Loss of Consciousness Gives Glimpse of the Non-Self–maybe?

time imageI was somewhere peaceful.  Not really a dream you see? It was rather a space of no stress, no time, lovely floating.  I was a non-self –sort of I guess or how I’d image it to be a non-self… I wasn’t me.  Where I was there was no “me” as I am accustomed to knowing it.

In coming back (and I don’t even remember leaving by the way), there were the following impressions.  I didn’t see anything that I can recall – no form of any kind but I was not in the body and not in the space my thoughts usually occupy.   No time, I say, because when I slowly returned to my body that was on the cold hospital Emergency Room floor the first impression was that I didn’t know how long I was gone but it seemed to me like I was gone for a long while.  There, where I had just been, time was huge or non-existent; it had no meaning or significance.

I think that the reason that it felt like I was gone a while is that I had to remember myself again and what was happening.  Like I’d been away for a long time and had to jump back into a life that I could hardly remember—like that life was a long, long time ago.

Voices and shouting brought me back.  The cold floor on the side of my face made me wonder what the body was doing here.  I had to work really hard to re-enter the point and time and re-join the body and the life circumstances… to come back into being a “me”.

It was like the things that you hear about amnesia.  What on earth brought me to this point in earth-time wherein the body is on the floor and people are shouting at me to wake up.  I didn’t really want to actually.

The vastness of the space that I was in was much more pleasant—there was no stress, like I said.  Everything was easy and peaceful and nothing was out of order and how long I was there is relative I suppose.

I notice my own struggle in writing this in relation to time because there was no time—maybe distance is a better word, but there are no words really.

I had another glimpse of an experience like this when my husband crossed over; we were divorced for a good number of years but married for 22 and brought 3 beautiful daughters into the world together. 

On the night he died (crossed) he came to me briefly just at the time, collaborated by my daughters, that he had left his body and the connection with him was likely as short (in Earth time) as was my own passing out in the ER, but the exchange was timeless. 

The feeling of no-time and huge space and no stress (perfect peace) accompanied that exchange too.  In addition, at that time, I was able to feel into his perspective (through our connection in that moment) of how very slow this dimension is in relation to where he was out –of—body.

Those moments are true gifts because we get a glimpse of other realities, other levels of mind or someplace that is soothing and quiet and expansive.

I went somewhere and I can’t say that it was a near-death experience or that I “went to the light” – no, not that way.  I’d not term the experience in that way.  But wherever it was that I did go,  there was no time there in that place and getting back into the drama and experience of this life, this body was a struggle.

In Earth time my daughter who ran to catch my fall and kept me from hitting my head said that I was unconscious only for about one minute.  Strange, because it felt like I was gone so much longer.

Contact Jodi fosterThis makes me think of the scene in the movie Contact with Jodi Foster in which she said, “How long was I gone?” It was 15 seconds, Earth time, but 9 hours on the audio recording.  Or was it 19 hours?   Well, you’d have to see the movie to understand what I’m sayen’ about that scene.

I’m grounded for going to the gym – per the doctor’s suggestion that I am aligned with – until sometime next week.  I

’m feeling like a soggy noodle as far as my energy is concerned.  I suppose infection was building and I pushed on anyway without realizing it and then suddenly my urine was all blood and the pain was intense.

It came on suddenly at the gym and luckily I went to the ER instead of a neighborhood mini-clinic.  All tests came out fine and the loss of consciousness was attributed to the infection being severe.

In every experience there is also a gift if we have the grace and belief that it’s there, we can find it and benefit.

GRATITUDE:  I am, always and again, so grateful for medical personnel and the fact that a hospital was nearby and for all beings associated with the medical system that I could receive help when it was very desperately needed.

Right now, I should aid the antibiotics in doing their job…  must lie down for a while, I’m feeling very weak and tired at the moment.  They say I’ll be good as new once the antibiotics do their job and I have faith in that.