Resolving and Dissolving Splinters in the Mind and Emotional Body
Oh boy! Nine of Swords (tarot) is Mars in Gemini energy. All I can think of as I look at the image on the card is feeling angry—anger turned inward and that’s very confusing energy, isn’t it? Most of the day yesterday, deep down in the soul or way back in consciousness, some unlabeled anxiety was growing.
If I have to give it words (and I do) it was like a splinter or shard around which a swelling was occurring—sort of like when you get a piece of wood or glass in your finger. But this was in the mind. Wait, maybe mind isn’t the proper word. Let’s change that to “emotional body”. Has that fragment been there all along? I suspect so. Right now Mercury is passing back and forth in its direct-retrograde-direct again over quite a few planets in Aries.
Actually, when I tried to figure why I felt confusing emotional energy yesterday, I remembered Mercury moving over all those planets in Aries. The retrograde motion is about re-living, re-capturing, re-doing and all those other “re” words. Mercury rules Gemini energy. Mars rules Aries energy. Dissolve those two together and we have the same archetypical energy as the Mars in Gemini which typically is associated with the tarot card Nine of Swords.
Mars/Aries energy is passionate, outward, expressive, and aggressive; therefore, many times associated with anger. Gemini is about communicating—that’s if we’re going to stick with major keyword associations. This card is helping me today. Maybe it will be helpful for you too. Here’s why. You know that splinter in the mind (emotional body) I was writing about above? Well, here’s what I’m just realizing. Maybe you can relate to this—that’s why, of course, I write about these things; to be helpful.
You see, for the past few days, something has been troubling me and finally yesterday I realized there actually was a splinter. It began to get my attention and began to irritate and hurt a bit yesterday. By the afternoon, I could not deny that it was there! As I put attention upon it and the feelings it was triggering, it was like putting the magnifying glass on it to examine it closer.
“I’ve felt this way before, but when was that?” The more I tried to figure it out, the closer I was getting to realizing how this foreign piece, this old trauma, got there in the first place. What I was feeling yesterday were those same feelings from 16 years ago!
As the human experience goes, it was a time of great personal stress and worry. It wasn’t me worrying about me per se; it had to do with my worry about someone else. Those were gawd-awful, gut-wrenching days in which I felt powerless, helpless and fearful. Have you ever seen those episodes in movies where someone is worried about another person? The story line goes something like, “So-n-so is usually home by now or would have called; something must be wrong!”–? And then when the person shows up there is at first great relief and then the emotional mood changes into anger! “Why didn’t you call? I was so worried!”
I was living many, many Moon’s in the worried state, then the relief state but never moved out of that into anger. I just left part of myself there, worried and helpless, 16 years ago! The splinter in the mind was never removed and that aspect of my psyche was left in limbo, suspended in a state of helplessness and worry instead.
And with the current Mercury being stationary and just turning direct right now (the 23rd—2 days ago) and with it backing up within 4 degrees of Mars and with pulling the Nine of Swords today for this Divination Message, it hit me! I never let myself get angry! And as soon as I realized this, a healing occurred which took me out of that powerless, helpless suspended state and now the splinter is… well, see that image on the card? I am picking up one of those swords and removing the splinter! Ha! What an image that creates! Removing a splinter in the mind with a sword? I will have to use care not to create an additional wound!
Sometimes just powerful realizations act as healing agents to resolve and dissolve mental-emotional splinters. They can unfreeze a frozen part of the psyche/soul. In this case, as retrograde Mercury (in Aries) energy backed up into within a few degrees of Mars (in Aries), stationing and then slowly turning direct…. it did.
This card relates to guilt one carries and judging one’s self too harshly. I’ve been examining that today too as I’ve been looking at this card and typing out this post. Part of feeling helpless relates to the energy of guilt many times and guilt is a totally non-productive energy; it creates splinters in the mind!
The herb associated with this card is Valerian root and helps to release mental “spasms” that we can create during trying times. Valerian is an anti-spasmodic, sedating and calming herb and is often used for folks who have nervous or depressed conditions so that unhealthy shame, regret and guilt can be released. I don’t think I need an herb or drug to remove this splinter—break through realizations are much better therapy!
I don’t need to express this anger really, just the realization that I never expressed it was enough to release the anxious and helpless feelings that I’ve been subconsciously holding to for 16 years!
The cosmic communiqué for today is that we should acknowledge mistakes, be grateful for the lessons and to realize that the ability to look inward and to examine the self (get out the magnifying glass and take a look at those splinters) is a virtue. It’s an inside job and judgment or guilt has no place in this process.
Just one final note, so many times people who are nurturers and caregivers create a trap within themselves when they take blame that isn’t all theirs. I am speaking about life generally and the emotions that one can have of feeling responsible for everyone and everything that happens. That inner lament goes something like, “It’s all ‘my’ fault.” That’s a natural trap that can be involved with caregiving, feeling overly responsible for others. Don’t “go there” if you can avoid doing so; it can create a splinter in the mind called helplessness and you’ll only have to go back later and remove it.
Today’s tarot card and Mars in Gemini association with it, has helped me a great deal. My hope is that something that I wrote here in today’s blog post will help you too.
(Technical Note: By the way, I really don’t “get this” or understand why, but sometimes the email version of this blog post is formatted incorrectly and / or the correct and finalize version of the post is NOT sent out from the blog website to the email recipient. If you are subscribing and you get an email that looks funky, you can always click the link in the email to be brought to the web version of the post. On my list-of things to-do is to try to figure out why that happens.)