When loss and change have us feeling weak and ineffectual what can we do?
“I use to think of my body as an instrument for the accomplishment of my will. I could use it to run, pick things up, make things happen. There were limits, of course, but my body was nonetheless one with me. It obeyed my commands mostly without complaint. Not anymore. Now there’s tending to be done. …Pain makes your world very small.”
-June, Handmaid’s Tale
My adult daughters don’t understand why I watch that show. Maybe they haven’t had enough life intense experiences to be able to relate to June, the protagonist in the story.
We’ve all suffered change and loss due to covid (and if you are the rare bird who hasn’t, may life continue to favor you).
I’ve aged and freaked out my knee and foot by walking/jogging since unable to go to the gym. If only I had a spin bike (but where would fit it into this ridiculously small one-bedroom apartment) but no sense in looking back.
Where I am now is f_____’d to be blunt. Limping doesn’t flatter me and neither does it help the rest of the body.
And then we face it — we have to. We’re aging–this body and this self. Yep. Feeling plenty old and fat and depressed too. There it is, it’s out there now. Half the battle, they say, is admitting where you are and ‘what is’.
It’s the other half of the battle that seems like a tall concrete wall.
What’s the answer? Who knows; it changes every day and like June’s journey ( in Handmaid’s Tale ) when you think you caught a break and see a way forward, you’re hit with another obstacle from hell.
But she doesn’t give up. Or at least into season 4 she so far hasn’t. Neither have I but gosh darn sometimes I sit in my room like June does and flashback to my old life when I was thinner, stronger, and by far healthier. Well, at least I’m not pregnant like a handmaid. Ha! Those days are over — me looking on the bright side.
I will pull a tarot card seeking insight. In case you, like me, are feeling disheartened from time to time — what’s a girl to do? What’s the guidance? Well, out of the deck it flew. The card: 9 of Cups.
Well, this is the “Wish Card” and I have to laugh at the irony. I’m using the Connelly deck and there’s a rose in the middle cup–significant to me since I’ve just been tracing two roses to paint with watercolor. Loads of meaning there I suppose. But when feeling disheartened what is this card’s advice?
IMHO this card is suggesting that one use one’s own intuition to help one’s heart. How? by allowing one’s self to be drawn to or attracted to what feels nurturing. That, it seems, is the best way to manage the ‘as is’ situation for right now.