I totally get to live it now (again!). I get to apply firsthand all the advice that comes from the higher levels of mind about change, impermanence, transition, letting go/holding on (an interesting dynamic!) and all the rest. O, not that I haven’t lived it in the past—it’s a refresher is all.
Anytime we make a decision that is going to obviously out-picture in a major life change, we have moments—call them temporary moments of insanity if you’d like. I may have had a few of those this week. I am laughing inside as I reflect on that last line; there’s a part of me that’s still a bit numb and consequently unsure if I’ve been completely sane the entire week.
I think it’s normal as a portion of life unravels and then begins to reassemble due to the necessity of change that moments of “crazy” happen and there again come those old buddies of worry who is crazy’s cousin. Those buddies are doubt and anger. What’s there to be angry about you may ask—don’t worry, I’m asking myself the same question.
Maybe it’s my rebellious Aquarius energy in my 7th house—who knows? I really have to get over a certain amount of resentment about jumping through other people’s hoops and dealing with “THE almighty RULES”. Yeah, I’ve always been a fringe dweller, an outsider. I’m examining that now; that frustration and resentment.
But I got through the week and with regard to this project, this commitment, this change–the ball is continuing to roll with or without me because things have been set irreversibly into motion. Last night I had as moment of angst. Now this is where divination comes in handy!
Maybe it was me just tired from a long week of bumping heads with… let me be kind. Let’s just say maybe a certain fatigue set it that wasn’t necessarily physical. Mentally I am living (in my mind) within the new way of being that comes from this change that I’ve chosen (did I really choose it?) and physically there is chaos in the realm that I’m still disassembling as part of the change.
Holy chaos! What am I doing? Am I doing the right thing? I keep getting flashes of the transiting lunar nodes about to come to merge with my natal lunar nodes—once I heard an astrology teacher say that this is… well, she said, “The past becomes the future and the future becomes the past.” I really do feel like something quite similar to that is going on with all of this!
You know how you get that sinking feeling when you are just about to go walk the aisle to say, “I do”-? Did you ever do that? Sometime before you take that walk you say to yourself, “Really, do I? OMG, am I doing the right thing?” OR maybe you are about to close on that house whether you are selling or buying—there’s a moment that happens when you ask yourself, “Do I REALLY want to do this?”
And you’re at the point with it where it is way too complicated to change your mind now! You know, like you just strapped your body in the roller coaster and it begins to move and you really wish you could get off the thing and it’s way too late to turn back now!
Okay, so I had a moment like that last night you see? Those kinds of moments can be sort of immobilizing—everything freezes and you feel like you have to go put your head on the pillow for a while and consider everything one more time.
If you’re experienced with life—it’s familiar territory. You just want someone to come down from some heaven somewhere, float down through the walls and tell you that you are doing the right thing. That didn’t happen exactly, so I grabbed a few divination tools and did ‘my thing’.
It is calming to shuffle those cards or toss those coins—if nothing else, shuffling the cards is a centering activity in itself.
It was helpful is all that I can say—very helpful—calming, reassuring, peace-provoking and enabled me to breathe easy once more.
I’d say the whole affair took maybe a half hour and I was back on course again emotionally. I was still physically tired but got a lot of good rest last night and today I’m ready to go back at it again. And the chaos of change I must make peace with until the 30 days is over. Around this same time next month, I should have totally different view of life; stay tuned. But my greater point is that divination tools, used properly and with confidence in the tool itself, can be so helpful in the heat of the moment when guidance and an elevated, unbiased view is needed.
It’s worth learning about tarot cards or runes or i-ching and to take a psychic development class before you consider a major change; they can help you. As a matter of fact, now that we are thinking of it, I’ve noticed that many people who take the class are also planning something huge in their life at the same time—some life changing event like a job/career change or divorce or a relocation.
I’ll post again when there’s time.