homework, I love you, here’s her lunch box, gotta’ go, I’m late…”   (My granddaughter stays with me in the morning until her bus comes to take her to school and my daughter rushes off to work.)

Again, I love my family and being near them most of the time.  It’s just that I don’t like that hurry-up we’re late feeling and I know it is within me unnecessarily—I carry it too often! 

It’s affecting my usual feelings of peace and ease and I miss the pace of the mountains—the general feeling everywhere was “What’s the hurry?  And besides, if you wanted me to hurry you should have told me about it 3 weeks ago.”

Aaaahhhhh, sometimes I miss that small mountain town but then other times, like last Thursday night, having sushi and seaweed salad at a local Wasabi Restaurant makes me want to jump up and down celebrating being here in civilization!  Oh, there are many things that bring up celebratory feelings about being here—take my grandson for example! 

But then, I digress—my issue involves how to deal with this hurry up feeling that predominates too often and restore the more comfortable and compatible “what’s the hurry?” attitude.

Come to think of it, this has always been my problem in all relationships—whether it is with a person or a city/community!  I am way too taken in by the ‘other’ vibe and loose myself!  Yeah, I could blame it on my Sun/Neptune/Moon natal conjunction or I could use that triple combo to my advantage.  What’z it gonna’ be? 

Whether you’re like me and are sometimes too sensitive for your own good OR NOT, we’ve got to ask the Oracle for guidance.  What can we do? What insight can you give that will help with NOT being pulled into outer energy—how can we maintain our own energy when surrounded by an incompatible vibe 24-7?   

I will turn to the I-ching now to select a coin-combo which will bring us some helpful insight on how to change our attitude about time and hurry-up energy and how NOT to lose our self in the midst of so many ‘others’.  

Well we have Kua 3 (Difficulty in the Beginning) changing to Kua 60 (Limitations).

Let’s open up this guidance. But before we do that, I just want to say that I am enjoying this Saturday morning!  I am undisturbed by duty calling me in any direction and am enjoying the birds visiting my balcony bird feeder.  The trees are only a-small-number-of-feet away from my balcony (some ends of the branches are only a few feet) and I like to pretend that I live in the trees WITH the birds and that I AM one myself!  I did more of that in the early days of my residency here—and realize now that I need to spend more time with that fantasy when I can fit it in! 

Well, to the i-ching…  the changing line in the first Kua advises “doing nothing”  and “taking a breather”.  I really relate to that!  Writing in this blog today is about that very thing.  Kua 3 is about enduring difficult transitions and this move has been such a thing which I am STILL getting used to!  I moved in June and here it is nearing the end of September and the full adjustment has yet to be accomplished!

Here’s an example:  we had a garage sale last weekend in which we all sold items that we simply could not use in our new apartments (my daughter and sister also moved here around the same time I did).  We agreed to donate what did not sell to Goodwill afterward and did.  Several days later, I went there to get a donation receipt that my sister forgot and saw an item from my mountain home.  It was a basket which I had on a porch column and I filled it with different flowers as the season’s changed.  I did not expect to see it and there it was on a shelf in the Goodwill store and suddenly I grieved the death my old life of peace and solitude.  In turning to escape the basket, my eyes landed squarely on ceramic angels that I had along the window sill in the guest bedroom—I called it “The Angel Room”.  I nearly ran out of the store with my heart aching and tears streaming down my face.  Yeah, I’m not fully adjusted to being here yet—“fer’ shuur!”  said the way we used to say it in the 80’s.

So doing nothing and taking a breather this may be a good thing to restore a little bit of balance—that’s the advice (so far) from the i-ching oracle.  This sort of stops the whole time thing from being an issue—I can understand that it would be helpful. 

I had blocked some time out for myself yesterday and actually felt guilty that I didn’t DO something during that time.  Since this small amount of free time is so precious and valuable now, you better DO something special with it… I didn’t and then felt guilty!  I never, ever used to feel guilty about doing nothing before–what gives? 

The oracle speaks of this situation as “strengthening the ability to roll with the punches” –that is what is going on now.  I have to say that bumping into the energy of my old stuff in the Goodwill Store felt like a punch—fer shure.

This is about my ability to deal with difficult transitions—according to the i-ching book for this Kua.  Yeah, I think of death when I hear the word “transition” and actually I did say to my daughter on the ‘Goodwill Day” that my reaction is part of me “grieving over my old life”.  Kua 3 really does relate to this question I’m asking.

The old was dismantled to make way for the new and now that I’m in the new, the adjustments do create certain doubts and vulnerabilities.

Maybe I need to shore up my certainties and do something to feel less vulnerable.  I need to give that some thought.  I do believe that I did the right thing to move; yet I do feel vulnerable and intuitively feel some sort of boundary is needed, somehow, to remedy the vulnerability feeling.  I just don’t know exactly how to achieve that since I seem to have to be the one to accommodate to everyone else’s schedule!

  I find my mind wandering out to future to find a school holiday and to announce to my daughters that I am not available that week—I’ve always wanted to go away to some country that doesn’t celebrate x-Mas during that x-tian holiday anyway!  But I digress.  Let’s see what else the oracle says.

This is some sort of ‘stage of growth’—this transition, this move, this complete change of lifestyle!  Haven’t I grown enough?  Wait, don’t let me go into victimization now!  This blog post is about how to  accomplish a feeling which is one in which I feel as if I have more time—let’s stick with the topic at hand here.  (self reprimand– ha ha)

Moving on.  The oracle says to stay in touch with the “needs of the moment”.  Okay this is helpful.  And that’s right! Some of this whole time shortage and “I’m late” vibe is really future oriented.  People here run around trying desperately to drive into the future instead of just dealing with the needs of the moment—that’s the “slowing down” that I’ve been doing for the past 15 years which moving here has affected.  That’s usually how I am and I’ve allowed the surrounding people, places, things to infiltrate me—and I’ve sort of lost myself as far as this part goes. 

I need to bring my mountain mentality to the big city—and live it in the now by affirming continually that I am “in touch with the needs of the moment”—yeah, I like that.  I’m going to use that.  I should make that a sign and hang it up on the wall to remind myself! 

SIGN SHOULD READ:  I AM IN TOUCH WITH THE NEEDS OF THE MOMENT—PERIOD!

The Oracle also says that any attempt to make a plan or to make sense of things is premature and will lead to frustration.  Be gentle with the self and go slowly.

Let them rush and be late!  I don’t have to.  Right?

Kua 60 is about “Limitations” and speaks of “testing your own serenity in the chaos exposes the depth of self-disclipline” and also the manner in which we respond to “limitations” is revealing of what has been deeply assimilated. 

I have deeply assimilated the mountain energy and the inner peace of living a serene life has been genuinely anchored within me.  It is my true nature and true self.  I have to remember that it is there and cannot be affected—it is only necessary to stay in touch with myself by staying in touch with the needs of the moment.

Alright, I’ve gone on long enough and I’m good–are you?  I feel better and have, via this writing, helped to reinforce what is needed to establish my SELF in the moment again.

I hope this writing has helped another soul who may be able to use and apply any thoughts within these paragraphs. 

A Conscious Approach to Irksome People – Monsters Versus Aliens

Do you have a cartoon character in your life who is making you crazy? It happens sometimes despite our best efforts to be above it all!  I’m even sure there’s at least one Miss Piggy in every monastery… here are a few thoughts that may help you out in dealing with these situations.

There are many occasions in which the psychic reading client will ask me a question about another person in their life.  Sometimes it is a family member or someone they have to interact with on their job that nearly literally drives them crazy.   No matter what the relationship association or reason they come to me to ask what to do about such persons. 

It’s true, you know, that certain people just rub us the wrong way or irk the heck out of us!  Yesterday, I blogged about our psychological  ‘blind spots’ and if you read that post we could insert such an irksome person into that blog post and call him or her a blind spot awareness gorilla!

Now that we can rationalize at least one reason why they’ve shown up for us (again, see yesterday’s post), the question then becomes what to do next.

And for each person the answer differs – I’ve notice that as the psychic message-giver during readings.  The answers that come are not always the same and I never know what is going to be given until it arises in response to the question in the same second (and sometimes before) the question is asked.

But for generalized purposes and for the indiscriminate reader, let’s consult the I-ching Oracle for guidance.  Off we go to toss the coins… 

How do we handle our response to that irksome person who we would like to see vanish from contact with our life, LIKE NOW!?  Better yet, yesterday!

Finding out that you have become a pawn in someone else’s game is a rude awakening!  You want to divorce yourself from that person immediately, but sometimes this cannot be done.  If this is a family member or co-worker or group member or even your best friend or spouse—good luck.  It’s difficult in those situations to severe the ties overnight.  And it is not easy then to ignore or brush aside their existence. 

The thing to consider, says the Oracle, is that you have become too easily rocked by external experiences and the only way to change that is to turn inward… it’s called meditation.

Another bit of guidance here is to ask yourself if you have been unconsciously allowing yourself be put in an inferior position by this annoying individual.  Somehow you have gotten yourself into a position that you neither want nor need.  Was it your own desires (perhaps wanting to be liked or loved thereby compromising your personal authenticity) that has gotten you into the situation?  I’m just asking.  Where along the lines might you have compromised your personal truth?

In the end, the only way past it is through it.  Feel the pain of being compromised by the bothersome individual and take responsibility for your part in it.  That step renews your self-respect. 

What remains now is perseverance.  You can’t divorce your family member or co-worker and it’s not practical to change jobs just because of this one gorilla.   It may be best to deal with this person, at least mentally and emotionally within your own self, as if they will never leave!  I know, I know—gods forbid and perish the thought!  But doing that helps (trust me) to relax you into a state of peace and acceptance about it. 

And the funny thing is that once you go there and do that whole acceptance thing, they somehow either stop irking you or move or quit or give you the divorce somehow! 

These irksome people are usually weak with no power and feel threatened by you.  You’d like to put them in their place ten times over but you also know that to do so will cause resentment from that person, empowering them further, or those close to him or her could develop animosity toward you.

It’s one of those lose-lose situations. 

Keep Your Sense of Humor!

And…

…speaking of loose; the best advice I can give at the end here is not to lose your sense of humor!

Sometimes with humanoids it is like a movie of the monsters versus the aliens anyway, you know? 

Besides, there’s always a Miss Piggy in every group! 

Sit back, get a little distance and have a hoot! 

It’s all only the Monsters Versus the Aliens after all!  Remember?