Daily Divination 5-11-12 Relationship Focus – Where’s Yours? 2 of Cups, Venus, Cancer

When too much focus on another human is unhealthy, we think of  that word we all know… codependency. 

That makes me think of that phrase ‘not seeing the forest for the trees’ and blurry close up images– a need to refocus.

Connections between two souls that are out of balance are expressed by an increase in conflict and in almost all cases the reason the conflict occurs is that each soul is too overly focused on the other.  What needs to happen? 

 Each needs to work on their own life, their own issues and meeting their own needs and examining  issues of self-esteem. 

When I pulled the tarot card 2 of cups this morning to receive the inspiration for today’s message, the image I received was about eye glasses relating to things being blurry and not seeing clearly. 

 Is there a situation in your life right now where you may not be seeing clearly?  — Especially as it relates to another human, another soul?  The astrological correlation to the 2 of cups archetype is Venus in Cancer. 

Venus, ruling Libra and Taurus, has everything to do with relating.  Libra involves relating to others and Taurus comprises how we relate to our self.  How we relate to our self ‘is’ how we relate to others.  And this is why we so often hear that we must develop self-love and become strong within the self before we can experience healthy relationships with others. 

The Cancer (Venus in Cancer) part of the archetype is about self-image and nurturing.  How many times do we see folks who do the Cancer-nurture dance with others in an attempt to nurture themselves.  How well does that work? 

We see this is all kinds of relationships where, in a sort of twisted way, people will give attention to and nurture others as a way of attempting to receive nurturing for their self. 

 That’s sort of like taking the long way around the mountain and getting lost.  Women seem to do this more than men since they have a nurturing nature that they’re born with.  And sometimes they treat their partners (husbands/boyfriends) like their children and give themselves away in an effort to feel loved.  The problem, of course, is that these souls are ‘not’ their children!  And of course, the adult relationship counterpart partner will take as long as the other gives.  It creates an out-of-balance relationship;  for anytime we overcompensate for someone, they in turn under-compensate. 

My point is that the female in this example should be nurturing herself instead of nurturing her partner to such an extreme that she ends up feeling needy—and she is of course.  Her needs are not being met!  But whose job is that?  Who is responsible for meeting her needs?  If she has created a Mother-child relationship with her husband/boyfriend, how well do children meet their mother’s needs?  You get the idea. 

So the question for contemplation here today is to ask the self if you are being like a mother in any of your relationships or if you are over-mothering your own children.  Venus in Cancer and the 2 of cups archetype meaning is about a devoted, nurturing and mothering (Cancer) type of love as a way of relating (Venus).

I’ve witnessed adults (male or female) who, after devoting time and energy (maybe years) to another adult (even in business situations) who expect from the other a life-long connection like a parent has with a child.  They seem to superimpose a parent-child relationship dynamic onto their adult relationship partners and become hurt and disappointed as a result.  Again, it stems from devotedly nurturing another with the expectation of receiving a life-long commitment in return. You hear it said this way many times, “I’ve given you the best years of my life and now you’re leaving me?” 

If one has been meeting one’s own needs all along and not expecting ‘the other’ to do so, when 2 soul’s business together is finished (and it happens!), there’s not the ‘shock and awe’ or painful disappointment caused by not having seen clearly all along. 

Is “until death do us part” realistic?  Or a fairy tale? Or some sort of societal, stemming from religious, ideal?  As I alluded to earlier in this post, when two soul’s business is completed together, they part ways–end of story.  I just heard yesterday about Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver parting ways; so far it seems (from news reports–who knows?) that’s going to be an amicable and mature departure. Maybe they will give a good example of how its done for others–we’ll see.

 But back to this idea of  relationship focus.  Not seeing ‘the forest for the trees’ is about not being able to see the big picture and not having enough distance in relationships which is what the 2 of cups message is about today.  Sometimes in relationships we miss the point because we are overly focused on just one aspect of the situation.  And in all cases, when we get too close in a relationship situation, we are actually seeing our own energy—which is hard to admit to oneself.  

The message today has an emotional element to it—water.  Cancer (Venus in Cancer relates to 2 of cups) is a water sign and so are cups.  Jealousy, obsessiveness, possessive-ness and these types of emotional issues are part of the archetype as well.  Yet, if we have a strong emotional base of our own and are clearly grounded in our emotions thus being able to see the forest, so-to-speak—the big picture, then we can maintain a strong union with another. Or at least when we part, it doesn’t have to be a big painful drama.  

We just have to keep checking our eyesight and keep the big picture in mind and our emotions grounded in our own identity.  And that identity needs to be strong and secure and based on meeting our own needs, not expecting unrealistic devotion from another just because we’ve clocked a certain number of years in a relationship.

If we face each other as equals, then the relationship has a chance for longevity and the dance we do in relationships (whether business, personal or otherwise) is always one in which this dynamic of equality is balancing itself. A good mantra or keywords for any relationship is “big picture” and “equality”.   And even if the relationship doesn’t last, we take a mature approach–i.e. understand that the next step in soul growth requires a conclusion. 

All of this may be good to keep in mind even with your business clients, especially if you are in a service profession such as a healer, therapist, counselor, etc.  The professional can over-give and the client can as a consequence be a taker and unaware of giving back.  Dependencies either way can develop.  Most all of my clients are very respectful of the equality of giving and receiving, but I’ve had the rare exception too—clients who are on the narcissistic side, unaware of the imbalance.  In those cases, I am so overly focused on helping them that I lose track of the time and if I’m not careful can develop resentment toward them when I realize we’ve gone way over time.  I’m not talking about the occasional event–it seems to happen all the time with the same one or two clients.  It’s my job to keep track of our time and when I don’t, it is my fault and my duty to correct it in the future.  Big picture!  As a giver, I will naturally attract takers and need to be aware of that–and I’m sure anyone in a helping profession will be able to relate!

These days, the main personal relationships that I have are with my children.  I witness my own pattern to be overly focused on one of them if they are having a difficult life experience.   My own life can become very out of balance if I don’t keep this in check.  What I try to remember at those times is that they are not my children in the sense that they, too, are simply a part of life expressing here and souls evolving here.  This helps me see the forest instead of the tree. 

And in reminding myself of the big picture of their lives and of my own, it helps me to refocus on my own life—that, in the end, is more helpful than my over-involvement and over-functioning for them anyway.  My distance at certain times helps to remind them of my confidence in their competence to make their own decisions in life; whether I agree with them or not.  Some days I’m better at it than others, but always I go back to that big picture.  I  have to  if I’m going to remain in balance and out of co-dependency. 

One final note.  Many times people will overly focus on the ‘other’ in a relationship because it is a well-oiled, routine, avoidance mechanism.  We all see it all the time, everywhere.  Even in current day world affairs and politics.  Sometimes what we do is find an ‘other’ to focus upon to keep from focusing at home on the self.  We use others as a distraction or to avoid the ‘real’ issue, which is working on improving the self and involving own’s own life.  People will even do that with health issues–create and focus on a medical condition which keeps them from the ‘real’ issue.

Well, today it feels like we’ve been all ‘over the place’ so-to-speak in this cosmic communiqué – talk about not being focused!  Hopefully, there was some piece of wisdom that you could apply as guidance for your life today—maybe a line or two jumped out at you, meaning you felt the emotional charge of recognition from your soul when reading a segment of this.  And that’s the point.

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