find fear, dig
down into your
A few posts back, I wrote about an emotional Black Hole that I was going through. Emotional stuff that I’d been repressing had been coming up. I’ve been emotionally triggered left and right. Why? Long story; it would take a book. But some answers can be found in a previous blog entry.
Essentially, its pretty clear that my Soul has repressed prior life disappointments, hurts, betrayals in lieu of reaching for the spiritual star before dealing with that residue.
You know, we do have to go out into the night if we’re going to truly see the stars. And we have to go into the cold if we’re going to really experience the snowflakes.
Who knows? Perhaps I just couldn’t do it prior to this lifetime. But every now and again, a golden opportunity to release a little more presents itself; it’s a gentler process that way.
So you may be like me and that’s why you’re interested in reading this. It happens; certainly there are many others like me who’ve tried to take a short cut to nirvana, bypassing emotional pain that was intentionally buried. Consequently, I lost the benefit of evolving through learning from my emotions.
Emotions are like intelligence agents that bring us information from the field.
Anyway, I thought it to be only fair to post again when I came out through the other side of that black hole that I wrote about recently. I wanted to write a few lines about the experience and how I’m managing the final stages of breaking through. I’m in that process now.
Perhaps this post will be helpful for others.
First, I have to honestly admit that it was probably a divine timing thing. Maybe I shouldn’t be taking any bows here. I noticed that harmony began to settle in again when Uranus went direct and Venus moved out of Scorpio and into Sag. It’s more likely that I don’t deserve any real credit at all, except for the fact that I knew it would pass and let it happen. I’d been there before; experience is a great teacher!
The feelings came up like volcanoes while I was moving through that black hole; it’s not like I had much control over the eruptions. However, I did try my best to be in the “observer” mode; sometimes giving the feelings names or colors in an effort to gain a little needed objectivity.
The prior blog post emphasized how exquisite the joy is when coming through the other side. Colors seem brighter, peace is deeper and laughter seems to burst out in energy waves wider than ever before. That process is occurring now.
I’d love to mention a few things about darkness, and so I will. It is said that “the stars shine brighter on a dark night”. Also, wonderful things are conceived in the dark; think lovers.
The greater point is that nothing lasts forever; that’s the beautiful thing about life. Knowing this helps a good deal while you’re in the process. On the way through to the other side, there comes a point where you feel like you can take the reins again. While in the depth of the process, however, sometimes all that one can do is simply allow; but eventually, it slows down enough to be able to grab those reins and guide those wild run-away horses, at least a little bit.
I think an important point to make is that there is nothing wrong with acknowledging when feelings are out of control; sometimes they are. It hurts–it hurts bad! That’s just how it is when you are being pulled apart in a black hole. The power or vital point is in not to trying too much for control. It’s important not to try to end it with alcohol or drugs or any type of escapism technique. Okay, a temporary distraction–a movie or talk with a friend is helpful. But otherwise (and we may be talking about weeks or up to 3 months here) if we can remain aware and objective as much as possible, we can learn so much about ourselves and others while we’re moving through it.
If we can get into the “observer” stance with it all, it’s a worthy goal. Eventually, the pulling and tumbling stops– it does. Yeah, the triggered feelings are still there toward the end of the process (as they are with me now); however, I can now hold the reins and breath through them, talk myself through the process of letting them pass.
I don’t know if it is my inner child that I speak to while gently taking the reins or if it’s some adult hurt and fearful fragmented part of my consciousness that I address when those inner somersaults start happening. But I acknowledge, “Here it is again” and then I breathe deeply and sit with it, engaging in self-talk. Sometimes I pretend to embrace myself the way one would a little child who needs calming. When you can do that, you know that you’re nearly through it and have taken the reins back again.
Sometimes when we totally loose it, that’s when we really find it!
But prior to that point of course, the emotional release that’s like a volcanic explosion can feel like “Mister Toad’s Wild Ride” at Walt Disney World! All you can do is hang on until it passes.
The temptation to project it outward will be present. Many of us tend to take that which is too intense to process within ourselves and project it outward onto others. Sometimes it’s hard not to, but I suggest that you try your best to avoid doing that. R remember its your inner process which belongs to you, and you alone.
Some who read this will relate to exactly what I’m describing. Others won’t have the first clue. And that’s okay, because even if you are clueless, perhaps you have a friend or family member that you can help with this information either now or some other day. A true compassionate friend at times like these is like a golden compass.
If you know someone who is going through a difficult clearing experience, all that your friend or loved one needs to hear from you is that you care about them; just a little compassion goes a long way. Of course, you don’t want to encourage prolonging their state, so a delicate balance needs to be maintained. Trust your own intuition on that. You will know what to do and when to do it as well as when to pull back.
Anyway, each person has to travel through the portal individually. If that journey is required, each Soul has to make it alone. Yet, hearing the sound of a distant voice that manages to make itself heard inside of the black hole can be such true comfort. A five-minute phone call to express compassionate concern is such a kind thing to do for another who is going through a process of emotional release and clearing.
My message with this blog post is that we do get through to the other side and if we stay as conscious as possible through the process, we come out into that new reality, that new dimension that is more beautiful than the old one.
Once through the process, life looks better than ever before and the joy is 10 times greater. The Universe is paying out a joy-to-suffering-ratio of 10 to 1 these days!
One final note. Inevitably, you will hear people tell you that you can grow and evolve through joy instead of suffering. I bought into that for a while myself ,and all it did for me was to reinforce the old pattern of suppression and repression. We can only hold that emotional patterning just so long before something’s got to give.
Emotional energy is just like a swollen balloon; if you push it down somewhere, it bulges out somewhere else until we learn how to release it!
Don’t fall into the trap of believing that if you have emotions that are anything other than love/light, that you are somehow “off your path” or non-spiritual.
If we can choose, chose joy over suffering–by all means do it; but sometimes we just have to simply move through the tough stuff. We have to go out into the cold to see the snowflakes and we have to go out into the dark to really see the beauty of the stars! That’s all there is to it.
When you find that everything is suddenly out of control, sometimes the best thing we can do is acknowledge that the emotional body is being triggered, then try to understand why. Then we can reach new conclusions and ultimately a higher level of consciousness–wisdom! The insights that come from that process of observation and understanding is the stuff of soul growth. Meanwhile, be kind to yourself by remembering all the while that this, too, shall pass.
Hold both polarities of joy and sorrow as you move through to the other side. And you will!
Could I say more? I’m sure. Has this blog post been all-inclusive, certainly not. These are just a few thoughts written by someone late on a cold winter’s night who’s in the final stages of passing through another black hole and lived to tell about it. My point in writing about it is to be of service to others in hopes that something I’ve written here will help another.
And as I final thought….
When you are faced with a difficult decision or in a period of difficult emotional clearing, hold the energy of both polarities the best you can.
If you do that… if you can just hold until clarity comes, you will be given insight and wisdom. It’s always darkest before the dawn–don’t give up. Let go of outcome–the insight, answers or healing comes as we allow ourselves to hold!
There will be a breakthrough! You will come out the other side and when you do, life will be brighter and more beautiful than ever before!